⠀

chapter fifty one ━ if/then
season eight, episode thirteen

❝ this hospital is getting
weirder by the day. ❞

⠀
⠀
⠀

When Aliya was a kid, she had nightmares.

Frequent, reoccurring nightmares that happened from the age of five, all the way up until the age of twelve.

They were the kind of nightmares that woke you up in the dead of night in a blind panic, trembling and sweating from the memory of what had happened the previous night when you were asleep.

They terrified her.

She grew to dread the night. When her mother would send her up to bed, and all she really longed for was to be tucked up under the covers with warm gentle hands, and told everything was going to be okay.

But, that was a wish that would never happen for five year old Aliya.

When the nightmares first happened, she ran into her parents room, where only her mother had woken up, instantly sending the sobbing girl back to bed and denying her breakfast the following morning for waking her up in the middle of the night.

From then on, Aliya kept her mouth shut.

About all aspects of her life. If something worried her, she learnt to just bottle it up instead of bothering anyone else with her burdens.

It had gotten to the point where the young girl wouldn't sleep. When her home in Malibu went pitch black and the automatic porch lights switched off, her book torch turned on, and she hid beneath the covers reading her books until the morning.

Molly Levine didn't believe any of this. Not in the slightest. She thought her daughter was making the whole thing up for attention.

What Molly didn't know, was that all Aliya's nightmares stemmed from her.

Was the giant spider with eight big, furry legs actually Molly Levine in a different universe?

Or, maybe the intergalactic alien who ate human flesh?

Who knew.

You'd have to ask Aliya's sleep therapist, if she ever got one in another universe where her mother actually cared.

Though, if her mother actually cared about her, in another universe maybe she wouldn't actually have nightmares.

⠀
—✩—
⠀

"Aliya! Honey!"

Despite the sound of her mother calling her downstairs from the kitchen, the blonde stayed snuggled in bed, her face burrowing into her bed sheets even more, not wanting to move even an inch after the best nights sleep in the world.

"Aliya! Sweetheart, you have work!"

She peeled her eyes open, slowly and reluctantly, the early morning sun beaming through the gaps in her curtains, casting golden reflections around her bedroom.

She could stay like this forever, if she didn't have work to do, places to go, and people to see.

Instead of staying in the warmth of her sheets, she slipped out of her bed, her bare feet hitting the stone cold hardwood floor of the house she called home.

She took a sharp intake of breath at the contact, reaching over for her glasses and slipping on her slippers so she could actually make it downstairs without turning into a cube of ice, grabbing her robe on the way out of her room.

She moved across the landing floor, making her way to the staircase with a yawn into her palm, raking her hand through her messy blonde hair, and her bangs that were most definitely sticking up.

"Hey, mom." Aliya smiled brightly as she walked into the kitchen to get herself a fresh cup of coffee, even though her mother refused to drink the stuff.

Her mother looked up, her long brown hair piled up in a messy bun at the top of her head. "Hey, honey. You're finally up."

"Well, how could I possibly sleep in when I have my own personal alarm clock pulling me out of bed every single morning without fail." The blonde grinned, even though she was only slightly being sarcastic. She reached up for a mug, made in one of the many pottery classes she had attended with her mother.

And yes, Aliya was twenty nine years old and still living with her mother.

She came up with every single excuse in the book not to move out of her childhood home, and she couldn't bring herself to leave it.

Where her height was etched into the pantry door with markers, where the fields behind her house stretched out for miles, the porch swing and the wind chimes making it her favourite place in the whole world.

It was home, at the end of the day. She couldn't think about living anywhere else.

"I don't want you to be late, it's a big day." Andrea Burman waved her spatula in the air dramatically, signifying the mere importance of the day ahead.

Her daughter, however, didn't look too convinced.

"You say that about every day." Aliya pointed out from behind her coffee mug, though she couldn't help the small smile that took over her expression.

"Well, today is the day before your big day." Andrea put down the spatula, rounding the kitchen island to hold her daughter's cheeks in her hands, a tear already falling from her eyes. "My baby is getting married tomorrow!"

"Oh, god, Mom! You're already crying!" Aliya squeezed her mother's elbow as she reached for a tissue to hand her. "Imagine what you're gonna be like tomorrow!"

"I know, I know—" She blew her nose into the tissue, dramatically with a sniff. "You're my only child! My only child is getting married! You only get married once in your life!"

"Dad married you before her married that witch of a woman and moved to California to have two prim and proper children." The blonde pointed out the obvious, the faint noise of the chickens in the coop and the backing track of the cows in the field of the farm they lived on providing the morning radio of the day.

"Well—" Andrea's expression faltered slightly, pushing her clear glasses up onto her nose. "Your father is the exception."

"He asked a magic eight ball whether or not he should leave us." Aliya stated the truth and she really did wish she was joking, bringing her coffee to her lips. "I suppose he is the exception."

"I'm making pancakes." Her mother swiftly changed the subject before things could get any uglier than they already were. "Do you want some before you go to work?"

"It would be rude to say no." Aliya grinned, slipping off of her stool. "I'll go feed the horses and fetch the eggs, how many do you need? Two? Three?"

Andrea pushed her loose strands of hair behind her ears, looking over at her daughter and thinking that time really went by too quickly for her liking. "Three would be great, thank you honey."

