Taylor

My tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth as I try to wet my lips. Clutching my pounding head, memories of last night flood my mind and all the physical pain I'm currently feeling is overridden by mortification and regret.

"Fuck me," I groan.

"Maybe later," Ryder's husky voice fills the room.

I jolt upright and the room spins as I croak, "What are you doing here?"

"This is my room, I'm meant to be here," Ryder says from his spot on the floor next to the bed.

I search my brain for memories. I definitely don't remember us having sex. Shit, did I lose my virginity and I can't remember it happening? "Oh shit, did we..?"

"Yes, I fucked you several times. The times when you were vomiting and whilst you were unconscious were my favourite."

"I really hope you're being sarcastic right now."

"No, I'm being serious. I also didn't use a condom because I'm hoping to impregnate you so I can then accuse you of lying about it being mine."

I give him my best attempt at a 'haha very funny' smile but it probably looks more like a grimace. "Don't forget the STIs."

"Unfortunately, you're a virgin so I don't have any chance of adding to ones I've got but hey, I can't have it all. You, however, should have several if you're lucky." Ryder says dryly as he sits up.

"How do you know I'm a virgin?" I frown.

"You had an argument with Miles at the party. Everyone knows you're a virgin."

"Shit." I inhale deeply. "Why I am here?"

"I didn't trust your friends to keep you out of trouble which was probably a good thing because you got a second wind after you threw up."

I avert my eyes in embarrassment and focus on Ryder's room; his very minimalist and tidy room. There are a few photos stuck on one wall, several folders on a desk along with his school bag but apart from that, it's clutter-free. Is he even a teenage boy?

"How old are you?" I ask.

Ryder frowns. "I turned eighteen a few months ago."

"Are you sure? Because your room suggests you're an old man with neat freak issues."

Ryder rolls his eyes. "I don't like pointless shit. That's not an issue or an old man thing." Ryder stands up. "Move up, the floor is really uncomfortable."

"You could have slept next to me on the bed, it's big enough for the both of us." I shuffle along and slump back onto his bed.

"I thought it would be safer on the floor. You're a bit of an over-friendly drunk." Ryder lays next to me.

I close my eyes. "What did I do?"

"You were determined to remove my top and give me several tattoos."

"Tattoos?" I open my eyes and turn on my side to look at him.

Ryder sighs and lifts his top to reveal several thick black scribbles all over his chest. What was I thinking? I know exactly what I was thinking as a memory returns. I cringe. "They definitely accentuate your muscles."

"That's because you drew in abs," Ryder says, lowering his top.

"You're the first person with a sixteen pack," I joke.

"Plenty of people have those they just consist of beer." Ryder closes his eyes. "Do you remember anything from last night?"

"Unfortunately, I remember most of it up until..." I taper off and the memories of that guy sticking his tongue in my mouth return. "Thanks for stopping him."

"You said something about a threesome." Ryder opens his eyes and looks at me. "Did something happen to you?"

I close my eyes and shake my head.

"Because you said you were a virgin but then you said about having a threesome."

I exhale shakily. "My sister had sex with two guys at a party, at the same time."

"You're sister Mya?"

I nod. "One of the guys filmed it on his phone and he showed it to people. Word got out, and my sister turned from Miss Popular to Miss Hated within days. All her friends turned on her and said she was a slut. It was horrible. She didn't say anything, didn't defend herself. Instead, she refused to go to school and isolated herself. I tried to stand up for her but they turned on me." I shake my head. "All my friends slowly distanced themselves. The ones that did stick by me were secretly pleased when I moved."

"That can't be true."

"It is. Friends let you down, especially if there's a risk they'll be taken down with you."

"You should talk to Ariel, she went through some similar stuff a while back. Teresa hounded her but people stood up to her and it stopped."

"Ariel probably didn't get fucked by two guys and let them film it."

"No, but if she did I wouldn't care. If she wanted to do that it's her choice." Ryder frowns. "Are you sure your sister knew they were filming?"

"I don't know, she refuses to speak about it. I'm not even sure if my parents know what happened."

"Maybe you don't either and you won't until you speak to your sister about it." Ryder shrugs.

I rub my pounding head. Right now, I do not want to think about my sister or what happened at my old school. All I want to do is curl into a ball and wait until I don't feel like I'm about to die.

