Song of the chapter is
Bare by Wildes

-43-
-Veronica D'Rosario-
-Present-

____________

tw: self harm

Delmore Police Station
1 December, 2030
5:12 pm

The screeching of the tires as the car came to a halt knocked me back to reality.

And once again, I sat at the back of a cop car, scared and confused.

Just like my 17 year old self.

Just like my 9 year old self.

It didn't quite make sense to me how I always seemed to find my way back to the web of suspicion and guilt every once a decade.

As the officers slowly escorted me into the station, I heard another screech and looked back.

The rest of my friends had hoped on Moose's car and followed me all the way to here.

As I met his eyes, I could see a sense of worry for me in them. I drew a shaky breath before he disappeared from my sight again.

I walked with a firm, yet fearful stance towards the interrogation room where Detective Gomez was seated. His previously black beard now had a few white strands in between. His hair was totally grey, ridges and wrinkles evident on his face. His eye bags had worsened with age and yet, despite that, he still looked scary enough to make anyone shit their pants.

My breath hitched in my throat as I met his glowering eyes.

He extended the chair in front of him towards me. With shaky hands, I slowly pulled on the arm rest when suddenly, the door to the room burst open.

All the officers lunged at my friends to stop them from coming in when Detective Gomez interjected,

"Let them go."

I looked at him and then back at my friends, who stood dumbfounded and confused.

"Why did you bring into her questioning?" Moose enquired.

"Good to see you too, Himanshu." Detective Gomez responded in a brooding voice. "It's been a while."

"It sure has." Moose retorted with gritted teeth. "And now we're not the same kids that you once terrorized for your gratification. Now tell us why you brought her here for questioning!"

Detective Gomez looked at him in a passive way and said calmly, "I just have a few questions I need to ask Ms. D'Rosaio."

"Why just her? Why not all of us?" Kartik asked. "After all, all of us are on the suspects list, aren't we?"

"Yes, Mr. Malhotra, while you are right to an extent, I have reasons to believe that Ms. D'Rosaio has some strong evidences that point towards her being the culprit."

"What reasons? What are you trying to get at?" Saina asked.

"If you were patient enough to listen, I would tell you, Ms. Arora." Detective Gomez replied. "Or should I say Mrs. Bahl?"

Saina's face succumbed down and it broke my heart.

I turned to Detective Gomez and said, "I'm ready for your questions, Detective."

Looking back at my friends, I reassured. "Guys,....it's okay."

He met my eyes for a moment before looking away in defeat. Slowly and gradually, two officers escorted them out of the room. But they were allowed to watch the process over the glass panel attached to the room.

As I sat down in front of him, it felt like the air in the room had just switched up. I hugged my shirt closer to my skin as he began,

"So Ms. D'Rosaio, how have you been?"

"Can we please save the pleasantries and get to the point?" I asked, almost pleaded. "I just wanna be done with this."

His normal calm demeanor until now suddenly switched to a more passive aggressive undertone.

"I have some factual information about your recent past and it somewhat connects you to a lot of the stuff that's been taking around in Delmore for a while." He stated.

"What information?"

A flicker, a smirk.

He slowly pulled out a document from the file kept on the table and slid it towards me.

As I caught glimpse of it, my breath hitched in my throat and my face lost all it's pallor.

"Is it true that you were admitted in a psychiatric institution for five years?"

The lid had opened and now I was left in ruins.

My head hung low in shame and guilt as I feared even dating to see the looks on my friends' face. I knew this day would come. But I just hadn't expected it to come this soon.

"What?"

"It says this right here." He pointed out. "You were admitted to John Hopkins' Psychiatric Facility in the year 2023 because your mental state wasn't exactly stable and you were in critical condition."

My throat dried up in it's place. Coherent thoughts left my brain.

"Y-yes." I answered somehow, gathering all my strength.

"Why were you admitted, Ms. D'Rosaio?" He questioned next. "Was it because you were a threat to yourself and everyone around you? Or was it because of your trauma that may have caused you to just..... snap?"

I looked at him, anger evident in my eyes.

"I mean, it must've been quite a huge deal considering you were admitted for five whole years!" He emphasised for dramatic effect, his tone mocking my dignity. "What triggered you to be admitted to a nuthouse?"

As I inhaled a deep breath, all the fear that has earlier been brewing in my heart had now been replaced by blatant anger.

"Is that why you brought me into questioning?" I questioned. "Because you think everyone with a history of mental illness has to be the killer?"

He gave me a smirk as he leaned forward.

"Well, it's a contributing factor, no?" He asked, a ludicrous menance in his voice. "Mentally ill woman, after surviving through severe trauma during her teens.... suddenly snapped and began a terrorizing reign herself, just to feel what it's like to be on the winning side-"

"You wanna know the truth?" I asked as I looked up at him, strong and fierce. "Fine. I'll give you the truth. But don't tell me I didn't warn you before."

A diabolical expression crossed his face as he leaned back on his seat.

My eyelids fluttered as I moved my gaze to the glass window, and trained it on the worried faces of my friends on the other side.