⠀
—✩—
⠀

April Kepner's jaw dropped ceremoniously to the floor as Aliya emerged from the bathroom in a fresh pair of boring, grey scrubs, like she did every other day. "Oh my God! When?"

"Last night." Meredith Webber, the Chief of Surgery's daughter, beamed wide at the sparkly diamond ring adorning her finger. "I mean, I kind of thought he would, and then, sure enough."

Aliya peered over at the ring, catching every single beam of light that hit it. That was one shiny diamond. Sure, the diamond on her own finger was shiny, but she didn't really care all that much for it.

And, she didn't think she would ever be able to say it out loud, but it wasn't the ring she particularly wanted to wear.

What she really wanted was—

"Hey." His voice spoke up from beside her, inevitably encapsulating her full attention. "Big day tomorrow?"

Aliya blinked at Jackson Avery, who coincidentally had the cubby beside her own. "Oh, yes— Yay, big day!" She pretended to be happy, and excited, however she had been a bundle of nerves for the past six months. "Yay!"

A bundle of nerves all for the wrong reasons.

The butterflies in her chest had stop fluttering, they lay motionless, only revived by just one hum of his voice.

"Don't sound too convinced." Jackson pointed out, though his words were reluctant given the mess of a situation they were in.

"Oh, trust me." She gulped back the regret, shoving down the despair into the pit of her stomach, lying next to the withering butterflies. "I'm excited to be rid of floral arrangements and fabric samples for the rest of my life."

Jackson laughed at that, the kind of laugh he only ever seemed to do when he was with her.

And, she was getting married to someone else.

Tomorrow.

April stayed staring at the ring in shock, but really everyone knew she was screwing Meredith's boyfriend.

Well, it was fiancé now.

What was with it and people getting engaged in this hospital?

Jackson Avery wanted to find every single ring seller in this damn city and put them out of business.

Seeing as the one he wanted to give was still firmly at the back of his locker.

"Are you okay, April? 'Cause I know—" Meredith paused to find the right choice of words. "I mean, I knew this was gonna be hard for you, but, you are gonna find someone April. Charles is really into you."

April groaned at the mere mention of that oafs name, dropping Meredith's hand. "Oh, I know, I know. But, Charles is—"

"Hi." Charles, the man of the hour, waltzed into the residents lounge with an annoying grin across his face. "Hey, April. Charles is what?"

"Nothing." The Kepner woman grimaced at the sound of his voice, though her face quickly dropped when she caught Meredith looking at her pointedly. "No! No! I am thrilled!"

"You don't mind, do you Aliya?" Meredith looked over her shoulder at the blonde, who was racking her unkept and wavy hair up into a bun on the top of her head, just like her mother's. "You're getting married tomorrow, and I don't want you to—"

"Of course I don't mind! This is great news! Congratulations! Just don't come to me for advice about wedding planning, I've had enough of it for my whole lifetime." Aliya said begrudgingly, now wanting to throw her wedding binder into the trash where it rightfully belongs.

Or a bonfire, that would get the job done easily.

"Have you told anyone else?" April drew the conversation back to the matter at hand.

"Besides my parents? No." Meredith shook her head, her lips still morphed into her ridiculous curved grin. "You're my person."

"Oh God," April reached back for Meredith's ring finger. "This is so beautiful. You guys! You're gonna be, like, the next Shepherds."

"Screw that." Meredith denied, leaning in closer as if she was sharing some sort of top secret information. "We're gonna be the next Webbers."

"Okay, how did he do it?" April asked, excitedly which made Aliya wonder if everyone in this hospital was fake. "Tell me everything."

A part of her really longed to make a living on her mother's farm and live there quietly for the rest of her life. However, she knew that could never be a possibility, seeing as her fiancé lived and breathed surgery like it was his oxygen.

"Okay, so last night," Meredith cleared her throat in preparation for the story. "We went out to dinner, and he—"

"Hid the ring in the cheesecake?" Aliya took a lucky guess.

"I reckon he's an after dinner, by the lake proposer." Jackson chimed in, adding to the list of theories.

Meredith shook her head at both of their suggestions. "Actually, he—"

However, the room fell into silence as Cristina Yang, with the dead straight hair and blunt bangs entered the room, her expression bored as she glided across to her cubby.

"Good morning." Jackson greeted her, and Aliya smiled at her lightly as she tied her shoelaces up.

Though Cristina's face remained unchanged. "Are you talking to me?"

"Jackson, don't feel the animals." Meredith advised as Cristina shrugged on her white coat.

"Every single one of you can suck my—" She began to mutter, making an escape.

However, someone wearing the brightest colour purple known to man practically hopped into view, glasses taking up a good seventy five percent of his whole entire face. "Hey! How's everybody doing this morning? Everybody ready to kick some butt?"

"Yeah, yours." Aliya muttered under her breath, earning a chuckle from Jackson.

"I thought you liked him?" He questioned her, eyeing up the Karev man delivering a hyper speech.

"I've known him since I was four." Aliya pointed out, shaking her head as if to mime to Alex to cut it out. To stop whatever horrific speech he was planning. "Doesn't mean I can't find him incredibly annoying."

"Let's run the board, guys. Avery?" He pointed to the man standing beside the blonde.

