2015 ― Tree Hill, North Carolina

Dear Lucas,
I think my eating disorder is getting worse and people are starting to notice. On the outside, I still look the same, I think. I also don't trust my perception of my own body right now. But the other day, Peyton asked me if I was okay because my cheeks looked a little swollen. I lied and said my dentist told me I grind my teeth in my sleep, which can cause tension in the jaws and swelling and I keep forgetting to call to get a mouthguard. It's so easy to talk about this in these letters. I think it's because I don't actually expect you to ever read them. The only way you would read them is if I gave them to you, and Keith encourages me to give them to you all the time, but that would be weird, right? Brooke mentioned the other day that some days it looks like I've gained weight and then a few days later like I lost it back and she asked if I was okay. I honestly don't know. Nathan asked me the other day if I was okay because I was in our home gym way longer than I normally am. I usually keep my workouts around 45-60 minutes. The day Nathan asked me, I had been in there for 3-hours excessively working out. I know it's not good. I know what I'm doing isn't good, but at the moment, when everything is coming out, I feel a slither of relief before I feel like crap again... and that slither of relief is what keeps me in the cycle. How sick does that make me? Thanks for holding my secret, Luke. Not like I gave you much of a choice anyway.
Logan S.

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Logan Scott was in Peyton Sawyer's bedroom with Peyton and Haley James. The three girls were lying on Peyton's bed and recounting their nights. Logan knew they would find out eventually, so she figured she'd tell them about what happened with Roman. Haley was painting her toes while Peyton was drawing. "I kissed Roman last night," Logan said.

"Well, yeah... that was part of the auction. Kiss at midnight. I kissed Nathan and Haley kissed Lucas," Peyton said with a shrug and Haley nodded.

"Yes, obviously, and we did that... but then I kissed him again. And honestly, the first kiss wasn't an end-of-auction peck... it was a kiss," Logan said. Haley and Peyton looked up from what they were doing with wide eyes.

"Wait, so you guys like kissed kissed? Both times?" Haley asked. Logan bit down on her lip while nodding.

"And then he asked me out on an official date... one that wasn't put together by Brooke Davis or a charity auction," Logan said.

"It's about damn time!" Peyton exclaimed with a smile on her face. "This has been years in the making," She said and Logan rolled her eyes, but she was still smiling. "How are you feeling about it?" Peyton asked.

"Good... I feel good, and a little nervous. I mean it's Roman... I don't have anything to be nervous about, but I...-" Haley cut her off.

"...-You like him," Haley teased and Logan smiled.

"Yeah... but I'm just, with everything that's going on, I just want to make sure Roman and I are in a solid place and on the same page," Logan said. Haley nodded, understanding what she meant, but Peyton raised an eyebrow.

"Everything that's going on? What's up, foxy? You normally tell me everything," Peyton said. Logan frowned as she looked at Peyton because her friend was right. She does tell Peyton everything, but she hasn't told anyone outside of Roman about what her Mom told her.

"It's just the divorce. My parents are still trying to drag Nathan and me in the middle to pick a side," Logan said as she shook her head. It wasn't exactly a lie, but it wasn't the full truth either. Peyton nodded as she frowned. "I like that color on your toes, Hales. What is it?" She asked.

"Thanks... it's Shag," Haley said and then she turned to Peyton. "Hey, um... did Nathan ever cheat on you?" Haley asked and Peyton raised an eyebrow.

"Where did that come from?" Peyton asked.

"I just wonder if maybe he's going to start looking somewhere else for what he's not getting from me," Haley said. Logan and Peyton shared a look, knowing exactly what Haley was referring to.

"The big bad sex issue," Logan said and Haley nodded. Peyton got off her bed, grabbed the nail polish, and walked over to her closet door.

"Yeah, I mean... We start making out and it's great. I totally get into him, and then I just hit this point," Haley said and Logan smiled.

