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Chapter 10

Tadgh

The next day I'm sitting in Sociology class and the clock across the room can't get to the top of the hour fast enough. I place my hand on my stomach when it growls and catch Caoilainn's eye. She lifts her head from an old book and smiles sheepishly. I curse my traitorous stomach. It's what I get for rushing out the door this morning without grabbing something to eat first.

I'm so hungry I could eat a horse. I hope they have something good on sale today in the cafeteria. I didn't pack anything and I'm starving.

I turn towards the circle when I hear the teacher mention that we're all going to share our thoughts on marriage and relationships in society today. I just shake my head.

This sociology class is a pretty easy "A", but we spend too much time in circle discussing our 'feelings' about all kinds of topics. They should have called this class Counseling 101.

Sometimes our circle exchanges get pretty heated especially when they focus on politics. This past unit, however, has been centered around the concept of the village and what it takes to raise children; what the word family means. Blah, blah, blah...I just wish the time would pass faster.

"Ok," the teacher begins. "I'll open up the discussion.

Caoilainn, you're up first. What are your thoughts on marriage?"

"Huh? What?" Caoilainn asks coming to the surface from wherever her mind was. I glance down at the tome she had her nose stuck in and see that it's one of Mrs. McKittrick's journals. I wonder what it says. By the distracted look on Caoilainn's face it must be something interesting. Having known her grandmother quite well I wouldn't doubt it.

"What do you mean, Ms. Denver?" Caoilainn asks. I smile knowing she's stalling for time and further explanation; she has no idea what our professor just said. "Like, what about it?"

"Anything," Ms. Denver answers. "For example, what is marriage? Do you think marriage should be monogamous? Do you think partners should be allowed to have extra-marital relationships? When should divorce be allowed, or shouldn't it be?" She asks.

"Anywhere you want to take us. You start us off and we'll go from there."

Geez. What a serious topic. Glad I didn't have to start it. I look at Caoilainn and offer her a sympathetic smile. I wonder what she'll say.

"Um," Caoilainn mumbles. I can tell she has no clue where to start. "I don't really know what to say. Ah-"

"It's ok, Caoilainn," Ms. Denvers encourages. "Just pick something and go from there."

"Well," she begins meekly. "I think marriage is forever." Her cheeks grow flush and I smile. She's so pretty when she's embarrassed.

"And, I mean, I know there are many reasons for divorce. Ah, but I hope I never, I mean, I don't ever plan to get one."

"Ok," Ms. Denvers replies looking around at us all. "What do you guys think? Any responses?"

Suzy Cambridge jumps into the conversation. "No one ever plans to get divorced, Caoilainn. Everyone thinks they'll love their husband forever. And then one day, the wife comes home and finds her husband and their Nanny goin' at it on the kitchen counter and they're-"

"Ok, ok," Ms. Denvers says, cutting Suzy off while closing her eyes and holding up her hands. "We get the picture, Suzy. Cheating happens. Divorce happens. Caoilainn, your thoughts on Suzy's point?"

Caoilainn cuts a glance my way. She nervously pulls the hair laying on the front of her shirt back behind her ear. She looks around the room and I can see her thinking from where I sit.

"I think Suzy's right. I think things happen and I get that. And I don't think divorce is ever something anyone plans for. I hope it never happens to me." Caoilainn catches my eye seriously and I blink caught off guard by the look she gives me. I even turn around to see if anyone is sitting behind me or something.

When Caoilainn looks back towards Ms. Denvers, I sit up a little straighter. What was that?

"But," she finishes. "the thing is. To me, marriage vows aren't just words. They're a promise; one that I've been raised to believe to be sacred. I know it's old-fashion but I feel like once I give my word that's it. Marriage is a union. It's like chemistry. Once you mix two chemicals and they become one you can't pull them apart from one another again, at least not unless you want to destroy something that makes each of them who they are."

Once again as Caoilainn finishes she looks right at me. What's goin' on here?

