20 years earlier

I have never in my life slept as soundly as I had that first night. When I'd woken up the next morning his hand was still tight in mine. I felt refreshed and excited to start out the day. His mom ordered a huge breakfast and while we ate dad showed up to check in. I found it weird that his parents didn't share a hotel room, but at the time it didn't phase me as to why. Now looking back it seemed they were already moving towards divorce.

For a while we watched the crowds from the window of our hotel. We sat on the wide radiator where we drank milkshakes and played more guitar. He was a good teacher and I picked it up quickly.

"Tonight I'm putting on my very own concert!" He stood on the radiator and strummed the guitar like he was on stage at a rock show.

"Landry Michael Ryan, get down from there this instant." His mom flicked off the bathroom light switch and shook her finger at him.

When she rushed to the front door to answer it we suppressed our giggles into our hands. In an instant Landry's demeanor changed. His parents' voices echoed in the room and Landry's face shifted. His brow furrowed almost too deeply and he stared down the strings as if they were the most fascinating things in the world. I remember reaching out for his hand and him sighing in relief.

I hate that I didn't see how badly he was hurting. I should have recognized the hurt, but when my own parents had their falling out I was only six. Even at twelve I don't think I quite understood the capacity of what true sadness felt like.

"Can I have front row seats to your show?" I asked.

His sad eyes lifted to meet mine and they no longer held the pain I saw moments prior.

"You'll always be my front row girl."

It was in that moment that my twelve year old self fell for Landry. I laugh about it now because instant love is a thing of fiction and I wish I could go back in time and tell myself that, but I'd been bitten by the love bug, hard.

Spending time with Landry and his mom turned out to be much more fun than I expected. I went into the weekend thinking I'd be stuck following dad around and ended up finding a new friend in the process.

That year the festival had a ton of big names. Simple Plan, Blink 182, and some newcomers that would soon take on the world. Dad told me I could stay with him and his mom at the festival as long as I was polite and listened.

I was living the dream that weekend. First, I was at a concert with bands my father refused to take me to see, and with a boy nonetheless. Second he was holding my hand! The only time he let go the entire day was to dance, but even then he held on to twirl me around, or of course to use the restroom or eat. I was in heaven.

Day two ended just as he wanted, a concert where he was the performer. His mom wanted to go back to the hotel room, but the minute Landry stood up on a table in the security tent and belted out the lyrics to a song he'd written not one person moved from their seat. And just as we promised each other I watched him from the first row.

Back in the hotel room that night he was reeling from the performance he'd put on.

"Gosh Cal, did you see me up there? It was like this surge of... wow." He was speechless and quite frankly I was too.

The boy had such potential even at a young age. His mom quietly snored in the bed beside us, while we lay there in the dark holding hands. I never ever wanted to let go.

"You'll headline this festival one day, Landry Ryan. You'll be a big star and you'll have girls screaming your name."

His laughter filled me with comfort, but not the part I said about the girls screaming for him. I already felt like he was mine.

I knew he had been destined for big things and so did he.

"I can imagine it now." He let go, but only for a second to splay his arms in the air like he was drawing a picture of the moment with his fingertips. A square for the stage, stick figures for him and his band, crescents for the heads of the people in the crowd. I watched him through a sliver of light that beamed up from the festival that was still in full swing below us.

"And you'll be there with me too, Cal." He turned his head. Our faces had been so close that second night that I still can remember how it felt when his warm breath danced on my lips. I don't know if I'd blame my body for developing early and sending me into this frenzy, but back then I liked it. I never imagined that it would all end so quickly.

"Your front row girl?" I whispered.

The bass from the closing band vibrated the hotel with a magical feeling. Either that or that was the moment I discovered what it was like to feel attracted to a boy in more than just a lovey dovey way.

"Always. And you can be my merch girl too."

I smiled at him as our bodies moved closer. "I like the sound of that." I told him.

I swore that night I would have my first kiss, but as our lips drew near and the music swirled around us, his mom let out a snore that sent us into a fit of giggles, completely ruining the moment. The laughter felt good.

We talked some more and before either of us fell asleep we'd found each other's hands and fallen asleep with them hooked together.

***

Present Day

Now here I am in the front row again watching him inside the tent. This time he's not standing on the table performing for others, he's only performing for me, the song he wrote when he was twelve after we'd lost touch.

She swept me off my feet

kept dancing to that steady beat

So many things left unsaid

at only twelve I'd given my heart a home

the ghost of you, oh how I miss you.

We sat side by side crossed legged on the cool damp grass."So tell me Callie Peters, what have you been up to?" He turns to me after he strums the last chord. His hazel eyes render me speechless for several seconds before I can find my voice.

"Being my dad." I laugh.

"I can see that." His eyes wander down my body the same way they'd done on the elevator. If I were standing my knees would be weak enough to make me fall.

