Because who needs quality writing

Brought to you by an eye surgery that happened Monday..

I doubt I should even be writing

Btw Tom refers to Hiddleston

CHANGES:
Used to be titled "The Cutting Of The Fish"

And also the setting is kind of like this:

"What are you doing?" Chris asked Robert as Robert cut open a fish and took a bite of it. "That's cannibalism."

"I knew something smelled fishy," Tom said with a smirk as he looked to the invisible crowd and waved.

"Those are some sick puns," Jeremy said as he, too, walked on stage, smirked, and waved.

Tom was now standing next to Robert as he cut the fish on the counter while Jeremy and Chris were across from them.

"I don't see how something can be fishy when there are no women here," Robert said with a smirk. The other three men began laughing at his joke when you and Natasha walked in.

"And then he did this thing where- Oh! Hey, boys!" You said cheerily as you and Natasha walked to the counter. "What are y'all doing?"

The four men were giggling upon your arrival and you scrunched your eyebrows. "What's so funny? And what's that fishy smell?" You questioned as you looked to the invisible crowd with a confusing look.

The men busted out laughing like mad and Chris held his left boob from laughing so hard.

"Oh! If only y'knew," Jeremy breathed out as he wiped away a stray tear.

"Just because we're women doesn't mean we're dumb," Natasha mumbled as the two of you walked to the kitchen table and sat down.

"Dumb men," you mumbled. "Why do they get all the jokes and we get jack shit?"

"Hey, everyone," Sebastian said as he walked in the room topless and jeans barely hugging his hips like always. He always did this. Always.

You drooled at the sight of him. He was sweaty from doing whatever work he had been doing, which was usually just masturbating, and was gleaming the glow of raw sex on a Sunday morning.

"My! If that ain't the finest piece of sin I've ever seen," you mumbled as you took a sip of your iced tea.

"I couldn't agree more," Natasha mumbled as she, too, took a sip of her tea.

"Hey, Seb," Chris said as he took a chunk out of Robert's fish and ate it. "How's the weather?"

"It's pretty moist," Sebastian said with a wink. "It's the wettest I've ever felt it."

"Mhmmmm," Chris hummed aggressively as he took another chunk of fish.

"Stop stealing my fucking fish!" Robert said as he stabbed his fork into the fish.

"Language," Tom said with a grin as he looked between Chris, Robert, and the invisible crowd.

Chris rolled his eyes and sighed dramatically. "When will that ever be let go?"

"Never," Tom whispered with a smile. "Who's the puny god now, Bitch?"

"Oh, shit. I think something is going down over there," Natasha said as she leaned across the table to be closer to you.

You nodded your head and looked to your right to get a better view.

"I'll tell you who's the puny god, Bitch," Chris said while narrowing his eyes and poking a finger to Tom's chest.

"Woah! Woah! Woah! Hold on everyone," Sebastian said as he stepped between the two and held up his hands to their chests to separate them. "Let's all keep some peace, eh?"

"This isn't the hunger games," Tom said with a growl.

"You're not the hunger games," Chris said with an equally effective growl.

"Alright! That's enough," Robert said as he waved his knife through the air. "You all are disturbing my fish. Rude."

"I didn't know Pepper was here," Chris said with a cocky grin and a raised eyebrow.

Tom cockily grinned at Chris and shook his hand.

Robert was now fuming and started to charge for Chris.

"Enough! Enough!" Sebastian yelled. "Y'all just gotta chill."

"Shut up, Frosty. Your woman isn't getting called out with horrible sex jokes," Robert fumed.

"We would, but he's single," Tom said with an apologetic smile towards Rob.

Rob nodded angrily and went back to cutting his fish.

Sebastian nodded sarcastically at Tom and flipped him off, to which the crowd made an "ooh" sound.

Robert looked to the invisible crowd with a raised eyebrow. "What?"

Sebastian giggled, causing his abs to ripple like a wave. You started drooling.

"See somethin' ya like?" Natasha asked with a cocky grin and a raised eyebrow.

"Mhm," you hummed as you set your chin on your palm and continued daydreaming into Sebastian's abs.

