First of all, let me state that this video is intended for mature audiences. If you're a squeamish person, or a kid in general, kindly leave now. You might notice that I'm using Gacha life as as my artistic medium. Do not let that fool you, OK?

Also, I'm currently a huge fan of Wish. So if you're interested in getting a good discount for any of their products, I gotcha fam. Just click the link that will be in the description.

And now, on  to the story.
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This happened to me very recently; Mid-November of 2019. It's kind of late at night, and I'm just chilling in my room on my phone when my mother calls for my attention in the living room. Promptly, I marched into the living room. Because when mom calls, I'd walk through hellfire just to answer her in person.

"Son, I need you to go to the [local grocery store] and grab some items."

Now, I don't remember what exactly I was told to grab. But 1: I do remember that half gallon of 2 percent low-fat milk. And 2: the other items I had to get were small enough for me to carry back home with no problem.

Now, the store was about to close in an hour and it was only a 15 minute walk to and from said store. So I was like: Ok Mom, no problem. Mom hands me her food stamp card, double, then triple checking that I remember its code.

It got it mom. It's four digits.

The walk to the grocery store was easy as pie. It's the walk after  the grocery store that suddenly got weird.

I have ADHD. When I'm in the zone, I'm really in the zone and hardly paying attention to what's around me. Keeping that in mind, I was walking back home, small grocery items in both hands, with music blasting from my headphones. I'm just jamming and not paying attention to what's going on in my surrounding area.

Let's me also add that I was walking rather slowly so I could catch wind of the Wifi from a McDonald's in a conjoining parking lot. This McDonald's particular wifi has some serious reach.

Then it happened. Behind me rolls up a blacked out sedan. The driver honked at me. Being the gentleman I am, I stepped aside to let the driver pass me. Because I assumed that I was in the way and they wanted to pass me.

Wrong assumption.

The driver side window rolls down as the sedan keeps pave with my walk. This reveals... well, let's call her "Thirsty Lady." Noticing said lady's face, I stopped walking entirely to walk over and see what Thirsty lady wanted. The conversation goes as follows, but it's not exact.

TL: Hi, where are you from?
Me: Uh, Here. This city we're in right now.
TL: Oh, I though maybe you were from [some country in Africa].
Me: Haha, no. I'm from here.
TL: So I just came into this area to pick up my daughter. She goes to school around here.
Me: Ok, cool.
TL: Btw, did you know that your thing is big?

Yeah, sure! Just casually throw that into the conversation, lady. And yes, she actually did say the word "thing." Consider this to be red flag number 1.

TL: So, do you need a ride? Where do you live?

This night was a finger numbing cold one. I knew it would only take me 10 minutes to walk back home, but I weighed my options.  A: Hop into this nice, warm car and get a free ride home. B: Suck it up and walk the extra 10 minutes back home. Guess which option I chose.

Now I'm a mostly responsible adult who looks 2 years younger than my actual age. As far as I know, be this lady could have been a pedophile looking to prey on unsuspecting young boys.

Red flag number 2 will now reveal itself.

I go to take a seat inside of the front passenger side of Thirsty Lady's car. But when I try to lean back some and get comfy, all I feel is empty air. Wth? Ok, that's weird. But nothing all too out of the ordinary. Maybe she just wasn't expecting a passenger and forgot to set the seat back up. It happens (despite the fact that just earlier, she was picking up her daughter).

Now that I think of it, who the hell picks up their daughter late at night? I mean, I know. Maybe she was picking her daughter up from work. But, as many times as I've been out on a grocery run late at night, I've NEVER seen this lady before. I'm calling BS.

Then red flag number 3 shows itself. I'm terrible at giving directions, but this lady was very obvious.

TL: Oh my gosh. I think I'm lost.

She then proceeds with driving into a more secluded spot of parking lot with the same old grocery store. Thirsty lady is now suspect as hell.

TL: So what do we do now?

We? I'm sorry, WE? Je ne parle pas Françias. I DONT SPEAK FRENCH!!

I can feel it in the air, this thirsty ass lady is up to something. She's touching me in ways I've never been touched before, and I am sweating bullets while she whispers seductively "Just relax. I'm a good girl. I won't hurt you."

She points at my "thing"
TL: How do I get access to it, hmm?
Me: *zip*
Farewell, my V-card. Kind of.

Without going into much detail, she basically lolipoped me. *Pop*

And she did this for a good five minutes.

It wasn't technically sex, in my eyes. So I'm still claiming that I have my v-card. Take that to court!

In the end, I couldn't give her what she wanted. I knew that, and I wanted out.

Me: I'm sorry, I have to go.
TL: Aww, do you really have to go?
Me: Y-yes. Again, I'm sorry. I have to go.
TL: Do you want my phone number? Are you going to call me?
Me: Uh... No. I'm sorry, I just.. gotta go.

I left her car in a rush, barely having time to properly make myself neat to rid myself of anything obvious like how I almost had sex with a lady probably 20 years my senior..

Because I'm an anxious person. So I took a long way around back home.

So at this point, you, the viewer, know my story. Everything you've just heard and seen is as accurate as I can recall. No joke.  I got the idea of this story from other YouTubers, the word V-card has been used before.

Who needs secrets though, amirite? I've already told my little brother, so why not tell the rest of the internet my story?

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As always, stay awesome, and peace fam. ✌️