I shifted again on the uncomfortable plastic chair, leaned forward to rest my elbows on my knees. A few minutes later I leaned back again. Nothing helped the sharp pain in my chest. It felt like all of my ribs were sorely bruised.

The clock on the wall above my head ticked loudly. The Captain's door stayed closed. I waited.

I raised my hand to my face, wanting to rub my eyes, to massage the familiar tension at the bridge of my nose, but I stopped and crossed my arms instead. I already knew I had blood on my face. Touching it wouldn't make it better. My left eye was starting to swell.

I have to give him credit. The man can throw a hell of a punch.

But so can I.

The minute hand continued its slow sweep. I could faintly hear the Captain's voice. He must be talking on the phone.

The adrenaline was long gone and my head was swimming. I took deep breaths, trying to keep calm, to tell myself that the worst was over and things would only get better from here. Then I realized I didn't believe that at all and stopped.

Underneath all the swirling pain, guilt, and anxiety, there was a certain type of calm. It was a cold relief.

"Grimes," the Captain was standing in the doorway to his office.

I've known Captain Park for years, for my nearly my whole career, and I've never seen him look as angry as he did right then.

"Sir," I got up painfully and followed him inside, closing the door behind me.

Captain Park walked around his desk and sat down, watching me. I pulled over a plastic chair and sat. I waited for him to yell but he didn't. The silence stretched thin and that was even worse.

"I've been trying to wrap my head around this, but frankly it's not working. Two officers, partners no less, beat each other half to death. In the station parking lot. I've never seen anything like it."

"Rick," he continued, pinning me with his steely gaze, "How did it come to this?"

How did it come to this? That's the winning question, isn't it?

Tonight I fought Shane Walsh, my best friend since grade school, trading punches in the parking lot. I came pretty damn close to killing him tonight and now, more than anything else, I feel relieved. That's how truly screwed up this is.

"You might as well tell me, Rick. You might not get another chance. Tell me. Everything," Captain Park said evenly.

The least I could do at this point was to obey. How did it come to this? That particular question had been hovering over me for months now. So I told him.

When I woke up from the coma, after I was shot late last year, that's when it all started. Maybe the seeds had been there before, but that was when my life truly began to unravel.

It didn't take me long to figure it out. Did they seriously think I wouldn't know? Well, that's not entirely fair. I suppose they seriously thought I was never going to wake up from that coma.

I was home for maybe an hour before I realized something was wrong. I've known Lori since high school and Shane even longer. They are the two people in the whole world that I know the best. So, yeah, of course I knew.

When I figured it out, I wanted to punch Shane in the jaw, but I didn't. I told myself that it was over, that I had a job to do and a family to keep together.

Then we were searching for the lost girl, Sophia, and I was so focused on trying to do that one thing right. We did find her, but not before my son was shot. Hunting accident. I felt like my own heart was being torn out. Shane was there, by my side, the whole time. He kept me from falling apart, made sure I was present for Carl when he needed me.

Sitting by Carl's bed in the hospital, I truly believed that Shane was there for me. Whatever had happened before, he was my brother.

Again, it didn't take long to see that wasn't the case.

Not even a month after Carl was on his feet again, I found out that Lori is pregnant. Once again she couldn't tell me, I had to figure it out for myself first, but that's not the point.

Shane, see, he believes that he should take my place. That I should bow out of my own life, hand over my wife, my son, my unborn child. That he can protect them, not me. That he's a better man. A better father.

I told him straight out how it had to be. I gave him every chance to make things right. But he didn't stop.

Every step I take, he's there, hounding me at every turn. He's not going to stop.

He wasn't going to stop.

And now here we are.

"I didn't kill him tonight, sir, but the truth is I wanted to," I said.

It was much too late to tell anything but the truth.

"I just wanted it over."

Someone must have called Lori because she showed up to drive me home. At first she wanted to take me to the hospital but I didn't think that was the wisest idea, considering that's where Shane was.

When I told her what happened, she didn't know what to say. She was shocked, scared even. She didn't understand. I knew she wouldn't understand.

"Take me home," I asked her, exhausted.

I was suspended without pay indefinitely, probably pending investigation. I didn't blame Captain Park. I would have done the same thing in his shoes.

There would be a phone call in the morning to make it official.

Whatever the outcome, Captain Park had heard me out and, for that, I was grateful. Whatever my future holds, I decided then, I would deal with it in the morning.

We drove in silence.

I did what I had to do. I will do anything to protect my family.