“Yagnya…Let's meet them outside the dressing room na,” Aashita, my friend said nudging me softly.

“Aashu…you go. I'm fine here,” I denied her plea to walk towards there dressing room glancing at her pleading soft expression. I didn’t want to go there. I…I didn’t know what I wanted anymore to be truthful! I didn’t even know what I was doing here now?

I shouldn’t have come but I couldn't stop myself from coming too. My heart! I couldn’t deny or maybe it was hope that I was chasing and now, the fear of it all shattering had rooted me to my spot.

“Agnu!!” Aashi breathed out my nickname in that patented exasperated motherly tone of hers and I couldn’t help but look away. I wasn’t ready for this now. I'm afraid and tired and confused.

“Is this about yesterday? You’re still upset about it?” she asked me sounding damn weary. She was tired of this. I was too, not that I could tell her that.

“No…its not. I’m just not feeling…” I let the sentence hang, I didn’t know what to say? Was I not feeling good? Was I feeling depressed? Did I not feel like going to them? Was something aching inside me?

Yes and yes and yes.

But it’s not like I could voice all that out.

Not now. Not here.

“You know media is sprouting rubbish right…Agnu! And you also know why he wants to keep your relation a secret, try understanding him na baba…I'll send him over, alright ” Aashi uttered glancing at me meaningfully as she walked away, leaving me alone in the empty stands of Chinnaswamey.

Sitting in the empty stadium with my thoughts as my sole company. I couldn’t help but feel at solace and chaos all at once. Aashi's words ringing in my mind. Understand him!! All I’ve ever done is just that…I tried and tried and tried and I think I’m am tired now.

So tired. 

I sat there looking at the suddenly darkening sky. A storm was brewing and it felt so beautiful. The dark sky, the lush ground, the— “Yagnya"

And there he was looming over me with a poker face but his eyes, they were giving away his dissatisfaction alright. He was upset with me.

Nowadays, he was always upset with me.

“Loki!” I smiled.

He didn’t return my gesture.  His eyes blazed fire of irritation. My nickname irritated him very much.

“How many times do I need to tell you to not call me that Yagnya? What are you three? Can’t you understand I don’t like that stupid name? Call me KL or Rahul!” He spoke with gritted teeth , anger clearly radiating off his impassive face.

“Sorry..” I apologized aching as always. He shruged of my gesture continuing looking put off by me.

“Now, what’s the matter with you? Why are you here acting like we wronged you or something?” His eyes were accusing and my heart was breaking again.

Does my sadness really seem an act to him? When has this happened?
“Nothing is the matter. I wasn’t feeling like socializing. Why are you reacting like this?” I demanded. Hurt by his actions again.

“Really or you felt you were too high to socialize with the boys? ” his words were hurtful and tearing me apart again.

“where this came from Rahul? You know there isn't anything like that I came for you only and I wasn’t feeling good…”

“if you weren’t feeling good you shouldn’t be here. I didn’t beg you to come here. So, stop acting as if you did a great favor by coming here, alright" he vented heatedly startling me . How can he say things like this to me?
But after yesterday,  I shouldn’t be surprised.  I…I did this to myself, I guess.

“Why are you talking like this Rahul? What’s wrong with you?” I asked him feeling my eyes burn. His words were killing me.

“What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you Yagnya? Why are you like this? I’m so tired of your this entitled behavior” He breathed out staring at me like I was the reason behind his every misery.

And I couldn’t take it? Why was he behaving like this?

“Entitled!!” I huffed out a strangled  laugh feeling so very hurt. He didn't know how really acting entitled looked like. He hadn't met anyone of those people.

“What do you want Rahul? What do you really want? I’m so tired of this daily bickering. I can’t take it anymore,” I asked him holding in the misery stinging and burning in my eyes with my all.

“I want a break from it all. I can’t take this anymore too. I’m tired of this.” He didn’t say he was tired of me but I could hear it just fine in his words.

He was tired of me.

“So…you’re saying?” my voice wavered ever so slightly. The hope that kept me going was leaving me. The last shard of hope that brought me here was now stuck in my throat making me bleed in misery.

“Yes, I’m saying that I think it is it for us,” he said turning away from me.

“Ohkay…that’s it then wish you best and goodbye,” I said accepting his verdict for I could do nothing more. He didn’t want me and I couldn’t stay if he didn’t want me anymore.

His heart wasn’t my home anymore.
But still watching him go away my heart burned in an inferno of pain Taking a deep breath, I called after him, “Rahul"

He turned looking at me questioningly irritation still laced his eyes.
“Tell Aashi I went back home,”

Nodding he walked away not turning back once and I fell down on the floor my head hitting my seat. Paining.
It all hurt as I let the tears finally fall. The pouring rain whacked on the roofs , the wind wheezed and I sobbed for my lost first love.

I thought I had some more time with him. Thought this phase will pass too. I thought so many things, I assumed so many things but none of that matters now.

I had guessed I was on borrowed time with him. I just didn’t know it all will shatter and end so soon. I thought…well, how does it matter anymore what I thought.

He doesn’t love me any more.

And it all hurts.

His words to Sameera on that day ran through my head as my hands mechanically hugged the plastic chair with my everything.

I'd overheard the conversation with Sameera unintentionally, that day. Everyone thought I was upset with media for publicizing Sameera and him as a couple. But it wasn’t so, I wasn’t angry I was hurt…I was hurt over his words.

"She irritates me! I'm tolerating her only because she is Virat's sister. If she wasn't my best friend's sister, I would've left her a long time ago. What do I do now Sameera? She wants to let our families know about our relation and get engaged. She never shuts up about it!  She isn’t thinking about me at all. I don’t want people to say I’m there just because I’m related to Virat or something. She isnt thinking about me or how it’ll affect me. I’m not ready to be engaged yet. She's just so selfish! I think I need a break from her. But I can't say anything to her. If I open my mouth, she'll go running to her brother. And Virat is not just a friend for me, he's practically my brother. And I don't want anything to spoil our relationship. But I can't stomach her any longer! What do I do Sameera? You tell me." I had heard him speak all this to his friend, Sameera.

And It had hurt so much. I hoped it was all lie. I tried telling me he didn’t think so of myself. I tried reassuring myself of that but it seems that I was a disillusioned fool.

I knew this was coming but that didn't mean my heart broke into any fewer pieces when it finally happened.

I never thought you’ll do this to me Loki! What happened to you? What happened to us? You’re all changed and I…I can’t stand it. It’s all hurting me, Rahul. You hurt me so much.

But don’t worry, I’m not as bad as you think, I’m. I wont tell anything to bhai about you or us.  From now on...I’ll be nothing more than Virat Kohli's sister for you. After all, that’s all I’ve been to you always.

Goodbye Rahul!!!

I sobbed with my aching heart.

-To be continued-

See ya with the first chapter if you're still interested fellas.

Signing out.

Nivi & Aku!