Ms. Denver turns and asks Archer a follow up question about marriage. He makes a joke out of the conversation, though, mentioning its 'benefits'. Brody only fuels the flames in this direction some more when Ms. Denvers gets to him. So much so that she decides to table the topic for our next class. Not that it matters as the bell is about to ring and we all get ready to leave.

As we exit the class, I holler out to Caoilainn and tell her to wait up. She was one of the first people to grab her things and run out. I'm still trying to get my sociology text into my book bag as I jog up to her at the door jam.

"Hold up, Caoi, hold up," I say, running to her side. "I'm starving. Come on. I'll walk you to lunch."

"Ok," she says smiling at me.

"So," I start to say. "Got pretty serious in there today."

"Yeah?" she asks absently. "I mean," she stammerscoming to herself. "I mean, I did. Well, it's a serious topic, I guess. Marriage and all that."

I turn my head and look at her. "Yeah, I guess."

We walk together quietly down the hall and find her locker before going into the cafeteria. Caoilainn absently drops off books, including her grandmother's journal, and picks up some others she'll need for the afternoon. Pausing, she looks longingly at her locker shelf one last time and then shuts the door softly before turning towards me. Just then Pete walks by and we slap hands as he passes. Courtney is hanging on his other side She glances back and waves hello to the two of us.

"Hey, Court. Hey, Pete," Caoilainn calls out.

Caoilainn slams her locker with a soft clang when she's done and turns to me. "You ready?"

I nod my head. "Yeah, let's go."

We walk down the hall and Caoilainn's still quiet. She usually is but today she seems lost in thought even more than usual. I turn and put a hand on her arm. "You ok, Caoilainn?" I ask her. "Are we ok?"

"Why wouldn't we be, Tadhg?" She asks and stares at me like I should know something. Then she shakes her chin. "I'm good. No worries." She starts to walk and I reach out to stop her again.

"You're sure?" I ask.

Something is off and it's been off for weeks now.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she begins to say. "Just thinking about class, I guess."

"You are?"

"Yeah...Tadhg, do you ever? Uh, do you ever think about-?"

"What?" I ask her. But before she can respond Brody jumps next to us. "What up, Yo?"

I turn and slap him on the back. "Yo, what's goin' on?"

Caoilainn sighs and we start to walk. I turn back to her and stop us again. "Wait, Caoi, what were you gonna say? Do I ever think about what?"

Caoilainn looks at me first and then turns slightly towards Brody. I catch her glance and ask Brody to give us a second. He says no problem and moves over to the job board to read it while he waits for us. He's still in earshot so I whisper as quietly as I can. "What's up?"

"You ever think about that day, Tadhg?"

I look at her in confusion. What-?

"In the woods," she says filling in the blanks. "You know, with Suzy and Cian? Me and you? Our-" Before she can continue, I take an unconscious step back and look at her.

"When we were, like, eight?" I ask her, a sliver of nervous energy snaking it's way up my back.

"Yeah," she whispers. "Like, what if that was...I mean...do you ever think that we might actually be...?"

"Caoilainn," I say, shaking my head vigorously. "We were just kids. You're not worried about that, are you? You don't really think we're-"

I don't get to finish my sentence, though, because Brody bounces back to us and says we need to go to the cafeteria before lunch ends.

Caoilainn laughs and runs a hand through her hair again like she earlier did in class. "What do you think, Tadhg?"

"Caoi," I laugh nervously. She's not serious is she? She can't be. Or so I tell myself. "No worries. It doesn't mean anything. We were just kids. Ok? We're cool?"

Caoilainn smiles weakly. Then she leans in to give me a hug.

As she pulls back, Siofra pops her head around the cafeteria doors and spots us standing outside of them. "There you are! Come on. Come eat, guys. Lunch is going fast. Come on, Caoi, come to the salad bar with me." Siofra reaches out and wraps her fingers around Caoilainn's and they turn to go.

I watch them leave and hold the cafeteria door open for myself and Brody. We head over to the grill line.

Thank goodness that's all settled.

I blow my bangs out of my eyes and hussle to the tray dispenser to pick one up before they're all gone.

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