HIGH SCHOOL

Caoilainn

"Jenny," I whisper to her. "I can't believe Tadhg saw my intention the other night at the Yule log. I nearly had a heart failure when he read it."

"What did you do?" she asks, grabbing my hands in her enthusiasm for my drama.

I suck on my bottom lip and look around embarrassed. "I ran to the bathroom."

"What?" Jenny asks, shaking her head. "Why didn't you say something to him? Caoilainn, it was Tadhg. He wouldn't of-"

"Shhh," I say cutting her off and leaning forward. "Not so loud."

Fionn and Cian walk by and I turn to smile at them innocently. Jenny giggles behind me. "I don't think they heard us, Caoi," she comments.

I turned to glare at Jenny. "I didn't want them to know what we were talking about."

"Right," Jenny laughs and rolls her eyes. "because no one in our group knows you have a crush on Tadhg." Jenny grabs her Biology copybook and slams her locker door shut. "Just go talk to him. You said you kissed him, right?" I nod my head in response.

"Did he complain about it? You said he looked happy. Come on, Caoilainn. It'll work out great. Just go talk to him."

"Ha!" I said, running my hand through my bangs to push them out of my face. "Look who's talking! You and Walker have been circling each other forever."

"That's different," Jenny says, defending herself.

"Yeah, right." I reply with a sigh.

Still.

Jenny has a point.

"Well, at least Tadhg will always be my friend. At first, he looked a little upset, but then later he didn't seem angry, so no matter what, I think I'll be ok to try this boyfriend thing out. Wish me luck."

Jenny grabs me around the shoulders and hugs me. "Luck, Caoilainn. Luv yah!"

Then she bounces off down the hall towards Cian. He's just shutting his own locker. When it slams I hear her say, "Is Walker here yet, Cian?"

I lift the corner of my mouth in a half smile and move off towards my own first period.

Tadhg

After the kiss over the weekend, I can't stop thinking about Caoilainn. I'm not sure what's going on. On one hand, there's the intention Caoilainn had written for the Yule log.

Who was it about?

I look around the halls and try to picture who she might have a crush on.

At the same time all this is going through my head, I'm stuck on Caoilainn's mouth on mine. It was over so quickly and she ran away so fast that I never got a chance to ask her about us. At first, I was thrilled.

She kissed me!

As time goes by, though, I'm thinking about it more and more. Was that kiss one of friendship or something more?

And that letter...when she kissed me, was she just letting me know we'd always be friends? That no matter who she dated, she'd always be there?

I'm more confused than ever.

I know exactly what I want; her.

Does she feel the same way, though? If I ask, will it make things weird between us if she doesn't?

Damn it. I wish I had some answers.

As I walk down the hall, I see Jenny and Caoilainn at their lockers. Before approaching, I hang back behind a building pillar to see if I can overhear their conversation. They look intense. After this weekend, I admit I'd like to see if she brings up what happened. Maybe I can gauge what is going on this way.

"Yeah, right." I hear Caoilainn reply with a sigh. Then she continues, "Well, at least Tadhg will always be my friend. At first, he looked a little upset, but then later he didn't seem angry so no matter what I think I'll be ok to try this boyfriend thing out. Wish me luck."

A knot forms in the pit of my stomach. I didn't want to hear anything else so I turned to go in the opposite direction I had come from. Walking to first period, it wasn't until I got there that I realized I never went to my locker for my textbook.

Caoilainn's crushing on someone and she's going to ask him out.

Worse yet she thinks I'm alright with it all. She's counting on me to still be her friend.

Fuck.

Friend-zoned.

I sit down in the nearest desk and bang my head on the table top.

"Ouch," I hear someone say. "That looks painful."

I moan before lifting my head to see who it is. I'm not even sure I know her name but she's pretty. She doesn't hold a candle to Caoilainn but she's attractive in her own way.

"Mind if I sit here next to you?" She asks.

I move my stuff and make room. "Sure," I reply. "Why not?"

"Awesome, thanks!" she says, smiling at me. "I'm Paige. You're Tadhg, right?"

I nod and give her a half-hearted grin. I can't believe Caoilainn's in love with someone else.

As class begins, the teacher announces the assignment of a project we have to complete in pairs. Fantastic. Just what I need. Not in the mood, I roll my eyes. I hate group work. While I'm running through these thoughts in my mind I tune out what's going on around me. When Paige taps me on the shoulder, however, I realize she's been speaking to me.

"I'm sorry," I say. "What were you saying? I wasn't paying attention."

Paige laughs and leans forward to whisper in my ear. "I said, would you like to be my partner for this project?"

Then she leans back and I catch a look that says a whole lot more than I first realized. Caught off guard I nod my head and answer. "Sure, uh, sounds good. I forgot my text, though, so we'll have to share."

"Sounds good to me," she says, moving closer.

I decide to drown my sorrows over Caoilainn with Paige. She could be a good distraction from my current heartache. And who knows? Maybe this thing with Caoilainn will still work out. Maybe she'll get over her crush and then we can...shit.

I'm getting ahead of myself.

I just have to accept that Caoilainn is my friend and that's all.

I look up at Paige and smile. "Yeah, Paige. Let's do this."

Caoilainn

I haven't seen Tadhg all day. I wonder where he's been. Usually he meets up with me in the morning by our lockers but I never saw him this morning.

I hope everything is ok with us. After the Yule log, I'm really eager to talk to him.

I have to tell him the intention was about him. I wonder what he'll say. Jenny's convinced he'll be all for us dating but I'm not sure. What if he doesn't like me that way?

I did kiss him, though. It wasn't very hot and heavy; it was just a quick peck kiss, but still; it counts, right?

Oh, he has to know! Why do I have to spell it out like this?

I'm so freakin' freaked out.

I twist my fingers in my hands and look around the cafeteria for Tadhg. Sometimes he comes in here after class to grab something. I wonder if he's already been by. Maybe he got something already and went out back to sit on the lunch tables with it.

I walk towards the exit, push on the bar that opens the door, and freeze in my tracks.

There on the table across the lawn, sitting at our usual spot, is Tadhg and a girl I've never seen before. She's pretty. She has long-flowing, straight hair and is wearing a cute little dress. Her hand is on Tadhg's thigh and she's looking at him like he's the only person on the face of the planet.

Without meaning to, I snap the pencil I was fidgeting with. My jaw drops open and I barely have time to close it again before I see Tadhg lean in to kiss her.

It's nothing like the kiss we shared at the Yule log.

This one is full of raging hormones and grabbing hands. Feeling like I'm going to throw up, and having seen enough, I pull back and turn to retreat inside. The door slams behind me and I feel the tears threatening to spill. I wipe my eyes furiously and apologize to Brody, who I nearly plow through, in my attempt to get the ladies room as quickly as possible.

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Thank you to @BrittaSwann for her editing advice on this chapter!

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