"So, like I was saying," Tom began when Chris cut him off.

"You were never saying anything," Chris interrupted.

"Fuck you and Hail HYDRA," Tom said with absolutely zero fucks. "My friend Adam is coming into town and-"

"Goddamit. Adam's fucking annoying," Sam interrupted as he walked in the room dressed as a cater waiter. "Anyone want any macaroons?"

"Nah, I prefer plums," Bucky said as he followed Sam into the room and stood next to Sebastian at the counter.

"I asked if anyone wanted macaroons, not if you, literally no one, wanted macaroons," Sam retorted as he set the tray of macaroons down by the sink and swung the hand towel over his shoulder.

Bucky glared at Sam and Sam smirked back.

"Sup man?" Sebastian asked Bucky as he pulled him in for a man hug.

Bucky hugged back awkwardly and replied, "Nothing much. I'm just chillin-"

"In Cedar Rapids," Chris finished for him. "Sorry. I really like finishing for Bucky."

Sam raised an eyebrow at Chris and said, "Well, at least somebody does."

Bucky released Sebastian from the hug and licked his lips and glared at Sam.

"Can I actually have a macaroon? This fish is starting to disturb me," Robert said as he held up the fish's eyeball and swung it in front of his face.

Everyone made a disgusted look towards the fish.

"Sure. What color ya want?" Sam asked as he removed the lid from the tray.

"Purple," Robert said with a smile. Sam then handed him a purple macaroon and Robert took it happily.

"Hey," Natasha said as she stood up from the table. "Did anyone ever tell you two that you look similar?" She asked as she went to stand by Bucky and Sebastian. You stood up from the table and followed.

The two looked at each other and shook their heads.

"I don't see it," Sebastian said with a shrug. "I mean- he has a metal arm and I don't. Obviously."

"Yeah, I don't see it either," Sam said. "One of them actually looks kinda attractive."

"Thanks, man," Sebastian said with a smile.

"Who said he was talking about Sebastian?" Chris asked as he folded his arms over his chest.

"Oh, I was talking about Sebastian," Sam said with a straight face.

Bucky sighed and rolled his eyes. "I fucking hate you."

"You just made me love myself even more," Sam said with a smirk and a wink.

"Either way, I think they're both attractive," Natasha said with a smirk.

Sebastian grinned happily and Bucky narrowed his eyes.

"Buckynat is not and will never be a thing," Bucky mumbled angrily.

"That's such an offensive thing to say," Sebastian said with an exasperated sigh.

"Yeah, you tell 'em, Seb," Sam with with a smirk.

"Thank you," Sebastian mumbled with a smile.

"But back to what Nat was saying," you interrupted. "She is right. Both are very attractive."

Bucky and Sebastian blushed and Sam rolled his eyes.

"No, you're very attractive," Sebastian and Bucky both said to you at the exact same time.

"Oh my god! We're twinsies!" Sebastian yelled happily as he hugged Bucky.

Bucky made a confused face as the shirtless Sebastian hugged him.

"Wanna hear a good pun?" Sam asked with a smirk.

"No," Bucky said.

"Of course," Sebastian said with a smile as he let go of Bucky.

"Sebastian is so hot he's like a furnace," Sam said with a smirk as he looked at Bucky.

Bucky twitched and glared at Sam.

"I don't see how that was a pun," Sebastian said with a confused expression as he scratched his head.

"Well, you see- a furnace is hot, like you, and a furnace is an enclosed chamber where heat is produced, or a furnace is an extremely hot place, or a benign furnace is a gentle test trial-" Sam began when he was interrupted.

"I think I get it now," Sebastian said with a weirded out expression. "Thanks."

"Fucking asshole," Bucky mumbled with a pissed off expression.

"Ta ta," Sam said as he did a ballerina twirl.

"Guys, let's all be nice here," Chris said. "No need for ungentle manners."

"What?" Tom asked with a confused expression.

"He said- no need for ungentle manners, brah," Sebastian said as he placed his hand on Tom's shoulder.

Tom looked at Sebastian's hand on his shoulder in disgust and looked back to his eyes. "Never walk into my wizard world booth again."

