Song of the chapter is
Closing In by Ruelle

-33-
-Siya Malhotra-
-Present-

___________

Paper Lantern
24 November, 2023
9:22 pm

As my legs strode towards the bathroom, the only thought left in my head was panic. And guilt.

Tears stung the back of my eye as I pushed open the door to the, thankfully empty, bathroom, and rushed towards the wash basin. Turning on the faucet, I watched the water rush down the sink hole. I collected some water in my hands and splashed it over my face, the essence of it cooling the heat on my face for a second.

But not my mind.

I was a raging mess. All I could feel was guilt, guilt and guilt.

Sweat beaded down my forehead as I tried to control my shaking hands. My heart thudded in my chest, and blood pounded in my ears. It was hard to breathe as if a vice was gripping me. One minute I was all hot and sweaty, and the other felt like I would freeze to death. I could feel the tears rolling down my cheek, my mind unable to grasp what was happening around me. I tried to look for water, but my vision disfigured as if I was looking through a fish-eye lens.

Spinning, swirling colors. Flying around my head. Unlike my friends, I could not tame the thing that was terrorizing me.

Thoughts rushed through my head faster than I could even encounter, floating by as though I was freely bobbing in the ocean, out of control, no one to help, and no one to turn to.

As time began to speed up, my thoughts became less coherent, streams of blinding unrealities, cascading floods of ridiculousness and insanity. Ribbons of red and yellow flew past my eyes, pink and orange assaulted my senses, overwhelming my mind with immeasurable amounts of unfiltered loudness.

I began to be afraid.

Buckling against one of the stall doors, I hugged my knees closer as I tried to catch the breath that wasn't anywhere near.

Usually, my mind was filled with order and reason, but now it was irrationality and chaos. I couldn't control my thoughts or emotions any longer. My tears began to flow as my faculties were completely overwhelmed. As if by the control of another, I bent down, trying to hide my face in my legs.

If only I could be smaller, immaterialize, maybe I could assume control over myself.

My nails dug into my palms. Breathing was hard. Really hard. As if I'd just run a marathon.

I cried harder, my chest growing tight as bile rose in my throat.

How had I let myself come to this?

A second later, I heard the slight queak of the door to the washroom and footsteps walk in.

"Siya?"

With lips quivering, I somehow pulled my head up to see who it was as they kneeled down to my level. My chest heaved up and down as I watched the worry on Veronica's face grow more.

"Siya? Are you okay?"

She asked as she placed her hand on my knee.

"I can't...... I can't brea-"

I couldn't utter the words. They died on lips as I gasped for air. My heart thudded in my chest.

"Oh my god, you're having a panic attack." She almost whispered.

Leaning closer to me, she slowly took my hands and said, "Hey....hey... it's okay, alright? I'm here. With you. Okay?"

I struggled to keep composure, to understand what she was doing.

"Okay....look at me... alright?" She said calmly. I raised my eyes to meet hers. "Deep breaths....okay? Come on, with me. In...."

I watched as she inhaled deeply, trying to get me to do the same.

"Out...." Exhaling heavily, she squeezed my hand softly, and said, "Come on,.... it's okay.....just do it with me...okay?"

I managed to give her a nod.

"Okay...good. In....." I pulled myself together and inhaled with her and exhaled when she did. We did that a couple of times before I felt the air in my lungs again.

She kept inhaling and exhaling with me, whilst constantly tapping my hand with a finger, almost in a rhythm. My attention slowly shifted from my breathing to that rhythm. I tried to keep my focus intact on that.

Slowly and gradually, I managed to breathe normally again.

A long silence prevailed following that.

Breaking the silence, she asked."Did something happen,... Siya?"

I looked at her for a moment and swallowed the lump forming in my throat.

"Because....you can tell me....if something's wrong..... I can-"

"Everything's derailing..... Veronica." I whimpered as I felt an onslaught of tears coming back.

She gave me a worried look.

I licked my lips and spelled, "I.... I just-.....I don't.... I don't know how to deal with all this again. I can't-"

Overwhelmed by it all, I cried. She slowly pulled me into a hug. I started weeping against her chest like little child as she softly rubbed my back.

