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32 | Something You Can't Have

2016 Tree Hill, North Carolina

In the wake of the wedding. Lucas and Logan went to find Keith. They hoped he would be at his apartment because nobody could get ahold of him. Logan also knew she needed to apologize to Karen for what she said. Even though she knew it was true, it was still mean, unnecessary, and unfair. Lucas knocked on the apartment door, and they were shocked when the door opened.

"Mom?" Lucas asked when they saw Karen on the other side. He looked around the apartment, scanning for Keith before they walked inside.

"What are you doing here?" Logan asked.

"I was waiting for Keith," She said, closing the door after her children.

"He never came home?" Lucas asked.

"Guess not," Karen said.

"He wasn't at Jules' apartment either... we checked there before we came here," Logan said. Karen nodded and sighed. They all felt the same defeat. They didn't know where he was or when he would be coming home if he would be coming home.

"Any idea where else he might be?" Karen asked.

"If I had two guesses, they'd both be at a bar getting drunk," Lucas said and Logan nodded. As much as Logan loves Keith, she knows that he's a borderline alcoholic. He turns to alcohol for the same reasons she turns to food.

"Why didn't either of you tell me what was going on?" Karen asked.

"Because we knew you'd tell Keith," Logan said.

"And we thought that... moving in with Dan was the only way to get him to leave Keith alone, " Lucas said. Logan nodded and Karen frowned.

"You both should've told me," Karen said. Logan shrugged. She didn't really know how to tell Karen anything. Sure she's her biological Mom, but she didn't raise her, she didn't do anything for her. Logan was thinking that maybe she keeps Karen at arms' length because part of her resents her for letting Dan take her. She knew that wasn't fair, but that's how she felt.

"We're sorry that we hurt you, Mom... but you have no idea how hard it's been being in that house," Lucas said. Karen nodded.

"I have an idea," She said. Lucas laughed a bit, but Logan could hear the sadness. "So, how did the two of you find out about Dan's arrangement with Jules?" Karen asked.

"What arrangement with Jules?" A new voice spoke. The three of them turned around, shocked to see Keith standing there.

"Keith," Karen said.

"What arrangement with Jules?" He asked, again.

"My Dad, he... he paid Jules to be with you," Logan said. The silence was killing her, it wasn't that long, but it felt like forever. Keith looked between the three of them and then shook his head.

"So, all three of you knew about it... and you said nothing!?" He exclaimed. Logan frowned because he was right. She wanted to say something the minute she found out, and she should've. She didn't know what to say, because there was nothing to say. Lucas also looked down and Logan noticed Keith turned to leave.

"Keith! Wait, wait, wait!" Karen called out after him and he turned around. "Let's talk about this," She said.

"Everyone I thought I cared about lied to me... What's there to talk about?" Keith asked. Logan shook her head as she looked at him.

"Welcome to the club, Uncle Keith," Logan said, giving him a knowing look. Keith met her eye, he knew exactly what she was referring to and he knew she was right, but he was also prideful. He shook his head one more time.

Then he left without another word.

⇎⇎⇎⇎⇎⇎

The next morning, Logan was walking through the hallway at school with her best friends Peyton and Brooke. Brooke told them that her Dad got a job in California and they're moving there next week. Logan couldn't believe she'd have to do senior year without Brooke. They'd talked about senior year since they were freshman. It wouldn't be the same.

"I can't believe this is our last time walking to class together," Peyton said. Logan frowned.

"I can't believe we have to do senior year without you," Logan said. Brooke was standing in the middle and they had their arms linked together. Brooke gently squeezed Logan's arm.

"I know you and Peyton will be great captains... I can't believe I'm getting weepy about walking to class," Brooke said. The girls stopped walking and Peyton pulled them into a group hug. "I feel like someone needs to yell out dead girl walking," Brooke said. The girls laughed as a boy with frizzy hair and glasses walked by. He looked directly at Brooke. "Ben geek staring!" She exclaimed and they laughed again.

"I just... I can't imagine what it would be like to not have you to talk to every day," Peyton said. Logan frowned because she didn't want to think about that either. "I'm gonna get you a webcam, that way it'll be like you're living with me," Peyton said. Logan's eyes widened as an idea came to her mind.

"Or... she could just live with you," Logan said. Peyton and Brooke looked at her and their faces lit up.

"She could," Peyton said.

"Yeah!" Brooke exclaimed.

"You can! You spend most of your time at my house anyway," Peyton said and that was true. Brooke and Logan do spend a lot of time at Peyton's house. Mainly because she is there by herself a lot of the time because her Dad has to travel out of state for work and sometimes for months at a time.

"This is such a good idea! I'm going to find a phone and call my Mom," Brooke said.

"What happened to your cell phone?" Brooke asked.

"Uh... my parents put me on that 'pay as you go' plan... and I haven't paid...-" Peyton cut Brooke off by handing Brooke her cellphone and he moved her toward a different direction.

"...-Then go. Go!" Peyton exclaimed. Brooke nodded and quickly walked off. When Peyton closed her locker, Anna approached. Logan tuned out their conversation on the way to class. She still didn't like Anna for how she treated Peyton after the Formal. But then she heard Anna say that it was Felix that painted DYKE on Peyton's locker.

When Anna walked away, Brooke reapproached. "They said no," Brooke said.

"Why?" The blondes asked simultaneously.

"Becuase this week, they've actually decided to be parents. They said since Peyton has no adult supervision, it would be the same as having me stay alone," Brooke said as she frowned.

"Did you ask about staying with me?" She asked and Brooke nodded.

"Yeah, they said me staying with the children of Dan Scott would be even worse than staying alone!" She exclaimed. Logan rolled her eyes, and then she sighed. She gets that her Dad sucks, but the whole reason she and Nathan live on their own was to get away from them.

"Are you kidding? Charlie Brown has more parental supervision than you," Peyton said which made Logan laugh because if you know anything about Charlie Brown, you'd know how little parental supervision he has.

"Yeah, well... they also think," Brooke trailed off and the girls raised their eyebrows.

"What?" Logan asked.

"They think you're both bad influences on me," Brooke said. Peyton and Logan started laughing because if Brooke's parents knew anything about their daughter, they would know that it's the other way around, and a lot of the time it's Brooke who is the bad influence on the two of them. They truly were spaced out.

"Have your parents met you? You're the bad influence," Logan teased. Brooke laughed.

"Only briefly," She said and Peyton groaned. "I can't believe they won't let me stay with either of you. My mom is being such a major... bitch," Brooke said as they stopped walking because of who was standing in front of them.

"Speaking of bitch," Logan said as they came face to face with Nikki, Jake's ex and Jenny's mom.

"Well, if it isn't the other women... and my favorite travel agent. Any other places you'd like to recommend?" Nikki asked. Logan rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, far away from me! Unless you'd like for your next period to come out of your nose," Brooke snapped. Logan laughed as she shook her head.

"So, I showed up at Jake's this morning with Tree Hill's finest, and guess what? No Jake, no baby. Where the hell are they?" Nikki asked. Peyton shrugged.

"Phoenix," Brooke said.

"Wait, I thought it was Los Angeles," Logan chimed in.

"Are you even sure that Jenny is your daughter, because... I mean, she doesn't look like a bitch to me," Peyton said. Logan and Brooke laughed while Nikki's face hardened.

"Well, we'll see who the bitch is once Jake spends some time in jail," Nikki said and Logan scoffed.

"Do you hear yourself? It'll still be you," Logan said. Peyton smiled while Nikki sighed and shook her head.

"Look, I'm tired of these games," Nikki said.

"Then leave! You don't even care about Jenny, okay? You're just doing this to get back at Jake," Peyton snapped.

"You know, only someone without a mother could think that," Nikki said. Peyton was about to move forward, but Logan did before she could. Logan got right in Nikki's face.

"You better back off and leave before Jenny knows exactly what it feels like to be motherless," Logan said. Then she let out a fake gasp and turned to Brooke and Peyton. "Oh, wait... she already does," Logan said as she turned back to Nikki. Nikki shoved past the three of them, headed in the opposite direction and then she turned around.

"Tell Jake that the longer he hides, the worse it's going to be for him," She said and then she disappeared down the hallway. Logan rolled her eyes as she turned to Peyton.

"Don't let her get to you, Peyton. No judge is going to side with that psychopath over Jake. Sexy single Dad? He's doing a good job. He stayed, and he's been taking care of Jenny. There's no way he'll lose custody," Logan said. Brooke nodded.

"It looks like they already did. I don't even think Jake's going to go to court and challenge it," Peyton said and Logan frowned. She knows that Peyton doesn't want Jake to leave again.

"You think he's going to run again?" Brooke asked and Peyton nodded.

"He might. If he thinks that Jenny will wind up with Nikki... Damn it, I hate Monday's," Peyton said. Brooke and Logan wrapped their arms around their best friend.

"Come on."

⇎⇎⇎⇎⇎⇎

Logan and Roman went to the cafe after school. Lucas was sitting at the counter while Karen was cleaning up. When the bell dinged, indicating they had walked in, Lucas and Karen looked up and smiled when they saw Logan and Roman. Logan took the stool next to Lucas, and Roman took the one next to her.

"Hey guys," Karen said with a smile.

"Hey, Miss Roe," Roman said and Karen shook her head.

"Roman, I've told you multiple times you can call me Karen," She said.

"Any word from Uncle Keith?" Logan asked. Karen frowned as she shook her head.

"No," She said.

"Do you think he's going to be okay?" Roman asked and Logan frowned. She wasn't sure. Yeah, she kinda threw a low blow at him about secret-keeping, but it didn't make her keeping Jules' secret any less wrong.

"Not for a while," Karen said.

"Keith was right, Luke... we should've told him. I mean, I gave him so much crap for never telling me about... you know the switched at birth thing, only to turn around and keep a huge secret from him," Logan said.