"Ooh," Chris said as he placed his hand over his mouth.

Robert fake coughed and said, "Roasted."

Sebastian began tearing up and his lip began to quiver. "How hurtful," he said as he took his hand away from Tom's shoulder and began walking away. He walked to you and placed his head on your shoulder. "I wanna die on the ceiling like Mary."

"Are you having an acid trip or something?" Bucky asked.

"I'm just Romanian. That's all," Sebastian said as he wiped a tear from his cheek.

"Yeah. He's just Romanian," you mumbled as you swung your arm around his hips. Bucky glared at the gesture and then glared at Sebastian.

"Yeah, Bucky, so calm the fuck down," Sam said.

"I will fucking rip your heart out," Bucky said as he pointed a finger at Sam.

"Bet," Sam said.

"Fight me," Bucky said.

"If a black pussy can beat your ass then so can this black dick," Sam said as he pounced on Bucky and began fighting him.

"Can I have an autograph?" Scott Lang asked as he walked in the room only to see Sam on top of Bucky, punching Bucky in the face. "Nevermind," he said as he walked back out the door and shut it.

"Oh my god," Sebastian said as he covered his eyes with his hands. "Too much for me."

"It's ok, baby," you mumbled to Sebastian as you pet his hair. "It'll be ok."

"Fuck no!" Bucky yelled as he got away from Sam's grasp only to be taken down by him again. "Sebastian is not your baby!"

"Chillax, brah," Chris said smoothly. "It'll all be ogre soon."

"Get the fuck out," Robert said with a stern look.

Bucky got Sam on his back and started punching him in the face endlessly. "That," punch, "is," punch, "for," punch, "the," punch, "car," punch, "seat."

"Not my fault that Cap puts me before you, Bitch," Sam said as Bucky put him in a chokehold.

"Stahp et," Sebastian said. "Violence is bad. Only rainbows and sunshine can radiate-"

"Just shut up!" Bucky and Sam both yelled at Sebastian at the same time.

"Well, I'm gonna go watch Pitch Perfect 1 & 2- singalong versions. If anyone wants to come with me then don't bother," Chris said as he skipped to the exit and left.

"How rude," Tom said.

"You're hot, too," Natasha said to Tom with a smirk.

"And attracted to Y/N," Tom said as he walked over to you and put an arm around your waist. Sebastian was still crying on your other shoulder.

"What are you doing?" Sebastian asked Tom.

"I'm Mister Steal Yo Girl," Tom said.

"No! You're fucking not!" Bucky yelled as he was pinned down by Sam again.

"Wanna bet?" Tom asked as he grabbed your chin and kissed you with passion.

He pulled away and sighed contently. "I win."

"Not if I do, too," Sebastian said as he grabbed your chin and kissed you. His tongue entered your mouth and you moaned softly.

He then pulled away and sighed. "I win, too."

"No!" Bucky yelled as he began tearing up.

"Longing. Rusted. Furnace. Daybreak. Seventeen. Benign. Nine. Homecoming. One. Freight car," Sam said into Bucky's ear as he held him down.

"No! Stop it, dad!" Bucky yelled as tears brimmed his eyes.

Sebastian continued staring at Bucky in shock while he was taking a video of it and posting it to Gossip Girl.

"Isn't this animal abuse?" Tom whispered in your ear and you nodded your head sadly. "In the arms of an angel," Tom sung quietly as he lit his lighter.

"I'm not a fucking animal! I'm somebody," Bucky yelled to the group as Sam began pulling Bucky's hair, making Sam laugh hysterically.

"This is like one of those mee mees," Sebastian said as he finished up the video and captioned it.

"You mean memes?" You asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No! LOL! Like that, uh, Dat Boi thing and the Pepe frog thing. Those are mee mees!" Sebastian said happily as he laughed.

"No. No, they're not, sweetie," you said quietly. "They're memes."

"Did I hear memes?" Adam asked as he walked in the room with his arms spread wide. "Guess who's fucking here, bitches?"

"Adam Levine!?" Sebastian yelled excitedly. "O M G!"

"And now I wanna fucking kill myself," Adam mumbled quietly.

