Meet your friends for coffee at Scrubber-Town, the new, notorious shopping centre everyone's talking about. Why? Well, bad behavior abounds and it's one place where you can swear, burp loudly, smoke freely, devour junk-food and whack your kids in public and no-one will turn a hair. You can't miss Scrubber-Town, as its pink and purple exterior can be seen for kilometers around. Yes, it's loud, raucous and tacky, but it attracts people like a magnet. Scrubber-Town is the headquarters for the Spite-Club girls; an all-girl gang whose members cause all manner of strife for themselves and the general public. Drive there or you can catch the pink and purple leopard -print Scrubber-Town Express bus in the city centre. Buses run every 15 minutes and it's only a twenty minute ride. Pensioners and kids free and anyone else who can manage to dodge the system.

Once inside, stop for a coffee and snack at Pinokio's Pantry or the Stuff-Ya-Face café. You'll need to keep your strength up. Choose from chips and gravy, pies, pizzas, hot dogs or the famous cream-oozing Scrubber-Town Kitchener buns. Cast your diet to the wind, and then explore the shops.

Rummage in Nick's Nirvana or Komik Kal's .It's common knowledge that these two shops contain stolen goods. You might even witness Nick and Kal having a fight, as they hate each other. Read on to find out why. You may pass Doctor Una Abels with her head of bright henna-red hair. Dr Una runs the medical clinic in Scrubber-Town with a team of G.P's and co-psychologist, Doctor Ray Beams. Enter Nutters and Rotters, the sweets and nuts shop;  if you dare. Again, find out why in the first chapter. Take a few minutes to try on an outfit or two at Slag's Women's-Wear or Bag-Ladeez (if you're fat).These are both run by Kara-Lynn, the self-appointed  resident stylist. She also has a reputation for being a pathological liar.

Enroll your half-witted old rellies in the nearly completed 'The Crockerie', an aged-care home conveniently placed across the road from Scrubber-Town. Be quick though, as it's reported that the enrolments are off the chart already.

Don't forget to book a holiday with Asteroid Air, the nation's latest budget airline. You can do this at the Asteroid Air office, located next to Headbanger Central (the music shop) in Scrubber-Town. Just make sure they've booked you for the right destination. Some big mistakes have been made, so we hear. 

See young kids smoking, shop-owners shouting, toddlers whining.  If you need a break from your bratty,runny-nosed kids, drop them off at the 'Little Buggers'creche. Spite-Club girls are always loitering, so watch your handbags at all times. Before you leave indulge in a cocktail at the Bogun Bar. You might see us there; Lainie and Janie, the up-coming roving reporters and BFF's for  Scrubber-Town Sagas,  the Scrubber-Town newsletter. Join us for a Raving Lunatic or Rocket Booster Cocktail. We hope you've survived your trip to Scrubber-Town. It's a real eye-opener!