Jack: "And while we were talking I thought, well, that could get somewhere... you know but then she asked me if I could set her up with Miles! Can you believe this?!" he shouted chuckling, making everyone in the room laugh. Except for Susan who was standing alone in front of the window, drinking some wine after dinner while the rest of them were sitting in the living room talking.

Eva laughed at her brother, holding hands with her husband she turned and looked at her mother and then she whispered something into his ear. He looked at her and then all of a sudden everyone was staring at her.

Miles: "Mom? Come over here!"

Susan looked at them and smiled, "I'm alright here, baby..."

Eva: "What's wrong with you?" finally Eva asked and silence filled the room. It was the second day of their little trip and everyone noticed the change in Susan's behavior, even her grandkids.

"Nothing's wrong..." she replied and started walking towards their side, she didn't know if it was too soon to talk them and honestly the only person who could guide her on what to do was Jessica. Afraid of asking her, or even talking to her she decided to keep that secret to herself and tried to pretend that everything was fine. Not that it was easy since everyone was asking about her but yet she had to.

Jack: "She had a fight with Jessica that's why she's acting weird"

"Jesus, and how do you know that in the first place?" Susan said and took a seat on the couch next to Eva and her husband, crossing her legs.

Jack: "Hannah told me you two fought"

Miles: "Why didn't you say anything?!"

"Well... I didn't" Susan started but soon enough Miles cut her short, "Not you! YOU!" he shouted referring to his brother.

Jack: "Cause it's not of our business and if mom doesn't want to talk about it then we're not talking about it"

Miles: "Last time they fought we did whatever we could to get them back together! That was our business back then?"

Eva: "Wait... this actually happened?"

Miles: "Yeah... Oh, you should've seen us..."

Kyle: "You and Jack did it?"

Jack: "And Jessica's kids"

"Okay, enough with this..."

Eva: "Mom, talk to us," she said and looked straight into her mother's eyes making her a little emotional. Susan raised her head, staring at the ceiling and trying as hard as she could to keep herself from crying but invalid. Tears started running down her cheeks, "We... um... We had a fight, that's all you need to know for now"

Jack: "You are fighting all the time! I'm sure you can work it out"

"Oh, no... we can't... not this time"

Miles: "Why not?"

"Cause I fucked it up... But I'm not gonna ruin this night too so let's just forget about it"

Eva: "Mom..."

"I said enough!" Susan shouted and looked at her daughter, immediately she closed her eyes and shook her head, "I'm sorry..." she whispered and stood up, she rushed into her bedroom, leaving them all behind looking at her.

_________________________

Walker: "So what's the fuss all about?" he asked as he took a seat on his mother's couch next to Hannah and Shura.

Hannah: "Shut up and let her talk!"

"Hannah, please" Jessica whispered at her daughter and put out her cigarette on the ashtray. "I just wanted to see you all and you know, talk... we rarely do that anymore"

Walker: "But we're always together..."

"No, we're not... and I missed you all so much"

Hannah: "So that's the reason you called us today?"

"Yeah..."

Hannah: "That's the ONLY reason?" she asked, knowing very well what her mother wanted to talk about since she was in front of her and Susan's fight.

"Yeah..." she said again and looked at her

Walker: "So you don't wanna talk about Susan?"

"You told them?" Jessica stared at Hannah again.

Hannah: "Jesus, Walker!"

"Look..." Jessica started and sat across them, getting interrupted from Shura, "What happened with Susan?"

"I'm surprised your sister didn't tell you..." she chuckled and continued, "We broke up..."

Walker: "You always break up, mom!"

"It's different this time... and it's final. I don't want you to talk about her, I don't want you to help us out like you did last time. I don't want you to get involved in this at all... Can you do that for me?"

Shura: "If you tell us what happened..."

"That's not the point..."

Walker: "Then what's the point?"

"The point is that I'm good... and it was my decision, of course, she agreed and that's all you need to know"

Hannah: "And why did you say that she cheated on you?"

Walker gasped, "She cheated on you?"