"Covering the pit." Jackson answered instantly, clipping his ID badge onto his scrubs.

"Noble work." Alex grinned, turning his attention to the woman hiding behind the bangs. "Yang."

"Solo thoracic aortic aneurysm." She spoke robotically, as if she was programmed to speak.

Cristina Yang was a mystery to all of them it seemed.

"Well, I guess that means I'm doing Torres' post-ops." Meredith assumed, and Aliya realised that the woman looked exactly like a stick of cotton candy in the pink shirt and cardigan combination.

"Kepner?"

"I'm on Shepherd's service. Good Shepherd." She added for the sake of clarity.

"And, Levine?" Alex nodded to his longest friend, the woman who had been stuck by him against her will for most of her life.

"I'm clipping an aneurysm with Bad Shepherd—"

"Wrong!" Alex sounded as if he was on a game show, which only made Aliya want to actually throttle him.

"No, I'm clipping an aneurysm today," Aliya informed, because there was no questions about it. She was operating today. She didn't even want to think about the wedding at all. She just wanted to get on with her job. "And, Karev if you take that away from me so help me God I'll stick your head into the cafeteria potato salad. It's taken me four excruciating years to get in Bad Shepherd's good books."

Alex placed his hands on his hips. "But, you've got a wedding to prepare for, sunshine—"

"Don't call me that." Aliya scrunched her nose up at the nickname he had coined for her right there and then, not particularly fond of it one bit.

"All right, guys." He clapped his hands together once more, startling the life out of Aliya. "The day is as good as you make it. All right, let's get out there and keep Seattle Grace the country's best hospital."

Aliya didn't think it could get any worse, but it did.

It got so much worse.

Because, Alex Karev first punched the air.

"Do you think my speech was okay?" He quickly whispered to Aliya as they all began to file out of the room.

"Could do with a little work, less 'butt kicking' more 'ass kicking', you sounded like a kindergarten teacher." Aliya said, truthfully, patting his shoulder sympathetically as she went to leave the room.

"Thank you, Dr. Levine for that excellent advice, I'll take it into careful consideration." He announced to the whole entire room, even though all the residents had already began to file out.

"Hey, what'd I miss?" A pair of hands reached out to catch her elbows, catching her off guard so much that her heart flipped backwards in her chest.

"God!" Aliya blinked at her fiancée, her chest rising and falling because she really was planning to just get on with the day, and she really was hoping to avoid him. "Scare a girl why don't you?"

Elijah Beck grinned, kissing her briefly as they descended the hallway together, his hand finding the small of her back as he guided her, something she hated him doing.

A word of advice: you probably shouldn't get married to a person whose fingertips fill you with blind hatred and bubbling rage.

The sad thing was that it wasn't his fault.

He wasn't the one she wanted.

It would be impossible for Aliya to chart a course of how she ended up in this situation.

It was a steaming hot mess.

Firstly, she was with Elijah for five years, and in her intern year at Seattle Grace, he moved away to Australia. When he did, she was heartbroken, but now, she kind of wished for him to go back, giving them a good thousand or so miles between them.

And after that, she met Jackson.

And, god, did she love him.

Aside from all the miscommunications and him driving her completely and totally insane every hour of each day that passed.

But, when describing her love for him, past tense shouldn't be used, Aliya wanted that to be on the record.

The past year had been a mess, and she didn't even know how it happened. It was unexplainable.

"Anything worth noting about Karev's morning speech?" Elijah questioned her with a grin, unaware of his fiancée's internal conflict.

Aliya shook her head. "He made a fool of himself for the hundredth, maybe the thousandth time. Nothing new there." She acknowledged with a smirk, though Alex's speeches had become the better part of her days.

Elijah chuckled, digging his hands deeper into his pockets. "Your dad messaged me, he told me his flight is coming in around noon. He also said you don't return his calls?"

"Oh really?" She acted confused, though a conversation with her father and step mother made sticking her hand in molten lava painless. "I don't think he has my new number."

Aliya didn't even want them at the wedding, and honestly she only invited them as a courtesy.

She didn't even want her step mother to come to the wedding, and she didn't want her father there too. Seeing as he wasn't much of a father to her these days.

And, something that would never change was how much she hated Molly Levine's guts.

She really did hate that woman.

"Is it too late to elope?" Aliya questioned, a red rash spreading across her neck from the thoughts of standing up in front of everyone she knew, reciting vows robotically until she turned into the next Cristina Yang.

"Yes. Way too late. My mom would kill us if we wasted all that money for nothing." Elijah joked, though it seemed a bit more of a threat.

Aliya came to a stop in the halls, catching his eyes with hers.

Maybe he had seen it too?

But, that was impossible right?

She kept her cards pressed up against her chest, silently loathing every fabric sample, cursing every white rose, sending help signals addressed to every crackling fire in the state.

Elijah took a sharp breath, as if his plan to force Aliya down that aisle at ten o'clock in the morning was his new life mission.

"It was a silly thought." Aliya forced a smile regardless, fantasying about running down said aisle and away from any altars, tearing down pearly white ribbons and smashing expensive glass champagne flutes against the edges of the rustic tables decorated with sickening rose petals. "Elopements are only for star crossed lovers in the movies, everybody knows that."