"You both thought you were looking out for him. Your hearts were in the right place. Just as his heart was in the right place by not telling either of you what happened when you were babies. It may take some time, but he will eventually understand that you two were doing for him what he did for the two of you all those years ago," Karen said and Logan sighed.

"I guess," Logan said.

"So, when are you moving back home?" Karen asked her son. Lucas looked at Logan and she knew he was nervous. They were still going to keep their arrangement with Dan. If he could do this to Keith, there's no telling what else he would do. Although he did keep his word to leave Keith and Jules alone if they moved in, they knew they were weaknesses for Dan. He will do anything to prove he can be a good father.

"I'm not," Lucas said. Karen was shocked.

"Like hell, you're not! What reason on Earth would you have for staying!?" She asked. Lucas looked at Logan and she nodded.

"If Dan could do this to his own brother... who knows what else he could be up to? Logan and I are his weakness, he wants to prove to us that he can be a good father. We have to stay."

⇎⇎⇎⇎⇎⇎

"Nathan! Thank god. I haven't seen or heard from you since the wedding and I was about to file a missing person's report," Logan Scott said into her phone when her brother called her. Nathan had disappeared without a word after Keith's failed wedding, and she had no idea where her brother had gone.

"I'm fine, Lo. I'm sorry I scared you and I'm sorry for bailing. Mom gave me money to go visit Haley, so that's where I'm headed. The tour is in Georgia right now," Nathan said.

"Good for you, Nate... hopefully you can convince her to come home," Logan said.

"Yeah, I hope so too," He said.

"Okay, well, I just wanted to make sure you were alive. I won't hold you up too long. Just be safe, I love you, and tell Haley that I miss her," Logan said.

"I love you too, and I will," Nathan said. The siblings hung up and Logan turned to her boyfriend who was lying on her bed next to her. He had his head resting on her stomach and she was running her fingers through his curls.

"Well, he's not dead. He's just on his way to hopefully bring his wife home," Logan said. Roman laughed and nodded. Logan leaned down and kissed his forehead.

"I hope she comes home too... I've never seen Nate this hurt over anything," Roman said.

"Because he's never loved anyone as much as he loves Haley," Logan said. Whenever he and Peyton would fight and break up, Nathan couldn't care less. He was never truly hurt by it. One, because he knew they would get back together, and two, because he was never in love with Peyton.

"How about you? How are you doing with everything?" Roman asked.

"I just want everyone to be okay, and for everyone to be happy," Logan said. She didn't want to talk about how her bulimia was starting to get more severe. Everyone close to her knew that she relapsed, but they didn't know the extent of how severe it was. Logan felt too much shame around it to tell the full truth of how bad things had gotten.

"What about you and your happiness?" Roman asked as he sat up and faced her.

"You make me happy. Does that count?" Logan asked and Roman laughed.

"Partly... what about your art? When was the last time you drew or painted something?" Roman asked and Logan smiled. She had gotten back into drawing and sketching more recently. She would do it whenever the urge to binge first came up, so she could try and curb it. Sometimes it worked, other times it didn't.

"Actually, there is something I've been wanting to show you that I've been working on," Logan said as she got out of her bed and walked over to her dresser. Her sketchbook was lying on top. She grabbed the sketchbook before joining her boyfriend on her bed once more and flipping to the page she needed. Once she found the right one, she handed the sketchbook to Roman.

His eyes widened as his fingers gently traced over the drawing that was in his likeness. Then he turned to his girlfriend with a smile on his face. "Lo... this is amazing. I don't even have the words, you made me look so cool," Roman said and she smiled.

"You really like it?" She asked and he nodded.

"You've always been talented, Lo. This is amazing," He said. Logan smiled as she leaned over to kiss him.

"Do you want to see another one?" She asked. Roman nodded and Logan flipped to the sketch she had finished a few days ago. When Roman looked down at it, a wide smile spread across his face.

"I think this one is my new favorite," Roman said and Logan smiled. She felt her cheeks getting warm, so she knew she was blushing. Logan gently tore the page of the sketch of the two of them out of the book and handed it to him, and then she did the same with the sketch she drew of him.

"I want you to have them both," She said. Roman's eyes widened as he looked at her.

"Are you sure? You worked hard on them," Roman said.

"I did... but they were always meant to be for you. I was just nervous about showing them to you because I wasn't sure if you'd like them, or maybe I was underestimating my own skills because I wanted them to be perfect, but... they were always meant for you," Logan said. Roman laid the drawings down on her desk so they wouldn't get wrinkled. Then he joined Logan on her bed again and gently cupped her cheeks.

Logan smiled as he leaned in and pulled her into a kiss. Logan immediately wrapped her arms around his neck while scooting closer to him, which resulted in Roman fully pulling her onto his lap. He ran his fingers through her hair as their lips moved together. Logan was the first one to pull away and she bit down on her lip.

"Was that my thank you?" She teased. Roman smiled as he quickly pecked her lips a few times.

"As many thank you's as I can give."

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