Jessica took a minute, she wasn't sure if she should tell them the truth, finally, "No, she didn't cheat on me. I just misunderstood but the decision was already made" she said. Hannah looked at her, knowing that her mother was lying.

Walker: "Is it okay if we still hang out with Jack and Miles?"

"Oh, baby, of course, it is... And it makes me so happy to see that you all got along so great... Sadly me and Susan didn't but I still think of her as my friend"

Shura: "You just can't be friends with her after everything that you two lived together, mom..."

"I know that... but after all these years it's hard not having her in my life"

Walker: "Can't you do something to get her back"

"I can... but I don't want to..."

Walker looked at her and nodded, "Okay..."

"Now tell me..." Jessica looked at Hannah, "Who else knows about it?"

Hannah: "Me... Walker... Shura"

"And...?"

Hannah: "I might have told it to Jack and he might have told it to Miles and Eva and they might have asked Susan"

"Jesus, Hannah!" Jessica shouted and grabbed her phone as well with her cigarettes and ashtray, she walked into her bedroom. Jessica closed the door and sat on the bed, lighting up a cigarette, she opened her messages.

*Susan?*

Susan's phone buzzed making Susan reach for it without looking who it was, once she saw Jessica's name she immediately took a seating position on her bed and fixed her hair.

*Yes?*

*Apparently Hannah talked to Jack. Hope it's not too late but I thought you should know. I'm sorry.*

*Yes, he told me. It's okay, don't worry about it. We had the talk*

*I talked to them too. Once again, really sorry.*

Susan looked at the message and closed the phone, leaning her head back, she kept thinking for a few seconds until she opened it back again. *How are u?*

*I'm good. How's Italy?* Jessica replied after walking her kids to the door since they had plans. Except for Hannah who was sitting now next to her, trying to look at Jessica's phone.

*Good.* Susan texted back.

Jessica read the message and closed her phone, she turned to her daughter, "You shouldn't talk to them"

"I'm sorry... did I make things worse?"

"No, everything's fine but they didn't have to know. I mean, she would've told them..."

"Mom, what happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"But you still love her"

Jessica didn't reply, she looked around, "Do you still love her?" Hannah asked now, afraid of the answer

"I care about her"

"Yeah, but do you love her?"

"Things are complicated..." she replied and stood up, she picked up her bottle of Vodka along with a glass and started drinking.

"You didn't answer my question, mom"

"I don't know anymore"

"She cheated on you..."

"She didn't" Jessica replied and filled her glass once again

_____________________

"Mom?" Jack knocked softly on Susan's door, making her glanced up from her phone, "Come in" she shouted and Jack opened the door, approaching his mother, he lied next to her, placing his head on Susan's lap, "I hate seeing you like that" he whispered.

Susan chuckled and closed her phone, placing it on the nightstand next to the bed, she started stroking his hair, "I'm fine, baby... The first days are always hard"

"You wanna talk about it?"

"I miss her..."

"Did you tell her that?"

"No... and I'm not tending to"

"You think there's time to hide your feelings? why can't we all be more open? If you still want her back tell her! If you can't live without her, tell it to her! What are you waiting for?"

"I'm not hiding my feelings... she already knows how I feel"

"So it was her decision?"

"Mostly yeah, I just agreed cause I couldn't change her mind"

"I could go talk to her if you want"

"No... but thanks" Susan said chuckling, "It will all get better..."

"I hope so... Tomorrow we're going out for dinner, Eva picked the restaurant"

"You know... I'm not the best company to be around, I think I'll leave"

"What? No!" Jack shouted and looked at his mother

"Jack... I need to be alone"

"I'm not gonna let you go back to New York! Alone!"

"I'm not gonna go back home... I think I'll go to Maine, maybe Clayton will come too... I just need to be around him, he calms me and the place as well. I missed that"

"If that's helping you..."

"It is... I'm just a burden now"

"Don't say that..." he whispered and hugged her, making Susan burst out in tears.

_____________________

Two days passed and both Susan and Jessica were managing to keep their hands off from their phones, though it was hard, they had to, at least one of them had to be strong this time...