"At least you're prettier than him." He winks.

I'm finding myself halfway between starstruck over sitting next to one of the most popular musicians out there right now, and in a dream-like state from being next to the first boy to ever hold my hand.

"I heard about what happened. I'm so sorry." He reaches out and touches my shoulder.

"I was there watching from my spot in front of the stage." I stare down at the vibrant green grass that tickles my leg and pick a blade, rubbing it between my fingers. "I should have been the one to jump in, not him."

Dad was no young chicken. He and mom had me later in life and maybe that's what drove them apart, I'll never know or understand what her motivation to leave was. Did she know dad died? Was she even still alive? I question these things every day. Mostly, I wonder if dad would have even taken this job if she were still around.

Landry puts down his guitar and reaches for my hand. The sensation of his skin dancing along mine makes me gasp. I shouldn't feel the same way I did twenty years ago, but with a simple touch from the boy - no, the man beside me, causes my body to react in ways it never had with any man I've been with. I never imagined seeing Landry again, so of course I moved on, I was a kid, there was no way my feelings were real. Right now, I imagine whatever this is, is just pent up emotions from the years of not seeing him.

"Don't blame yourself. Your dad loved his job and there is nothing you could have done to stop it. If he had been sick for a while without knowing, it would have happened in other ways."

I nod. He's more than one hundred percent right in regards to that. "The doctors said that they were surprised he was still going with how bad his heart was. He hated doctors."

"So do I." He whispers.

I stare up at him unsure of what he means by that. There's a sudden change in his posture. He slinks low and starts picking at the blade of grass beside the one that I picked.

"I mean, I lost mom too."

"Mac didn't .. I didn't..."

I haven't spoken to his father in years. We've said hi in passing, but other than that I've hardly muttered two sentences to the man in the past twenty years. It's odd that the news of her passing never made its rounds through the years, or maybe he just hadn't told anyone.

He throws his hand up like it's no big deal, but the way his eyes shimmer tell me a different story.

"It sucks," I say. I wait a second or two to allow him to grieve. "What's your favorite thing about being on the road?"

Landry let's go of a breath and allows his shoulders to fall. A brief smile shows me that he's glad for the subject change. I am too. Talking about dad isn't easy, even after five years. If Landry wants to tell me what happened he can do it on his own time. I'm not sure how much of it we have together, but even if he doesn't get the chance to tell me at least we had this opportunity to catch up.

"Would it be crazy to say all of it?" His entire face lights up. He's where he wanted to be his whole life and nothing compares to that feeling.

"Not crazy at all. I'm sure the girls screaming out your name is an added bonus."

A pink blush starts at his neck drifts to his jawline. He laughs at the ground, then lifts his gaze to me. "There's only one thing missing."

"Oh yeah." My throat grows hoarse and I have to clear it to continue. "What's that?"

He wraps the blade of grass around his pointer finger, carefully constructing his next sentence in his mind.

"My front row girl." A soft laugh escaped his throat. He can hardly look at me when he says it.

"I was there today wasn't I?"

A grin spreads across his face. "Yeah. You were." When his eyes meet mine they're glazed over. "Was that girl okay?"

"Oh, she was just fine when Landry Stiles..." I pause. "Where did you even come up with that name?"

He laughs. "It had a cool ring to it, better than Landry Ryan."

I bump my shoulder with his. "The young girl from the pit swooning over you is okay. She loved the attention."

"Oh, I'm sure she did. Harry was happy to give her those sticks. It's crazy how out of hand some of them get over us. Don't get me wrong I love it, but nothing beats the olden days."

"A bunch of old security guards and their families watching you perform on top of a table?"

Our laughter fills the quiet tent.

"Yo Landry!" Harry peaks his head inside. "Elevator girl, sup?" Is that literally the only thing this guy can say to me? "Sorry to cut your reunion short, but we have a signing in like fifteen, man."

I tug my phone from my pocket and realize I have to be at stage B in five minutes.

Landry's eyes meet mine and he sighs. "Sorry. Um... tonight, would you meet me in my room? It's room 10B"

I raise my brow.

"Oh. No. I didn't mean like. I mean, we could do a late dinner and catch up more."

I squeeze his sweaty hand and smile. "I get off at nine. I can be by your room no later than ten thirty?"

"That's perfect. We don't perform again until tomorrow."

"Alright, see you then."

"Yeah."

He doesn't move, and refuses to let go.

"Landry..." Harry hoots.

"Right. Sorry." He jumps to his feet with his guitar in hand and starts for the entrance. Before he gets there he turns back, smiles, and then jets out of the small space. There's a strange emptiness, but at the same time I'm whole again.

