What is it? She couldn't name it. Something like a panging ache in her gemstone that throbbed when she thought about things she didn't like to think about.
Sometimes it was the memory, the last time she saw her, the smile on her face, the way she walked away and didn't even look back.
She lost the game.
Did Pink know that?

Spinel would do anything to win a game and this one was supposed to be so so easy. She lost.

Other times she thought about Steven doing it too. Going away and not coming back, but she could see him laughing with Amethyst in front of her and he wasn't leaving.
Unless he did.
If he decided he didn't like her, maybe, was it her? She lost the game. She isn't supposed to lose games. She was the problem. Right? It made sense.

"Spinel?" Steven's voice caught her attention, along with the concern in his eyes. "There's something on your face."

Spinel deadly touched her cheek, rubbing it slightly to remove the dirt that had likely caught between her photons.
Steven shook his head, gesturing toward the bathroom for her to take a better look.

"Uh, check the mirror?"

Spinel nodded and left their little group for the bathroom, flipping on the light and gasping when she saw what he meant.
Spinel leaned over the sink, gazing at herself in the mirror. What a sorry sight she was, still dull from the dust and dirt that refused to leave, red, puffy eyes and tattered sleeves and her hair was still a mess no matter how much she tried to fix it.
But the thing that stood out most were the symmetrical black stripes that trailed down her cheeks like permanent tear tracks.

That might have well been what they were. One on each side that showcased the thing she didn't like to think about on her face like a pathetic attempt at clown paint.
Spinel ran her hand under the water and scrubbed vigorously at the Mark's, hoping they would disappear with the effort but to no avail.

That thing. The feeling that hurt more than any kind of wound blossomed within her, bubbling up alongside a desperate attempt to suppress it.
The door was closed.
She was good at being quiet.
And it hurt so much.

Spinel picked at her face, maybe trying to peel it off but the tainted skin was insufferable and in her frustration and aching she yanked at her pigtails instead.

"Stop it..stop now. Be better! You're supposed to be better." She chided in a rough whisper, smacking her palm to her head. She forced a smile, blinking away the tears and looked back at her reflection.

"It's not so bad." She reasoned. It was bad. She wasn't supposed to be like this. She was supposed to be happy and fun and playful, what was wrong with her?

Spinel sniffled, ignoring the thought and wiped her eyes, returning to the living area where Steven and Amethyst were messing around with video games.

"Couldn't get it off?" Amethyst asked, Spinel shook her head, winding that forced smile just a little more.

"It's okay, I kind of like it." She replied, hoping the tone of her voice conveyed the joy she really couldn't feel at the moment. She could like it. It could grow on her.
Steven smiled at her as he pulled his head from behind the tv.

"It looks good on you." He mentioned, she perked up visibly enough but he knew she wasn't pleased, something about the way she quieted immediately after made him feel that.

What she said last night, asking about Pink coming back for her, he didn't want to think that he said the wrong thing. Getting her hopes up for nothing.
She just needed to be happy, be here and happy and once he was sure of that he could tell her everything.

The tracks down her cheeks burned in a silent and painless way, she knew they were there and every now and then she rubbed her face thinking they would go, but every stray look in the mirror proved otherwise. She wanted to flay them off in all honesty.
Get rid of the imperfection.
It made her mad. It made her so angry in a way she couldn't place. All of her made her mad.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Steven asked, brushing her hair for the umpteenth time while she sat on the floor, fiddling with one of his toys.

"No." She answered softly, Steven let out a sigh. Couldn't she at least try? Every words out of her mouth was either a question or request to play, or flat out diversion of topic far away from herself.
Spinel lolled her head back, glancing at the gemstone that peeked out from under the hem of Steven's shirt.

"How did you get a gem?"

Steven paused for a moment, he could manage to beat around the bush enough to answer.

"My mom was a gem, she gave up her form to have me." He answered, watching closely as Spinel seemed to contemplate the idea.

"So is she gone forever now?" She questioned, not looking up this time.

"Yeah..she is."

"I'm sorry." She replied softly, looking back at him to make sure the subject didn't hurt. She stared at the gem for a moment before meeting eyes with him.

"Who was your mom?"