Susan was now in Maine, sitting out on her balcony, smoking, with Clayton taking photos of the view across their house, the sun was slowly setting and Susan was still wearing her glasses making her friend chuckle, "Take your glasses off!" he said while taking a seat next to her.

"No, I'm alright" Susan replied and continued staring at the view.

"Jesus... get your glasses off!" he insisted and with that Susan looked at him and removed her glasses, her eyes were red, and first time ever he noticed her bags under her eyes. He stared at her for a minute, not knowing what to say. "You can keep your glasses on..." he whispered and Susan sighed, throwing her head back.

"Are you sleeping at all?"

"Not much..."

"Jesus, Susan... you can't continue like this either!"

"I know! I just need time is all... I need time"

"How much time?"

"Much! What's your fucking problem?!"

"Alright. You want the truth?"

"Yeah!"

"She's not gonna come back, she's not! And there's nothing you can do about it! I know how hard it is to be apart from her but you got to do what you got to do! Focus on how to get your life together and move on!"

"You wanna hear me say that you're right but I can't! I still believe that any minute now she's gonna call me! And it's killing me that I don't know what she's doing, if she's thinking of me, if she's okay, if, if, if!" she said and sighed. Susan closed her eyes and relaxed, "Everything reminds me of her. This house, my bedroom, everything!"

"Then you've got to create new memories"

"How?"

"Find someone else"

"You make it sound so easy"

"You're kidding me? Look at yourself, you're gorgeous! Anyone should be lucky to have you!"

Susan chuckled and smiled, "Don't you think it's too soon?"

"Who says it?"

"What if Jessica finds out about it? I don't want her to think that I've forgotten about her"

"Jesus, do you listen to yourself? You're free to do whatever you want"

"Maybe you're right... Maybe I need someone else"

"And maybe you'll find someone here..."

"What if I told you I've got someone in mind?"

"If it's not Jonathan then I'm all ears"

"Jesus... of course, it's not Jonathan!"

"Speaking of, did he tried to call you after that night?"

"He texted me, saying how sorry he is... I guess he's still in shock after finding out that my "secret" lover was Jessica Lange."

"I was shocked when you told me to be honest. I mean, I knew her, I saw her in King Kong when I was younger and I remember meeting Sam, he was with her at that time and it would never cross my mind that someday she'll be with a woman and especially you"

"I'll take that as a compliment..." Susan chuckled as she put out her cigarette, "But yeah... When we met, I knew it that she had to be mine, we were talking for hours over the phone and her opinions were always so new to me. It felt like I had finally found someone who could understand me, who could see things as I do and we both went through a lot in our lives, maybe Jessica a little bit more but I just want her to be happy"

"I bet she feels the same..."

"She did... I don't know anymore"

"Why don't you call her?"

"Say what?"

"Ask her how she's doing? I mean, after so many years being attached to each other, it makes sense"

"I know her if she missed me she would've sent me something. She's not so maybe she's moving on"

"So who is it?"

"What?" she asked and looked at him confused

"That guy you've got in mind, or is it a woman?"

"It's a guy... we worked together in the theater and we came really close to each other these past few months. He continues sending me, just to check on me he says"

"You like him? How does he look like?"

"He's... alright..."

"You got to give me something..."

"He's 39"

"Well... he's young," Clayton said and laughed, making Susan chuckle.

_________________________

FOUR WEEKS LATER:

Jessica opened her eyes, slowly. She yawned and stretched out in her bed, looking out of the window, a familiar scent invalided her bedroom, making her stood up immediately.

The blonde woman smiled as she entered the kitchen and found Sarah cooking while trying not to make a sound that would wake up her friend.

"Good morning," Jessica said, making Sarah turn around to see her

"Shit! Did I wake you up?"

"No, you didn't..." she replied and took a seat on the table, reaching for the newspaper.

"I went out, apparently your fridge was empty..." Sarah said and continued her actions

"Yeah... I have to go shopping but I'm so lazy"

"You want coffee?"