"I bet he loves that," Peyton said and Logan laughed.

"Yeah, I guess I just always thought I would wait until I fell in love and got married. Then I met Nathan and everything got really confusing. It was never something I had to deal with right away, it was always a few years off, and then all of a sudden...-" Peyton cut her off.

"...-It wasn't? I've been down that road," Peyton said.

"I don't know if I'm ready guys," Haley said.

"Or... maybe you're not sure if Nathan is the right one?" Logan asked. She didn't want Nathan and Haley to break up, she thinks they're perfect together, but she asked the question because she wanted Haley to think about it and be honest with herself.

"No... I can safely rule that out. He... I can't breathe when I'm around him and when I'm not around him, I want to be. I'm just... I'm totally in love with him," Haley said. Logan smiled as she nodded and then they looked at Peyton to see she had used the nail polish and made two hearts. Inside one heart said LS+RC, Logan Scott, and Roman Castillo. Inside the second heart were HJ+NS, Haley James, and Nathan Scott. Both girls smiled at their friend.

"Well, then... you've gone further with him than I ever did."

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Later that night, Logan couldn't sleep. She could hear Nathan's breathing as she crept out of her room and went to the kitchen. She stood there for a moment, looking over the cabinets and the fridge, and took a deep breath. She hoisted herself onto the counter and sat there, looking at all the places she knew where food was. She had her phone in her hand and checked the time.

1:30 a.m. glaring back at her on the screen.

She knows that Roman told her to call anytime she had the urge, but she figured he was sleeping. But, before she gave in to her urge, she did dial his number. She called him the regular way, not on FaceTime. The phone rang a couple of times before Roman's deep sleepy voice came through the receiver.

"Lo? Are you okay?" He asked. Logan bit down on her lip because she wasn't ready for how hearing Roman's voice like that was going to make her feel.

"You told me to call if I...-" She trailed off as she shook her head.

"Where are you?" He asked.

"I'm in the kitchen. I'm just sitting on the counter. I couldn't sleep, so I was going to come to eat, and I keep telling myself don't do it... so I'm sitting on the counter, just staring at the fridge and the cabinets, but I haven't opened anything," Logan said as she sniffled.

"What are you thinking right now?" Roman asked.

"I'm thinking, how could I be so weak to end up here again? Attempting to do this again?" Logan whispered and from the other side, Roman frowned.

"You're not weak, Logan. You're the furthest thing from it. You found out something life-changing and it makes sense you're struggling with it, but do not call yourself weak. You've beaten it before, you can beat it again," Roman said.

"I don't want to go back to the hospital, Ro," Logan whispered as she started to softly cry. Roman was now sitting up in his bed, and it was breaking his heart to hear Logan crying.

"You're not going to, Logan. You won't go back there. Do you want me to stay on the phone with you until you fall asleep?" Roman asked. Logan sniffled as she wiped her eyes, and hopped down from the counter.

"Okay, thank you... I'm going back to my room," Logan said as she made her way back to her room. She softly closed the door behind her and Roman heard as she got back into her bed and put herself under the blankets. She put her phone on speaker and plugged it into the charger. "Okay, I'm in bed," She said.

"You're okay, Logan. Breathe, and tell me about a happy memory," Roman said. Logan exhaled a deep breath as she tried to think about a happy memory to tell Roman. She ended up telling him about her favorite summer at cheer camp, and then she asked Roman to tell her a happy memory to help her feel better.

He started to tell her about a vacation that he, Josh, and June took with their Mom and Leo out to California. The softness of his voice brought Logan comfort, to the point where she fell asleep because of how soothed she felt. When Roman finished his story and called out for Logan, and didn't get a response, he listened a bit closer to her breathing, and he could tell she was asleep. Roman smiled.

"Goodnight, Lo. I'll be right by your side through this," He whispered into the receiver as he closed his eyes and went back to sleep.

He didn't hang up his side of the call.

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"Logannnnnn... wake up. Logannnnnn... wake up," As Logan was starting to wake up, she thought she was hearing Roman's voice in her room, but she knew nobody invited him over this early. "Logannnnnnnn," She heard his voice again. When she looked down, she saw their phone call from the middle of the night was still active and she groaned as she laid back down.

"Ro?" She asked.

"There's the sleepyhead. I've been calling your name for like five minutes," He said and Logan rolled her eyes.

"You kept the phone call going after I fell asleep?" She asked.

"Of course I did. How are you feeling?" He asked and Logan sighed.

"The urges are gone for now, but we'll see how I feel as the day goes on," She said.

"You know what to do if you get them," He said and Logan smiled.

"Thanks for staying on the phone with me, Roman... seriously," She said and Roman smiled.

"Of course. Are you ready to hear what I have planned for our date?" He asked and Logan laughed.

"Sure, what are we doing?" She asked.

"That's a surprise. But dress comfortably, okay?" He said and Logan rolled her eyes while laughing.

"Why ask me if I'm ready to know what we're doing if you weren't going to tell me?" Logan asked and Roman laughed.

"All part of my charm to keep you in my orbit," He said and Logan rolled her eyes.

"Okay, comfortable like... jeans or activewear like comfortable?" Logan asked.

"Bring something to swim in. That's the only hint you get," Roman said and Logan laughed.

"Okay... thank you for that guidance," She said and Roman laughed.

"To be continued, Scott."

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Logan made her way to her Mom's house. Nathan called her and said Dan came to the apartment shortly after she left and was taunting him, saying he and Logan couldn't live on their own, they wouldn't be able to sustain it, but the beach house would always be there when they failed and were done playing house. Logan was pissed. Nathan said it took everything in him to not bring up what Mom had told them, but he said the reason he didn't was because Logan should be the one to have that conversation with him first.

"Nate?" Logan called out as she walked into the house.

"In here," Nathan said. When she followed his voice, she found him in the living room and he was going through a folder. Logan sat down next to him and then Deb came into the room a few moments later.

"I didn't hear you guys come in," Deb said.

"I didn't make any noise," Nathan said.

"Your father stopped by, he wanted your address, but I wouldn't give it to him," Deb said. Logan was grateful for that, but it didn't matter because Dan found the address anyway.

"He found me anyway," Nathan said.

"I'm sorry... Nathan, Logan, you know you guys can come home anytime, right? I'm still here," Deb said. Logan didn't know how she felt about that.

"I don't want to come home," Nathan said.

"Neither do I," Logan agreed.

"You know, I walk around this empty house and it doesn't seem real. I wish I could go back and do things differently," Deb said. Logan sighed because it was too late for that.

"I need to ask you a question," Nathan said.

"Okay," Deb said.

"Why'd you do it?" Nathan asked.

"Do what?" Deb asked.

"Cheat on Dad," He said.

Deb sighed as she shook her head. "I was confused. We were married so young and suddenly I was a wife and a mother before I was my own person. But when we grew apart, we grew apart," She said and Nathan sighed.

"Why, Mom? Why did you guys grow apart?" Nathan asked.

"Mainly because of Logan's situation," Deb said and Logan sighed.

"I understand why you didn't try to take me back to Karen again after Dad threatened to take Nathan away as well if you did. He blackmailed you and put you in an impossible situation. But why didn't you ever reach out to Karen behind his back and let her see me throughout the years?" Logan asked.

"Logan, you've said it yourself. Your father seems to know everything that goes on seconds after it happens. There were so many times I wanted to take you to Karen, even just to visit. To coincidentally have lunch at the cafe and I just happened to have you with me so you and Karen could interact, but I knew your Dad would find out and think I did it on purpose. I couldn't risk him taking Nathan or you away and never seeing either of you again. I know it seems like I was selfish, but please believe me, I was doing it to protect both of you," Deb said. Logan sighed as she ran her fingers through her hair.

"Mom...-" Deb cut Logan off.

"...-But I know that none of that is an excuse for cheating, and it doesn't make the fact that I did cheat okay," Deb said. Logan frowned. As upset as she was, she understood her Mom's motivations. She didn't know what she would do if someone blackmailed her and threatened to take her child away. But she also now had more understanding as to why her mother cheated. Living under the constant threat of having your children taken away from you and never seeing them again would cause anyone to find comfort in other people.

"Because you were married?" Nathan asked.

"Because I had a commitment to him and both of you. Those moments of what I mistook for happiness weren't worth the cost of hurting someone I loved, and losing the two of you over it now," Deb said. Logan shook her head and quickly walked out of the house. The air felt thin and she felt like she was suffocating.

How did her life get so screwed up?

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Logan went to Keith's apartment. She knew she couldn't avoid him forever. He had been texting her, asking if she was okay, or if she wanted to talk and she hadn't been responding. She knocked on the door and after a few moments, Keith opened it. "Hey, kiddo. You know you don't have to knock, you still have a key. I didn't change the locks," He said.

"I know... but I felt like I should. Can I come in?" Logan asked. Keith nodded and stepped aside to let her in. When she came in, he shut the door behind her.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"No... but I'm trying to be. Nathan and I talked to our Mom today. I just don't understand how nobody did anything to stop Dan. I get it, he made threats and he was blackmailing both Karen and Mom... but he was 17. I just don't get why Grandpa and Grandma didn't do anything," Logan said and Keith sighed.

"Danny was always the golden child since he took up basketball and stuck with it. I was the alcoholic. You know how your grandfather is. He's the reason your Dad is how he is. He was probably able to justify the situation just like Dan was," Keith said and Logan shook her head.

"It feels unreal, Uncle Keith. Like I don't know what to do. How do I live my life normally like this thing isn't weighing down on me?" She asked.

"Have you talked to your Dad?" He asked and she shook her head.

"No... and I don't think I want to. I know how the conversation is going to go. He's not going to admit to any wrongdoing, he's just going to double down and justify his decision of kidnapping me, technically," Logan said and Keith frowned.

"I'm sorry I never told you the truth, kiddo," Keith said and Logan shook her head.

"I know... I get it, where you're coming from. Roman asked me if I was going to talk to Lucas about it, but I feel like it's not my place to tell him, it's Karen's," Logan said and Keith nodded. "So I get it. That's also how you felt, that it was my parents, any of them, their places to tell me," She said and Keith nodded again.

"You know I'd never do anything to purposely hurt you," Keith said and Logan nodded.

"I know... I miss you, Uncle Keith," Logan said.

"I miss you too, kiddo. I know you're living with Nathan, but you know you're always welcome here anytime," He said and Logan nodded as she looked at him. "Can I tell you a secret?" He asked.

"Always, you know I love secrets... except for when they're about me," She said and Keith laughed a little.

"I proposed to Karen," Keith said. Logan's eyes widened as she turned to her Uncle.

"Oh my god... what did she say?" Logan asked.

"No," Keith said and Logan immediately frowned. She wrapped her arms around her Uncle and gave him a hug, which Keith returned. She knows he's had feelings for Karen for years, and it probably took a lot of courage for him to ask her to marry him.

"I'm so sorry, Keith. Does Lucas know?" Logan asked and Keith shook his head.

"I didn't tell him. I don't know if Karen told him either," Keith said. Logan nodded before laying her head down on his shoulder.

"I guess we both have a lot of emotional turmoil to deal with," She said and Keith laughed as he nodded.

"Yeah... yeah we do."

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Roman came to pick Logan up and together they went to Surf City. There was a private cove at the beach and that's where Roman took her. After blindfolding her, and guiding her to their destination. When he took the blindfold off, Logan noticed the two paddleboards sitting on the sand and she looked at Roman with a smile on her face.

"Paddleboarding?" She asked.

"I told you I would teach you," Roman said. Logan smiled as she took off her shorts and shirt, leaving her in the bikini she had on underneath. Roman chuckled as he took his shirt off because he was wearing his swim trunks. Roman showed Logan the ankle cuff that was on the board that she had to also put around her ankle. It was a security measure for if she fell off the paddle board, she wouldn't get separated from it.

Once they were connected, the pair went out into the water. Roman didn't take her out too deep, but they were both sitting on their boards. "So normally, I go up on my knees first, you have to keep perfect balance in order to stand, a lot of core work," Roman said. Logan nodded as she followed Roman's lead and went up to her knees. "How does that feel?" He asked.

"It's fine for now. I can steer like this for a little bit," Logan said and Roman nodded. They also had on life jackets. Roman didn't want to take her out too deep, but if she did want to go out deep and attempt to stand, he wanted her to be safe. He knew that Logan knew how to swim, but he wanted to take precautions just in case.

"You wanna go out a little bit more?" He asked and she shook her head.

"Can we stay in this area for now? I just want to get a little more comfortable," Logan said.

"Of course. How are you feeling?" Roman asked.

"In general? Not sure. Whatever it was the last time you asked probably still stands. I did talk to Keith today though," Logan said.

"How'd that go?" He asked.

"I get why he didn't tell me. He didn't feel like it was his place, just like I feel like it's not my place to tell Lucas, but it still sucks to be lied to by every adult in your life that you thought you could trust," Logan said and Roman nodded.

"I know," Roman said and Logan sighed as she looked out on the water. She felt a small sense of peace and calm because she loved being by the water, but she still felt so much emotional turmoil about everything that was going on.

"Thank you again for the other night, Ro," Logan said and he shook his head.

"You never have to thank me for that. I'll always be there for you as long as you let me, Logan," He said. Logan smiled as she nodded.

"I think I'm ready to try and stand," She said.

"Are you sure?" Roman asked and she nodded. "Okay, engage your core and try to stay as steady as possible. If you fall, it's okay. It always happens," He said. Logan nodded as she listened to his instructions, trying to keep herself as steady as possible and stay toward the middle of the board.

As she started to raise up, she came up on one leg first from her knees, and when she was about to bring the other up, she slightly shifted to one side and the board flipped over, flipping Logan into the water. Because of her life jacket, she quickly bounced back up and when she wiped her eyes, she saw Roman was trying not to laugh.

"Well that didn't work," She said. That broke Roman from his smile and he started laughing, which made her fake pout.

"Aw, come on, Lo, don't pout. June fell very similarly the first time she tried to stand," Roman said and Logan laughed as she shook her head. The ankle brace was still around her, so she stayed in the water and rested against her board. Roman came off his board, into the water with her and rested on the other side of her board. "Are you having fun?" He asked and she nodded.

"Even with falling off, this has been awesome," She said as she smiled. "I don't know how your second date is going to top this one," She said and Roman laughed.

"Oh? So I get a second date?" He asked.

"As soon as I saw the paddleboards, the second date was secured," She said and Roman laughed.

"Perfect, but for our second date, I was kind of wondering about something else," He said and Logan raised an eyebrow.

"What's that?" He asked.

"I was wondering if you would like to go on our second date... as my girlfriend?" Roman asked. Logan's eyes widened as she looked at him.

"Are you asking what I think you're asking?" She said and Roman nodded.

"Logan Scott... will you be my girlfriend?" Roman asked. Logan smiled as she nodded her head. She moved her board out of the way, but it didn't go far since she was still connected to it, and she wasn't able to get as close to Roman as she wanted because their life jackets were in the way, but she leaned in and brought their lips together for a sweet and salty kiss.

"I would love to be your girlfriend."

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and now they're official, yay!

don't forget to vote/comment. 

xoxo.