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chapter twenty seven ━ disarm
season seven, episode eleven

❝ i don't know what
else to say, jackson. ❞

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Aliya tactically pulled back her curtain, peeking her head through the tiny gap she made to take a look out of the window, so she could try and at least decipher whether or not she could emerge from her own bedroom.

To say the least, she was in a bit of a (correction, very) tricky situation.

On one hand, she didn't want to leave the safe confinement of her room because there was a large possibility that Trent was still lurking in the house, and she ideally didn't want to have a conversation with him about what he was up to last night, and what he was up to with.

That's where she drew the line in the sand, even though she was a twenty eight year old grown adult.

Then, the more obvious reason as to why she had eaten five Mentos instead of brushing her teeth with an actual toothbrush and toothpaste was, Jackson.

In that particular department, Aliya had no idea what she was going to do. Or, whether she could actually go through with what she knew she wanted to do.

It was incredibly confusing.

She had thought about it all night, though the anger she had felt towards him never subsided in the time spent pacing around her room (and throwing her throw pillows at her four walls in a child-like attempt to stay calm), it only seemed to heighten with ever step she took.

In the early hours of the morning, she had come to a slightly rash judgement of what to do next with this whole debacle.

If debacle was another word for steaming hot mess, then sure. Debacle worked perfectly.

The bottom line of said debacle was that Miss Aliya Levine, most untrusting person in the world couldn't be with Mr Jackson Avery, world renowned Oscar winner.

Was she simply taking the easy way out?

Maybe, it wasn't confirmed yet. But, all signs pointed to yes, Aliya Levine was bolting yet again.

Old habits really do seem to die screaming.

Quite frankly, after this whole endeavour, she had been additionally think ming about writing off the male species for good.

She tried four times — Kai, Elijah, Mark & Jackson.

Surely that would be a good place to tap out?

Aliya knew it was doctor-patient confidentiality.

Better than anyone, she knew.

She took the exact same oath when she became a doctor. She knew about the oath. The worst part was that she also knew, that if it came down to it and she was treating Jackson's best friend for cancer, she would tell him in a heartbeat, no second thought, no questions asked.

She wouldn't care if she were sued or fired for sharing confidential information. She wouldn't have been able to keep a secret like that from the man she—

The thing was that they hadn't even told each other they loved each other. That may have been what hurt her the most, or what ended up saving her from even more heartbreak.

But, it wasn't about Summer anymore.

It was about their supposed lack of compatibility that Aliya has pieced together at three am.

Aliya moved to her door with purpose, pressing her ear up to it only to hear the tapping of paws across the floor. Reese. In this whole process, she had realised the had abandoned her dog all morning.

She was a terrible dog parent.

She would probably equally be a terrible human parent.

Maybe it was a good thing she would be alone forever, it was the fabric of the universe.

At least without a boyfriend she didn't have to fall into that white picket fence trap and pretend the art her kids make looks like a farm when in reality, it looks like a huge, giant colourful blob.

However, that's only what she had told herself to stop the jealousy, her least favourite green eyed bitch. 

With a pang of guilt for her abandoned dog, she slowly opened the door, with the help of Reese's nose automatically stuffing through the crack, cramming his way intrusively into the room.

Reacting on pure instinct and panic, Aliya slammed her door straight after the golden retriever slipped through, heading straight to the bed to jump on it, looking at her with tired eyes as if her owner had completely lost the plot— which she had, he was not wrong. Reese was never wrong.

"Don't look at me like that." The brunette ordered, narrowing her eyes as she reached for her scarf that was hung around her mirror. She fastened it around her neck, casting Reese (the judgemental dog) another look over her shoulder as she slipped on a random coat she luckily had in her room.

Then, she began to weigh up all of her options.

Option one, brave going out of her door and into the hall, walking down the stairs calmly (and as fast as she possibly could), locate her keys in the communal key bowl, run out of the door, down the steps and into her car, avoiding all human interaction.

Option two, send Alex a message for reinforcements to scope everything out. However, Alex wasn't very covert in any aspect of his life.

Option three, stay in her room forever.

Aliya traced her eyes slowly back to the window.

She had done it before, it may have been three years ago when she was younger and didn't get a back ache every other day but, surely she should do it?

Decisively, she nodded her head, marching over to her window and throwing it open, hoisting one leg onto the windowsill—

"Aliya! What the hell are you doing?" Alex screamed from where he had flew open the door, bearing witness to Aliya straddled halfway out of the window.

"Oh!" She reacted in surprise, quickly grabbing ahold of the window for support, one foot braced on the gutter. "Just enjoying the fresh air?" She couldn't even convince herself even if she tried.

He snorted, loudly, his teeth clamping down on his lip as he held up a finger, fishing through his pockets. "Hold on a second."

Knowing exactly what he was thinking of doing, Aliya gritted her teeth. "Don't you dare."

"One second." Alex replied back, pulling out his phone and quickly flashing a photo of what he was witnessing so fast that Aliya couldn't get out of it. "Oh, this is so going on the Christmas card, you're wearing a woolly hat and everything." He smiled fondly at the photo.

Aliya looked at him in displeasure. "Really? That's the first thing you wanted to do? Not come to my rescue?"

"Okay, hang on, literally and figuratively—" He put his phone back in the pocket.

"No, it's fine. I don't need saving, I'm perfectly capable of getting myself out of situations like this." She shifted slightly, though her shoes weren't actually built for climbing.

Alex dashed towards her, tugging her out of the window by her elbows. "Aliya, what were you actually trying to accomplish?"

"Absailing down the gutter?" Aliya explained as she patted the water droplets off her coat, taking a seat on the bed next to Reese, who was too old to care what was going on as he put his head on Aliya's lap.

In all honesty, it wasn't actually known how old Reese was, she had tried to find out but there was nothing on how old he actually was, just a prediction he's around ten but even then, he still had a trunk load of energy that proved otherwise.

"To achieve?"

Aliya stroked Reese's back, smiling down at the dog as he wagged his tail. "Escapism?"

"From?" Alex prompted.

Aliya chewed on her cheek, looking around her room, meeting Alex's eyes eventually. "Is Trent still here?" She interrogated, guessing she had to go with option two by default.

Alex quirked a brow, his arms crossed as he stood in-front of Aliya. "Your brother was here?"

She frowned, picking off a cobweb from her shoulder. "Never mind."

"Hey—" Alex dropped down beside her, nudging her shoulder with his own. "What's going on?"

He followed her eyes around the room, the throw pillows chucked across the door, some of Jackson's clothes piled up on her arm chair in one corner of the room, her half eaten twinkie she had consumed purely for self-torture as they were the grossest snack ever made.

"Where is Jackson anyway?"

"Wait." Aliya spun round to Alex, her hands flying to his shoulders as she braced her hands on them, shaking him slightly. "He's not here?"

Looking genuinely alarmed, he stared back at her, taking in the image opposite — a wide eyed brunette, frazzled, with hair sticking to her damp face, and a speck of dust on her still on her shoulder. "No."

Reese, who had enough of the chaos, jumped gracefully off of the bed, padding back out of the room. "What am I still doing in here?" Aliya clapped her hands in relief, darting up and reaching for her purse.

"Aliya! I'm going to need an explanation here." Alex exclaimed, following Aliya out of her room and down the hall. "Lye! Usually I don't see that at eight in the morning, usually you're pouring coffee down your throat, not attempting to take up a new hobby of gutter climbing. What's happening with you and Jackson?"

"Oh, we're done. Over." Aliya announced, causally, heading for the stairs. Though, there was nothing causal about that announcement, seeing just saying those words put her stomach into knots but, she was desperately trying to rise above it all. "He doesn't know that, but I do. I need to tell him today—" She said, decisively, entering the kitchen and heading straight for the coffee. "—hence the being cooped up in my room all morning, and the gutter climbing. And, it's not a new hobby, I've done it a couple times before."

"What did that little asshole do?" Alex gritted his teeth, furiously, his jaw tense as he watched Aliya closely as she reached for a thermos to put her coffee in, as well as a cereal bar. "I will kill him. I will take him by the arms and kill him."

Aliya shrugged, unwrapping her cereal bar and taking a bite. "He knew about Summer having cancer, he was her doctor all this time."

"That bastard!" Alex yelled with as much passion as he could muster.

"My thoughts exactly." Aliya agreed through her mouthful. "I know it's confidential and all, but he could've at least—" She paused to take a sip of her coffee. "I don't know, accidentally left her chart in the residents lounge or something, it's not rocket science. And, what's Summer gonna do, huh? Sue? She's Summer for gods sake! And, he called me untrusting. I wouldn't be so untrusting if men didn't hand me reasons to be untrusting on a shiny silver platter."

"So, you're ending it, huh?" Alex asked, sitting on one of the stools, his arms sprawled on the counter. "I saw how happy you were, Aliya, even if it was with him."

"Yes, well—" Aliya exhaled, getting a refill of more coffee and retrieving her purse from the table, as well as her keys. "Relationships end all the time. Look at Brad Pitt and Jennifer Anniston. Or even Ross and Rachel for that matter."

"Don't think of everyone else's relationships—" Alex pushed himself off of the stool, trailing her as she entered the hallway. "Think of— Oh Trent is here. Hey, man."

Aliya pursed her lips as she saw her brother, standing in front of the pair in a blue shirt and black dress pants. "I saw him the same time as you did Alex."

"Hey, Alex. Aliya." Trent greeted, his hands shoved into his pockets as he nervously swayed on the balls of his feet.

"I'll go wait in the car." Alex spoke, visibly seeing the tension between the siblings as he caught the keys Aliya threw his way. "We will continue this conversation later, we aren't done."

As Alex disappeared out of the door, Trent turned back to his sister. "So—"

"Has Henry called you?" Aliya questioned, throwing her cereal bar wrapper into the trash as Trent entered the kitchen properly, instead of lurking outside the door.

"Yes, he has." Trent replied, his voice strained, nervously clearing his throat. "He's getting married."

"What?"

"My thoughts exactly." He agreed with a raised brow, moving to the coffee pot to help himself. "That's what he said, anyway. He's uninsured so he's marrying a doctor, I can't think of her name."

"You're joking aren't you?" Aliya spoke in surprise. "Is this some kind of joke?"

"I think it was Dr. Altman? Teddy Atman?"

"No freaking way!" Aliya burst out, clamping her hand over her mouth. "I knew she was badass when I saw her—"

"It's mental." Trent swallowed his coffee, putting the 'I HEART BRAINS' mug onto the counter. "She offered to marry him last night, and they managed to rush the paperwork. I'm going over there to be a witness this morning."

"That's great! That means he can get his surgery." Aliya smiled, at least one thing is going good today.

After a few moments of silence that never happened between the Levine siblings, Trent opened his mouth to fill the emptiness. "Aliya, about—"

"Oh no!" Aliya rapidly shook her head, making her way into the hallway. "I don't want to hear the ins and outs of your relationship with April—"

Trent began to mutter under his breath. "Well, technically there are no ins and outs she's a vir—"

"TMI TRENT! TMI!" Aliya screwed her face up in disgust, tugging open the front door to escape.

"Sorry!" He called as Aliya slipped out the front door, another method of escapism. "Have a great day!"

She poked her head back through, pointing at the dresser in the hallway. "Key's in the bowl!"

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"Dr. Avery, you're on my service." A voice owning to the doctor in Aliya's periphery announced.

Aliya continued to walk to the lobby, not bothering to look over at Dr. Bailey. "Have you had enough of making jokes in my expense?"

"I don't think I could ever get bored of that, Dr. Levine." Bailey stated, laughing in amusement.

"So, you're gonna keep on milking it until I see you do something as equally embarrassing?"

Nodding in approval, Bailey pushed open the double doors to the lobby. "That's the plan."

"Perfect." Aliya forcing a smile out. Today was not the day for Jackson-lab coat related jokes, or any jokes to do with people with the last name 'Avery'. "Sounds great, thank you for revelling in my embarrassment so openly."

"It's truly my pleasure—" Bailey trailed off as she saw the hospital staff huddled in the seating area, watching the television mounted on the wall, the channel on one of the many Seattle news channels.

Aliya saw him immediately, standing on one of the steps, his arm leant on the handrail as he watched the screen closely, every muscle in his body tense.

She forced her eyes away from him and onto the news. "—Major response to a major Seattle area shooting."

As her blood grew cold, Aliya watched the screen with narrowed eyes, unable to process what she was witnessing.

"We have reports that a gunman has opened fire on students and faculty. We now take you live to our on scene reporter."

Oh, this day just got a lot worse.

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"There are fifteen ambulances on the way, maybe more to come, first one is three minutes out." Owen informed the doctors who were currently swarmed in the ambulance bay, patiently awaiting the incoming traumas.

Aliya reached her hands back, tying the yellow strings of her trauma gown in a knot. The fabric slipped in her hands, that she didn't realise were shaking. Taking a deep breath, she went to knot the strings again, though they kept managing to slip out from her grasp.

Fingertips brushed along hers, and she lowered her hands slowly, slightly turning her head as Jackson tied her trauma gown up, carefully moving her ponytail to one side. She caught a glimpse of him as he was concentrating, how his dimple on his left cheek showed when he focused to hard.

When he finished, he trailed his hand down her back, Aliya cursed her mind for making her doubt the decision she landed on early this morning, just from one single touch.

God, she really was getting weak.

"People, people." Dr. Webber called out, walking to stand in front of everyone. "Our own trauma is fresh, and we are gonna have feelings today and there's no shame in that." He spoke, sincerely, his eyes tracing over the crowd. "What I want to say is, what we went through six months ago they are going through right now. Which makes them our brothers and sisters. Which makes them fellow travellers. Which makes them our own. So, to the very best of our ability, we are gonna do our work first."

The crowd nodded their heads in agreement, though the majority were looking at the ground, or wiping the tears away from their cheeks.

"Aliya—" Jackson spoke softly from behind her, looking straight ahead at the ambulance bay even though he was talking to her. "We need to talk."

"Not now." Aliya swayed on her heels, crossing her arms as the first ambulance pulled up, quickly claimed by Richard and April.

Closing her eyes for a moment, as if trying to free herself of the pain of reliving what had happened seven months ago, Aliya breathed deeply, steadying herself in mental preparation.

"Are you okay?" He asked, looking at her eyes, now open as they gazed hazily at the patient being wheeled out of the other ambulance that had just pulled up.

"I'm fine." Her words caught in her throat as she slowly tore her eyes away from the ambulances to look at him. "Are you?" She couldn't stop herself from caring.

She couldn't switch that part of her off.

He frowned, sniffing, his eyes darting away as Dr. Altman called his name for assistance. Placing a hand on her shoulder, he looked at her. "No, but we will be." Jackson replied, giving her a small, though reassuring smile before moving with his gurney into the ER.

"Dr. Levine—" Owen caught her attention, ushering a hand over. "You take this rig." He ordered before jogging past, beginning to assign other doctors ambulances.

Aliya approached her assigned ambulance, psyching herself up as the doors flew open. "Okay, what do we have?"

"Fifty three year old Sarah Hoffman, GSW to the chest." The paramedic informed as Sarah was wheeled out of the ambulance. "She's an art teacher, saved a bunch of kids. We managed to stop the bleeding in the field, the bullet went through and through." She handed Aliya the chart, jumping back into the ambulance without another word.

Aliya breathed, looking down at the blonde haired woman breathing through an oxygen mask. "Right, can we get her to a free trauma room?"

A nurse, Theresa, from beside Aliya took the chart from her hands. "There's no trauma room available, doctor."

"Middle of the ER it is." Aliya followed the gurney inside, attaching heart rate monitors as soon as the gurney stopped and she was ready to work, examining the entry and exit wound, both loaded with gauze as Jeremy, the intern from a few days ago, looked completely sick. "Can I get a portable x-ray, please." She asked Theresa, who had already left to go pick on up.

"She doesn't look too good." Jeremy frowned at Mrs. Hoffman.

"Don't say that." Aliya quickly replied, drawing out her stethoscope and glaring at Jeremy, who was both incompetent and had no filter.

"You got it covered?" Owen questioned as he paced through the ER past her.

Aliya nodded from where she was listening to Sarah's unsteady but present heartbeat. "Yes, all under control."

Theresa reappeared, pushing the x-ray machine over to her. "Here it is, doctor."

Reaching to the portable x-ray, Aliya set it up, watching the monitor closely, her eyes narrowed at the screen.

"Crap." Aliya muttered under her breath, watching the monitor as she realised there was blood in the pleural cavity — the buildup of fluid in this space would inevitably cause Sarah's lung to collapse as the blood increases in volume and pushes on the outside of the lung.

"What is it?" Jeremy questioned, squinting his eyes at the scans.

"A hemothorax, there's a lot of blood in the pleural cavity, I need to drain it now. There's no time for a proper chest X-Ray, her lung will collapse by the time we get her up there. Could you grab me 28-32 Fr tube? It should be in the bottom drawer over there." Aliya gestured with her head, pushing the ultrasound away as she prepped for the thoracostomy, injecting the lidocaine first.

Jeremy returned with the correct tube, passing it to her. "I've never seen one of these before."

"Well, this is your chance to learn." Aliya concentrated, putting Sarah's arm above her head. "Firstly, you want to inject lidocaine to numb the area, then make an incision in the side of the chest, about here—" She gestured to where she placed her two fingers, counting down the ribs. "In between two ribs."

"Got it." Jeremy nodded, craning his neck for a better view.

"Now you want to insert the tube into the incision you just created and—" She did as she had described, and watched as the tube filled with blood, travelling further down the tube and emptying into the blood bag. "There we go."

"Great—" Jeremy marvelled, going pale ever so slightly as he watched the blood advance down the tube. "Now what—"

Aliya eyes darted up to the monitor as Sarah began to flatline. "No, no— could I get a crash cart over here?" She called out over her shoulder.

"Levine, what's going on?" Bailey appeared beside her, following behind the crash cart Theresa was pulling up.

"She had a pneumothorax, a lot of blood in the pleural cavity she needed a thoracostomy—" Aliya tore away Sarah's blouse letting Jeremy place the pads on her chest as she took care of the gel.

And, it was as if her mind was playing tricks on her but she could've swore she just pictured Andy where Sarah was, though Sarah was nowhere near the third floor and definitely not dying in Aliya's arms.

This couldn't be happening again.

Aliya would not let it happen again.

The bullet hit in nearly exactly the same place as where it hit Andy, though only slightly over to the right.

Isn't it funny how it works? If the gunman aimed a little bit over, Aliya would still have Andy. She wouldn't have all of her belongings and no idea what to do with them.

If only that damn bullet missed her heart.

"It was too far gone to get a proper X-Ray—" Aliya continued, pushing that thought back to the depths of her mind. "The blood's draining as we speak but, she just started coding." She placed the paddles to Sarah's chest. "It could be a number of things but, she can't d—"

"Okay, we can do this." She assured, nodding her head assertively as she rounded over to the crash cart, that was left abandoned by Theresa who quickly got called away.

"Charge the paddles to 200. Clear." Aliya called.

The shock delivered, no heartbeat sounded on the monitor.

"Charge the paddles again! Clear!" Same again, Aliya snapped her head back to the monitor in desperation. "No! Andy, no. You don't die today, you understand? You can't die, okay? Charge the paddles to 250. Clear."

Flatline, again.

"Please— you can't—"

"Levine—" Bailey looked worryingly at Aliya, who was frantically clutching the paddles on Mrs. Hoffman's chest.

"Charge the paddles again. Clear." Aliya waited patiently, the stress of that one second between the shock being delivered and — the monitor beeped, that heart rate present so clearly on the screen.

As soon as the heart rhythm regained, Aliya burst into tears, the paddles dropping to the ground as her hands clamped around her mouth, as if to stop herself from letting all of her emotions out.

She began to lurch backwards, stumbling as she clutched her chest— a mixture of relief and anxiety piling on her heart, weighing her down to such an extent she couldn't even breathe.

"Hey, Levine, you did it, it's okay." Bailey placed her hand on Aliya's back as she hunched over, her shoulders shaking as she violently sobbed from it all.

Something entered Aliya's mind briefly — if she had everything she needed that day six months ago, she could of saved Andy.

A hundred different scenarios in the multiverse could've have ended in Andy surviving it, but, in Aliya's universe, she didn't.

However, she did save Sarah, and that somehow healed something within Aliya, as if a sort of weight had lifted off of her shoulders in that very moment.

A weight that she had carried around with her exhaustingly for six long months.

She was capable.

It was just an unfortunate circumstance.

The pathologist said Andy died of a myocardial rupture. Unless Aliya had magicked an OR around her, there was no way of saving her life in that moment.

"I saved her." Aliya sobbed, pulling her hands away from her eyes, her gloves and cheeks stained with her tears as she looked up at Bailey.

Staring back at her, Bailey handed her a tissue, her eyes glazed over, the corner of her mouth tilting upwards. "You saved her." Bailey spoke, as Mrs. Hoffman was wheeled away to a room.

"Is anyone free?" A voice shouted across the hustle of the ER. "Another rig just pulled up."

Clearing her throat, Aliya straightened up, her hand still holding onto Bailey's arm as if it were her lifeline. She was the woman who raised her in the surgical world after all.

She discarded the used gloves, swatting away the tears at her cheeks. She gave Bailey a nod before jogging to the ER doors that led to the ambulance bay. "I am."

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After one of the longest days of their life, the doctors of Seattle Grace Mercy West filed into the gallery to watch Cristina and Teddy's surgery.

As the second wave of victims arrived, all of the hospitals operating rooms were taken which meant they had to set up an emergency Mobile Trauma Unit in Outpatient Recovery.

Aliya had spent the rest of her time that day doing a vascular repair on a young kid, and then stitched up several other gunshot wounds. She found comfort in the fact of the lives that she had saved today, from the thoracostomy to the vascular repair, she didn't even mind the fact that she hadn't see the inside of an OR.

"I just took my kid to a room." Owen informed as he entered through the door. "He was the last one."

"Besides this one." Richard pointed out.

Owen nodded. "Yeah, beside this one."

"Thirty-seven degrees." Teddy looked up at the thermometer in the OR below. "Should be any minute now."

Everyone watched and waited for the heart to start beating again, and after a few seconds, it did. Teddy looked up towards the gallery, giving the doctors a nod.

"We saw twenty six patients." Richard spoke first, sending goosebumps up Aliya's spine. "Twenty six victims. And, we had no causalities. No one died."

Aliya was the first to drop her head to her knees and start laughing.

Which, to the naked eye, could be seen as quite insensitive.

However, Derek looked across to the brunette, whose was now in an hysterical fit, and joined in.

And after that, everyone started to laugh with her, all of the residents and attendings — even Richards Webber chuckled quietly to himself.

Alex nudged Aliya with his arm, catching her eye and shooting her a smile, which only made her laugh more, poking him in the ribs as if they were kids.

"I hate this place." Dr. Stark scowled, throwing his arms down in defeat as he stalked out of the gallery.

"I was holding a grudge." Richard said as he approached Arizona Robbins, who was now back from Africa. "I can hire you back. But, you're gonna have to work under Stark."

And, they all laughed even more.

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However, the thing about laughter was that it always seemed to die down when reality inevitably kicked in.

"Hey, so about last night—" Jackson stepped into the residents lounge where it was just Aliya, silently pulling her sweater over her shoulders, freeing her hair out from under it. "We need to talk."

"It's not—" Aliya shook her head, reaching down to tie the laces of her shoes. "There's no point."

"I don't understand." Jackson stared at Aliya, confused at what she was insinuating with those simple three words. "What do you mean there's no point?"

"I think it would be easier for the both of us if we just—" She pursed her lips, chewing on the inside of her cheek to try and put her thoughts into words. "Stop."

The word tasted sour on her tongue in a way she couldn't have anticipated.

Why was it still so hard to end a relationship that lasted a month and a half?

Surely it shouldn't have to be this hard?

Aliya thought she was taking the easy way out, the road that ended in less hurt than it usually did. She could see it all, if she stayed with him, if they didn't last, that would only tear her apart even more than it already has.

She didn't want that heartbreak. Not now, not in any universe. Because, she knew that heartbreak. It seemed to be her best friend at this point.

"What do you mean?" Jackson approached her, waiting for her to actually look at her.

Screaming at her to make sense.

Instead, she dipped her head to the floor. "You said it yourself. I frustrate you, and on paper, it works. But, in reality we're really not right for each other. Look at our parents for godsakes. My mother would throw a fit if she heard."

"You're worried about your mother?" Jackson picked up on her last sentiment, because it really wasn't something Aliya hadn't considered before, and only now it had seemed to settle in, contributing to one of the reasons she had to end it.

Because, if her mother found out she was dating Harper Avery's grandson, all hell would break loose all the way from Los Angeles, to Seattle.

"Aliya, we can work this out—" He broke the silence, seeing as she hadn't uttered a word since he last spoke. "You can't just quit this, you can't. We work, Aliya."

"I can't do this, I can't." Taking a deep breath, Aliya blinked, finally looking up at him. Her eyelids felt dark and heavy from the day's events, and all she wanted was to lie down.

"Then answer me this." Jackson took a simple step towards her. "What is this about? Is it about Summer? Your Mom? Because if it is, we can work this whole thing out. It's an easy fix."

Aliya tilted her head to the side. "Did you even try and convince Summer to tell me? Because, I know it's doctor-patient confidentiality or whatever, but you know Summer wouldn't do anything to you if you told me. You could've— you could've tried."

"I tried to, I really did, but she didn't want to worry you." Jackson replied, his eyes searching hers for some clue this wasn't over just yet. "It was doctor-patient—"

"If you say doctor-patient confidentiality one more time I will throw myself into a lake." Aliya deadpanned, seeing as those three words were really packing a punch. "What would Summer do, huh? Sue you? Summer wouldn't sue you, she would be angry for like five minutes until she realised I could help her— But, it's not just about Summer."

Aliya's voice broke and she stared down at her hands, picking the skin from the corner of her nail clean off, leaving a trail of blood in its wake.

"It's about you and me. We're not right for each other."

"How can you say that? That's not— We can't end this way." Jackson spoke, his voice gentle, trying all his might to stop her from slipping away from him like this.

"Yes, we can." She replied back, simply.

"Time." He took her ice cold hand in his, and they felt like the only two people in the world, in that moment. "Just take some time, please."

"I don't want time." Aliya regarded his hand in hers, not wanting to move away but knowing she needed to. "That's not what I want."

"Aliya. Look at me, we can fix this." He squeezed her hand, tightly, as if to hold onto her, to hold onto them.

"I don't know what else to say, Jackson." She breathed, and if asked in the future, she would be able to chart the exact moment she watched his face change — where he went from trying so hard, begging her not to end this, to the anger, to the unfiltered frustration and hurt as he realised she meant it, even though she didn't want to.

"So, this is it." His face tightened, and he moved his hand away from hers, realizing now that she meant every word of what she was saying. "You're done? We're done? Just like that?"

"Just like that." Aliya slipped her purse over her shoulder, mustering all of her last remaining strength to get herself out of the residents lounge door and into the hall.

Picking up her pace, she turned the corner, ignoring her trembling and the tears streaming down her cheeks.

She rushed down the stairs, practically jogging through the reception, as she passed the elevators as they opened before her, and she heard a voice calling her name, pushing his way out of the elevator to catch her up.

He pulled her back by the arm, so that she could see it was him.

"Alex." She sobbed, crashing into him, her hands holding him tightly around the middle.

Time and time again, she was the one who seemed to break. She was starting to get pretty sick of crying all the time.

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The next day, Aliya was staring over her coffee mug at the two people in front of her, who just merely two days ago, she caught in what she would describe as a frenzy on the sofa.

"So," April stirred sugars into her herbal tea, her eyes darting from Trent, sitting next to her, to Aliya, sitting opposite her. "Um—"

The red head looked back yet again towards Trent, screaming at him in her mind to help her out, seeing as they had been sat like this for the past five minutes in the hospital cafeteria.

"How long has this been going on for?" Aliya questioned, though it was more of an interrogation.

(Call her the female Spencer Reid.)

"I would say—" April choked on her own words, and Trent saw it as a sign to take her hand, staring at her unwaveringly with blue eyes, they were sickeningly in love. 

"Well, we met a year ago," Trent began, though he was still looking at the Kepner woman as if it was a miracle she was on God's green Earth. Though, even Aliya could say they did make a very good couple. "Everytime I was in Seattle, we'd go for coffee, and then after the—"

"Shooting." April finished what Trent was trying to avoid saying, giving him the go ahead, seeing as she lost her best friend that day.

"Yeah," Trent squeezed her hand, continuing on. "Then, we started dating a couple months ago, we've been together since—"

"November 18th!" April chimed in, smiling and sipping happily on her herbal tea.

Aliya's throat bobbed, shoving down the fact that she no longer had a boyfriend.

November 1st. That was the day Jackson and Aliya got together.

It was nearly Christmas, in fact it was just a few days away.

So, in the festive spirit, Aliya grinned. "I'm happy for you. And, you didn't have to keep it a secret. You don't have to keep secrets with me."

Was she that much of a screw up, that people couldn't even trust her with their secrets?

Did everyone really think she was that fragile?

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( notes! )

i felt very evil writing the ending to this chapter and also i listened to a lot of 1989 whilst writing it (primarily all you had to do was stay and wonderland)

i wanted to ask, who's side are you on!!?? jackson's or aliya's??? in retrospect, i realised i made aliya a tad dramatic for breaking up with him over that but she low-key has trust issues so she ran the first chance she got but also jackson legally couldn't tell her but i'm not gonna lie, i'm always gonna be on aliya's side :) even though she may have broken up with him a bit too fast

but, it's what she does, she's a runner she's a track star

and, also, what would summer do?? because she wouldn't sue him she's literally aliya's childhood bff and they kept this secret from her for eight months so that's gotta raise some alarm bells in aliya's head

also i'm rewatching gilmore girls for the 187849th time and i've decided that dean = kai, jess = mark and logan = elijah (who you still need to meet, but i'm not going to tell you when)

jackson is also too perfect to fit in any of those, he's just ken

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30/04/2024: hello so i wanted to come to aliya's defence once again because i will always defend her and i basically wanted to explain why she broke up with jackson that easily. like all characters, aliya is flawed, and one of her flaws is that she's quite untrusting (because of her mum, her relationship with mark etc.), so if someone breaks her trust, she flees (aka runs for the hills), and that's exactly what she did with jackson, and obviously it's not a very good coping mechanism but it's what she does!! and also i feel like i'd be pretty angry at my boyfriend if he kept that sort of secret from me (for eight months), and jackson also had three weeks between when aliya found out summer had cancer to when she found out jackson was her doctor to tell aliya the truth but he didn't which is quite crappy if you ask me, so very very long rambled short, aliya is an angel who can do no wrong (joking of course)

&& also now that the tortured poets department out, she's very the bolter coded for this cause she literally felt herself getting too close to jackson so girlie BOLTED

so for some people, it may sound minuscule what jackson did, but for aliya mega trust issues levine, it wasn't (and might i add jackson knew this about her and still decided to hide it)

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( word count! — 6,500 )