Caoilainn

I place the call box back on the bedside table and use a white towel to help air dry my hair. As I look around my hospital room I smile. My bags are packed and I'm ready to go when Duncan and my mom arrive.

I'm still sore, but the witch hazel has been very helpful in the healing process. I don't think it will be long before I'm feeling myself again. I didn't gain too much weight while I was pregnant and our son is a voracious eater. I was up numerous times last night to feed him. I close my tired eyes and sigh. I push my elbows back to help stretch out my chest and then bring them forward to stretch out my back. It's a little cramped from the way I slept, or rather did not sleep last night.

I wince when my arms brush against my chest. I'm swollen from the milk that has come in. I wonder how long the nurse will be in returning my son to me. She offered to watch him while I showered. Now that I'm done, I want to get a feeding in before everyone arrives.

As if reading my mind, I hear the door open behind me and turn at the sound of some serious fist sucking. My little man is knawling on his right fist like it's been dipped in peanut butter. "Oh look at you!" I coo, reaching out to take him from the nurse's arms. "Hungry again, are you?"

The nurse laughs in response. "Oh, he's hungry all right. He's been sucking on his little hand for the last ten minutes. He'll be happy to be back in your arms, dear."

The nurse looks around the room and takes in the already made bed and my bags. "You didn't have to do all this."

"It was no trouble, really. I'd feel rude leaving it all messed up," I explain, seating myself comfortably on the nearby sofa, using a pillow from my bed to prop the baby up high enough to feed. When he latches on I wince and then breathe a sigh of relief when the milk releases.

I'm still trying to get the hang of this process. Thankfully the lactation consultant who taught our class was a wiz at showing us the ins and outs of it all. You'd think it'd be easy, women having done this for centuries and all, but there are some surprises I had no idea about. Having attended the classes on breastfeeding has made all the difference in the world.

"You're a natural, sweetheart," the nurse observes out loud. "Let me go get your discharge papers while you feed him. You can sign them and then you'll be all set when your mother arrives. I'll be right back."

"Thank you," I call out to her as she retreats into the hall, tucking the door closed behind her.

At the sound of his gulping, I look down and smile. "Duncan Ruari Gibbons," I say, laughing. "You are going to be a big boy, aren't you? Only a few days old and you already have quite the appetite! Wait until your Daddy sees you. He's going to be so happy to meet you."

I brush a red wisp of hair across Duncan's brow and can't help but stare at him. Our little miracle. I'm so glad that Tadhg reconciled with his father before he disappeared these last few months. When we spoke on the phone last night, deciding on our son's name and catching up, I felt so much better about things.

When we get to Jenny's Uncle's, Tadhg and I are planning to go over to the local court house to make our marriage official in the eyes of the law and to change our last names. Tadhg is taking his father's last name and I couldn't be happier for him.

Thinking about the future, I lean my head back on the couch while Duncan suckles. There are so many things we still have to learn. So many things still to come. Some will be good but I know many will be hard.

Tadhg and I have a lot to tackle with his condition. After speaking with him, I got on the phone with Jenny's Uncle Artair. He's going to help us get Tadhg into an experimental therapy group at the Veteran's Hospital he works at. It looks like I'll be moving out there for a few months instead of bringing Tadhg home right away. I feel more hopeful than I have in days. We still have to wait a number of more months for a service dog, but I'm trying to take things one day at a time.

As Duncan swallows, I can see he's getting sleepy. I gently pop him off the right side and move him to the left so that I know his stomach is full. He fusses at the interruption but quickly settles back down once he's comfortable on my left.

As I look down into his blue eyes, Duncan reflexively wraps his tiny fingers around one of mine. There's so much potential in this tiny, little boy who's all ours. I love him so much it feels like my heart's going to burst.

I can't wait for Tadhg to meet him.

Lost in my own happiness, I don't hear the commotion outside my hospital door at first. By the time I realize someone's there it's too late. Tiny feet are running into my hospital room as Pearl rushes inside after. "I'm so sorry, Caoilainn," she says apologizing, scooping up a mini version of Fionn. "Gosh, I hope you're decent in here."

I laugh and wave to them, "I am. I am. Come in. Fionn, you too. Come in."

"You sure, Caoi?" He calls out before entering. When he notices me breastfeeding, he backs up and turns around to stare at the ceiling. "Uh, ok. Let me know when you're finished."

Pearl rolls her eyes. "Men. She's just breastfeeding, Fionn. It's natural."