⠀
—✩—
⠀

"You know what the best wedding present ever would be?" Aliya beamed at the man before her, with the scruffy beard and the unkept hair.

He glanced up for a brief second, his expression bored and careless. He was going to make a brilliant father to his unborn child if he kept this whole act up. "I haven't gotten you anything."

"Exactly." Aliya clapped her hands together, trying not to grow frustrated by his tone. "Which is why I have a suggestion."

"Marriages always ended in divorce anyway, or adultery." Derek Shepherd, nicknamed McDreary by all the residents, said dryly as he flicked through the pages of the chart in his hand.

"How romantic." Aliya frowned at the sentiment, thought it wasn't as if he wasn't correct in the first place. "If I'm gonna sign my life a way to another human being, I might as well get something out of it."

The Shepherd man snorted, and if he wasn't so vain and rude, she may actually take a liking to him.

"Let me clip the aneurysm." She propositioned, her eyes gleaming hopefully, even though it was a highly unlikely situation. "I can do it. I've been practicing a hundred times and I think, I know, I'm—"

"Okay."

"But, no you have to hear me out—" Aliya paused, not fully comprehending what had just monotonously came out of his mouth. "Come again?" The blonde knotted her brows in anticipation of his answer.

"If you're so sure of yourself," Derek closed the chart before him, dropping it limply on the desk in front of her. "Clip it. If Mrs. Henley dies, so be it."

And with those words of encouragement and helpful advice from her mentor, Derek turned away, ascending the steps in the reception.

Aliya let out a sigh, frowning at the hospital walls surrounding her.

Even though she had been working here for four years, the hospital still felt alien to her.

She didn't know what it was specifically, but there was something about this place that felt off. And, she couldn't put her finger on what exactly it was.

She was sick of this place.

She was sick of operating.

She was sick of the drama.

She wanted out.

"This hospital is getting weirder by the day." She stated to no one in particular, more to herself than anyone else. "It's Freaky Friday every day of the freaking week."

⠀
—✩—
⠀

Aliya tilted her head to the side as she watched Cristina Yang perform sutures on a banana in the middle of the cafeteria, sat at the table alone instead of with any of the other residents.

She appeared to like it that way, to stay completely isolated from her colleagues.

"How many aortic aneurysms has she actually done?" Meredith questioned her fiancée, where he too was inspecting the Yang woman behind his thick framed glasses.

"Two, in the hospital." He replied, his eyes still trained on the woman. "She's probably done more at home on cats."

Aliya snorted as she stabbed an apple slice with her fork, waving it around like a prop. "I always see her outside the vet, maybe that's where she takes her victims, or buries them in her backyard."

"Since when do you go to the vets?" Alex asked the blonde, a brow raised.

"My mom owns a farm?" Aliya pointed out the fact he definitely already knew. "We have a lot of sheep who just decide to randomly die on a Tuesday afternoon."

Elijah found Aliya's dead sheep thoroughly entertaining, snorting into his sandwich.

"Oh yeah, Fluffy." Jackson recalled the name of Aliya's dead sheep as Elijah still continued to find it hilarious. "Does she eat with anyone, ever?" He changed the subject, gesturing over to Cristina.

"No." April shook her head. "That's what happens when you screw an attending. You're a pariah."

"We don't know what actually happened between them." Aliya decided to play devils advocate, starting to feel quite sorry for the loner of the resident class. "Maybe he took advantage, ever consider that possibility?"

"No." April muttered. "But, look at her. She's a pariah, like I said."

"Unlike your approach to just never having sex with anybody?" Jackson commented, and April's cheeks had appeared to have turned a bright red colour that resembled a similar shade of a tomato.

"No virgin jokes." The Webber woman managed to tear her love-sick eyes from Alex to swoop in for April's rescue.

The red head beamed at her best friend. "Thank you."

"Her and Preston Burke." The Karev man recalled in a theatrical tone.

"Really?" Jackson's eyes widened at the gossip, which he protested to dislike even though he was just as bad as every nurse in this hospital.

"And apparently," Meredith lowered her voice to a whisper. "It was so scary for him, he actually had to leave the state."

"Pfft—" Aliya crunched down on her carrot at the novelty of Meredith's story. "You're kidding."

"I always say," Alex swallowed his mouthful, ready to instil more of his words of wisdom. "Never mess with the crazy chicks. She's probably gonna go full-on Izzie one day and shoot up the hospital.

"What's Izzie?" Jackson asked, innocently looking from both Alex to Aliya for an answer.

"It's means crazy." Alex elaborated.

"She was a girl in our class before you." Aliya explained further, placing down her fork, unable to think about eating at a time like this. "She bought a gun at the grocery store a couple blocks away and went full on Call of Duty on us."

"She slept with a patient." Meredith chimed in to the anecdote. "And then, he needed a heart transplant so, she stole a heart for him."

"What?" Jackson nearly spat out the entirety of his lunch back onto his tray.

"Until Meredith turned her into her mom and got her fired." Alex added that particular detail onto the story.

"Jeez." Elijah made an intake of breath, biting into his sandwich.

"Oh, my God, Mer." April placed a hand to her heart. "You're so brave." The red head gushed over her best friend's so-called 'bravery'

Aliya looked behind her and over her shoulder, her gaze fixing on the window of the cafeteria.