For a split second, I met his eyes before looking back at Detective Gomez.

"Five years back, there was an accident."

My fingers itched as I spoke. "My foster mother, Jennifer D'Rosaio,.....was driving her truck to pick me up from my therapist's house......when she....uh..."

The tears stung the back of my eye like prickly pins. My palms balled up into fists.

"She passed away in that accident."

My lips felt dry. The truth that I had buried deep in my brain for the past five years had come rolling out like it held absolutely no meaning.

From my peripheral vision, I saw him take a step back from the partition.

"After that,.....uh....." I licked my lips as I struggled to find the words to describe what I had had to experience next. "I was unresponsive for a long time. There was no doctor, no medicine, no therapy.....that could...fix me. It's like..... I completely shut down. I didn't talk.... didn't respond to anything for about two whole months."

Fresh hot tears streamed down my face as my mind played the imagery of my past before my eyes.

"Since I practically had no family at the time, I was put into foster care again." I continued. "The social worker who was given incharge of my wellbeing, noticed that I was not doing the best exactly. I barely ate, I was a constant threat to myself and everyone around. I wasn't in my right head space."

"And so she, after consulting the required authorities,.....decided to admit me to John Hopkins'."

I lowered my gaze and focused my attention on the small thread hanging from one of my sleeves.

"What happened next?" He asked, his voice bouncing off the walls.

I looked up at him as I proceeded to slowly roll up my sleeves to my elbow and present my arms like evidence for his inspection.

I saw him flinch slightly. I saw my friends' horrified looks.

"This happened." I said as I rolled down my sleeves. "I was also diagnosed with PTSD and severe anxiety."

The room remained cold and silent for a long moment.

"In case you didn't know, dead people don't bleed. If you can bleed-see it, feel it-then you know you're alive. It's irrefutable, undeniable proof. Back then, I needed reminders of that." I spoke, the words echoing out of mouth, feeling alien. "That I was still alive. Still breathing. Still there."

"I felt so much emotionally, that a physical outlet - physical pain - was the only way to make my internal pain go away. It was the only way I felt I could control it." I finished.

"Are you still.....?" He asked, his eyes narrowed at my arms.

"Harming myself?" I asked, my tone almost comical. I chuckled inwardly at the absurdity of his question. "No, sir. I conquered over it. I won. I built myself up again, I redeemed. I don't feel the need to make myself feel alive anymore, because..... I now know....that I am."

As those words rolled off my tongue, my gaze flickered back at him. The bridge of his nose was red, his cheeks wet. His eyes were a cacophony of distraughtness and beyond.

I could understand what he was feeling.

"How did come out of the institution?"

"I had to prove that I wasn't a threat to myself or anyone, which I had to work on for a long time." I answered. "It took me a while but I managed to make to make it out of there."

He remained calmly seated as sweat trickled visibly down his forehead.

"I'll provide you with the contacts of my social worker at the time and also my therapist if you want me to." I stated, confidently this time. "I have nothing to hide anymore, sir."

He coughed and looked sideways. One of his juniors noted down the required details that I had to give in the meantime. Taking a sip from his glass, he then said, "Alright, Ms. D'Rosario, I think that will be it for today. Stay in contact, in case we have a few more questions to ask."

A string of curses rolled inside my tongue but I simply remained silent and nodded.

After a long moment, I slowly and steadily walked out of the interrogation room only to be met with the forlorn looks on my friends' faces. Moose was nowhere to be seen.

"Guys...." I began to explain or even justify my actions but was interrupted when Saina ran towards me and wrapped me in a warm hug. I returned the gesture. The rest followed suit.

As we parted, Kartik slowly kissed the top of my head as his eyes glistened even more. "We're so sorry we weren't there to help.... Veronica....."

"It's not your fault, Kartik." I reassured, knowing exactly what they could be feeling. "None of this was anyone's fault. It's just something that was in my fate that I had to endure.... I'm okay now, and that's all that matters, right?"

He nodded, a solemn look on his face.

"Don't ever feel like you can't tell us anything, V." Zoya spoke, squeezing my hand tight. "We're not just friends, we're family. There's nothing in this world that you could do that would make any of us hate you."

I nodded, sniffling slightly. "I know now, Zoya. I do."

"We're with you, no matter what happens. You're not alone." Siya reassured. I gave her a weak smile.

"Thanks guys."

Saying those words was a mere formality. Deep in her hearts, all of us knew what we meant to each other, despite our differences and misunderstandings.

Like Zoya said, we weren't just friends.

We were family.

"Guys, where's Moose?" I asked as his thought suddenly crossed my mind.

"He sort of.....ran out the precinct. We didn't say much. He was clearly more distraught than us." Saina explained. I frowned.

"You should go talk to him." Kartik suggested and I stared at him for a moment, before nodding softly.

As I ran out the door to the station, I found Moose fidgeting with his car keys. I watched as he struggled to insert the keys into the lock and then threw his hand up in frustration. He looked torn up.

My heartbeat slowed down as I took slow and steady steps towards him and stopped inches away. His back was to me so he couldn't see me approaching him.