"Yes, please" Jessica replied with her eyes glued on the newspaper

Sarah rolled the scrambled eggs on the plate, she poured some coffee in one of Jessica's mugs and placed them in front of Jessica who just took a sip from her mug and continued reading.

"Put it down, you've got to eat"

"No, I'm alright"

"Jessica!" Sarah said and reached for the newspaper, taking it away from Jessica who whined, "Hey!"

"Eat woman!"

"Jesus..." she replied and sat back on the chair, looking at her

"Look, I know you're going through some hard shit but I'm not letting you starve to death! Look at yourself, you lost weight, you're not sleeping, you're drinking almost the whole day. Your fridge was empty for God's sake and I found three empty bottles of whiskey in the bucket!"

"Thank you for helping me and thank you for being next to me but I don't want any of this in my life..."

"So what's your plan?"

"You mean my life's plan?" she said chuckling and started playing with a fork but Sarah stopped her, "I mean what are you gonna do from now on?"

"What I always did... I'm gonna continue my life from where I left it before I met her"

"So you're just gonna stay inside these four walls alone, staring at the ceiling, traveling to Minnesota doing exactly the same and then all this on repeat?"

"But I'm not alone..."

"Jessica, I'm leaving in two days... Holland is in L.A. and I can't continue lying to her"

"You're not lying, you are helping a friend in need"

"With whom I've been in a relationship and continue screwing around..."

"We're not screwing around"

"How exactly us fucking is helping you? Or me? You know I would give anything for you and even risk it all but it's only a matter of time before you burst out"

"I'm not gonna burst out..."

"You've got to move on... this is not doing any good to you, can't you see that?"

"WHAT, do you want me to do, Sarah? WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?"

"I want you to forget about her"

"I CAN'T!"

"BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T EVEN TRIED! She's out there living her life! And you're trapped in your little world while she's with someone else!!!"

Jessica stopped and looked at her, her eyes open wide, "What?" she whispered

"Fuck..." Sarah said and threw her head on the front, "I didn't want you to find it out that way"

"What is that mean, she's with someone else?"

"Hannah told me, she spoke to Jack... Susan is dating someone"

"Who is it?"

"I don't know..."

"No... it's too soon... It's a lie"

"It's been almost a month, Jessica"

"She would never..." she started but tears filled up her eyes, she felt like she was choking. Jessica stopped and looked around, unable to talk.

"She is... Jack wanted to come and talk to you but Hannah didn't let him. She said she'll handle it but apparently she couldn't, so it was all up to me. I saw them this morning while I was out."

"You saw them?"

"I did... we talked a little bit"

"Well..." she whispered and closed her eyes. Jessica shook her head, recovering. A tough horse... she looked at Sarah and smiled with her eyes filled with tears, "I'm happy for her"

"But Susan is not the point here..."

"I know..." she replied and stood up, walking to the counter, "But as much as you want me to say that I'm gonna move on, I'm not gonna say it..." she added and took out of the cupboard a bottle of Whiskey, she continued, "Susan was my last chapter, the one with whom I thought I'll end up."

Jessica opened up the bottle and poured some alcohol in a glass, returning back to her seat, "I lived so many years afraid... Afraid of falling in love, afraid of being myself. You know how Sam was and you know how it ended... But with Susan, it was different, she is different. She showed me so many great things. Even now, at this age, I was still learning from her... I mean, you know how that feels, you're with Holland. And you're right, what we're doing is ridiculous, I just needed someone, I'm sorry"

"You know how much I love you, Jessica... I just hate seeing you like this"

"No, I'm alright..."

"Don't lie to me"

"Honestly..." she replied, calmer now, "I am... at least I know she's doing great." she stopped and chuckled, "After all, it was my decision to break up with her."

Sarah stared at her as Jessica picked up her glass and newspaper and disappeared into the living room...

__________________

"Nervous?"

"I'm shaking..." Susan chuckled as she fixed her hair in front of the mirror, wearing a black floral dress she checked her back and then turned to look at Clayton who was sitting on the bed, staring at her, "How do I look?"

"You're so beautiful, I'm gonna cry..." he said and clapped his hands together, making Susan chuckle, "You think tonight is gonna be THE night?" he asked.

"God, I don't know... he said he's cooking"

"Can't believe you two haven't done it yet"

"We're just taking things slow is all..."

"Susan, how are you?"

"I'm good..." she replied and went to his side, picking up her bag

"Are you?"

"I know where this is going... I'm good, end of discussion"

"Alright"

"I'm going... please don't forget to feed the dogs"

"Well, that's why I'm here in the first place, how could I forget it?" he replied and laughed. Susan took one final look of herself in the mirror, she sighed and left the room.

___________________

The clock showed exactly 10:00 and Susan was now waiting for her date to come in the dining room with their food, as she was scrolling down Twitter's feed she heard footsteps approaching the room. Immediately she closed her phone and placed it right next to her.

He walked inside, a young man at the age of 39, though he could easily pass as 20, he walked inside smiling, wearing a black suit just to make things a little fancier. His hair, long... up tight in a messy ban, he placed the plate in front of Susan and then sat across her.

"Thanks..." Susan whispered and looked at the plate

"I thought of making pasta but I wanted to impress you," he said and laughed while he picked up his fork and started eating

"I'm impressed alright..." Susan replied with a chuckle, "It must've been so hard for you to cook chicken and rice" she added and started laughing

"Give me a break, I'm not a chef," he said laughing

"Hmm... it's delicious" she whispered with her mouth full.

"I was dreaming of this moment since the first time we met"

"Of cooking?"

"Cooking for you..."

"Look..." she started but he cut her short, "I know that you just got out of a long relationship and I'm okay with taking things slow. I just never wanted anyone else so bad as I want you"

Susan looked at him and smiled, "Thank you..."

"So... I was thinking..." he started but it felt like his voice started fading away once Susan saw a message on her phone from Jessica, she looked at the name, again and again, making sure it was her. Her fork crashed on the plate and suddenly she felt a knot on her stomach, "I... um... Can I use your bathroom for a second?"

The man stopped, "Um, sure, yeah, it's the second door on the left"

"Thanks" she replied and stood up immediately, taking her phone, she rushed into the toilet and sat down on the floor.

*Hi, I know it's been so long since the last time we talked and I'm probably gonna regret sending you this but today, someone told me that you're now dating someone else and my first thought was to call you and talk about it. I'm not gonna lie, it hurt me. I know we're done and I know there's no chance we're gonna get back together. Guess, what hurts me is that you're no longer mine but I'm happy for you, honestly. I'm just curious to see if you're thinking of me, if my name crosses your mind, just for a second. Even now I know that you might think how selfish I am and the truth is that I am but only when it comes to you. Because I want you to be mine. I really don't know what I'm doing...*

Susan stopped and sighed, she looked around and then called her, a few minutes passed before Jessica finally answered the phone. "Yes?"

"Please don't tell me that this is one of your drunk messages?"

"Who's the guy?"

"What difference would it make if I told you?"

"Do I know him?" she stuttered making Susan angrier.

"Why are you doing this to yourself?"

"Answer me! Is it true?"

"Jesus, you're wasted"

"Is it?!" Jessica shouted from the other line

"It is..." she whispered and closed her eyes, "His name is Tom" Jessica didn't reply, trying really hard to keep herself together. "Jess, please do it for me, stop hurting yourself"

"So now you're worried about me?"

"I was always worried about you for Christ's sake! You are the one who said we were done!"

"And after almost a month you started fucking someone else?"

"Goodnight, Jessica"

"Fuck you, Susan! FUCK YOU!"

With that Susan closed her phone and threw it to the side, "Fuck!" she yelled and stormed out of the bathroom, returning back to Tom, "What happened?" he asked, worried once he saw her approaching him. Susan didn't hesitate and kissed him, she parted her legs and sat on top of him, pulling him into a deep kiss, letting her anger out she bit and nibbled his lips making him whined. "Let's go inside..." she whispered...