2015 ― Tree Hill, North Carolina

Dear Luke,
Being popular can be so draining sometimes. The parties, everyone knowing who you are. It doesn't help that Nathan throws the majority of the parties at our family's beach house, so I can't even use it as an escape. I mean partying is fun every now and again, but all the time gets draining and exhausting. All we end up doing is the same things over and over. Drinking way too much, playing stupid games, and not remembering anything that happened the next morning. If we're doing all of this now in high school, what's really going to be left to suspense in college? Probably nothing. Honestly, I think I'm more of a homebody. I love being at home, watching a movie or a show, reading a book, spending time on my own. That's where I'm most comfortable. I don't hate going out, but I definitely think I'm more introverted and prefer smaller, more intimate groups over big groups. What about you? Do you like going out? Or do you prefer to stay in?
Logan S.

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Logan Scott was standing with her best friend Peyton Sawyer outside of school the next day. She was getting ready to tell her that she and Roman had become official yesterday, but she wished Brooke was there. She had texted Brooke a couple of days ago, asking how she was and if she wanted to get together, but Brooke said she was fine and never responded about hanging out. Logan figured it was because Brooke had seen her with Peyton.

"I have news," Logan said as she looked at Peyton.

"You and Roman are finally together," Peyton said.

"You bitch, who told you?" Logan asked and Peyton laughed.

"Lo, what other news would you have to tell me?" Peyton asked as she continued to laugh. Logan laughed a little too, but on the inside, she felt horrible. She still hasn't told Peyton that she's not Nathan's twin. She doesn't know how to bring it up.

"I guess nothing," Logan said and Peyton smiled.

"Hey, Peyton, Lo," Haley James said as she approached the pair.

"What's up?" Logan asked.

"Nathan and I are having a little get-together at your place on Saturday," Haley said.

"Oh, you are?" Logan asked.

"Nathan didn't tell you? I said I would only do it if you're okay with it since you live there too," Haley said. Logan smiled as she shook her head.

"Hales, it's fine. I'll just lock my bedroom door so nobody can get into it. We don't need a repeat of the kiss-Dan's-ass party," Logan said and Peyton laughed a little.

"Who knew Haley James was such a party girl?" Peyton said, making the three of them laugh and Haley shook her head.

"Yeah, it's not going to be that big of a deal, but he said I could invite whoever I want. Logan, I know you live there too, but do you guys want to come?" Haley asked and Logan laughed.

"Hell yeah," Logan and Peyton said together.

"Wait," Logan said.

"What's up?" Haley asked.

"She's going to ask if she can bring her boyfriend, Roman," Peyton teased. Logan rolled her eyes while a wide smile broke out on Haley's face.

"No way! You guys are dating? That's awesome. As for him coming, of course, you can bring him, but I'm sure Nathan already told him," Haley said and Logan nodded because she knew that was true. "So, I'll see you both there?" Haley asked and the girls nodded.

"See you later, tutor girl."

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Peyton and Logan walked back into the gym after their cheer practice to see Lucas taking a shot and he missed. "Keep shooting man, it'll come," Nathan encouraged him. Logan was shocked to see Nathan genuinely being nice to him. Lucas took another shot and missed again, and then he saw Peyton and Logan so he walked over to them.

"Well, the good news is, I'm back. The bad news is, I suck," Lucas said as he tried to stretch out his shoulder.

"Are you alright, Luke?" Logan asked.

"Yeah, it's just a little tight," He said. Peyton nodded and walked over to him and started to help him stretch out his shoulder.

"You're just a little rusty. Pretty soon, you'll really suck. Just like before. Better?" Peyton asked and Lucas nodded, right as Brooke walked in. She saw Peyton holding onto Luke's arm, but Peyton was done stretching him out and had let him go.

"Oh look, it's Logan, the 'best friend,' I barely see. And as for the two of you. I'd tell you to get a room but you already did that," Brooke said as she continued to walk. Peyton ran out after her and Logan sighed.

"She's right. I'm a horrible friend. I've barely checked on her. I've been with Peyton and Haley a lot. I reached out to her, and she said she couldn't hang out because she's been busy, but I think it's because she sees me with Peyton and Haley and she thinks I've chosen Peyton over her. I know what you and Peyton did was wrong, but I can't just cut Peyton out of my life to make Brooke happy. I wouldn't do it to Brooke if the situation was reversed," Logan said and Lucas nodded.

"You shouldn't have to be in the middle of this, Lo. It's our mess. You're not a horrible friend," He said and Logan shrugged.

