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"Tick, tock!"

The clock chimed over, and over, and over again. I had never had to stare so hard into anything as I currently do. I could not tell which was worse - the silence or the tension hanging between us.

I was on my bed, legs crossed and pulled to the center of myself, a cup of hot cocoa in my hands, and seated directly across from me was Ethan. He had been gazing at me, and somehow, I wondered if he had been staring at me throughout the night.

This was awkward, and I've been in really weird situations, but nothing compares to this.

Once again, I looked up and met with his dark eyes, and instantly, I looked away - focusing my attention on anything else but him. After the stunt I pulled in the night, Ethan's face was not the desired sight I hoped to wake to see.

He wasn't angry or irritated. He was bland, and this was one of the many reasons I'm averting his gaze. I wish he could just for once be real, and throw away the firmness he always had because I know there are tons of emotions under that hard chest.

"Tick, tock!"

I cursed under my breath as the now annoying song of the clock echoed in my ears. I realized that one more second of silence and I was going to lose my mind.

Taking a deep breath, I slowly brought my face up and caught his eyes.

"Ethan."

He sighed, and in a much lower voice, he answered, "Keji."

Suddenly, I went mute again - not because I had no confidence to speak with him nor the lack of words, but the damned convulsing emotions raging in my heart. At this moment, I wasn't even sure if it was all in my head or simply my naive heart.

Subconsciously, I raised the cup to my lips, and took a small sip, immediately feeling warm inside.

I noticed Ethan stand up from the side of my eyes and watched as he walked over to my side. My heart began pounding against my ribcages, as he leaned toward me, placing his palm on my shoulder.

"Are you okay?"

"Mmm Mmm." I mummed.

Once again, he sighed. I could hardly tell what was going on in his mind, but I was well certain that he knew the reason our midst was cold, and somehow, he was waiting for me to bring it up again or never speak of it.

Luckily for him, I couldn't keep guessing. I could not remain in the dark and still pretend that I am confidently scaling my choices.

"Ethan," I began, and this brought my eyes up to meet his again.

He nodded me to proceed, and not that I was waiting for his permission, but that helped give me the push. I mean, why not break it all now and deal with the consequences later?

"I need you to be completely honest with me." I paused.

"Yes?"

Taking a huge breath in, I asked, "Why did you propose marriage to me when you are already married with a lovely son?"

Ethan's lips parted to reply, but I didn't want to hear what he had to say unless I'd gotten all my words out.

"Did you take me for a fool? That I'll never find out?"

His forehead rumpled up, and he massaged this with his thumbs.

"Keji, I-"

"So, everything was truly just a game or rather an act to spike up your reads? Like everything in your life, am I also a business strategy?"

"You've..." He tried to say, but I was faster.

"How could you even take a difference to relationships, Ethan, when you view everyone around you as pawns you can use to capture what you want?"

I laughed. "I mean, I'm sure you don't even know what relationships stand for!"

My voice dropped as I recalled Enitan and our days together.

"You have no idea what love means, do you?"

However, I was taken aback as Enitan suddenly laughed, one cold and inordinate. He moved closer to me until all that remained between us was too small to be called space.

"You? You, Keji, do you know what love means?"

For the first time that morning, I was truly thrown back into my thoughts. Love? Yes, Ethan is right. What do I know of love? Do I have the right to claim that I know what a relationship means? What can a girl who watched her parents get killed because they believed in "till death do us part" think of love?

What could I, a sadistic friend, who dumped my bestie, all because I thought he was getting too tangled up in my hair? So, Ethan is definitely right. I know nothing of love.

Yet, right now, I am getting stabbed by a million feelings in my heart, and yes, I'm not saying I'm suddenly in love.

However, I know I had flopped the moment I realized I wanted to be with him, and I had no idea when or how all these feelings were spurned.

"Ethan, you know what? You're right!" I snapped at him, almost spilling the content of the cup in my hand as I placed it on the bedside table. I struggled to my feet, almost bumping into him and at the same time, almost losing my stepping. But Ethan was quick to hold me.

Yet, I yanked my hand from him, feeling stupid for even allowing myself to start the game with him.

"I know nothing about love, but at least I am not a self-pervasive individual who is in love with no one but himself." I blurted out to him, and through the side of my eye, I noticed him clench and unclench his fists, momentarily - his chest heaving in response to this.

However, I wasn't relenting.

"You know what, Ethan McKenzie, I am so damn thankful that I go to know who you truly are!" I moved to him, and spelled out with my lips, "A lying, cheating, son of a-"

Ethan snapped, as he gripped my arms, practically drilling his nails into my flesh.

"That's enough, Keji!"

_His voice echoed throughout the room, and everything went quiet as I suddenly became mute with fear and stared into his eyes.

"How could you judge me so easily, Keji, without sparing me an opportunity to defend myself?" He asked - his breath hot with fury. "You were so damn wrong!" He snapped. "You were so wrong about me because I care so effin' much about you."

His voice dropped a notch.

"Yes, when I first met you and asked you to be my wife, I needed to label my fame and get on the good side of the public by being with a darling like you. But I valued and treasure our time spent together."

He moved closer to me - making it impossible for me to break our gaze.

In a small voice, he said, "I began to admire you, everything about you. In all honestly, Keji, I began to care for you. Yet, you've bashed it all, haven't you?"

I felt a twang in my chest at his words. All this while, I never knew he harbored these feelings. I can't believe I took all his actions to be a joke.

"You know what, Keji Dolapo? I know you are scared of love; of loving someone, of being loved, and of understanding what it means to love. But, you've only been a coward not to let anyone love you."

His words further drilled into my ears, causing them to hurt and amplifying the uneasy feeling in my chest. Yet, no matter how hard I tried to look away from his stern eyes, I couldn't. I was stomped, shocked, and frozen.

I hadn't expected this. How could I have guessed this?

His grip on my arms relaxed, as he backed away from me, but his eyes never left mine.

"This is not about your heart, Keji. Neither is this about your parents."

My stomach twisted on hearing this. Ethan knew about my parents? Why is he bringing my parents into this?

"Don't bring my parents into this, Ethan," I stuttered, trying my best not to break down in tears, but I was sure my shaky voice had already given me away.

"But, I'm right, aren't I? To you, everything must be logical to be real. Life and love have to be about winning and losing, right?" He questioned me, but I'm sure he cared less about my response, as he added, "Keji, in love, all things are fair. You are both a winner and a loser in love. That is what makes it special."

His last sentence broke me, and I was so sure that if I wasn't so not in control of myself, I would be crying my eyes now.

"You want answers?" Ethan asked, and subconsciously, I gave a small nod to this.

Ethan smiled, and said, "I'll be honest. Carissa is my only childhood friend, and her son was a result of an incident that scarred her for life, at the hands of pigs who never had the balls to show their faces and claim their actions. I had to save my best friend from prying eyes that judged her, just as you judged me."

"So, here, you have your answer. Even though I'm not married to my best friend, I will look after her and her child, even better than that asshole can ever do, and I will love her harder because she is most deserving of my love," Ethan said.

At that moment, my heart literally dropped and my shoulders slouched, as the waterfalls in my eyes finally broke. Ethan's hands slipped from my arms, as he straightened himself, immediately putting his firm stance back on.

"If you don't want to be a weakling for once in your life, and simply close your eyes, ignoring the voices in your head, neglecting your sanity, and just allowing the feeling of the moment to overwhelm you, then sadly, you are not ready for love."

And that was it. The truth I have refused to believe. The words I had been shutting away from myself. This sincerity finally broke our gaze, as I looked down, pressing my eyes together, as I felt the droplets trickle down my cheeks.

Yet, no pain was greater than the next words that flew from Ethan's lips.

"The wedding will go as planned, and as you wanted, this will just be a business transaction between the two of us. In six months, we'll be married. I get on the good side of the people to make my running for the senatorial post easier, and you'll get additional riches, much more than you can ever comprehend."

He paused to listen to see if I got anything to say, but I couldn't even find the right words to say, as I bawled my eyes out in tears.

Seeing no reply from me, he continued, "After the contract expires, we will go our separate ways as two successful business partners." He chuckled, and even though I wasn't looking at him, I could tell that a smug smile had taken over his lips. "Don't worry, I always keep to my words. You be my picture-perfect wife and I will reciprocate by being the best-contracted husband too."

After this, I heard him move towards the door and open it, but before walking out, he said, "You'll receive the full contract, first thing tomorrow morning from my lawyer."

With this, he left.

And, I?

I wept.

Harder than I had ever, I broke into pieces, hoping that everything that just unfolded was a fragment of my imagination.

But, no, this was real. This is my reality.

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