"Yeah, yeah," he comments, ignoring her admonishment by refusing to turn around. "I get it. I get it. But, it's Caoilainn. I can't, like, see her like that. It's just too weird."

"Whatever," Pearl laughs.

"It's ok, you guys," I say. "Duncan is just about done. Just give me a second."

As he comes off, I refasten my bra flap and pull down my shirt to cover up. I prop Duncan up on my shoulder and pat his back gently. "Uh-oh," I sigh. I forgot to get the burp cloth first."

Duncan just spit up on my shoulder. Pearl reaches across the couch for the burper and hands it to me. "Here you go. I remember those days. Oisin did that to me all the time."

"Thanks," I reply to Pearl, who's smiling at me and the baby. "You want to hold him while I clean this off in the bathroom?" I ask her.

"I thought you'd never ask! Give him over!" She says, waving her fingers in eager anticipation. "Ooh, Caoilainn he smells so good."

I pop my head out of the bathroom and laugh when I see her smelling Duncan's neck. "I know. Isn't it awesome?"

When I'm finished rinsing off my shirt I come back to the couch and sit down. I look up at Fionn and then down at his son.

"And who is this brave little warrior?" I ask, ruffling the blond curls on his head. I grin when Oisin runs to hide behind his mother's leg. When he gets there he stands on tip toes to get a better look at Duncan. He scrunches his eyes up and I can tell he's about to cry.

"Uh-oh," I say looking at Fionn. "I think someone might be jealous."

"He's glued to his mother's hip," Fionn replies. "Here, let me take him."

As Fionn moves closer to us, Oisin seems to shrink further under his mother, however. I can tell he doesn't want to go with Fionn.

"Here, Fionn," Pearl chimes in. "Hold Duncan and I'll hold Oisin." As she stands up to give Fionn the baby I bite my lip and duck my head to hide my face. This is too much.

As big and fierce as Fionn is, he suddenly looks scared of a little baby. "Aw, I don't know about that, Pearl. He's so little. What if I break him? I think you should-" His protests are cut off as Pearl promptly places Duncan in his arms.

Pearl and I share a knowing look as Fionn instinctively begins walking and rocking Duncan. I guess some things really are innate.

"Don't they make the most pulchritudinous picture, Nick?" Emilia coos, walking into the room with her man and Coda tagging along behind.

"He's a natural, Pearl," Emilia sighs with stars in her eyes.

"I know," Pearl replies, smiling while standing on tip toes to kiss Fionn's cheek. Then she moves forward, still holding Oisin in her arms so he can see Duncan. "Look, Oisin. This is Duncan. He's going to be one of your best friends one day."

Upon seeing Coda, however, Oisin's interest in Duncan is short-lived. "Dog-gee!" he giggles, slipping down his mom's hip to the green tile hospital floor. Nick laughs and pulls Coda close so Oisin can pet him on the back.

I watch Pearl and Fionn with their son and feel nothing but joy for them. They have a lot of tough roads ahead of them, just like Tadhg and I do. Our issues are not the same, but none-the-less will prove challenging. As I look into their eyes, and see the glances they share with one another, though, I know they'll make it. Both of them have commitment issues, what with both their parents divorcing and all, but I think they have what it takes to get through their roadblocks. Siofra explained everything that had happened. Pearl was pregnant when she left. She had been afraid to tell Fionn and thought she'd have to raise Oisin alone. After a while though, thank goodness, she realized she had to tell Fionn he was a father and that she loved him.

I've never seen Fionn happier. He was so miserable without Pearl. And now that Oisin is here, Fionn is already stepping up. He's always been a great guy, even if he made stupid choices when it came to Pearl early on in their relationship. I know he'll do all right by them, though.

Pearl is in therapy, and having had some experience with it myself, I know it'll help her, too. When her parents split up it really affected her. As Siofra explained to me, though, she wants to make this relationship with Fionn work.

When Fionn hands me back my son, I realize how lucky we all are.

Even Nick; him and Emilia seem happy to have found one another. Emilia has decided to go back to school for special education. She wants to teach children who are chronically ill and who cannot attend regular school. Between Nick and Emilia they're going to make a difference in so many lives.

We're all as imperfect as can be, but we have one great thing in common. We have someone to love. There is no greater blessing in life than that. We will do our best and we will make it together. There will be joy. There will be sorrow. There will be pain and anger. But where there is love, nothing else matters. Love is everything important.

Which is why, when Duncan, Sr. and my mother arrive, I go to her, my own wee Duncan in hand, ready to meet up with my husband. The love of my life.