Bit of a shorter chapter, but the next one is gonna be huge, I already know it.

TRIGGER WARNING: Slight mentions of depression if you squint

Word Count: 2511

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Your forehead rested against the car window, the small Volkswagen Beetle at capacity with Steve and Sam in the front, and Bucky to your right. Trying to avoid contact, you kept your body against the car door, as far from Bucky as possible. Sam and Steve both kept their eyes ahead, Sam angry that the man who had tried to kill him earlier was sitting right behind him, and Steve angry the the woman behind him continued to withhold information about her time in Bucharest with his best friend.

Bucky stayed tense in his seat, eyes trained on the world passing through his window. He knew you were hurt by him pushing you away, anyone with eyes could see that. It hurt him just as much, maybe even more knowing he had caused the pain, but he knew it was necessary. It was undeniable that you and him were able to build a connection in the months you spent together, one that he never knew was possible. In order to keep you safe, from not only those who were after him but also himself, he had to break that bond. Considering the time he had been out of HYDRA's grasp, the decision to distance himself from you emotionally was one of the hardest decisions he had to make. He was torn between keeping his heart guarded, and letting you own the key. On one hand, he knew you would be safer and better off if he didn't keep you close. On the other hand, you brought so much happiness into his sad life that it was hard to ignore you.

He just hoped that one day, when everything had passed and he would be able to live a normal life, you would forgive him for hurting you and allow him back into your heart.

You tried to keep your mind off of all the unanswered questions you had. Between the questions you had for Bucky- Why do you feel like you have to pull away? Is this temporary or do you no longer need me?- and the questions you had for Steve- Are you angry about Bucharest? How else should I say sorry?- you weren't sure how to feel about the situation entirely. Your grip tightened around the ice pack you clutched to your side, trying to focus on the blue of the sky and not the stressful thoughts circulating through your mind.

Steve pulled off the road and under an overpass, pulling behind a black Audi already parked there. Sharron stepped out of the driver side of the Audi, walking towards Steve as he approached her. She opened the trunk, revealing Steve's shield, Sam's wings, and the pistol Bucky had given you to use in Romania. You watched through the windshield as they talked, the three of you in the car quiet. 

"Can you move your seat up?" Bucky asked Sam, breaking the silence.

"No." He replied, eyes staying glued ahead. Sharron glanced towards the car, continuing her conversation with Steve while stealing a glance at Bucky. 

With a heavy sigh leaving his lips, he moved himself towards you, settling into the seat in the middle of the back bench of the car, thigh brushing against yours. It made your breath hitch, your eyes flickering to him for a fraction of a second. It was nothing more than a slight contact, but the silence of the car ride had allowed the perfect opportunity for your mind to begin processing the past few days, and it all was overwhelming.

Your heart began racing, it's beat thundering in your ears. You closed your eyes and tried to relax, but memories began flashing in your head. Images of Bucky cornering you in an alley, of him grinning as he sat down across from you at the bakery, of him telling you to hold on before jumping off a roof with you, of the panic in his eyes when he told you to leave him- it all flickered by, then landed on a single moment in time, a moment that filled you with a feeling of safety and warmth that had been absent the past few days.

He held you close, swaying slightly. His hand on your back sent shivers over your skin. He hummed lowly along to the music as he danced with you, your face cradled into the curve of his neck. Every beat of his heart vibrated through you and every breath he took fanned over your cheek. He held onto you like you were keeping him from floating away, like you were the weight that kept him grounded on Earth. You could feel his stubble brush against your cheek, shifting slightly as a small smile took over his lips. You sighed, his scent rushing over you. All of your senses were engulfed with Bucky, and you had let yourself surrender to it.