"You're just saying that because you're my brother and it's your job to make me feel better," Logan said. Lucas laughed while nodding.

"Yeah," He said.

"Speaking of brother... you and Nathan have been getting along lately?" Logan commented.

"Yeah... Nathan and Roman have been helping me with my game. We've all been going on runs together, going to the River Court together. Roman's not that bad of a guy, not like some of your letters made him seem," Lucas said and Logan laughed.

"A lot of that was probably written out of frustration. But I'm glad you think so because he's officially my boyfriend... as of last night," She said and Lucas started laughing.

"In one of your letters, you swore up and down you would never date him," Lucas said.

"And I meant it when I wrote it," She said and they laughed more.

"I won't give the whole overprotective brother speech to him, because, I'm pretty sure Nathan already did. And he does have more of a right to. Roman is his best friend and you are his twin," Lucas said. Logan let out a shaky laugh.

"Right... Luke, you have just as much rights to the speech. If you and Peyton end up dating, I'll give her the overprotective sister speech. She got it when she and Nathan first started dating, and Haley got one too," Logan said and Lucas laughed.

"Do you think Brooke and Peyton will be okay? I really didn't mean to ruin their friendship, or break up your trio," Lucas said. Logan shook her head as she shrugged.

"I'm not mad at you, Luke... The heart wants what it wants, right?"

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After school, Lucas and Logan went to Karen's Cafe together, and when they walked in, they noticed Karen sitting at one of the tables and she was wrapping up a tie. "Who's the tie for?" Lucas asked.

"It's for Keith. He's got a job interview coming up. Guys, he's thinking of moving," Karen said and Logan's eyes widened. Keith told Logan that he proposed to Karen and she said no, but he didn't tell her that he was leaving Tree Hill.

"What?" Logan said at the same time Lucas said.

"Why? He can't get a job here?" Lucas asked.

"I don't think he wants a job here," Karen said. Logan frowned since she knew why. He was basing his life in Tree Hill around Karen's answer to his proposal and she said no.

"Is it because of the...-" Logan trailed off when Karen nodded. Lucas looked between the two of them.

"Mom! What is she talking about?" Lucas asked.

"Keith proposed to me and I said no," Karen said. Lucas' eyes widened and then he turned to his sister.

"I have to go see him... Lo, you coming with me?" He asked. Logan nodded and the two of them immediately left the cafe.

Logan drove them to Keith's.

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"Luke, Logan, what's up?" Keith Scott asked when he opened the door and saw the twins standing outside. Lucas immediately hugged Keith, and Keith looked over Luke's shoulder at Logan and she nodded.

"Keith, I'm sorry, man," Lucas said and Keith nodded as he let the twins inside.

"That's okay," Keith said.

"Mom told us what happened. She said you're leaving," Lucas said.

"Which, you didn't tell me about that part," Logan said as she crossed her arms over her chest. Keith frowned at her.

"We'll see," Keith said.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Lucas asked.

"Well, as hard as it was that your mom turned me down, the thought of leaving the two of you is even harder. Lucas, I don't want to be the second Scott brother to do this to you," Keith said.

"Yeah, but you know that I don't see you that way. Look, I know my Mom said no. But, that doesn't mean you have to leave," Lucas said and Logan nodded.

"Please... don't go, Keith," Logan said.

"It's time for me to move on. It's just something I have to do, whether I get this job or not. But look, wherever I end up, the two of you can always call and visit. I'll always be a guy you both can turn to," Keith said. The twins nodded, knowing that it sounded good, but they knew it wouldn't be the same.

"I know... but it won't be the same as having you here... who else am I going to bother while they work on cars?" Logan said and Keith laughed a little. Then Lucas spoke.

"And I want you to have what you want, you know? But, I wanted you to be my Dad too."

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[logan's outfit & hair for the party]

Logan was standing in her bathroom, putting the finishing touches on her look, but she could hear people were already there for the party. Roman was standing in the doorway watching her get ready. "Wow, you're kinda hot," Roman teased and Logan looked over at him and smiled.

"Only kind of?" She asked. Roman laughed as he shook his head.

"Very... but you look beautiful, Logan," Roman said. Logan smiled as she finished putting on her lipgloss, and Roman kissed the top of her head so he didn't mess up her makeup, or her gloss.

"And you look very handsome," She said with a smile. "How did Nate take the news of us dating?" She asked.