She wondered, would it be possible to jump out and glide down the gutter?

Any fate would be better than being here.

"Hold on a second, how many people washed out your year?" Jackson questioned the group.

"Two." Alex answered through his mouthful. "Her and O'Malley. 007." He reminisced their intern year, and the nicknamed coined for the O'Malley boy. "He failed his intern exam and was never to be seen again."

"Okay, here I go." Meredith finished her lunch, wiping her hands into her scrubs as her eyes fixated on something across the room, suddenly determined.

Alex looked up at her with a confused expression on his face. "Where are you going?"

"To get back on my bicycle." Meredith said, determined as she marched across to the other end of the cafeteria, leaving them all to wonder what the mission actually was.

Searching for an answer, Alex glanced across to the blonde on his left.

"Don't look at me," She chuckled, her chin resting on her palms. "She's your fiancee."

"Ha, yeah," Elijah chuckled at something, opening his dumb mouth once more. "I sometimes don't understand half of the things Aliya has to say."

Aliya brushed off his comment, even though he was joking there was still truth behind the statement that wasn't entirely lie.

And besides, the Wicked Witch of California just waltzed into the cafeteria, taking all of Aliya's fighting attention.

"Oh— Crap!" Aliya's jaw dropped to the ground at the sight of the woman in a powder blue pantsuit, casually searching the cafeteria for her step daughter, her husband in tow. "Crap, crap, crap, crap!"

Aliya instantly dropped to the ground, hiding behind Jackson's seat.

Jackson arched a brow, looking over his shoulder and to the floor, where the blonde was crouched out of view. "What are you—"

"Aliya, get up off the floor," Elijah shook his head at her antics. "Why are you—"

"Elijah! How are you, my boy?" Travis Levine beamed from ear to ear, clapping his soon to be son-in-law across the shoulder.

"Travis!" Elijah shot up to shake his hand, an even bigger smile on his own face at the sight of his future father-in-law. "How are you?"

"Ah." Jackson made a knowing noise. "Duck a little." He waved his hand down, and she crouched a little further.

"I can't believe tomorrow is finally the day." Travis held his new favourite son by his shoulders, seeing as Trent was a disgrace to the family now for running off to Greece with a farm girl.

"I know. A long time coming right." Elijah turned back to the table. "Isn't it Aliya?"

Rats.

"I found my fork." She raised a random piece of cutlery on the floor in the air, popping her head up from beneath the table with a forceful grin, after shooting her fiancée a look of pure evil. "It was really under the table there."

"You alright?" Jackson smirked, helping her up from the floor with his outstretched hand.

"Just peachy." She winced slightly, slipping down onto her chair.

She hadn't noticed Molly Levine's eyes on her, after spending a little too long staring into Jackson's.

"Jackson." She sneered at her rival's son's name, seeing as Catherine Avery was amongst the list of people she loathed most in this world. "Pleasure."

She really knew how to get people with the one word statements, but Jackson didn't really care that much.

"Molly." He smiled despite it all. "You're looking well, win any awards recently?"

Molly sneered at his comment, and how much of a low blow it was. "I see you're still bitter."

"Not as bitter as you." He smiled, sweetly. "Poisoned any apples recently?"

"As much as I would love to see how this whole thing pans out," Aliya clapped her hands together,  pushing herself out of her chair whilst the bickering pair had a staring match from across the table. "We should really go."

And with that, she dragged her step mother away from the ex-boyfriend she hated almost as much as she hated her step daughter.

"You should really trim those split ends Aliya, you're getting married for godsakes." Molly rolled her eyes as they reached the exit.

The Levine woman shot a look back at the table, mouthing help me at the residents before turning back. "I know, maybe I should go to your hair stylist. She does an excellent job."

Subtle sarcasm really was her favourite thing in the whole world.

⠀
—✩—
⠀

"Kill me now."

Aliya probably had gained about five hundred grey hairs in the past five hours.

Firstly, she missed out on clipping her aneurysm, which really was a kick to her teeth.

And secondly, she had to sit through five entire hours of an excruciatingly long seven course meal with her Evil Step Mother, debating the logistics of the following day where Aliya had to resist the undying and relentless urge to reach across the table for the butter knife and jam it into her eye.

"Okay, do you have a gun?" Alex Karev questioned, cracking a joke.

"No, literally, please." She took the hair tie out of her hair, running her fingers through the lengths with a sigh. "Kill. Me. Now. Put me out of my misery."

"What happened?" Jackson asked genuinely, looking at the pair who had just walked into the residents lounge.

"Would it be so bad if I ran away, escaped to an exotic island to spend the rest of my life?" Aliya questioned the group, who all looked as if they had seen better days.

"That's a crazy suggestion, Aliya." Elijah scoffed at how unrealistic she could be.

"It's not too crazy." Jackson pondered, carefully thinking about the prospect. It sounded pretty good to him right about now. "It almost sounds quite ideal."

"Trust me," Charles breezed into the room, going straight to retrieve a snack from his cubby. "You two don't want to be the new Shepherds."

"You got my aneurysm?" Aliya's face dropped at the news that Percy stole her surgery. "Rats, as if this day couldn't get any worse than it already is."

