Reviewed by: summerwitch_

Book title: Renewed Beginnings: Us Against the World

Author's name: Erus555

COVER

I love the cover! I can't say much here, but it is definitely appealing. It talks about things—the theme and the concept—we have to expect in the story. It felt like longtime fans of manga, fantasy, and video games would naturally bond with the endless entertainment to be had here. First impressions are a bonus to grab potential readers' attention. And the cover did just that. I'm excited to get this started finally.

TITLE

The title screams romance and fantasy. It is well-chosen to fit both elements. Maybe you can write it like "Renewed Beginnings: Us Against the World" like the standard formatting. But overall, I'll give two thumbs up for the title.

BLURB

So, the blurb is supposed to give the readers an idea about the story's premise and to achieve that, it should contain a vague idea of the plot. Finding a story to read on Wattpad is the same as finding a book to buy at a bookshop. Readers first look for an attractive cover and instantly turn it over to read the back cover summary. Putting snippets from the story (like what you did) is fine to make it more engaging, but the blurb is your key selling point. Although some blurbs go into great detail, it is best to keep things simple. After reading the blurb, the readers should know the name of one or two characters, the genre, and the main character's challenge.

PLOT, FLOW, AND ORIGINALITY

At first, the story's premise isn't apparent to me because I don't know what the story will be about (the reason why a blurb is so important).

The story is undoubtedly unique. It isn't one of the typical stories that can be read, but it's a promising one. It possesses the common elements of a Xianxia fantasy, having mythical elements of a mortal martial artist (though Caihong specializes in bow and arrow, she's still a skilled fighter comparable to martial artists) with Chinese mythology. Along with it are unspeakably powerful enemies and truly unexpected cliffhangers.

What to improve: The first point would be the pacing. The beginning is a bit slow, and I think I struggled a bit to get into the plot. But the middle and succeeding events are accurately paced. Also, I can't decide what the central plot is. At first, I thought it was all about revenge since the first conflict started when Renshu got kidnapped. But then, there's also a branching subplot about the concern in Caihong's controlling power and Xingjuan's backstory before she became a part of Caihong.

CHARACTER AND SETTING DEVELOPMENT

The author writes so well and knows how to use her words to evoke explicit imagery and detail in mind. The detailed setting draws me into the built world, allowing me to inhabit the storyline. Additionally, the writer has perfectly utilized the story's backdrop to influence the characters' actions and moods. Otherwise, they and the world they live in will come across as static and lacking nuance—so great job for establishing your setting. The lives of the humans—and the mythical creatures—living in the fantasy world are intimately tied to the setting.

I especially love how the opening of the first chapter has been laid out. The fact of two things being seen or placed together with contrasting effects (the bright side and dark side of the Ruan Sect) is a fantastic way to execute worldbuilding.

The setting is a land divided into sects ruled by sect leaders. It follows the story of a young main character, Caihong, who is noble by birth. Her ultimate goal, or Dao, that she follows is the path to protect, grow strong, and be free. The same goal is applied to some of the supporting characters in which the way of evil may be permitted.

Caihong is a naturally benevolent character. She is not necessarily a virtuous paragon but instead, just a hero of circumstance, a person who was in the right place at the right time. This circumstance is proven when she saves Renshu from his three abusers. But she's also a character that is fairly predictable and lacks complexity. She is also a character with one or two main personality traits and often serves the purpose of moving the plot along. I also see her as a static character rather than a dynamic.

What else to improve: Each character's voice (except Caihong). I can't tell that there's a variety in character voices. Each character seems to act the same when put in a similar situation, given they are surprised, angry, or agitated. Character voice tells us about the characters' background, disposition, personality, and more through elements like tone and diction. How they deliver their messages reveals their voice. They should have their own way of expressing themselves. Perhaps, they're forceful, always cutting others off. Or maybe they're very proper, speaking in a distinct tone. Perhaps, they're laid back, using words like "yeah" or "whatever." For example, an accent or snarky tone of a character can tell us a lot about their personality and experiences. If they stutter or are afraid to speak up, it helps to build the character. Once a character's voice is established, it's essential to remain consistent. Their background and personal experiences shape a character's language.

GRAMMAR, PUNCTUATION, AND OTHER TECHNICALITIES

The author uses an in-depth description of the setting. Words are so well-played that I can see the characters and scenes in my head. Word choices are not over the top either. It all comes with the execution of the prose. Instead of the straightforward way of stating what the characters feel, you delivered it in such a creative manner.

On the other hand, it's important to follow simple grammatical rules when it comes to dialogues. Every time a new person speaks, a new paragraph should be started.

Take, for example, the first paragraph in Chapter 2: Shattered Calm:

"We're finally here," a tall man clad in pristine azure robes sighed looking down at the little ten-year-old boy standing right next to him. The little boy who was in spotless white robes stared at the place, his eyes big with awe. "Wow," he whispered.

As soon as the boy said "wow," that's an indication that a new paragraph should be started. Or as soon as the narrator said, "The little boy who was..." that can work too. It depends on the context.

As a general rule of thumb, try to choose one end punctuation for a sentence. A string of question marks or interrobang (combination of question mark and exclamation mark) won't capture the character's confusion as well as a carefully chosen gesture, action, or line of dialogue.

Take another example from the second chapter again (it's because I write reviews as I read):

"Grandpa?!?!?!!" the maidens whisper-yelled.

You'll accomplish even more if you focus on description, action, or gesture to reveal the nuances of the character.

Though, I suggest that you observe the consistency of the tenses. In the first chapter, you have used the personal pronoun "we," which is used from a first person point of view. So I thought that the busy marketplace of the Ruan Sect is being described through the character's eyes. Either stick with the first person or third person pov. In my opinion, you do well with using the third person omniscient. But whichever point of view you use is still up to you. It depends on the story and the author's judgment on which is better.

READER'S ENJOYMENT

I personally love Caihong's strong and bubbly personality. Every time I read a scene of hers, I'd just find myself smiling. On the other hand, the other characters have the potential to be rich when their voice is given improvement. It is actually very intriguing but it would make it better to clarify its central plot. Something that will help readers determine the conflict that will put them on the edge of their seat. Nonetheless, it's a good story full of potential with gripping scenes and amazing descriptions.