"Well, he didn't hit me," Roman teased and they laughed. "He was cool about it, of course. He gave the whole, if you hurt my sister, you're still my best friend, but by sibling code, I have to kick your ass speech," Roman said and Logan laughed.

"Sounds like him. Lucas said you're pretty cool, so I think you have his approval too," Logan said and Roman nodded.

"Yeah, I like Lucas too. It kind of makes sense you guys are twins... you're pretty similar in certain ways," Roman said. Before Logan could comment on that, she walked back into her room and grabbed her shoes.

"You ready?" She asked and he nodded.

"Let's head to your living room," Roman said. Logan laughed as she closed her bedroom door, locked it behind them, and then put the key in her pocket.

When Logan and Roman walked out of the room, Logan was surprised to see how many people were in the living room. She found Peyton and Lucas in the crowd and then together, the four of them found Haley. "Haley, who are all these people?" Lucas asked.

"Who cares... it's a party," Haley said as someone else walked inside.

"Sorry, I'm late. I hope nobody minds, I brought a friend," Brooke Davis said. Logan noticed a girl she didn't recognize standing next to Brooke. She had sleek dark hair, and she was tanned. Logan thought she was pretty, but she had a smirk on her face that told Logan she couldn't be trusted, and when she spoke, Logan's suspicions were right.

"Let the games begin."

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"Maybe if we just invited her," Haley said to Peyton, Logan, Lucas, and Roman. They were watching Brooke and Nikki drink on the couch together from across the room. Nathan wasn't at the party because he was at work, which Logan knew, but she didn't like that things had gotten so out of control, especially knowing that she and Nathan were the ones who were going to have to clean up the mess.

"Haley, it's not your fault," Logan said.

"Who is this Nikki person anyway?" Haley asked.

"She's Jake's baby mom. Yeah, she's a trainwreck," Peyton said and Logan shook her head. Then they heard a crash from the other side of the apartment. Haley and Logan quickly looked over.

"That didn't sound good. I'll go check it out," Haley said. Logan nodded and sighed as she turned to her boyfriend.

"You want a drink?" He asked and Logan shook her head.

"I only had a few snacks today, I probably shouldn't drink on an empty stomach," She said and Roman nodded.

"Good idea," He said as Haley walked back over to them. "Plus, I think she needs it more," He said as he held the cup out to Haley.

"I can't stop the madness," Haley said.

"Yeah, you need this, here," Roman said. Haley noticed he was holding the cup and she took it from him and immediately downed its contents.

"Wow," Logan said. Peyton and Lucas approached the couple and Haley at the same time Nikki and Brooke did. Logan had a feeling that something was about to happen.

"So, you two are playing games," Brooke said as she looked at Peyton and Lucas. "Watch out for them, they look like they might cheat," She said and Logan sighed.

"Oh, you're still here. I thought you'd be running off to tuck in my kid," Nikki snapped.

"Someone's got to," Peyton snapped back.

"Yeah, well hopefully it's not some slutty boyfriend thief," Nikki snapped.

"I'll drink to that," Brooke said.

"Listen, why don't you do what you're really good at and disappear," Peyton snapped. Something snapped inside of Nikki at Peyton's words. She got directly in her face.

"Do you have a problem?" Nikki asked.

"Wow, Nikki. She's not worth it," Brooke said as she tried to pull her away. Logan stepped up between Peyton and Nikki.

"If you don't get out of her face, you're going to have a problem with me," Logan snapped. Nikki looked her up and down and started laughing.

"And you are?" Nikki asked.

"Someone who isn't afraid to kick your ass," Logan responded.

"Well, I was talking to your friend, and I asked her if she had a problem," Nikki said as she looked over Logan's shoulder to look at Peyton.

"Yeah, I do. It's called you, bitch," Peyton snapped. Nikki pushed Logan out of the way to lunge for Peyton. Roman caught his girlfriend as Nikki pushed Peyton against the fridge and slapped her.

Peyton immediately pushed her back and pushed her onto the dining room table, and then tackled her onto the ground as they started to fight. Lucas went to grab Peyton, but Nikki picked up one of the stools sitting on the island and threw it at Peyton, but the blonde ducked out of the way.

It went crashing through the window.

Now Logan was annoyed because this was her apartment too. "Roman, help me out here!" Lucas exclaimed. Roman nodded and grabbed Nikki as Lucas grabbed Peyton. The two pulled the girls away from each other. Brooke looked at Nikki in shock.

"What the hell are you doing?" Brooke snapped.

"Isn't this what you wanted?" Nikki asked back.