"I can't do anything.....to help. To solve this. I just.... I hate...not knowing what to do anymore." I sobbed as I pulled away a moment later.

"We all feel that way,... believe me, Siya." She responded. "I know how overwhelming this can be. I get it. I do."

"What do we do? How do we get out of this mess? Once and for all?" I demanded.

A solemn look graced her face as she slowly removed a strand of my hair from my hair and tucked it behind my ear.

"We fight." She said. "That's all we can do."

I closed my eyes in frustration as I wiped my tears. "What if ....we don't want to fight anymore?"

"Well.....we aren't really....left with much choice...." She answered.

A silence followed her answer as I sighed. A moment later, she said, "Come on... let's get you cleaned up."

Standing up, she offered me a hand to pull me up. I took it and got up, dusting myself off as I did.

We both walked towards the wash basin and turning on the faucet, I washed my face as she held my hair back. Once I was done, she offered me her handkerchief.

"Thanks." I responded gently as I took it and wiped my face.

Handing it back to her, I asked, "How....did you....know....that I was having a panic attack?"

"Um..." She trailed off and avoiding eye contact, she turned on the faucet and started washing her hands. Looking at me through the mirror, she replied, "I've had those....before. So... I understood the symptoms."

I nodded.

"Was this your first one?" She asked next.

"Sort of." I answered. "I've had shortness of breath before....but not this bad. It was like..... I couldn't....."

"Breathe." She completed. I nodded again.

"It felt like I was dying....you know." I said. "Like.... I was drowning, and...there was no air left in my lungs anymore....and I was just... floating...."

She turned towards me, turning off the faucet. "Let me know if you ever....feel one coming. I'll teach you some coping methods that might help."

I nodded, feeling grateful. "Thank you, Veronica. Truly."

"It's no worries." She gave me a small smile.

"And...um....if you don't mind, would you please not....tell the others about this? Especially Kartik." I requested.

"Sure, ofcourse." She gave me a short nod. "But...um.... don't you think Kartik should know though? I mean..... he'll able to help you more since he'll be around."

"Yeah...um... I know...and I will tell him. I just...." I trailed off, thinking about him. "There's a lot...on his plate, right now. And I don't.... don't wanna pressurize him more."

Her lips curled up into a thin line as she nodded. "I understand. But...do tell him."

"I will."

Together, we walked out of the washroom. I watched as Kartik's eyes followed me as I walked over to the booth. I knew he could tell that I had been crying.

"Are you okay?" He whispered to my ear as I settled next to him.

I looked at him and nodded reassuringly.

"What were you guys doing so long in there?" Zoya asked, munching on another one of her fries. I exchanged a glance with Veronica.

"Oh just...."

"Talking about life and it's uncertainties." Veronica completed for me. I gave her a surprised look. She returned a reassuring one.

"What's new anyway?" She continued, looking back at Zoya.

"You tell us." Himanshu responded, giving her a side glance. "You were the one busy chatting it up with Mr. Reporter over there. And then you straight away went to the washroom, without telling us anything."

I heard Zoya stiffle a laugh.

"Subtle, Himanshu." She coughed and Himanshu gave her an annoyed look.

"He's not actually a reporter per say." Veronica explained. "His name's Zayn Hamid. He's the son of one of Jen's very old customers. His parents used to visit the diner a lot when we were kids. That's how I know him."

"Okay, but what was he doing amongst the reporters?" Zoya asked.

"Well....he runs a local podcast in town. It's called The D-Town Mysteries. It's basically on all of the crimes that have taken place in this place," She paused before correcting herself, "....well continuing to take place."

"That sounds innovative." Kartik remarked.

"He does a good job selling it that way." Veronica nodded.

"So what does he want from you?" Himanshu asked, looking directly at her. She glanced at him once before looking down instinctively.

"He wants me to feature in....one of his episodes."

Zoya scoffed, slightly laughing. "Wow...the nerve on this guy! What? Does he think he'll get answers out of you? On whether you actually are behind this?"

Veronica tilted her head. "Ofcourse not, Zoya. He doesn't believe the picture the media is painting of us. Infact, he believes quite the opposite. He thinks we're being threatened."

"Well he's spot on about that." Zoya said, sinking back in her seat.