"So," Meredith carried on with the story she was halfway through telling. "I start to do the repair,"

"And, she just stuck her hand in—"

Aliya scrunched up her nose, zoning into the conversation. "Who stuck her hand in where?"

"Yang!" Both Alex and Meredith replied helpfully in unison.

"Oh? Why?" Aliya looked for more clues to determine what drama she had walked in on this time.

"Because Yang's a freakin' maniac." The Avery man elaborated further.

April crossed her arms, nodding along in solidarity. "She's dangerous."

"Wait, come again," It was safe to say, Aliya was growing more confused by the second. "Why did Yang stick her hand in and why is she dangerous?"

"My patient's fine." As if on cue, the Yang woman herself waltzed into the residents lounge, rendering everyone speechless. "Awake, great vitals, if you were interested."

"Well, that's great 'cause OD girl bolted." Jackson grumbled, agitated.

"You had no business shoving in there." Meredith snapped at the Yang woman, stopping her from getting to her own cubby.

"You had no business in that OR." Cristina retaliated, and Aliya wished she had some popcorn at hand to watch this show unravel. "I wasn't about to let that guy die watching you jack around the internal graft."

"That was the right technique. Dr. Torres specifically—"

"Dr. Torres only sided with you because you're the Chief's little girl." Yang cut her off. "She's a pathetic lackey."

"Well, we'd all be working under Dr. Preston Burke right now, but you screwed us out of that opportunity, literally." Meredith went in for the kill, showing no remorse. "What exactly did you do to him because he left the state to get away from you."

Cristina's eyes darkened, and her voice grew low. "Good one. If you want to get personal, why don't you ask Prince Charming what he and the Virgin Mary like to do in his office?"

"What?" The Webber woman snapped, her brows knotted together. "What are you talking about? What—" She whipped her head back to look at her fiancée, and her best friend.

"She's a lunatic." Alex's voice was strained as he pointed towards the Yang woman and her accusations.

"What is she talking about?" Meredith persisted, her throat growing tight.

"You can't believe a word she says." Alex tried to convince, and Jackson looked at Aliya shocked, silently asking her if she knew about this. "She's just— come on!"

"April?" Meredith went for the weakest link, who was already crying.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry—" April sobbed, her voice muffled by her palm to her mouth.

"Oh God, shoot me now." Charles groaned, burying his head into his hands.

⠀
—✩—
⠀

T'was the night before the wedding, and Aliya could not sleep.

Sleep had turned into a concept. It was a myth in her eyes.

She stared at the ceiling above her, glow in the dark stars from when she was a kid shining down above her.

It was nostalgic, still living in her childhood room, always surrounded by the things she treasured most when she was just a kid, when everything wasn't as complicated as it was now. When she didn't have a care in the world if her knees got muddy, or her hair was a mess.

Her phone lit up from her nightstand, and she turned to it, a message from Elijah lighting up her screen.

⠀
ELIJAH BECK (12:34am)

Happy Wedding Day! See you later x
⠀

She stared at the message, the light from the screen brightening up her face in the glow.

She quickly drafted a message back.

⠀
ALIYA LEVINE (12:35am)

Draft: i can't do this elijah.
i'm sorry but i can't marry you
tomorrow. it's not
⠀

She quickly erased the message, shaking her head at how lousy that sounded.

⠀
ALIYA LEVINE (12:37am)

Draft: i really would like to
consider this whole elopement
thing, surely it isn't purely
for star crossed lovers?
⠀

The blonde erased the message once more, muttering how stupid she was under her breath.

⠀
ALIYA LEVINE (12:40am)

the day has finally come!
⠀

She was screwed.

⠀
—✩—
⠀

It was her wedding day.

The day she had been counting down until had finally come around.

And, it wasn't how she imagined it to be.

Besides, she wasn't counting down in anticipation and bubbling excitement, she was counting down the days until it was over.

She should be looking in the mirror, smiling joyfully at her reflection and the elegance of her white satin gown, potentially rethinking the flowers in her bouquet.

Should she have gone with the daffodils instead?

Did she use too much blush?

Should she had gone with the veil? She might've looked better in a tiara.

However, Aliya Levine was thinking none of those thoughts.

She knew she was meant to be thinking all of the things above from the large amount of romantic comedies she had consumed over her years. She should be obsessing over every detail, pinning the last clip in her hair, straightening her necklace.

But, all she felt in this moment of time was ill.

It was a feeling she hadn't stepped foot on before.

She was on uncharted territory right about now.

It was undefined. A mixture of sorrow, regret, unease but also nerves which she decided to suspect was due to anticipation.

Anticipation of what exactly, she did not know.

She had no idea what she was doing here, and all of a sudden she hated her white gown, she hated her hair, she hated her flowers—

The door clicked on the latch.

And Aliya was staring at herself in the mirror in a silent, but equally loud, panic as Alex Karev pushed his way through the door.

"Wow." He breathed in shock, a grin on his face as he walked over to her side. "You look amazing, I mean— wow."

"You'd think everyone looks great, you'd screw anything that moves." Aliya pointed out, in light of the affair with April getting out. "Lowblow? Sorry, I didn't mean that."

"I was actually coming to find the bathroom." He scratched the back of his neck sheepishly.

"That was the most sincere compliment that has come out of your lips, by the way."