Tears pricked at your eyes as you remembered that night in Romania. The loss of that life, that moment, finally hit you. You lived in a perfect bubble with Bucky, carrying out what could be a normal life. You should have known it was temporary, you should have prepared for the tragedy of losing it all. But, would you be able to prepare for that massive loss? Is there any way to be ready for that? It was too much, overloading your thoughts, and you suddenly felt like the car was far too small, too suffocating. You opened your door and stepped out, walking to the trunk and leaning against it. Your right hand covered your mouth, left still holding the ice pack to your side. You blinked your tears away and took slow breaths, trying to calm down.

"It's alright," Sam said, placing a reassuring hand on your shoulder. You hadn't even heard him get out of the car. You took another deep breath and moved your hand away from your face.

"I'm sorry," you chuckled sadly, "everything's kinda hitting me at once."

"Don't apologize for your pain, ever." He said softly, his hand moving to make circles along your back. 

"It all is just... ridiculous." you began, "The Avengers are fighting over these Accords that nobody really likes anyways, Steve is so beyond pissed at me for lying to him, Bucky despises the fact that I'm still here," you locked eyes with Sam, "two days ago, my whole life..." Your words trailed off, not wanting the sentence to be complete.

Two days ago, your whole life was perfect.

If you were to admit how content you were in Romania, it would be impossible to ignore how it was all gone.

"Did he really make you that happy?" Sam asked quietly.

Your gaze fell, the memories with Bucky once again flashing through your mind. A small, sad smile reached your lips as you crossed your arms in front of you. The ice pack crinkled in your hand as you repositioned.

"I thought I was happy at SHIELD, thought I found my purpose. Then that was taken from me." You locked eyes with him again, "Helping Steve find Bucky was what I used to replace that purpose, to give me a reason for living, again. Then I found him. I didn't realize how sad I had actually been until he made me as happy as he did."

Sam leaned against the trunk beside you, following your position by crossing his arms as well. 

"What actually happened out there?" He asked. You looked at him, eyebrows furrowed and head slightly tilted.

"What are you hiding from Steve?" He elaborated, eyebrow raised. You nodded and looked to the floor, the small smile back on your face.

"Well," you cleared your throat and readjusted slightly, "it's hard to explain but... there was just a connection. There was a moment where the idea of living a normal life with him in Romania was so appealing, I didn't even care that I had lied to Steve. I let him in. And God, everything just felt right."

You looked at him, letting out a chuckle. "I know I sound crazy, but it's so hard to let go of that feeling, Sam."

He took a deep breath, glancing over his shoulder to see Steve walking back towards the car with the recovered weapons in his arms. The black Audi pulled away, turning back towards the road.

"It's not crazy," he finally responded, finding your gaze once more, "it just sounds like you were in the right place, at the right time. Whatever you believe in- God, Buddha, fate, whoever you think looks over and plans your life- they put you and Barnes in Romania together for a reason. What you choose to do with that is up to you."

You blinked at him, speechless from his words. You knew he was right, he always was. Bucky was someone who was never meant to live during this time, someone who's original life would've not allowed for the two of you to meet. But somehow, someway, destiny had twisted in just the right way for the two of you to not only cross paths, but build an attachment for each other when neither of you thought it was possible. The world took a man who couldn't name half of the emotions he felt, and a woman who didn't know what true happiness was, and made them find one thing in each other that they had not known before:

love.

Did you love him? Maybe. Could you? Definitely.

Your thoughts were interrupted by Steve approaching the car.

"Sam, can you pop the trunk?" He asked, walking towards you.

"Got it, Cap." Sam answered, jogging towards the driver's side of the car. You moved out of the way, the trunk lifting slightly as Sam pulled the lever inside the car. Steve dumped the weapons in his arms into the car as you lifted the door higher. You threw the ice pack in as well, since it was mostly melted and warm.

"Thanks." He said shortly, Sam walking up beside him to inspect his wings.

You nodded, slightly annoyed with the angry tone he still used. He had every right to be mad, you knew that, but he had to at least try to cooperate with you. All he had was you, Sam, and Bucky, whether he liked it or not.

"Why are you still angry with me?" You asked before you could stop yourself. You crossed your arms over your chest and squared your shoulders with Steve.