"Are you kidding, Brooke? Why did you come? And why did you bring her? This is mine and Nathan's apartment that we just moved into and now one of our windows is broken. Why is it that we can never have a party without you causing some type of drama?" Logan snapped and Brooke's face fell. Nikki tried to lunge back at Peyton, but Roman had a tight grip on her.

"Stop!" Roman hissed in her ear.

"You need to go!" Lucas snapped.

"Well, isn't this sweet? Lucas Scott coming to the defense of his women. Oh, but wait... shouldn't that include someone else?" She asked. Everyone's eyes were on Lucas as they tried to figure out what she was talking about. "Don't worry, I can keep a secret too," She said. Roman let her go and Nikki left the apartment.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Lucas asked as he turned to Peyton. She shook herself out of his arms. Logan thinks she put together the pieces of who Nikki was.

"What did she mean by that? Someone else?" Peyton asked. Lucas looked between Brooke and Peyton, who were now standing side by side, waiting for his answer.

"She's the girl I met at the bar," Lucas said. Logan's eyes widened, but that was what she figured, and now she knew this was really bad. She's the 'bar slut,' Peyton had referred to, and to top it off, she's also Jenny's mother.

"Lucas Scott betrayal train, all aboard," Brooke said.

"Move," Peyton snapped as she pushed past Lucas. She left the apartment as she shook her head and Brooke turned to Luacs.

"And you called me easy," Brooke said as she walked out after Peyton. Despite the drama, Logan was hoping that the two of them would reconcile their differences because she was tired of being split between them.

"Haley? Logan... what the hell?" Logan turned around when she heard her name and she saw Nathan standing on the threshold, looking at the mess that was now their apartment and he was confused. When he saw the glass on the ground and then the broken window, his eyes widened. Haley immediately ran to her boyfriend.

"Nathan! Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry," Haley said and then two police officers walked in.

"Whose apartment is this? It's not going to be that hard to figure out so why don't you just save us some time," One of the officers said and Nathan sighed.

"It's mine... well, it's ours, but my brother just got here," Logan said as she stepped up.

"Everyone else get out of here before we start checking IDs," The other officer said. Everyone left the apartment except for Haley, Roman, and Lucas.

"Wait, what are you doing?" Nathan asked when he saw the officer writing.

"I'm writing you and your sister a citation," He said.

"Me? I didn't do anything!" Nathan exclaimed.

"Underage drinking. Disturbing the peace," The officer said.

"Look, officer. He had nothing to do with it. He literally just walked in the door, coming back from work. This is also my apartment, my name is on the lease, write the citation to me," Logan said.

"Whatever. Your apartment, your responsibility," He said and Logan rolled her eyes.

"I'm impressed. Did you learn that in the Academy?" Logan snapped sarcastically.

"You want to smart off? Fine, you can do that from a cell," The officer said as he turned Logan around and pulled out handcuffs.

"Oh, come on! That's not fair!" Roman snapped at him.

"Do you want to join her?" The officer snapped and Roman said nothing. "I didn't think so, come on. Let's go,"

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Dan Scott was called and told his daughter had been arrested. He came and bailed her out, and of course, Nathan, Haley, Roman, and Lucas had also come to the station. Logan wasn't in the mood to talk to Dan. She was walking in front of him, but he was still talking.

"Bang up, job, Logan. I thought if I ever had to bail one of my kids out of jail, it would be Nathan. It seems every time I blink, you sink to a new low. Part of me thinks I should've left you in there," Dan said and Logan rolled her eyes.

"Then maybe you should've," Logan snapped without turning around.

"This experiment of yours is over. You're coming home," Dan said. That made Logan stop walking and turn around.

"Forget it!" She snapped.

"Now!" Dan snapped back.

"There is no way I am moving in with you. I know what you did, Dan, and I will never forgive you for it," Logan snapped. Her eyes were furious and Dan could see the anger behind them. He roughly grabbed her arm.

"I don't know what you think you know, but I brought you into this world and I promise I can take you out," He snapped.

"Let her go, now!" Dan and Logan looked up and saw Lucas, Nathan, Haley, and Roman standing at the bottom of the stairs. It was Lucas who told Dan to let her go.

"And the disappointments just keep coming. You stay out of this," Dan snapped.

"Hales, go get an officer," Lucas said.

"I'll go with her," Roman said. The two of them went inside, leaving the Scott siblings with their Dad. Logan yanked her arm out of Dan's.

"Let me get this straight. Your Mom runs off and has a fling, I get the cops to drop the charges and I'm the bad guy here?" He asked and something inside of Logan snapped. She spoke before she could think about the words coming out of your mouth.