She didn't want Alex to worry, so she held onto every single one of fingers, squeezing each of them to stop her trembling.

She needed this.

She needed this one thing. Something that felt right.

She needed to convince herself that this was the right thing to do. That this was what she wanted.

"You don't have to do this." Alex had seemed to have managed to sense her longing to run, to ditch whilst she still had the chance. To bolt out of the door. "You don't have to walk down the aisle. You can run away from it all." The Karev man suggested, giving her all the options.

"I don't need to run. I'm doing this." She nodded, convincingly her reflection.

⠀
—✩—
⠀

This was happening.

Crap—

It really was happening.

She took one step forwards, her arm wrapped around her mother's, holding onto her for dear life, as if he didn't want to let go.

Another step.

She glanced over at Andrea, whose eyes were lined with tears at her daughter.

"I'm proud of you, Aliya. So proud." Andy smiled at her daughter, softly rubbing at her arm as they walked down the aisle together.

This was a mistake.

Another.

How could I so stupid?

Yet another gruesome step.

Where's the nearest emergency exit?

The walk up the aisle was both the quickest and the slowest walk of her life, and she didn't think that it could be quite possible.

Her bouquet was now out of her hands, and she didn't even know where it had gone.

It all felt like some sort of daze. A parallel universe she was living in far different from her own reality she was in.

And, as she was looking into the chocolate brown of Elijah's eyes, she felt—

Regret.

His hair was the same blonde style it had always been in.

He looked handsome, perfect even.

He was perfect.

It was her fault this would never work out, not his.

He had the smile that could will anyone to do anything he desired, and his cheeks went a perfect pink shade when he was shy. His lips were a (yet again) perfect shape, with a jaw that could have been carved from glass.

And, he loved Aliya. And, Aliya willed herself to love him. Again.

However, she couldn't help her eyes to flicker slightly to the left.

Ever so slightly to the left.

Not even that noticeable to the naked eye but, her glance left her soon-to-be husband for a split second and fastened on the ocean green eyes that she knew incredibly well. Too well.

The eyes she wanted to drown in for the rest of her existence.

She could chart each shade, document it with strokes of a paint brush.

Instantly, he noticed her eyes on his and smiled, and that hit her hard in the gut.

He ducked his head in a small nod causing his head to bob slightly, sending her already erratic heart into even more acrobatic measures that it would be a shock if she didn't win an olympic gold medal.

She didn't want to, but she tore her eyes away, quick enough to see the flicker of confusion pass across Elijah's face, sending guilt to gnaw away at her.

All she could do was smile at him in attempt to reassure him, to sew up the rip in the seam.

"—Will you promise to love and support their marriage in all their days to come, if so, please respond 'We will'."

She hadn't realised the minister had begun the ceremony. All her senses seemed to be echoing, detaching her from her surroundings.

She zoned out at her own wedding, which Aliya thought was in fact quite idiotic of her.

She was meant to be soaking every moment up, preparing to bathe in the memory in years to come.

Her friends and family's voices of 'we will' echoed around her but she couldn't help but notice as she scanned around that Jackson's lips didn't move.

He didn't say we will.

A feeling rose in her chest, bubbling and cracking with a mixture of hope and longing.

No.

She had Elijah and that was all she needed.

Was it though?

She blinked her lashes shut, opening them once more to regain her focus.

No. No it wasn't.

She couldn't do this to him.

Even though he had flaws, Elijah was a good man.

She couldn't give empty vows.

Her mouth began to open and close in rapid movements, and she willed her voice to appear, to speak up. Or, even her legs to start working so she could run down this aisle, move to somewhere in Greece where her estranged half brother was, and live there until she had outgrew the embarrassment.

"And do you, Aliya Juliet Levine, take Elijah Joseph Beck to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

She took a sharp intake of breath. "No—"

"I love you." Jackson spoke, catching Aliya's and everyone else's attention.

The guests looked horrified, especially her step mother in the audience.

Aliya hadn't even heard what he had said, seeing as she was too busy saying no to marrying Elijah right in front of a whole audience.

"What?" Aliya's eyes widened at the man now stood in the aisle, dressed in a dark navy suit that sent Aliya's heart rate soaring through the sky. "Did you just say—"

"I love you, Aliya Levine." Jackson repeated himself, and Elijah had to clench his fist to stop himself from walking down there and punching the guy square in the nose.

"You do?" She breathed, her eyes wide.

"I love everything about you." Jackson took a step forward, and the whole audience gasped. "Even the things I don't like, I love."

"Oh for, heavens sakes, sit back down!" Molly Levine snapped from her chair. "She's marrying Elijah, you won't—"

"Quiet down, Mol." Andrea shushed the woman, calmly from her chair. "I want to hear what the boy has to say."

"I love your dimples when you smile," Jackson stated to the whole room of a hundred people. "I love the way you scrunch up your nose when you're concentrating, I love the way you care about every single person in this world, even when you're having the worst day of your life. I love your eyes, I love you." He paused for a moment, and the silence that followed swallowed Aliya whole.

Elijah huffed, rolling his eyes as Aliya dropped his hands. "You've got to be—"

"And, I think you love me too." The Avery man stood tall in the aisle, looking solely at the pretty girl in the big white dress. "Do you? Love me too?"

