Song of the chapter is
Silhouette by Aquilo

-04-
-Siya Malhotra-
-Present-

_________________

Hauz Khas Metro Station, Delhi
7 November, 2030
2:05 pm

The conversation with my husband had left me in a daze.

As another train swished by faster than lightning, I stood by the red line, with my sepia Irene shopping bag hunched over my shoulder. Even though Kartik always insisted that I used the car, I liked travelling in metros. It gave me a lot of time to think about things and gather my thoughts.

Currently, I needed that the most.

As I waited for another train to arrive, my thoughts drifted back to my conversation with Kartik.

I had received the email an hour ago while I was shopping at the Avenue Saket. Merely reading the words 'Delmore High' had left me struggling to stand still. Thankfully, the coffee at Over Easy had allowed me to compose myself and think clearly.

Kartik and I had left Delmore five years back when we had both moved to Delhi to pursue our master's degree. While Kartik had pursued Law, I had done my degree in Education and was currently working as a primary school teacher at Ahlcon International.

We had spent five years trying to put our past behind us, with multiple therapy sessions and several meditative procedures. Forgetting the entire fucking tragedy was near to impossible; it would always be a part of us, of who we were today.

I used to go to a therapist for a few years after the incident and she had once told me that until and unless I fully forgived my sister for the pain that she had caused me and my friends, I would never be able to be completely happy.

But how could I ever do that?

How could I forgive my sister, the one person I had spent my life with, the one person I had grown up with, for the utter cruelty she had bestowed upon me?

And even if I did forgive her for all of the things she had done to me, how could I ever let go of the guilt that had been consuming me from the inside since the moment I had seen her lifeless body hanging from the ceiling?

There was no limit, no end point.

Everytime I looked at my husband, my heart ripped a little. Everytime I watched him get terrified from nightmares from that night, I would die a little inside. The sleepless nights, the waking up in a cold sweat, the heart wrenching sobs that he always tried to covet from me.... everything was a constant reminder that I had failed all those years back.

How could I have not known that the person who lived in the same house as me and ate the same food as me was the one behind all of our scars?

The metro to Vasant Vihar arrived just in time to prevent me from drowning in my thoughts.

As the chair came to a slow halt, I took paced steps and entered it like the other thirty people beside me. The chair paused until the automatic doors closed before starting with a jolt. I tightened my grip around the vertical pole and clung to it as the train gathered pace.

Even if Kartik and the others hadn't blamed me for whatever had happened, they all knew I felt guilty towards them. Part of the reason as to why I hadn't stayed in touch with any of the others for these past ten years.

Himanshu Arora, who had once been my best friend and my ride or die, was now almost a complete stranger to me. And his book hadn't exactly made things better. I know I could never say this to him but I was enraged by it. How easily he had penned down our deepest scars and secrets and published it without a second thought of us made my blood boil. Kartik had told me to understand his side as well, that the book was an important milestone in his career, but I knew that it wasn't possible for me to ever forgive him fully for what he had done.

Saina, Zoya and I had been in touch for a while but then classes and careers had pulled us apart as well, with each one of us getting engrossed in our own little lives. I had last met Saina on her wedding, which was three years ago. She hadn't seemed the happiest and yet I hadn't asked any questions. I guess I had somehow felt more detached to her than ever before.

Zoya and I followed and often texted each other on social media, but I, in all honesty, didn't have any idea of what went down in her life. She was always the aloof kind, living life at the moment. One moment I would see her posting pictures of fashion shows and models and the next moment she'd be rock climbing in Manali.

I guess we all somehow coped with the shit that had gone down in our lives in different ways.

I didn't know where Veronica was or what her life was like. I had tried to find her on social media multiple times, but all in vain. She hadn't kept in contact with any of us, not even Himanshu. It was like she had just vanished into thin air.

I just hoped wherever she was, she was happy and well.

The chair jolted once more as it slowly came to a halt at the next station. A bunch of people entered through the right door and the automatic doors closed once the train became packed. I was now surrounded by too many people, which somehow made me feel less at edge.

" Hey there, Juliet."

A whisper made it's way to my ears and I swiveled around in an instant. A breath of relief washed over me as a familiar face smiled at me.

"Kartik, what are you doing here?"

We were packed in a close position due to the crowd present around us. He stood in front of me, with his hands resting lightly on top of mine on the vertical pole.

"The driver said you took the metro at Hauz Khas a while ago. So I thought why not join you on your trip?"

I narrowed my brows. "But what about your office?"

"They can manage themselves for one day." He said, slightly leaning towards me. "Plus, I know that right now my wife needs me more than my employees."

I gave him a rueful smile.

"Did you really think you could fool me with your bravery speech?" He insinuated.

" Wasn't the intention, you know."

"Siya, I know you're scared. As or probably more scared than I am." He said in an undertone and I felt my eyes sweltering.

He was the only one who had stayed.

For the past eleven years, he had been a constant. He had continued to love me despite all my flaws, all my insecurities and all my mistakes and guilts. Not for one day had he stopped making me feel loved and understood.

Through thick and thin, highs and lows, ups and downs, my Kartik had been my sun. He had been my pillar of support, the only reason for my happy existence. Nothing made me stronger than his fragile heart. I could conquer every vicious sea and every kingdom with him by my side.

He had saved me in every way that a person could be saved.

"You know that I'm always here, right?" He whispered. "You can talk to me or not talk to me, but I'm here."

My eyelids fluttered as looked up at him. "I know."

"We don't have to go....if you don't want to. We can always stay back at home, drink wine, watch our favourite comedies and snuggle up, you know." He vouched.

An unhurried smile etched across my lips.

"We'll go."

I watched as my words struck him and his smile faltered and settled on a shade of solemn concern.

"It's just a place. It can't do anything to us anymore." I said and after a moment, added, " And plus, I will have you by my side. So there's no need for me to worry at all."

A soft slow smile graced his lips.

"You sure?"

I nodded slowly. "Positive."

He pressed his lips together and gave me a short nod as he loomed closer to me. I mimicked his actions.

"We're gonna be okay, right?" He asked, his words laced in a delicate bow.

And as I looked into his eyes, with ample confidence and rigour in my heart, I voiced,

" We're gonna be A-okay."

________________

spoiler alert,
they're not gonna be A-okay.

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