Song of the chapter is
I Can't Carry This Anymore
by Anson Seabra

-36-
-Himanshu Arora-
-Present-

___________

Arora Residence
26 November, 2030
1:14 pm

The loud thunders of the winter rain were unable to break the excruciating silence that was prevailing in my house since the other day.

Even the drop of a needle could be heard in that quietness.

I stared as the rain pattered softly against the windowsill of my room. My mind had been a mess for as long as I could remember.

At times like these, I wish I had my anchor by my side.

But that dream was far gone.

Right?

I heard as the door to my room opened slightly with a sound and footsteps echoed behind me. I really hoped it wasn't Dhrashti.

"Are you not even gonna talk to me?"

My mother's voice echoed from behind. I turned and found her sitting at the edge of my bed. Her eyes looked pained.

"The flight's in two hours. Is dad ready?" I asked.

Given the current circumstances, I had decided it best to send my parents to someplace safe for the time being. My masi (maternal aunt) had thankfully volunteered to host both my parents for a few days until I had this whole thing figured out. My parents had put up a protest, but being old, they had finally succumbed to their dearest only son's requests.

"We can leave in a few minutes." She answered. "But first, I need to talk to you."

"What about?"

"Something happened between you and Dhrashti, didn't it?" She asked. I hung my head low as I leaned against the windowsill.

"What do you mean?"

"She has been distraught since the past two days. I was out with your father so I didn't hear you come in at night, but I know that you came in late." She said.

"Yeah, I told you. Saina got into an accident and I went to visit. That's what took my time." I deadpanned.

"Yes, but....before that....did something happen?" She asked.

I sighed. "Yes."

"Did you say something to her or do something to upset her?" She questioned, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"We had an argument." I answered honestly. At this point I was just tired of bullshitting everyone, including myself.

"What about?"

"Why does it matter?"

"Because, Himanshu... she's your fianceé." She enunciated on the last word.

"So normal couples fight, mom. It's no big deal." I said.

A long pause prevailed before she spoke again,

"Was it about.....that girl?"

My eyes shot up. I knew exactly who she was talking about.

"Her name is Veronica, mom." I spoke sternly.

She sighed exhaustively. "I know....was it about her?"

"Why does it matter to you?" I asked, getting annoyed.

"Because I can see what she's doing to you and your relationship! And I can't stand it!" She threw her hands in the air in frustration.

I shut my eyes, gained composure before speaking, "Mom,.... Veronica has nothing to do with whatever's been going on with me and Dhrashti, okay? It was me who argued with Dhrashti. Whatever I did was because of my own issues. It has nothing to do with anyone else."

"You say that but I know how much that girl affects you. She used to and as it turns out, still does." Mom said briskly, pacing around the room. "All those years back...when she left town, don't you remember you devastated you were? How you couldn't stop crying for days? Did she care enough to stay then?"

I looked away, out the window, trying my best to drown out her voice.

"She has already ruined your past, Himanshu." She said next. "Why are you letting her ruin your future?"

"Stop it, mom." I yelled. Thunder boomed at the exact moment, lacing a dramatic tone to the silence that prevailed.

I turned to her. "Mom, do you even know the imprint Veronica has left in my life?"

She looked at me, stunned.

"Yes,....yes I understand that for you and everyone else in this world....our relationship might've seemed like a puppy love,....a teenage crush at best." I said. "But it was way more than that. To me."

Her eyes lowered for a moment.

"She was a huge part of my life. Still is, to some extent. And nothing....no truth.....will ever change that." I choked. Rubbing the bridge of my nose, I looked back at her. "I don't expect you or Dhrashti to understand that. You won't, I know that."

"Himanshu...."

"I made a mistake, mom." A lone tear escaped my eyes. "I should've never.....asked Dhrashti to marry me. It was wrong. It was so wrong."

"Oh Himanshu...." Her eyes reflected sadness and despair.

"But I'll fix my mistake." I said, this time with determination. "I'll fix this mom, I promise. And don't worry, my future.... however uncertain it is right now....., I won't let it be affected by this mistake of mine."

_____________

As I sat in my car, parked in the driveway after dropping off my parents at the airport, I half contemplated doing what I was about to do.

Ever since I was a child, I had always been so afraid of confrontation. In pen and paper, I could write a million words and form hundreds of sentences. But when it came to using them to express something in front of someone, I would always fumble, find excuses, run away.

I had never been good at confrontation.

But I knew that I needed to do this. For my and Dhrashti's sake. I couldn't stand myself if I ever became the reason someone's life got destroyed.

I never wanted to be that person.

Inhaling a shaky breath, I unlocked the door to my car and got out. The rain was less intense than before, only timidly wetting the fabric of my shirt. Walking up to the door to my house, I slowly unbolted the lock and stepped in. The house was as silent as the sea. I took slow and gradual steps towards the living room.

No sign of Dhrashti.

My pulse quickened. I contemplated calling her name but I wasn't quite sure if I was safe enough to do that. So I took slow and soft steps towards my parents' room to check if she was there.

Nope.

At this point, my heart was beating faster than a bullet train. I quickened my pace as I strode upstairs to my bedroom. As I got to my room, I found the door to be unlocked.

I pushed the door ajar and found Dhrashti sitting on my bed. Her hair was covering her face and it seemed like she was.... crying?

I took a few steps and paused on my tracks.

Her head lifted and I finally got a good look at her face. She looked distraught beyond point. Her mascara was running down her face. Her hair was a mess. And her eyes were red from weeping.

I rushed towards her, fearing the worst.

"Dhrashti, what happened?" I asked as I rubbed the nape of her neck to calm her down. She kept wailing and weeping despite my questions.

"Dhrashti...what..."

"It's dad." She managed to say between her sniffles. "He's really sick."

"Oh my god, what happened?" I asked out of concern.

"Mom called a few minutes ago...." She began, weeping even more. "She said...that he....he had a stroke."

"Oh god, Dhrashti, that's.... that's terrible. How-how is he now?"

"He's in a critical state. The doctor said it could get worse." She answered, crying.

My brows knitted in concern as I sighed. "Do you want me to book you a ticket to Delhi? I can if you-"

"No." She responded, immediately, looking straight at me. "I mean....mom says his relatives are all there so there's no need to worry. I would just add to the chaos if I go there. You know how I fussy I get about hospitals."

My brows remained knitted as I nodded slowly.

"I just...uhm..." She stammered as she hugged me. I felt my body repulse at her touch, but stayed still. "I need you to be with me right now. I don't think I can handle all of this on my own."

While my heart empathised with her, I started feeling extremely guilty at having put her through all that stress already. I felt even guiltier as I remembered what I had initially came here to do.

Rubbing her back slowly, I said. "Yes....yes... ofcourse. I'm here, don't worry."

Because even if we weren't exactly the perfect match, in the past two years, I had grown to care for her in my own ways. And I still did care about her.

I couldn't subject her to do this now.

As we remained suspended in that position, I felt my phone buzz in pocket. Fishing it out with my other hand, I checked the caller id.

Veronica was calling.

Probably for that second meet with the journalist friend, that I had volunteered to go along with.

I stared at the phone screen for the longest time before finally pressing on the decline option.

"Who is it?" Dhrashti asked, her head still resting on my chest.

I inhaled a long sharp breath before answering,

"Nobody."

_____________

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