The rise and fall of her chest that stretched the fabric of her dress slowed down slightly, relaxing with each breath she took. She didn't look at Elijah in that moment.

Everyone's stare fixed on Aliya.

But hers was only made for Jackson's.

It was him.

It had always been him, and in that moment she knew it was him.

Slowly but surely, she turned her head to Elijah, who stood beside her looking furious. "I can't do this."

Elijah opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out. The shock had swallowed him whole.

"I'm sorry." She pulled the ring off of her finger, holding it out to him. "But, I really can't do this."

Elijah reluctantly lifted his hand to take the ring that was never hers, and once she was rid of the silver, she turned to Jackson, ready and waiting to ditch this whole thing.

She began to rush down the steps, her heels clicking across the floor as she ran towards Jackson outstretched hand, not caring about the looks everyone was shooting at her on varying degrees of horrified.

The moment their hands touched it felt right.

It was meant to be.

And that feeling carried on as the two beamed at each other, and bolted right down that aisle, bursting through the doors as Jackson led her to his car.

"Wrong side." Jackson chuckled as she stopped by the drivers door, and he went to the passenger side to open the door for her.

"I'm an excellent driver." She protested, still trembling and giddy from the events of the past few minutes.

"Sure you are." He bit down the smirk.

The Levine woman's jaw dropped to the ground at the insinuation. "I am!"

"You keep telling yourself that, sweetheart." He held open the passenger side door, ready and waiting for her to hop in.

"I can't believe this." She gasped, marching over to the door and slipping into the passenger seat, making sure every spare inch of fabric was securely on the car, rather than dangling out of it. "Outrage! Betrayal! Complete and total—"

She forgot what she was going to say once Jackson pressed his lips to hers, and the whole world around them stopped.

Aliya's hands reached up greedily, drawing his face closer to hers in a moment she wished could last forever.

When their lips parted for air, he regarded her for a moment. "Are you sure about this?"

She smiled, rubbing her thumb across his cheek. "I've never been sure about anything in my whole life."

⠀
—✩—
⠀

Aliya reached over to the hand painted sign on the door, switching it to say CLOSED once the final customer had left the building.

With a content smile, she cleared up a coffee cup and saucer from the table by the window, decorated with pumpkins and artificial leaves, seeing as it was Autumn after all.

She made her way to the kitchen, placing the cup and saucer into the dishwasher before turning it on so she could have fresh cups for the morning rush tomorrow.

Butterflies grew in her stomach at the thought, and she held the spot where she felt them.

"Are you kicking, sweet boy?" She smiled as she felt what she thought was a foot poke her hand.

From outside of the kitchen, she heard the bell of the from door swing open, and she pushed through the red gingham curtain that separated the kitchen from the café.

"Mommy!" A little girl called, running straight into her mother's outstretched arms.

"Hey, sweetheart!" Aliya beamed at the girl running towards her, her pigtails swinging as Aliya lifted her up, planting a kiss to her daughter's cheek, swinging her in her arms. "Did you have a good day?"

Grace nodded her head with a smile. "We fed the ducks bread at the pond behind Miss Hattie's, and Daddy even let me ride a horse!"

"He didn't!" Aliya enthused, her jaw dropping in faux-shock at what this three-year old had gotten up to today. "You rode a horse? That's crazy!"

Jackson put the bags down on one of the café chairs, chuckling to himself as he kissed his wife's forehead. "You wouldn't believe it, she's a natural. She didn't fall off once."

"I do believe it." Aliya beamed at her family, at the life she was contently living. "Grace is good at everything, aren't you? Reading, drawing, baking when you don't eat half of the cookie batter!"

The pair tickled their daughter, sending her joyful screams across the café as they chased her around the tables, wanting to freeze time to stay in that particular moment forever.

⠀
—✩—
⠀

The brunette darted quickly up in her bed, her hair hanging down past her face, the morning light casting sun spots across her walls through the curtains she forgot to close.

Jackson stretched out beside her, yawning loudly into his palm. "Are you okay? Did you have a bad dream?" He asked her, his hand finding her back seeing as he hadn't mustered the strength to actually get out of bed at this point.

Her breathing slowed as she shook her head at the memory of her dream, smiling faintly. "No, not in the slightest."

"Was I in it?" Jackson smirked, rubbing at his eyes to wake himself even more.

"You were, actually." Aliya looked down at him, dropping back down onto the mattress so she could be by his side. "We had a goat."

The Avery man smiled into her soft hair, kissing her temple gently. "Oh yeah? What was the goat's name?"

"Grace."
⠀
⠀
⠀
⠀

( notes! )

edit: i just saw scrub caps has been nominated for best jackson avery fic in a wp awards book!!!! firstly, thank you all so so much for reading this book!! honestly i love all of you, it means so so much to me that you love aliya just as much as i do!! the acc the awards are on is "aesflms" if you'd like to go check out all the amazing authors who have been nominated!!

in another lifetime, aliya & jackson are living out a gilmore girls fantasy in a small town with their children. it's confirmed. you've heard it here first.

i freaking LOVED writing this chapter!!! it was so much fun & i had to give jackson his speak now moment in scrub caps!!! i hope you enjoyed it!!

on a final note, cristina lowkey looked like claudia winkleman this episode iykyk

( word count! — 8,400 )