"Moose...."

His posture stiffened as he heard my voice, but didn't turn back. I drew in a shaky breath and licked my chapped lips.

"I'm sorry."

Those two words held greater meaning than any other things combined. It had taken me a godforsakenly long time to say them out loud and now that I had, I felt oddly unburdened.

He still remained in his place as I continued,

"I know, I should've told you. There's no excuse for how I behaved with you two years back. But at the time, all I wanted was to run away. Because I truly believed that everyone I loved always...... always ended up getting hurt." I explained, trying my best to keep my composure. But all my defences always failed when it came to him. "I still do.....at times."

He stood still, while I took a step forward.

"When I received the invitation for your book launch, I wanted to come and see you so bad. I wanted to hug you and cry and laugh and do things we did when we were kids." I explained, my voice quivering. "But I knew better than to do that. I didn't want to ruin your life....not when you were finally putting it together."

"And so, I immediately declined the invitation. I did not even want to let myself waver for a single moment, afraid that I'll consider even taking the risk to be around you."

My breaths hitched in my throat as I continued,

"Whatever I did....or have done....was just to protect....."

'...you' I wanted to say, but didn't. I no longer had that right.

"You all." I said instead, my throat dry. "You all were an important part of my life and I just.... couldn't let go of the memories that I had with you guys. But I also didn't want you guys to get hurt because of me."

His posture softened slightly as his head slowly turned towards me. His eyes were bloodshot, the redness evident in them.

"But here we are, no?" I questioned, more myself than him as my voice quivered. "We're back in the same mess. And everyone around me keeps on getting hurt."

He looked away for a moment before his gaze flickered back to me. I knew he wanted to call bullshit on my theory but deep down, I guess even he knew that there was some truth to it.

"I tried to call, Moose." I confessed. "Several times. But I couldn't bring myself up to talk to you. I knew.... that it would be too damn hard....for me. It was selfish I know.....but it was just to keep you safe, I promise."

His eyelids flickered twice before his gaze landed on me again. With fear in my chest, I took a step forward.

"I'm really sorry, Moose." I apologised, my voice quivering as I did. Fresh tears streamed down my face. "I really am. Please believe me."

My heart felt heavy. All of those years of holding myself shut and never slipping up seemed to had just evaporated in that very moment. I broke down, crying.

A second later, his arms went around my torso as he engulfed me in tight embrace. I gave up on fighting back the urge to hold him and wrapped my arms around neck.

As I silently sobbed against the crook of his neck, he said, "I believe you."

And that was enough for me to attain the much longed salvation that I had dreamed of for all those years.

The moment we parted, his softest green infused with chocolate eyes gazed into mine as he wiped my tears.

"I'm sorry too." He said, holding my hand. "I'm sorry that you felt you couldn't share what you were going through with me. I'm sorry...I wasn't a better friend."

I shook my head. "You were always the best."

He sniffled, giving me a small smile.

"I know....that I can't change what you think about yourself. But I want you to know one thing....which is that.....none of this is your fault. We're in this mess together, all of us. You're not a liability, Veronica. So stop giving yourself such a hard time."

I sniffled, looking directly into his eyes.

"You're the strongest person I've known in my life. And I'm so.....so grateful that..... you're standing in front of me today. I'm grateful that you don't give up. I'm grateful that you held on for as long as you could. I'm grateful for the fact that you overcame every single fight that life threw at you and are now standing by our side, fighting with us."

My eyelids fluttered as he squeezed my hand softly.

"I'm grateful for you, Ronnie."

The rhythmic beat of my heart seemed to have evaporated in that very moment. How long had I waited and yearned for him to call me by that name. To be us again.

Moose and Ronnie.

"Did you just call me.....?" I asked, rubbing the bridge of my nose."So does that mean.... we're..... okay?"

"Yeah." He responded softly.

"And you're not mad at me anymore?" I asked.

He paused to look at me for a moment before saying, "How could I ever be?"

I gave him a soft smile as I gazed at him a second longer. "Thank you."

His eyes glistened and a different shade of emotion replaced the usual worry. It was that exact emotion that told me that no matter how many bridges burned and worlds overturned, for me, Moose,....my Moose....was always going to be the only thing that was right in the world.

He was like the first night of summer, when everything felt warm and limitless. He was like reading my favourite book when the only thing audible was a storm. He was like a warm cup of hot chocolate or shot of tequila or two. He was like a song I wanted to replay infinite times or a sappy love poem with only the most thoughtful of rhymes.

A different kind of fear blossomed in me in that very moment as I continued staring at him shamelessly.

But despite myself, I was terrified to look at him any longer. Terrified, because he did something to my heart and I was afraid that if I stared for a little too long, I'd drown in love again.

With someone that I could never have.

__________

shots? fired.
author? dead.
readers? crying.
hotel? trivago.

this one was hella long!
hope you stuck till the end:)

lemme know your views and opinions in the comments below! do you think Moose and Ronnie will get their happily ever after?

also don't forget to vote and share the book as much as possible!

love,
Bosedisha