A/n
Привет everyone!!!
So remember the poem that I published. Yes? Good.
Well the reaction that I got from everyone was amazing and I even got a request to make it into a proper imagine. So this is dedicated to Meowlnir !
I hope that you like it and remember to request!
~Hope

(November 2015)
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Warnings: Suicide attempt, depression, extreme Bucky feels

"The man on the bridge. Who was he?"
"You met him another mission recently" "But I knew him" "he's been out of Cryofreeze too long" "well wipe him and start over". "Yes sir" "Hail HYDRA" "Hail HYDRA!" Bzzzzzzz Bzzzzz Bzzzzzzz "arrrrrrgggggggg-"

"Arrrrrrggggggg!" Bucky awoke from another nightmare. He'd been having them everyday since he was rescued.

He told Steve that they had ended awhile ago. He told him that he was feeling better. More Bucky-like. More like a normal man instead of a soviet assassin. He had lied. He wasn't getting better, he was getting worse. Some days he felt so bad that he wished that he wasn't Bucky anymore and just be the Winter Soldier. It was so much simpler then.

Get orders. Follow them. Memories return. Wiping. Freezing. Get orders. Follow them. Memories return. Wiping. Freezing. Etc. Etc. Over and over.

Back then as the soldier he didn't feel anything. Now all he could feel was the bone crushing weight of the guilt, of the resentment, of the pain that he had caused. When he looked in the mirror he didn't see James Buchanan Barnes or The Winter Soldier. He saw a shaggy haired, metal armed, icy eyed monster. He loathed the way that Steve looked at him with kindness and hope yet he loathed the way that others looked at him with hate and fear. When Steve gave him the "you're my best friend" speech, the winter soldier in him wanted to scream and shout, "No I am not. I am an assassin! I am no friend to anyone!" But when he heard the Avengers bitching about him, the Bucky Barnes in him wanted to scream and shout: "No! It wasn't my fault! I never wanted to hurt anyone! Please give me a chance". But he did neither. He sat there stony faced, eyes glazed, saying nothing.

He thought things had got better when she arrived. Y/n L/n. She was his Angel. She was the one that embraced him as he cried like a child after a nightmare. She was the one the that snuggled into his side as they watched TV. She was the one that he could be himself around. With her, he didn't have to pretend to be the old James Buchanan Barnes. She was the one that he gave his heart to.

He loved her. When she wasn't around it was like she had taken the sun and all that was left was the never ending, soul sucking blackness that only ceased when she was back. Things had gotten better until he ruined it.

He hit her. And he didn't stop.

He awoke from a nightmare to her shaking him and cradling him in her warm, homely arms. But Winter had appeared. He struck her with his metal
arm. And while Bucky was screaming in his mind to stop, Winter kept punching. Over and Over.

She never screamed. She understood that it wasn't him. She did nothing as he rammed his iron fist into her soft flesh. She didn't fight when he seized her by the throat and lifted her off the ground. All she did was whimper "Bucky" as he choked the life out of her.

That's when he took control. He banished the Soldier from his mind and held the woman he was previously trying to kill. "Oh what have I done! What have I done!" He cried as he saw her beaten and bruised body. Her throat had become a rainbow of blues and purples as the bruise grew. Her breathing was rapid and shallow and her eyes glistened. But even after what he had done, there was no sign of resentment or hate in those big y/e/c eyes.

The others ran in to check the scene, their faces were multiple shades of the same emotions: hate, fear, loathing and shock. The only two faces that didn't show these emotions were Steve's and Y/n's, they showed emotions that were worse than the previously mentioned, they were sympathy and understanding and two kinds of love. Yet Bucky could only recognise one: Steve's brotherly love.

He had decided that he would never hurt Y/n or anyone else again. And to do this, he had to take himself out of the equation. How could they be harmed by him when there was no him to harm them.

He went to the bridge that he and Steve would sit on as youths. The bridge that crossed the murky freezing waters of the East River. He had made a plan: write a note, go to the bridge, take one last look, jump, die.

He had done the first two steps of the plan. Now it was time to set step 3 into motion.

**
Meanwhile as Bucky was making his way to his death, Y/n returned to the tower. She had bought Bucky a gift. Something so childish that it was sure to bring a smile to his recently frowney face. She had bought him a Bucky Bear.

As his door was already open, she just walked in. She spotted a pieces of lined paper inscribed with his messy, ink blotched writing. She picked up one to see it written in Cyrillic Russian.

Дорогой Y/n
Я так сожалею о , что я сделал , и то, что я собираюсь сделать . Я должен сделать это. Я не могу позволить себе , чтобы причинить вам вред снова. Я как-то сказал, что я умру, если я когда-либо тебе больно . И я тебе больно . Я буду в Ист-Ривер в ближайшее время, так что, когда вы идете мимо моста , пожалуйста, помните меня . Пожалуйста, помните, что я сделал это за вас . Пожалуйста, помните, что я люблю тебя .
Баки .

She had no idea what it meant. So she looked around for the English translation. She found it next to his dog tags on his bed, in an envelope with her name on it.

Dearest Y/n
I'm so sorry for what I did and what I'm going to do . I have to do it. I can not afford to hurt you again. I once said that I would die if I ever hurt you. And I hurt you. I'll be in the East River soon. so when you go past the bridge, please remember me. Please remember that I did it for you. Please remember that I love you.

Bucky .

"No Bucky! No Bucky!" She screamed as she snatched the dog tags. "No Bucky! No!" She screamed as she made her way to the Brooklyn bridge to save the broken man she loved.

**
With stage 3 complete, it was time to move to stage 4. Within a few minutes of stage 4 being put into motion, stage 5 will be completed. He took a deep breath before walking towards the edge of the bridge.

He looked down at murky waters that sped down the East River like a rally car. Tearing away everything in its path. He thought about how they would react when they learnt about his act of desperation.

Steve would be heartbroken. But he had already mourned Him before, so this wouldn't be a new experience. Bucky thought to himself.

The Avengers wouldn't give a damn. One less liability to worry about. One less thing to keep the great Captain America from doing what needed to be done.

Y/n. Y/n would be devastated. They were best friends, partners in nightmares and pain. They were one person encased in two bodies. But he couldn't hurt her again. He loved her too much. Maybe one day she would meet a man or woman that could actually care for her. That wouldn't wake her up in the middle of the night with his terrors. Who wouldn't beat her to a pulp when she wanted to help.

His feet were on the edge. "Три, два, один". He whispered. He closed his eyes and lent forward.

**

She stretched her hand out and caught him by his collar. With all her might, she pulled him back from his death and spin him around. He opened his eyes in shock as he saw her there. Eyes red raw, nose running, cheeks blushed. Before he could say anything, her palm connected with his cheek.

"You stupid asshole! How could you? You fucking stupid dickhead! How could you!" She screamed, racking with sobs of sadness and betrayal. "Why are you here? Why didn't you let me jump?" He replied, tears streaming down his face. "How could I let you kill yourself? I love you! You stupid imbecile! I love you with all of my fucking heart!" She sobbed into his chest. "I love you with all of mine. I can't hurt you again". He admitted. "You won't. Nothing you can do can hurt me as long as you love me". She gave him a small smile before placing her hands on his cheeks and settling her lips onto his.

"I love you so fucking much, Bucky. Never even think about leaving me like that again". She said softly as broke away.

"I wouldn't dare. My love".

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A/n
I'm sorry that it is so long!!! I couldn't help myself. I apologise sincerely.

Also every bit of Russian (apart from привет) is from Google translate so forgive me if they are wrong.

Привет - Hi
Три - Three
Два - Two
Один - One

I hope that you like it and thank you Meowlnir for asking me to write it.

I kinda need requests so send them in.

Thank you for reading!!!

~Hope