"Here, these will help." Ryder holds out two pills and a glass of water.

I look at the pills suspiciously. I know Ryder is involved in drugs, everyone does. He's never offered me any before, then again, we've only spoken on a few occasions. Yesterday at breakfast he didn't mention them once and we were together for over four hours however that might be because it just didn't come up in conversation. How does offering drugs come up in conversation?

"It's ibuprofen which is very legal. I'm not suggesting you get high," Ryder says with a hint of annoyance.

"You've got a reputation for being involved in drugs."

"Not of the pill variety. You'd know more about that."

I stiffen. Did I say something while drunk? "What do you mean by that?"

"You tell me," Ryder says flatly.

We stare at each other and the tension thickens except it's not sexual, it's heavy with accusation. What does he know or think he knows? I need to speak to Jay. Shit, what will I do if he knows? Will he want me to start dealing for him too?

Ryder drops the pills next to me and stands. "Take them or don't, it's up to you."

He strides out the room and slams the door behind him.

Ignoring the pills, I jump out of bed and search for my clothes. I can't find anything apart from my shoes and my phone which is tucked into them. I look down at the massive t-shirt I'm wearing. Where is my dress? A memory of vomiting all over it returns and I shake my head. Wow, I was a mess last night.

I grab my phone, pick up my shoes then peer out into the empty narrow hallway. There's stuff everywhere; boxes and items are piled up high. It's a strange contrast to the tidiness of Ryder's room.

Tiptoeing along the hallway to make as little noise as possible, I pass the living room which has the TV blaring. Heading for the front door, a guy in his boxers steps out of a door into the hallway while shovelling cereal in his mouth. He stops mid spoon lift and grins as his eyes travel over me.

Leaning forward, he whispers, "Trying to make an escape? I always knew my bro was all talk and no moves. Quick, he's in the kitchen, I'll distract so you can get away."

"Thanks," I say slightly confused

He winks. "My bros got taste though."

The guy who I'm assuming is one of the brother steps back into the kitchen.

"Ry, that ain't going to fit you-"

I close the door on the brother's words and step out into the street. Looking around, I have no idea where I am but the area looks rough.

Abandoned items lay in the front garden of the house next door and several of the houses have blankets or newspapers against the windows instead of curtains. Ryder even lives in a cliché area; bad boy from a rough neighborhood. I already know his mum's in prison for drug dealing. How bad was his childhood? The question saddens me because it was probably terrible.

I shake away my thoughts. Looking at my phone, there's over twenty missed calls from Jay and a bunch of messages. I dial and ring him.

"Hello?" A gruff voice answers.

"Hey, Jay," I sigh as I start to head down the street.

"Tay, I've been worried."

"Worried? Why?"

"Because you never messaged me yesterday when you arrived at the party then I got several messages which made no sense. I tried to call but you didn't answer. I was really worried."

"Sorry, I got drunk."

A loud exhale followed by a chuckle comes through the phone. "Don't scare me like that, baby."

"Sorry."

"It's ok. Where are you now? Want to meet? I still need to talk to you about something important. "

I frown. "That sounds ominous."

"Not at all, it's about how much I trust you and need you."

"Ok." A slight flutter starts in my stomach.

"Where are you?"

"No idea. Let me send you my location." I quickly tap it in and send.

"Must have been a heavy night. Who did you stay with? Do I need to beat up someone for taking advantage of you?"

I roll my eyes. "No, I stayed with a friend. You got my location?"

"Tay, what the fuck are you doing there? You need to get a bus out of there now."

I groan. "I can't, I haven't got my wallet. Shit, I'm a mess."

"Look, I'll pick you up. Don't move, but don't hang around any corners either. And don't talk to anyone." The phone call ends and I shake my head.

Luckily, it's early because as I look down I realise this massive top isn't quite as massive as I first thought. My legs are exposed and I haven't even put my shoes on. What is it with me sneaking out of guy's rooms wearing minimal clothes? Sitting on the curb, I slip my shoes on then send a message to Kayla who sent one asking if I'm ok.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Ryder growls; grabbing my arm, he tugs me up to standing.

