Book Title: Faux Hearts

Author: gangstainheels247

Reviewed by: CroodsGirl

The review was edited by Juleyette

Title: 4/5

The title is simple, but I don't yet know its significance to the plot. Coming from someone who struggles with English, I had to look up what faux meant. Now that I know what it is, I guess it's safe to say that I don't see where it comes into the plot. Then again, I only read the first five chapters. Perhaps if you showed us the fake love a little earlier, it would fix the issue.

Cover: 2/5

Something can enhance the cover a bit. The objects and text on it were tiny. I didn't see the two people in the middle until I looked closer. To me, it doesn't look like a full-fledged book cover, a majority of the area is empty. To me, it looks more like a picture you would see on a poster. I think you can improve this if you just make the objects and text a little bigger so that they cover the unnecessary space. Other than that, I can tell the book is going to be a romance by looking at it.

Blurb: 6/10

There are a few grammar issues in the blurb that need to be addressed. As a whole, the book needs to be cleaned up, but I'll focus on the blurb for now. You did a good job introducing the main characters and conflict, which is crucial for a blurb to carry out. It isn't long or short; just right. It's also written in the present tense, which is preferred for a blurb. Overall, it's solid, but I gave you a lower score because of the grammar issues.

Plot: 7/10

The plot's a little cliché; a woman being forced into a marriage, she doesn't want to get married—but that doesn't mean that it's bad. I loved learning about all the Muslim terms and practices. But, there were many terms I wasn't used to, so I got a little lost. So, I had to refer to the "Before We Start" chapter to understand things further. You could benefit from slowing down the chapters a bit, allowing your audience—those who may not be familiar with Muslim culture—to get a better sense of it.

I became confused when scenes shifted, because I didn't know that a new scene had started. For example, at one point, we're in Selena's house, but the next, she's at school. Again, I had to search back to figure out where the scene changed. You can benefit more from these changes in scenes through context clues and line breaks.

Since the plot moves at a slower pace, I felt there was unnecessary information you could take out. If Selena is drowned in schoolwork, then why don't we have a few more scenes of her at her school rather than at home?

I'm assuming this book is supposed to be a slow burn, but I have to admit that sometimes I get a little bored. I like the plot a lot; it just needs to be sped up and we need more character development for the main characters so they're a little more interesting.

I'm assuming this book is supposed to be a slow burn, but I have to admit that there were times when I got a little bored. I like the plot a lot; it just needs to be sped up and we need more character development for the main characters so they're a little more interesting.

I'm assuming this book is supposed to be a slow burn, but I do have to admit that there were times when I got a little bored. I like the plot a lot; it just needs to be sped up and we need more character development for the main characters so they're a little more interesting.

Grammar/Vocabulary: 5/20

The grammar issues are all over the place. They were a reason why I didn't enjoy the book as much as I wanted to. The main thing I noticed was that you always put a comma after every single line of dialogue when you don't need to.

Let's take the sentence "Some people just can't f****** move out the way.", she mutters under her breath. This is in Chapter 2. Take out the period after "move out of the way" and put the comma there instead. Therefore, it will look like this: "move out of the way," she mutters under her breath. Do you see how much cleaner that looks? Now, I understand why you put the comma on the outside of the dialogue tag, but that's not the rule for dialogue. I would advise you to look up how to properly use commas.
With sentences that are questions, such as "How's life?", in Chapter 2, you do not need the comma after the dialogue tag. The question mark is enough. It needs to look like this: "How's life?" Selena plants herself onto the bed, while Amelia walks up to the dressing table to check out Nuha's new nail polish collection.

I can go on and on about these issues and point out every single one, but I can only write so much. If you want your audience to enjoy your story a bit more, you need to make sure your prose is a little easier to read. One way to do that is to have very few grammar mistakes. This book has potential. It just needs to be freed of all the punctuation issues.

Writing Craft: 14/20

I love how your approach to the writer's craft. I can tell that you like to write stories with lots of dialogue. That's fine, but you need to make sure you don't forget the other elements a story needs.

I would have loved to see a few more sensory details with the house,—since a majority of the story takes place in it—and the school, since I've never been to a Muslim school before, so I think it would be fun to include more details. Setting issues are very common with writing, so do not feel ashamed. You can fix this by considering the five senses: sight, hear, touch, smell, and taste. Try to paint a picture in your reader's head. That will allow them to feel like they are in the book with the characters. As I mentioned before, I love your use of dialogue and how it feels so natural. It was one of my favorite parts of the story.

Since I'm on the topic, I did notice a few places where you switched your tenses. With writing, you want to choose one tense to write it: past or present, and then maintain it through the rest of the story. This usually isn't the case with flashbacks, since they take place in the past. With the flashback scene in Chapter 4, I did not have a clear sense that we were in the past, at first. This was mostly because your switches between scenes can sometimes be a little awkward. On the bright side, I thought the flashback was a great way to showcase how free Selena used to be when she was young. Flashbacks are a huge part of the writer's craft; you just want to make sure you use them correctly.

Characters: 13/20

For the most part, I enjoyed the characters, but I think you can elaborate a bit more on a few of them. For example, we know Selena is frustrated with school and that she doesn't want to get married, but I never really felt this frustration. You could probably add a few scenes where she explains to her family and Aariz how busy she is. Becoming a doctor is a lot of work. Trust me. To help develop her character more, try including a few more scenes where Selena is at school. What is going on inside her head after her presentation in Chapter 5? Is she on the verge of a panic attack in the library, because of how much she has to do? You explored this flaw a little bit with the flashback I mentioned earlier. With a few more moments like that, I think you can take Selena's development and her flaws further.

At times, some of the characters felt similar to one another. This may be because you have such a large cast that it is sometimes hard to give each character a different voice. Like the setting, this is a common issue. Are you a people watcher? I am, and this is how I come up with some of the characters in my stories. Take your notebook or laptop to a park one day, observe the different people, and jot down notes. It will really also want you to try character interviews online. I use these, too. They ask the writer different questions about the characters. They are a great strategy to use when you struggle in this field. Remember, people are people. They need to act and sound like people. One of the greatest things about life is just how different we are from one another. If you use the character interviews and visit the park, then you will discover just how diverse we are.

Overall Enjoyment: 5/10

While I enjoyed the story, I didn't enjoy it as much as I wanted to. To me, this feels like a first draft, which is totally fine. You're trying out different things that will help bring your story to life.

A few of the reasons why I think I didn't enjoy it as much as I wanted to was because of the grammar issues and unfamiliarity with the culture. There were lots of instances where I was confused and had to go back to the author's note. Again, I believe this can be fixed if you just slow the plot down a bit to allow your audience to understand what's going on a bit better. I understood the basic idea of the story, but I never had the full picture. Try developing your characters more, work on the setting, and then you will have a great story under your belt!

There are some editing shops on Wattpad that I think you can check out, as well as grammar resources to help those struggling with grammar. Forgive me for asking, but is English your first language? If it's not, then take a trip over to WattpadESL (English as a Second Language). There are amazing resources there that are meant to help anybody, even if English is their first language. It's not mine. My first language is Russian, so I use WattpadESL a lot. It really helps.

Good luck as you continue this story! I hope to see it win The Wattys in the future! Thank you for letting me review it!

Total: 56/100