20 years earlier

On day three Landry's mom promised we'd go to the carnival that night. It didn't open until later in the day so we spent the day mulling around the concert grounds until it was time. The afternoon kept us distracted as Lars had time off and offered to play games with us to give Landry's mom a break. He broke out a deck of cards and introduced us to goldfish. Dad wasn't the type of parent to sit down and play games, so it was new to me. Landry on the other hand was a professional. He kept a straight face the whole time, and if this had been a game of poker he would have crushed us with his poker face.

"Alright kids, the winner of the next round gets ice cream for lunch, but shh, don't tell your folks."

Landry laughed. "Seriously man, can you just "babysit" us the whole day?"

Lars chuckled and leaned back in his chair. "I wish I could, but unfortunately this afternoon I'm booked solid. The best part is that I get to meet the famous Blink 182 at their signing today."

I looked up at him, batting my eyes. "Will you get something signed for us?"

"Maybe I can get some drumsticks." He offered.

And he had. That afternoon right before our trek to the carnival he delivered. He got one for each of us, and it was hard to see, but our names were there too. I still have that stick in a box tucked away for safekeeping, along with all of my other memories, including a picture dad took of Landry and I.

We played the entire morning away, until his mom returned. She wasn't too happy about the ice cream for lunch. I had lost, but Landry whispered in Lars's ear and when he came back from the food vendors he had two large hot fudge sundaes topped with m&ms.

That evening we headed to the carnival. I'll admit that first summer I was nervous to go on the rides, especially the crazy spinning ones, but with a little coaxing from Landry it was easy as pie.

The first ride he got me on was the music express. Leave it to him to find a ride that played music and sent you flying through an enclosure at lightning speed. Up till that point I had never screamed so much in my entire life. The wind whipped my hair around all over, even in his face.

"This is so cool!" I remember shouting as the ride slowed to an almost stop before plunging us backward into the darkness.

Landry looked as happy as he had when he played his pretend concert, on cloud nine as he leaned back, threw his hands in the air, and floated backwards.

After the crazy rides, his mom made us relax and settle our stomachs before we devoured three corn dogs each. She had us then wait an extra hour before riding anything else, so we settled for some games.

"I bet you I can reach the top first," he said.

We stood in front of a game that had you shoot a water gun into a tiny hole with a black dot to aim at.

"In your dreams, Landry."

That boy had me giddy at every glance. The right side of his lip turned up into a flirtatious grin. We both stood, our legs apart, and our backs hunched over. He growled a few times in an attempt to distract me. When the alarm bell rang the tiny bobbling stuffed animal climbed up the board in front of us. While I stayed focused Landry kept his eyes on me. I caught him in my peripheral, and it took everything in me not to turn and do the same.

One tiny slip up from him and I was declared the winner, and because there had been seven or more players I got to pick one of the big prizes. The panda I'd chosen was half my size and ended up being his mom's companion as we went from game to game.

An hour before closing Landry's mom gave us a chance to go on one more ride. Landry chose the Ferris wheel. While we waited on the line she walked away to buy some drinks before everything closed down for the night.

Landry and I piled onto the rickety old ride that creaked, and it swayed from our weight. The lights flashed and sparkled around us, and a steady beat of music pulsed through our veins.

The attendant flipped the switch and it brought the ferris wheel to life. I hated heights, like I literally could not stand it. I only got on the ride, because with Landry everything felt different.

We got halfway and the bucket halted swinging in the air. I grabbed for Landry's hand and he laughed playfully.

"It's okay Cal."

I cried, a small tear slipped out as the wheel started to move again. When we plunged back down my stomach dropped and I sobbed. I was embarrassed, but Landry was nothing but kind in the situation. At least on the fast rides he couldn't see the tears behind my hair whipping around.

"Cal, don't be afraid. Don't look down, don't move. Just look at me."

And so I did. I gazed into those bright hazel eyes and all the fear inside of me somehow materialized into thin air.

I turned my legs and they bumped into his. I remember the way his breathing stopped for a split second and how his hand tightened around mine. After a few long trips around the bucket stopped at the top again. It swayed and I cried a little more, but held onto Landry like he was my lifeline.

"Callie, this has been the best weekend I've had in a long time."

I hated the way there was a hint of sadness in his voice, like life outside the festival was tiring and hard and we were so young, no one should look that sad so young.

"Same. Spending time with you is a lot of fun. Will you be back next summer?" I asked.

He shrugged. "I'm not sure, but we'll talk all the time on the internet."

I should have known then that this would be the last time I saw him, but back then I didn't want to admit it to myself. I was having too much fun.

"Where is home?" I asked.

Landry sighed. "New Jersey, you?"

He didn't look thrilled about his home being in Jersey.

"Long Island."

I was overwhelmed by the dread that overcame me in that moment. The question of whether or not we would see each other now fluttered over my head like a heavy storm cloud.

He smiled and leaned close. "We're not far away at all and who knows maybe we can convince our parents to drive us to each other's houses. Or the minute I get my license I'll drive to you."

Wide eyed I stared at him. "You'd do that?"

"Uh-huh." He shook his head. "I like you Callie. Why does that surprise you?" he questioned, as he tucked a stray hand of long hair behind my ear.

He watched me closely for a few seconds. Him saying that he liked me took me by surprise. Back home no boy ever looked at me the way Landry had. He placed a firm hand against my cheek. I was surprised with how grown up it felt to have a boy touch my face like that. I had seen it in movies, but never in real life.

"I want to kiss you."

I had no clue how to kiss a boy and that scared me. There were times after he disappeared that I wondered if I scared him off by my horrible kissing.

I couldn't speak or move as he leaned in closer and very gently pressed his lips to mine. I don't know what I expected it to feel like. I imagined that fireworks would boom in the background the moment his lips touched mine. It was nothing like that at all, in fact it was even better than fireworks. The flutters in my stomach and the way my heart stuttered felt ten times more powerful than anything else.

He opened his mouth and helped guide me through the kiss. I wasn't even sure if I was moving my tongue the right way. Whatever had happened in that moment, it felt amazing. The ride started only seconds after and we pulled away. Landry had a dreamy grin on his face as we plummeted back down to reality.