While I've been busy hating Asteroid Air and being picked on by Monica for just about everything, I thought I'd touch base with Dr Una and see what's going on in Scrubber-Town. It's all happening there apparently and it's a relief to find out that things there are just as unruly, crazy and dysfunctional (Dr Una's word) as ever.

Mandi Mason let her dog, a pitbull called Crocodile, off his lead in Scrubber-Town's new food court. This was because none of the eateries would let Mandi have a free lunch. People screamed and upended their tables in their hurry to get away. Crocodile is ferocious and everyone thought he was going to sink his teeth into them. Instead ,the funniest thing happened; Crocodile went for all the deserted food. He leapt up on tables and dived down underneath to scoff whole burgers, chips, pieces of fish and whole slices of pizza, then exhausted, he just sat down and waited for Mandi. All the eatery staff, started demanding that she pay for what Crocodile had just eaten, which was a considerably massive amount.

'Good luck with that, you mingy bastards', shouted Mandi and with that she put on Crocodile's lead, gave the finger to whoever was watching, and stalked off.

So that's something to remember. If you're cornered by Crocodile, and you have a burger or a sausage roll or whatever, give him that and run. If you don't have any take-away food, cross your fingers and hope for the best.

Apparently there's a plague of blow-flies at Scrubber-Town. This could have something to do with smelly bins left open, food not cleared properly from the food court and dirtiness in general, but anyway the blowies are there in hordes. I bet they love Scrubber-Town. Just last weekend Komik Kal and his mate Eric decided to have a barbecue at Kal's place. Kal didn't seem deterred by these fat, ugly and noisy insects zooming gleefully round the yard. Of course Tatiana wasn't there. She hates barbecues and says; 'Barbies; just excuse for big fat 'Aussies to eat big fat plates of meat and drink too much beer; is disgusting.' Wonder what Kal thinks of that, especially the big fat Aussie' bit ?

When Kal put the meat on the hot-plate, the blowies absolutely swarmed over the food. Kara-Lyn tried to shoo them all off, but Kal just said 'the heat'll get rid of the germs, luv, so stop flapping around'. Kara-lyn wasn't convinced and kept shooing them. Then Eric came along with the fly-spray and wait for it; sprayed over the meat. and the area by the barbecue.  Kal bellowed; 'Not there, you dickhead. Are you trying to blow us all up? We want to be able to eat the food. I didn't buy the best steaks so you could poison us. Go and hit the grog  and stay out of the way mate. In spite of the deterrents, the blowies continued to settle on the meat. They didn't seem to care if they got burnt bottoms.

The barbie didn't last very long as people got sick of brushing blowies off their food, faces and some even found their way into the guests' mouths and yes,  some even swallowed them. No-one had thought to bring personal insect repellent and Kal didn't have any. Of course the guests were also wary about how much fly spray had made its way into the meat. Most people didn't eat very much. Eric told Kal that he was going home; that he couldn't enjoy a barbie with all the blowies. Kal told him he was behaving like a big girl and he wouldn't get an invite  to the next one. Soon after that, the other guests went home, leaving Kal in a foul mood and with lots of spoiled steaks. As Dr Una says: 'The man's an idiot and so is that friend of his, Eric.'

People yell and scream at each other all the time in Scrubber-Town, but Dr Una witnessed the best yet, as she put it. 'A real speccy wing-dinger of a row'. Everyone thought that Tatiana and Komik Kal were quite happy together. Janie and I have never thought that. Not since we saw Tatiana and Rob Hobbs chatting each other up at the Crockerie Open Day and we have photos to prove it. Tatiana had better watch out. Anyway, Kal was yelling at Tatiana that she was just a gold digging Russian whore. She countered this by reminding him that she had more money than he did anyway and called him a big fat Aussie slob who ate far too much and was it any wonder that she turned to other men? People gathered eagerly to watch the collapse of marital bliss (Dr Una's words again) and started heckling Tatiana, who nobody likes much, and lending all their support to Kal. The crowd were taking photos of a red-faced Kal and skimpily dressed Tatiana. All of a sudden Tatiana spun around and swiped the phones out of people's hands. Many of the phones fell on the ground and were broken. That was when Skye Frye called Ken and Kylie from security. Kylie took Tatiana and Ken  took Kal to their office. Dr Una thinks that the outcome is to be a trial separation for the couple and that Tatiana has to replace any phones she damaged, which is quite a few. I think it serves her right. She's so in love with herself and thinks she's better than everyone else in Scrubber-Town .We don't know what Kal will do as he depends on Tatiana to boost his image.

This one will have you pricking up your ears. Police carried out a really dramatic raid on Phil's pills. Remember he's the one who keeps that little bit extra under the counter. I used to work for him and he told me the 'extra' stuff 'was weight loss tablets; for ladies who found it hard to lose weight, and headache tablets; so I never took any notice and even if I had I don't think I'd have told the cops. Phil was always a good boss who used to give me some of that something extra when I needed it and for a while we were having a bit of a fling. He also used to give me some make-up and stuff. He was fun too. Apparently he's been under surveillance for quite a while and they nabbed him when a female police officer went in to ask for something special to help her lose weight. Course she wasn't in uniform and bang, they had him just like that. They were yelling at him to give them the narcotics. I can't help feeling resentful towards the police; I hate thinking of Phil in gaol. Of course, being Scrubber-Town, everyone came out of their shops and cafes to watch the arrest. All the Spite-Club girls in Phil's shop were quick to get out of the way, especially when they realised it was a cop-raid. They most likely thought the cops were after them and I can think of several who should be caught by the police. Wish I could name names.

Kara-Lyn is up to her old tale telling tricks again This time she claims that she's been made a very lucrative offer at a boutique in Beauvais Heights. She told Dr Una that they were so keen to have her that they sent a chauffeur driven car, complete with champagne and soft drinks to collect her and the same to take her home. Kara-Lyn was so nervous that she drank about three glasses of the champagne to steady herself. Unfortunately it had the opposite effect and Kara-Lyn slipped and fell on the floor of the interview room and couldn't answer the interviewer's questions properly. She asked Dr Una if she thought the champagne would have caused it. Of course, Dr Una, who doesn't beat about the bush, told her yes, without question. Kara-lyn still thinks she has a chance though; and she went to see Jacinta, resident fortune teller at the Around the World resort. Jacinta just told her she has a lovely big surprise coming her way. That's all Kara-lyn needed to hear.

Dream your delusional dreams Kara-lyn.and keep on seeing fortune tellers.

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