The dreams continued to plague me. Whenever I closed my eyes, I was forced to relive the past over and over again - but it wasn't just my memories. I could hear the thoughts, feel the emotions of those closest to me. The prayers they prayed for me. Their love, their joy, their increasing worry as I grew more and more distant and withdrawn. There was something sweet about it, finally being able to know how deeply they cared for me. But then, that knowledge made it all the more painful, as I watched myself push them away.

I hated snow. Snow meant winter was here, and winter meant my birthday would come soon. Lucifer always came around my birthday, every year. I tried to avoid him. I stayed inside as much as possible. But, somehow, he always managed to get me alone - alone and afraid. It was just a few minutes every year, but enough trauma was inflicted in those few minutes to permanently deepen the scars. He brought death, every time. Blood in the snow. The bodies of mangled animals. At first, I would vomit, when I saw what he'd done. As the years passed, I stopped having that visceral reaction. I was becoming numb to the horror.

I didn't tell my mother or my grandparents. I couldn't. That first time he came, when he killed Hitomi and one of the barn cats - those were creatures I knew and loved. And the next year, it was Grandmother's favorite cat, a white female who was pregnant - her abdomen cut open, undeveloped kittens still attached by their umbilical cords spread around her... He was targeting what I loved, who I loved. If I told my family, maybe they would be next. Maybe I should run away to protect them. But then I feared that he would find me gone and kill them in anger. So I stayed, withdrawing deeper and deeper into myself.

If only I could stay awake. I didn't have to sleep. I could go long periods without resting with no negative repercussions. But I didn't want to leave my daily hiding place, not while the townspeople were up and about. They weren't ready to meet me. Maybe they never would be. I would only frighten them, and so I stayed quiet and motionless in the trees until nightfall. It's easy to fall asleep in such a state. Ashley's gift of the Book was a huge relief, in more than one way. Now, I could read through the day, staving off the nightmares.

Ashley was so excited when we met the next night.

"I can't believe you're finally going to tell me how the sara came about!" she cried, clapping her hands for joy.

"It's not a happy story, Ashley."

"I know, but I've been dying to hear about it," she said, trying to restrain herself.

I couldn't help but smile at her irrepressible enthusiasm. I wished I didn't have to tell her, but she needed to know. That smile would disappear very quickly.

"You know who Lucifer is, correct?"

She nodded. "The devil. He was banished to the Wilds at the beginning of time."

"Yes. He can venture elsewhere, but only for short periods of time. If he's gone too long, his physical body starts to disintegrate until all that's left is his spirit. There is a castle past the Wilds, on the southern ocean's shore, where he lives. There, his power is at its fullest."

"What do you mean, about his physical body disintegrating?"

I thought for a moment. "It's hard to describe. It's like he slowly dissolves, right in front of you. I hope you never see it."

She frowned, trying to imagine it.

"The demons are fallen angels, those who rebelled with him at creation. They are extraordinarily limited in the physical realm."

"But they're strong in the spiritual realm?"

"Yes. It's not uncommon for a group to camp near a settlement for a few days, just far enough away so they won't be found, but close enough to start working on people's minds. Nightmares, evil thoughts, fears and anxieties, that sort of thing. It weakens the people so the physical attack is more effective."

"Yuck."

She had a way of putting things into perspective. "Indeed. Now, Lucifer was not satisfied with the demons. He is always bent on destruction, and they are limited. He is limited, too, and that chafes him. He wanted more power, and if he could get it while twisting something natural and good into something unnatural and evil, all the better. To that end, he found and raped six women, one from each race. Thus the sara were born."

"That's horrible!" she exclaimed, eyes wide with shock.

It was. I was doing my best to speak clinically, distancing myself from the facts, but this was entirely too personal.

"He checked on us every so often, and when he decided we were ready, he killed our families and brought us back to Hell."

"Oh, Diane, I'm so sorry." Her face was so expressive. Everything she felt was there for all the world to see. The shock had been replaced by sorrow and concern for me. "How old were you when it happened?"

"Thirteen. I think the others were around that age as well. We were locked up in Hell for many years, driven mad by boredom and isolation, and we ended up fighting each other. Often. That was our training. By the time Lucifer released us, we were powerful weapons, completely controlled by fear and hatred."

She was unusually silent for a while. I wished she would say something - anything to distract me from the awful memories I had awoken.

"I feel sorry for them," she said quietly.

Those words would have surprised me, coming from anybody else. But Ashley was so tender-hearted. "It's not natural to pity cold-blooded killers."

She looked back up at me. "Well, I'm a believer. We're supposed to love everybody. Aren't you a believer? Isn't that why you changed?"

Everything was so simple for her. Just because believers were supposed to love others didn't mean they all did. But I had to pause to consider her questions. "My mother and my grandparents were believers. As for me..." Another memory washed over me, the night a year ago when Tsuki found me. And I thought of the words I'd read in the Book earlier during the day, words that I'd heard long, long ago but had done my best to forget. "I guess I am," I answered slowly.

It gave me a sense of relief, saying it out loud.

She smiled. "So there's hope for the other sara, then."

"I suppose so."

She dropped down from the tree branch, landing silently and stretching her arms above her head. "You should come to church."

I dropped down beside her. "They wouldn't accept me."

"How do you know?"

"They never do. They never have." Part of my withdrawal as a child had been in response to others - they blamed me for every misfortune that happened around me, starting with the loss of my grandfather's fingers to frostbite the night I was born. They thought I was responsible for the torture and death of all those animals every winter. My mother eventually found love and acceptance, but not me. I was the demon child who should have been abandoned at birth, put out in the cold to freeze to death.

She frowned up at me. "You have a lot of hurt inside, don't you?"

Her remarkably astute observation startled me. "It's not something you need to be concerned with," I said dismissively.

"But it is. You're not just my teacher - you're my friend. I don't like seeing you in pain."

I stared down at her in surprise.

"Come to church. It's Sunday tomorrow." She took my hand and gave it a squeeze. "Please."

For once, I was at a loss for words. Her eyes were so hopeful. I took my hand from hers and walked away.

"Diane!"

"The last time I was in church-" I continued walking, but my voice caught in my throat.

"It's okay. You can tell me," she said reassuringly.

"It was my grandparents' funeral." I remembered it vividly - they had been ill for some time, and they finally both passed away in their sleep. A special coffin was made for them, one that could hold them side by side, covered by Grandmother's favorite quilt even in death. But it was the middle of winter. The ground was frozen, and they couldn't be buried until it thawed. The coffin was placed in a makeshift shelter next to the barn, preserved by the cold and protected from the elements, until spring came and it could be properly interred. But there was still a service. It was the first service I'd participated in in a long time, and that was only out of respect for their wishes. Nobody trusted me at that point. Nobody except Mother. And nobody came near her until I went back inside. Then I watched through the window as she received their hugs and kind words. There was a young man, Robert, who had been mentored by my Grandfather for some time. He would likely take over as pastor. And he had his eye on Mother, I knew. It hurt, watching her with him, but at the same time, I thought it was probably a good thing. He could take her away from me. That would be best for her.

I shook the memory away, realizing that Ashley was talking to me. "Look, I can't promise that you aren't going to scare people. But I've been telling my parents about you, and they're ready to meet you now. And the pastor, he's a very kind man. I'm sure he'll accept you."

I stopped walking. "You're not going to give up, are you?"

"Nope," she said, smiling up at me.

I sighed. "Tomorrow morning, then."