"What the-"

"Are you trying to get yourself raped? First, you get so drunk you can't stand then you walk around with your ass hanging out." Ryder's hand digs into my arm.

I flinch at his words until I realise he's insinuating last night with that guy was my fault. And why would anyone want to get raped? Girls don't invite that shit into their lives. We're not at fault.

I slap him around the face. "Fuck you."

"What the fuck was that for?"

Pulling my arm out of his grip, I step back. "For insinuating last night was my fault. I didn't want that guy near me. You're saying if I was raped it would be my fault."

Ryder drags his hand down his face. "Fuck, I didn't mean it like that."

"Well, it sounded like that's exactly what you meant."

"I'm sorry. I really wouldn't think it's your fault, it was a bad choice of words on my part. What I should have said is we live in a fucked up world where idiots like Caleb take advantage of drunk girls, and disgusting messed up in the head fuckers think a girl dressed in anything which shows flesh is asking for it. I wish that wasn't the case but it is and I don't want you to be a victim of that shit."

"Next time just say that then."

Ryder stares at me for a moment. "Why'd you sneak off?"

"I remembered I'd promised to meet a friend," I lie.

"At eight in the morning on a Sunday?"

"I like to take advantage of the whole day." More lies.

"Sure you do. Let me give you a lift."

"They're picking me up."

Ryder frowns but nods. He hands me a black lump. It's the black dress I was wearing. "I washed and tumble-dried it."

"Thanks." I step into the dress and pull it up and under the t-shirt. Once it's on, I pull the t-shirt off and hold it out to him.

"Isn't this the part where I tell you, you should keep it because it looks better on you than me?" Ryder asks.

The corner of my mouth lifts slightly. "Something like that."

"You can because it does."

My insides tingle and I have to remind myself this is a normal reaction. Everyone tingles around Ryder. However, my distant attraction is turning into something more personal. I will not go there for several reasons: Jay, Miles and the fact Ryder is into some dodgy shit.

Even hiding in the shadows, I've heard how Ryder's been arrested by the police for being involved in fighting, drugs and other stuff. Ryder is a nice guy in many ways, then again, I bet most criminals are when you ignore their crimes.

My head is screaming at me for being hypocritical. I help Jay deliver his drugs although they are legal, they're shown to be safe. People don't kill or steal from their families or go mad when taking prescription drugs. The news is full of drug addicts taking class As not people taking a few pills to help them stay awake to study or to keep on top of their hectic schedule.

I push the t-shirt into his hands and he takes it.

We stare at each other until Ryder says, "So what happens after today?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are you going to keep pretending you're someone you're not?"

I shrug. "Are you going to keep pretending you're a bad boy who doesn't give a shit about anybody?"

"I don't pretend to not give a shit, that's an assumption people make. The bad boy part is real, I've got the tattoos to prove it." Ryder gives me a mischievous smile.

A flashback of me straddling him while drawing all over him returns. I not only draw abs, I drew tattoos too. I cringe slightly then groan at the next image.

"I tried to kiss you," I whisper as mortification ripples through me. I close my eyes before opening them again because that only makes more images return. "Ahhh... I basically attacked you with my mouth then asked you to take my virginity."

Ryder stifles a laugh.

"When were you going to tell me?" I say, stepping forward and poking him in the chest.

He shrugs. "You seemed pretty embarrassed about what you did remember, I didn't think I needed to add to that."

"Thanks," I say softly.

"For not telling the truth?" Ryder arches an eyebrow.

"For being someone I can trust." I meet his gaze and my eyes drift down to his lips. The pounding of my head makes the conflicting thoughts in my brain harder to sort through. I don't know what I want.

"Taylor?" A voice snaps me out of my trance and I jolt backwards.

Ryder growls quietly while his brow furrows as he looks to the side of us

"Baby, get in the car," Jay says through the car window.

Ryder steps away and his frown deepens. "Don't keep your boyfriend waiting on account of me."

I frown and look at Jay; his gaze flicking suspiciously between me and Ryder. "Baby, are you coming or not?"

"Yes." I turn to tell Ryder Jay's not my boyfriend. It's too late, he's already walking away typing on his phone.

Maybe, this is for the best. I knew me and Ryder were never going to happen. Why then, do I feel so disappointed?