These next few 'rambles' as I'm calling them are pretty depressing. I write when I'm down but I wanted to post them because I felt they were worth doing so. We all have our bad days, so feel free to click away if you can't stomach it. I'm feeling much better so don't be worrying too much. :)

Enjoy!

Cap'n

I hate people. I hate that when you try so hard to make things equal or fair it makes you sound like the opposite. It makes your words twist and ideas burn just because someone else has a louder personality than you do. I have a voice. Yet, when I truly try to use it, I shout at the whole world to do so. Whether you decide to ignore me or accuse me is not your problem, it all depends on my voice. Logic doesn’t matter. My words are whatever. They are nothing more than thoughts on a page, eternally bound by those who see it and those who deny its existence.

I am me. Me is a foul word. Harshly treated once it singles you out from the crowd, trust eternally broken all because you spoke your mind and organised the chaos when others could not. Would not. Those who don’t conform to ideals get tossed to a crowd. An endless crowd of black and white, rights and wrongs and the one time you decide to change what’s invisibly written, the rules realign. Restart. Rewrites over rewrites until there’s nothing more but pain.

I try. I try so hard the tears burn from within yet I am too proud to shed them. Too proud to admit when I truly want something in case of being shut down. Denied. That nothing goes your way regardless of how many steps you dare to take. To plan ahead. To have the one moment of sanity to where you can truly admit to yourself that you need this. Until you don’t.