"No, you're the bad guy because you kidnapped me from my biological mother and you forced my Mom to play along with your game under the threat of taking Nathan from her. You're a sociopath!" Logan screamed at him. Haley, Roman, and Nathan's eyes widened and then they all looked at Lucas. Dan's face paled because he didn't realize what Logan was talking about earlier when she said she knew what he did.

"What is she talking about? Logan, what are you talking about?" The rage she felt subsided when she heard Lucas' voice and she realized what she had done. Her eyes widened as she turned around to face him.

"Luke..." Logan said.

"What do you mean he stole you from your biological mom?" Lucas asked. Logan's eyes watered as she looked at him.

"I'm so sorry... I didn't want you to find out like this," Logan said.

"Find out what!?" Lucas snapped.

"Why don't you go ask your mother what happened then," Dan snapped at him, and then he turned to Logan. "And you? You wanna ruin your life? Go ahead, I'm done here," Dan snapped.

"I hate you," Logan snapped back as she went down the stairs and immediately went to Roman, who wrapped her in his arms.

"Logan," Lucas said. Logan lifted her head from Roman's shoulder and looked at Lucas.

"Dan is right... You need to talk to Karen. I'm so sorry," Logan said as she started to cry. Lucas looked at Roman and he nodded. Lucas pulled Logan into his arms and hugged her tightly. She clung to him as she cried. Nathan, Roman, and Haley all walked away to give the two some space.

"I'll talk to her in the morning... will you come too?" Lucas asked and Logan nodded.

"Yeah... Yeah, I will."

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[tw; binging and purging]

After Nathan went to bed, Logan went into the kitchen. She took a deep breath and sat on the counter again. She left her phone in her room because she knew she was going to call Roman if she brought it out with her. She and Nathan had boarded up the window for now, but Logan had no problem paying to replace it since Nathan wasn't home during the party at all.

Logan hopped off the counter and went to the pantry. She grabbed her box of Cheeze-Its, a pack of donuts she had, and then she looked in the fridge and grabbed the fudge cookies she had bought for herself. She sat herself down at the dining room table and started with the donuts. When the whole pack was gone, she took a deep breath and shook her head.

Tears ran down her cheeks as she opened the pack of cookies. One by one, she ate them all until they were gone, and then she wiped her eyes and looked at the box of Cheeze-Its. Wasn't the best combination, taste-wise, but these were the only snacks she had left in the kitchen. The rest of the snacks, she stashed in her room so Nathan wouldn't catch onto what was going on.

She threw away the empty donut and cookie containers before taking the Cheeze-Its back into her room. She closed the door behind her and reached under her bed for the tote she kept her other snacks in. She took out the bag of chips, the party size of Cheddar and Sour Cream ruffles, and ate half the bag. She finished off her box of Cheeze-Its and by the time she had finished eating all of her snacks, she felt overly full and bloated.

Logan immediately grabbed her spare toothbrush and made her way to the bathroom. She closed and locked the bathroom door behind her before lifting the toilet lid and turning on the sink to drown out the noise of her puking. She dropped down to her knees, tears still streaming down her cheeks as she put her toothbrush into the back of her throat until she felt the contents of everything she had just eaten coming back up.

Logan went through cycles of pushing her toothbrush down her throat until she felt everything she had just eaten was out of her system, and she flushed the toilet. She sat back against the bathtub and hugged her knees to her chest as she shook her head. She knew once she started again after the Classic, it wasn't going to be that one time. After she finished crying on the ground, she stood up and rinsed her toothbrush off in the sink, and then she used her normal toothbrush to brush her teeth and rinsed her mouth out with mouthwash.

When she looked at herself in the mirror, she saw it again. Puffy eyes, and puffy cheeks, her throat felt raspy, and staring back at her in the mirror was the image of herself from the hospital. Bags under her eyes. Her eyes looked lifeless. Her hair was strung out, flyaways coming out of her ponytail, and Logan knew she looked horrible. She felt horrible. Logan shook her head as she looked at herself in the mirror. She closed her eyes for a few seconds, but when she reopened them, the old version of herself was still looking back at her.

"I'm not like you... I can stop whenever I want," Logan said to her reflection before she shook her head, took her spare toothbrush, and went back to her room. But, even when the words left her mouth.

Logan didn't believe them.

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she confronted her dad, but then she binged and purged :( 

my poor girl.

don't forget to vote/comment. 

xoxo.