I stand, dust off my pants, and head for B stage. I'm happier than I have been in a while, but I tell myself not to get used to the feeling. Technology has come a long way since AIM, but that doesn't mean he won't disappear for a second time. I'm not going to get my panties in a bunch for a boy I fell for when I was teen.

I straighten my shoulders and head back out. The skies have turned gray and there's a hint of rain in the air, the smell hits my nose before the drops, but I won't let any of it get me down. I won't drown myself in a fictional romance, but I will enjoy the fact that even if it's only for a split second I found the one person alive who makes my heart happy.

***

"So, where did you run off to?" Lars questions, over the loud rumble of 5SOS. They are the seven thirty show and although the girls are going nuts, they are a lot less calmer than the other groups. Lights from the lighting booth flash in our faces and I wince in an attempt to check for any issues.

"Met up with an old friend."

Lars was there that summer I met Landry. He played go-fish with us on day three while we ate lunch in the tent before Blink 182. Landry beat us in all ten rounds of the game.

"An old friend, huh?" he teases.

I can't help the grin that settles over my face. It's a good feeling and I want to live off the high of today for a bit longer. Reality will hit me like a ton of bricks Monday morning, but for now I'll take any good feeling I can get.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

I peer over at him, and he smiles in a fatherly like way. Ever since dad died he's been one of the only guys from, aside from Russell to reach out and be a father figure. At thirty two years old I could handle myself, but it was nice to know that someone was looking out for my well-being.

Being security for one of my favorite groups is quite a rush. I've done it before with other bands coming through like Good Charlotte, but it never gets old. I could do this job forever. Thankfully the fans make it easy for us and by nine o'clock there have been zero incidents and I only had to rescue one girl from being crushed by the barricade. Other than that I clock out right on time and head up to my room.

The closer it gets to my little rendezvous with Landry the more freaked out I get. Once in my room I hop back in the shower, this is number three of the day, but it's not unusual. I hate how hot and sweaty I get and although it's expected, I hate when my hair smells like a mixture of sweat and weed.

My hands shake as I run them through my hair. I grab the shampoo bottle and it almost slips from my fingers as I tilt it to get some of the soap out. I cap the bottle and start to sing into it like a mic. My music festival playlist blasts through my phone speakers. I need to shake off the nerves somehow and having a shower concert is always the best way to do that.

I step out of the shower and erase the steam from the mirror above the sink. I run my hands through my face cream and slather some under my eyes. I've always had heavy eyelids but when I'm tired they are even worse. I attempt to make them look a little less puffy with some light makeup. Not sure what to do with my straight brown hair I pull it back and make a lazy bun at the top of my head.

Finding an outfit proves to be the most difficult task of them all. I pack random outfits aside from my uniform in case any of the friends I've made over the years decide they want to go out. It's rare, but we do go for the occasional drink in the hotel bar after work. Nothing appeals to me for this... whatever it is.

With several outfits laid out on my bed, I finally find one that seems somewhat appropriate for catching up with an old friend. Nothing says I'm trying to be Gwen Stefani circa 2001 like my light blue low rise jeans and black and white checkered crop top. I wouldn't wear this out for drinks with coworkers, but it's more me than anything else I've packed.

A few minutes later I'm standing in front of the solid white hotel room door with the golden sign that reads 10B. I haven't had the guts to knock yet, but if I don't in the next few minutes I plan on walking away. There's a part of me that wants to leave this all behind, but then I can't help wonder what if? What if us finding each other again means something? Then my rational side says it's ridiculous because I'm not twelve anymore.

I lose my nerve and about face when the door flies open behind me. His fingers slipping into mine throws me for a loop. I gasp as he pulls me back into him. Being this close with his hot breath breathing down my neck makes my stomach do all sorts of flips.

"I've been watching you contemplate your decision for five minutes."

I turn to him, still caught in the warmth of his arms. "You saw that?"

"I got worried when you didn't show, so I checked out the peephole and sure enough there you were staring at the door like it was going to bite you."

My lips part, but only air leaves them.

"Come on, our ice cream sundaes are currently on the way. I ordered the works, literally everything." His eyes sparkle with excitement.

"For dinner?"

"Aint nobody here to tell us no," he says, a wide grin crossing his face.

It takes a lot for me to let go and be myself around people. From the moment I met Landry it was a little easier than most, but at the same time being myself around him scared me. I worried about scaring him off, because I was a little weird and different from the other girls. It never bothered him, and I was thankful for that, but it still didn't fix the insecurities that lingered. It was worse now, with all the girls he could bring back to his hotel room after a concert, why me?

"I ordered extra m&m's."

Every time I stare into those hazel eyes it sucks me right in. "You had me at extra m&m's." I grin.

He tugs on my arm and we stumble into the room together. The door closes shutting out the rest of the world leaving on him and I, and a whole night of possibilities.