Please excuse my language, I'm frustrated

I need advice. Help. Badly. You guys are my friends, I can't tell you my secrets, right? I can tell you things and not be judged, right?

I hope so.

I don't know what to do. I don't know what to think. My mind feels jumbled and screwed up and I don't know if I can fix it.

I fucking hate school. My grades are dropping. I'm loosing intrest. I'll cry at random times. I don't want to talk to people. I'm not happy. I don't know what makes me happy.

I want to take anti depressants. I want to.

I'm not one for medication, but I don't know what else to do. I want myself back. I want my life back. I want to be that bubbly and happy girl I was a year ago, not this sad excuse of a person I am now.

I can't tell my parents. Tonight alone, I've tried telling them four times. I cant. I laugh it off when they ask what's wrong, I say I'm fine. What the hell is wrong with me?

Maybe it isn't depression. Maybe in 'just a hormonal teen'. But, fuck, if this is what it feels like to be a teen, count me the fuck out.

I don't mean to come on here and complain like a sappy bitch, nut I need help. I need someone to tell me it'll be okay. Someone who has dealt with this, some one who won't brush it aside and call it a phase.

I feel like I'm fucking mad.

What do I do? What do I do?

How do I tell my parents that I want to take pills? That I think I'm depressed? That out of everything wonderful they do to me is clouded by all the shit I'm dealing with right now?

Goddammit. I'm shaking, I'm so mad right now. I just want to fucking punch something.

Why can't I tell my own fucking parents something so important? What kind of psycho am I that I can't find help for myself?

God, I'm sorry. I'm no trying to get attention. I'm not trying to get sympathy. I need someone to tell me what the fuck to do before I loose it. I feel like I'm on the edge of a meltdown.

I'm sorry for not writing. I've been a bit caught up.