"He says he wants people to know my...our side. He thinks that if I speak to the audience myself, I might be able to convince them that there's something else....lurching in this town. Waiting for prey."

"Do you actually believe him?" I asked and Veronica looked at me.

"I don't trust anyone, Siya." She answered. "Except for you guys."

I gave her tight lipped smile.

"That's part of the reason why I want to accept his offer." Veronica continued. "He seems to be.....almost.... obsessed...with all this. And he knows...quite a lot about the 2019 murders as well."

"Yeah well, Himanshu's book is a well written documentary on that. It's probably available in every library and bookstore this town has." Zoya said and Kartik widened his eyes at her. I watched Himanshu sulk in his seat.

"No offence, Himanshu." Zoya added, turning towards him. He simply gave her a tight lipped smile, nodding.

"Well, he knows beyond.... whatever there is in Moo..... Himanshu's book." Veronica said, nervously stealing a glance at Himanshu. "He knows things he shouldn't. That was the reason why I was talking to him for so long. I was almost intrigued....as to how he could know so much... about the previous murders."

"So what are you planning on doing?" Kartik asked.

"I've scheduled another meeting with him on Tuesday. I'll meet him some place, where there'll be enough people....so if anything goes berserk.... I'll be able to handle it." Veronica answered.

"I'll go with you." Himanshu said. Veronica opened her mouth to protest before Himanshu intervened, "And I'm not hearing any of your protests about that."

Veronica closed her mouth, realising she had no other choice.

A moment passed before Zoya chimed, "Hey Kartik...."

"Yeah?"

"Have you heard from Saina at all?"

"Not since we left home, no." Kartik responded, exchanging a look with me.

"What's the matter?" I asked.

"We've been trying to get a hold of her for a while but she isn't picking up." Zoya answered.

"Have you tried calling her husband?" Kartik asked.

"I've met this guy once at their wedding." Zoya narrowed her eyes at his dumb question. "How am I supposed to have his number?"

"Point." Kartik considered her question gravely.

"Well...We're going home anyway." I suggested. "So we'll meet her there directly."

Both of them nodded.

We paid for our respective food and made our way towards the parking lot. Himanshu decided to give us a ride back home since it was quite late and we could'nt find a cab near.

As we reached the house, I saw a number of police cars parked nearby. My brows furrowed.

"Why are there so many police cars here?" Zoya spelled out my worry.

Himanshu parked the car inside and got out with the rest of us to check what was going on. The rest of us stood in the driveway while Kartik went to talk to one of the police officers standing outside the gate.

I watched as he talked, his features slowly contorted and became a mix of worry and shock. He nodded slowly as the police officer informed him something.

Then, slowly he walked back to us, his face dejected and full of worry. I walked towards him and met him halfway.

"What happened?"

He looked at me and then at the others.

"Babe, is everything okay?" I asked again, holding his hand.

He sighed, and gulped before answering,

"It's Saina. She was in an accident."

____________

here you go! double update week!

i've been meaning to inform you this and i think this would be a good time to. whatever i've written and will write for the characters of the book is strictly and solely fiction based. i don't like taking inspirations from any real life incidents or situations (except my own) because i often feel that disrespects the person whose experience it is in the first place.

so i want you to know that whatever plotline i highlight through these characters are for these characters only. not the face claims i've used. cause this is not a fanfiction. the only reason i'm using these face claims is because my readers love these people and it often helps with the imagination.

in no way, is any part of what i write related to any real life incidents. any resemblance to real life incidents is simply a coincidence and not intentional.

given the recent incidents with Tunisha, i felt like i needed to clear this out. many people deal with mental health problems and in a situation as is highlighted through this book, it's very normal for these characters to have issues. being a psychology student myself, i want to increase awareness regarding such issues and help people realise that this is not something abnormal and that there are several others just like them, who deserve help.

so whatever i write for Veronica's character here on forth, simply applies to Veronica as a character. not the face claim I've used for her. you can still imagine Tunisha as Veronica when you read the story ofcourse but if it feels wrong, then i want you to simply try to read the story as a normal fiction novel, like any other hardcover book you read.

i hope this clears out any doubts people may have!

do remember to vote, comment and share the book as much as possible!

Love,
Bosedisha