Steve scoffed at you. "Take a guess."

"I'm already doing that, Steve, that's why I'm asking." You retorted.

He shook his head slightly, rolling his eyes. "You agreed to help me find Bucky, then when you actually do, keep him hidden from me," he looked at you, "and- on top of that- started this... relationship with him."

"I did what was best for him." You spoke through clenched teeth, anger building up.

"No, you did what was best for you." He poked your shoulder with his last word, moving you slightly.

"Woah, guys-" Sam tried to reason.

"What is that supposed to mean, Rogers?" Your fists clenched, Sam's words ignored.

"It means that you took someone that was mentally fragile, someone who's mind was compromised for the last seventy years," he took small steps towards you, "and, after inserting yourself into their life, you acted upon your own needs and took advantage of them."

Your nostrils flared, hands shaking. Steve was only a foot away from you, face cold and eyes accusatory.

"Do you really believe that?" You asked, head tilting slightly.

"Completely."

You lunged forward, pushing on Steve's chest. Your hands smacked against him repeatedly while he tried to grab you to restrain you. Every swing was accompanied with you shouting for him to take it back, to admit that his words weren't true. It was like a fight between siblings, where no harm was really intended, but the only way to match the anger was with violence.

Sam knocked harshly on the back window of the Beetle, Bucky's eyes snapping towards him. Sam pointed towards you fighting with Steve, mouthing 'HELP' dramatically. Bucky took a single look towards you and flew out the door, running to get you before you could hurt yourself.

You felt two hands circle around your stomach and pull you back, your arms still swinging in front of you.

"Hey, hey, calm down. Calm down." Bucky spoke into your ear, left arm staying wrapped around you as his right hand reached up to run through your hair in an attempt to pull you out of your anger. Your chest heaved with heavy breaths as you stopped struggling against him, glare never leaving Steve. Both him and Sam looked at you, his glare angry and Sam's slightly surprised.

"It's okay, everything's okay." Bucky whispered, small shushes leaving his lips. Your hands found the metal forearm around your waist, gripping onto it as you grounded yourself. As you began to calm down, you could begin to feel the breathing of his heart against your back, the wind of his breath on your neck. You could feel yourself drifting back to that moment in Bucharest, the moment where nothing but Bucky surrounded you completely.

He lifted his head slightly, looking to Steve and Sam. "I've got her," he spoke, all the softness in his voice gone, "just wait in the car."

Steve looked like he was about to blow a fuse as him and Sam walked back to each side of the car. It wasn't until both of their doors closed that Bucky let you go. You stepped away and turned to face him, not able to meet his eyes in embarrassment. He immediately missed your touch, his whole body feeling cold without your warmth near him.

"Are you okay?" He asked, his voice soft and quiet. You sighed, shaking your head slightly before peeling your eyes from the ground to meet his.

"Do you regret it?" You asked, just as quietly. His face fell at your words, heart breaking in his chest. He wished that he could reach out and hold you, that he could just pretend that everything was normal again. God, he would give anything to have that normal life with you again.

"I..." he hesitated, thinking over his words, "I regret dragging you into this life."

You nodded, chewing on your lip as you thought. "I didn't really give you a choice, did I?"

He smiled sadly, "But I still let you in."

"Then why do you keep pushing me out?"

He didn't answer for a moment, swallowing thickly before he spoke.

"My life isn't meant for this. It isn't meant for you." His jaw clenched after he said those words, knowing they would hurt you. But, he knew they were the truth. They were the hard truth that the both of you had ignored in Romania, but now the situation had changed, and you had to face the facts. You were always going to be out of Bucky's reach, and he chose to end it quickly before it had a chance to become something more.

Your gaze fell back to the ground, teeth gnawing on your cheek as you processed his words.

"I understand." You whispered. "It's okay."  And with that, you turned and got back into the car, Bucky not far behind you.

The rest of the ride was completely silent.

TO BE CONTINUED