"This is so fetch!" Sebastian yelled as a mini rainbow sprouted out of his abs.

"The fuck?" Bucky yelled. He finally pushed Sam off of him and the two nodded at each other. Then Bucky walked over to where you, Tom, Sebastian, and Adam all were and joined your entourage.

Bucky huffed as he shrugged Tom's arm from around your waist away and placed his left arm there.

"You're just jealous 'cause I'm British," Tom mumbled with narrowed eyes.

"Well I'm an assassin that tumblr girls obsess over," Bucky said back with narrowed eyes.

"I'm a misunderstood British god that tumblr girls obsess over," Tom said with narrowed eyes.

"This is getting frickin' intense," Sebastian said.

"Don't you swear?" Robert asked.

"Yes, but only during sex," Sebastian said with a straight face.

"Well, Bucky, at least your alter ego gets some," Sam said as he took a sip of wine.

"I get a lot of some. Thank you very much," Bucky said with narrowed eyes. "I fucked Y/N yesterday."

Tom, Adam, and Sebastian all looked at you with raised eyebrows.

"I'm so sorry for you, Y/N," Tom mumbled with an apologetic right eyebrow.

"Fuck you," Bucky said to Tom.

"No. I don't want an STD," Tom said with a disgusted face.

"I don't have any fucking STD's," Bucky said. "And if I did then Y/N would have them, too."

"Fuck, that'd mean I'd have them, too," Adam said.

Everyone looked at Adam in shock.

"What!? Y/N and I are very good together," Adam said with a wink.

"I feel so used," Sebastian said with a frown.

"I hate that I'm asking, but why?" Bucky asked.

"Because I'm sensitive," Sebastian mumbled.

"Oh, don't talk about sensitivity around Bucky. He didn't even used to know what a clitoris was," Sam said.

"Not this shit again," Bucky grumbled.

"What the hell are they talking about?" Adam whispered.

"Don't ask. You weren't there," you mumbled back.

"Wanna get outta here?" Adam whispered.

You winked at him and began tip toeing away together when Tom caught you two.

"Where the hell are you two going?" Tom asked.

"To buy plums!" You yelled as you and Adam sprinted out the door.

"How thoughtful," Sebastian mumbled with a smile.

"They're not fucking buying plums you idiot! They're gonna go fuck!" Bucky yelled as he started chasing you and Adam.

"How rude," Sebastian mumbled sadly.

Once again-
Who needs quality writing!?!?!?!????!?!?!?!!!?!!?

#RIPGrimmie🙏🏻
#PrayForOrlando🙏🏻

Both horrible fucking events.

Grimmie-

I used to watch her videos all the time before she was even on The Voice. I found them because of Shane Dawson's videos. Christina was fucking amazing. She seemed so nice and sweet, and had the best fucking voice- and now she's gone. All because of one fucking stalker who shot her five fucking times after her concert. I'm truly disgusted.

Orlando Shooting-

This. Oh my god. This. 50 fucking deaths and 53 injured people. Oh my god. "Biggest mass shooting in US history." And it had to be a fucking hate crime. Right? What else would it be? Either way, 50 deaths and 53 injured is horrible and should never ever happen- but the fact that it was a hate crime unravels me. The LGBTQ+ community deserves better. Way better. And I'm not just saying this because I'm apart of it because I'm bi- I'm saying this because no one deserves this. And the man was an Islamic Fighter?? I don't remember exactly but I think that's what they said. Truly awful and disgusting. And also- the killing of Christina happened in Orlando as well. So, my thoughts and prayers go to Orlando💞😭🙏🏻 I'm so sorry for everyone effected (affected??) and I'm sorry for everyone who got killed/injured/psychologically impaired because of this...

Happier Shit-

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THIS IMAGINE YOU MAY ASK!?!? IIIIIIIIDDDDDDDDDDKKKKKK

Oh and idk why some of them have their actual names and some of them have their MCU names but just go with it

BUT IT TOOK ME THREE FUCKING DAYS BECAUSE

1. I'm lazy

2. I had an eye surgery

3. I'm just really tired.

And I'm on the last season of Gossip Girl.

Random Gif of Seb: