Song of the chapter is
Dark Paradise by Lana Del Rey

-53-
-Saina Bahl-
-Present-

__________

Mittal Mansion
12 December 2030
7:30 am

As the car stopped in front of the big black gates of Mittal Mansion, I inhaled sharply.

The winter air in Delmore had the capacity to make my hands from the cold. I rubbed them together as I paid the driver and got out of the cab.

Standing tall in front of me was the Mittal Mansion, a place where I had spent countless days, fantasizing about a life I never got to live in reality.

The hints of rust over the fences and the overgrown vines that covered half the gate were a stark indication of its ruins. The place which had once been one of the most happening places for parties in Delmore was now a mere rundown bungalow.

When we were little, Avinash had always told me how much he hated going back home. Because for Kartik, him and I, home was merely a tall architecture. It was a place that we were foreign to. For other kids, their homes were the places they could safely hide in and find comfort after a long day. For us, home was just four walls.

Avinash's parents were always on business trips, travelling all across the world to expand their company to it's zenith, which often left Avinash all alone in this big house.

We used to spend our days in middle school, having sleepovers at Kartik and Alishka's place which often opened a lot of doors to our secrets. While Alishka never felt the need to empathize with any of us, the rest of us weren't as indifferent to each other's pain.

Kartik, Avinash and I had always had that bond, the one where you could share things you wouldn't exactly share with anyone else.

But even that faded away, when Alishka got together with Avinash and left me heartbroken. Despite being his best friend, Kartik couldn't really do much to help my situation either, the reason being Alishka's manipulation.

And then as we grew into our older selves, I think we somewhere lost those innocent souls that once existed within us.

We became people we swore we would never be like.

Our parents.

Jealousy, manipulation, greed, anger, selfishness ——— that was all that was left of us.

In a weird way, Alishka's death had managed to bring that side of us back, the people we once were. But it was too late then. We were already awful people and no amount of apologies could undo the damage we had caused each other.

I blinked my tears away as the security guard opened the gates for me. The iron gates clanged open and the smell of garden lilies made its way to my nostrils. I breathed in their scent, the symphonies of birds cackling softly above me.

As I walked towards the front door, my heart thumped loudly against my chest. My heels clicked against the marble floor of the porch as I went ahead and pressed the doorbell.

A minute later, Mrs. Mittal opened the door.

"Saina?"

I gave her a warm smile. "Mrs. Mittal, hi."

"Oh it's so nice to see you here, beta." She muttered in her feeble voice as she opened the door further for me. As I stepped into the house, I was met with a harsh coldness. The porcelain walls of the house now no longer contained the same luster that it once was known for. The interior of the house seemed utterly melancholic.

I breathed in a sigh as Mrs. Mittal came up to me and asked, "How come you're here this early honey?"

"Oh I just-"

"Oh I'm so sorry, look at my manners! I didn't even ask you if you wanted to have something. Wait a minute-"

"No, Mrs. Mittal, that won't be necessary." I interjected. "I just... I came to visit..Avi.....if that's okay with you."

"Oh." She paused in her tracks as her eyes slowly welled up. I watched as she composed herself and looked back at me. "Of course, honey."

I gave her a tight lipped smile.

"You've been the only one other than me and Avinash's dad who still.... remembers our son so fondly. I can't believe it's been eleven years....since..."

She broke down saying. I walked up to her and engulfed her in a hug.

"I'm sorry."

"No, it's just....things have never been the same since he....passed." She cried as we parted. "I just... I spent all these years.... regretting the fact that I never spent enough time with my boy."

I nodded, as I rubbed her back in an effort to console her.

"Of course you can visit him, Saina." She said, with a sad smile. "You can visit him any time."

Moments later, I was standing in front of the large bogenvillia tree under which Avinash's grave rested. The little pink flowers scattered all around the grave made my heart swell and my eyes glisten.

My heart still found ways to adore him, even in his death.

I sat down in front of the tombstone and leaned over so as to graze my fingers over his name. All I ever wanted in that moment was to just have him hold me, to have him exist, to believe that he wasn't just a figment of my imagination.

That all of it was true.

All I ever felt for him was love, despite his flaws and his mistakes and his cowardice. All these years, all I ever did was find ways to forgive him and myself for being in love with someone who never even existed in reality.

I fell in love with an idea of Avinash. An idea that I made up in my own consciousness.

I put him up on a mantle that he didn't deserve to be in.

I sucked in a deep breath as I began,

"Avi...hi."

Tears started rolling down my face as I went on, "How's afterlife? I'm sure you're probably chilling in hell...as well," I let out a painful chuckle as I continued, "anyways...uh... I really hope that it isn't as shitty as my life here on earth."

A pause followed as I gathered myself to say the words that had died on my lips for all these years.

"Everything's a shitshow, Avi. I don't even know where I am right now...in my life. I don't have a clue about....what I'm doing. And the worst part is.... I don't even care."

"I'm just....so over...all of it." I wept as I continued, "like.... I don't think... I can go on anymore."

My stomach lurched as I pursued my lips. A flock of birds chirped above me on the tree, their symphonies in stark contrast to my devastating cries.

"Gautam's dead....but then again, did he ever really exist? He was just...someone I made up...so I could live a normal fucking life. But I am not that lucky, am I?" I sniffled. "All my life all I've....ever wanted....was to have someone who would love me. For whom... I would be the only person to ever exist. But all my life all I had ever been was just....a second choice."

"It sucks, Avi. It sucks really bad. To never be someone's priority."

I inhaled sharply as I went on, "Everyone I've ever loved....just destroyed me in their own ways...and I can't even blame them.... because I gave them the power to do that."

It took several moments for the pain in my chest to subside, and once that happened, all I felt was numb.

"Part of the reason... I think....why... I never wanted to be a mother....was because.... I never thought I could love something....that unconditionally." I said. "Because I don't know what it means to have someone love that way. Nobody has ever made me feel that way. So how could I be someone I had no knowledge about?"

"Perhaps...that baby would've loved me the way I wanted to be loved. But wouldn't it have been selfish? To put all of those expectations....on a fucking child?"

I wiped my tears. "What do I do, Avi? I'm so....lonely."

"The only time I feel alive...is when I'm with my friends. They're my family, ofcourse. But what next? What about when all of this is over? When they go back to their actual lives....what about me then?"

I caressed my fingers over the tombstone as I sighed. "I'm just....scared....that I'll be all alone again. I don't think I can take that, Avi. I don't think that I can-"

Before I could finish, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I ignored it and continued, "go on."

It buzzed once more and I ignored it again, thinking it was just Zoya checking up on me.

"Tell me what to do, Avi. Give me a sign.... anything." I yelped. "I'm...lost."

A string of bougainville leaves showered upon me as I said that. The wind rustled a few leaves away while two or three settled on my lap. I picked one up and stared at it, a slow sad smile etching on my face.

It buzzed for the third time. I casually fished it out from my pocket and moved my gaze from the leaf to look at the notification.

It was from an unknown number.

I tapped on the message.

‘When visiting an old flame,
Dig a little deeper,
Might you find someone to blame,
Finder becomes keeper.’

I narrowed my eyes at the message. What the fuck did it meant?

Sighing, I looked over at the tombstone again. What did it mean? What did the killer want now?

Left without options, I decided to do the smartest thing possible. I dialled her number on my phone and waited two rings for her to pick up.

When she did, I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Zoya?"

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give it up for the
little throwback moment at the end!

i know this chapter was short but it's only because I'm gearing up for something huge in the upcoming episodes! so stay tuned :)

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love,
Bosedisha