Chapter 19: The Weight of Insecurity

The atmosphere in the office had shifted noticeably after Lee Jong Suk's visit. Seokjin had returned to his desk, but the usual lightness in his demeanour was gone. He was deeply troubled, the conversation with YN's father replaying in his mind on an endless loop. The doubt, the subtle accusations, the clear judgement all of it weighed heavily on him.

For the first time since he started working for YN, Seokjin felt a gnawing insecurity settle in his chest. He tried to focus on his tasks, but the questions kept surfacing, relentless and unforgiving.

Was he truly good enough for YN?Could he ever really measure up to what her father and society expected of her partner?

Seokjin leaned back in his chair, rubbing his temples as he stared blankly at the computer screen. He was always confident, always sure of himself, but now… now he felt like he was standing on shaky ground. The words of Lee Jong Suk echoed in his mind:

"This relationship with Seokjin is more complicated than you realise. It’s about responsibility and reputation."

Seokjin had always known that YN was wealthy. Her family was influential, her business was thriving, and she moved in circles that he could barely comprehend. But it had never mattered to him. Not until now. Not until he was faced with the brutal reality that, despite all his efforts, despite his love for her, he might never be seen as enough.

The doubt gnawed at him, growing stronger with each passing minute. Could he really provide for YN in the way she deserved? Would he ever be able to match her lifestyle, her status, her expectations?

Seokjin’s thoughts spiralled further into uncertainty. He imagined their future together would he be able to give her the life she was used to? Would she grow to resent him for not being able to provide the luxuries she had always had? Would he be able to protect her, to ensure that she was always happy and secure?

The questions were relentless, and they brought with them a suffocating sense of guilt. He felt like he was letting her down, even though they hadn’t even discussed marriage or their future together in concrete terms. But Seokjin knew where his heart lay; he wanted a future with YN. He wanted to be the one who stood by her side, through every challenge, every joy, every sorrow.

But what if he wasn’t enough?

What if he couldn’t give her everything she deserved?

The thought was unbearable. Seokjin’s confidence, the very foundation of his personality, seemed to crumble under the weight of these insecurities. He clenched his fists, trying to push the doubts aside, but they clung to him like a dark cloud, impossible to shake.

His phone buzzed on the desk, pulling him out of his thoughts. It was a message from YN:

"Are you okay? I noticed you seemed off earlier. Want to grab some coffee and talk?"

Seokjin stared at the message for a moment, his heart aching. YN was always so considerate, always thinking about him, even when she had her own worries to deal with. The last thing he wanted was to burden her with his insecurities, but at the same time, he knew he couldn’t keep this from her.

He typed a quick reply: "Sure, let's meet in the café downstairs in 10 minutes."

As he stood up to leave his desk, Seokjin caught a glimpse of his reflection in the glass window. For the first time in a long time, he didn’t see the confident, self-assured man he always prided himself on being. Instead, he saw someone who was scared of failing, scared of not being enough for the woman he loved.

When he arrived at the café, YN was already seated at a corner table, her eyes scanning the menu absentmindedly. She looked up as he approached, and her face lit up with a warm smile, a smile that made his heart twist with guilt.

“Hey,” she greeted him softly. “You looked like you had a lot on your mind earlier.”

Seokjin forced a smile as he sat down across from her. “Yeah, I’ve just been… thinking about some things.”

YN’s expression grew more serious. “Do you want to talk about it?”

He hesitated, unsure of how to begin. “I’ve just been thinking… about us. About our future.”

YN tilted her head, concern etched on her face. “What about our future?”

Seokjin sighed, running a hand through his hair. “YN, I know that you come from a different world than I do. You have this incredible life, and you deserve everything good in the world. But I’m just… I’m worried that I might not be enough for you.”

YN’s eyes widened in surprise. “What? Seokjin, where is this coming from?”

“Your father’s visit,” he admitted, his voice low. “He made it clear that I don’t fit into the life you’re supposed to have. And… he’s right, YN. I can’t give you the same lifestyle, the same luxuries you’re used to. What if I’m not able to take care of you the way you deserve?”

YN reached across the table, taking his hand in hers. “Seokjin, you’ve never been ‘just’ anything to me. You’re kind, supportive, and you make me laugh like no one else can. Those are the things that matter to me. Not the money, not the status.”

“But it matters to the people around you,” Seokjin countered, his voice filled with frustration. “And it’ll matter when we’re faced with the realities of life. I don’t want you to ever feel like you’re missing out on something because of me.”

YN’s grip on his hand tightened, her eyes locking onto his with intensity. “Seokjin, listen to me. I don’t care about what other people think or say. I care about you. And if you think for one second that you’re not enough for me, you’re wrong. You’re more than enough. You’re everything.”

Seokjin felt a lump form in his throat, her words cutting through the fog of doubt that had settled over him. But still, the fear lingered, the uncertainty about whether he could truly be the man she needed.

“I just want to be able to give you the world,” he whispered, his voice choked with emotion.

YN leaned closer, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. “You already do, Seokjin. You give me your love, your laughter, your support. That’s my world. That’s all I need.”

Seokjin looked at her, the sincerity in her words and the love in her eyes easing the tightness in his chest. He knew she meant every word, but the doubts wouldn’t fully go away. They would take time to overcome. But as YN squeezed his hand again, he realised that maybe, just maybe, they could face those doubts together.

“Thank you,” he finally said, his voice thick with emotion. “For believing in me, in us.”

YN smiled, leaning in to brush a soft kiss across his knuckles. “Always, Seokjin. Always.”

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