Lilith/Sabrina

I stared at the bright oak door in front of me with tears streaming down my face. I knew who was waiting for me behind that closed door, and, as much as I loved him, I wasn't looking forward to seeing him that day. All I wanted to do was fall apart.

Break down and never get back up.

I didn't see a point in getting up anyways. Everything always went south. There was nothing I could do about it. So, I thought I might as well give up.

My brain was a meddle of all the events that have occured to date along with all of the worst possible scenarios for the end of this mission. It seemed like I thought through every possible eventuality. No matter how horrifying or cruel.

Finally, I mustered up the courage to open the door. My hand reached for the knob, and it slowly turned, until the door started moving. As soon as I did, my eyes fell upon Zach who was sitting down on the bed, waiting for me. He looked so happy, joyous to finally see me again. I was sorry I couldn't share the enthusiasm that day.

It just wasn't my day. That was all.

I was sure that he had been waiting for an agonising age for me to finally arrive there, but I had really tried to hurry. The menial task of getting out of bed in the morning had turned into a truly harrowing experience for me.

The love of my life smiled at me when he saw me walk in through the door. I did my best to force a smile back at him. Even though it was the last thing I wanted. The last thing I needed.

Wide and bright.

"Huh-hi," I whispered as I began my slow thread towards him. I winced with each step I took, every movement causing a new wave of agony through me. That wasn't a normal walk. It was a walk of shame. My cheeks were growing redder and brighter by the second and my entire body was trembling.

I moved one foot at a time, slowly making my way closer. Zach's image grew bigger with each step until he was right in front of me. Standing. Looming. Threatening.

His hand reached out towards me. Such an innocent gesture. I knew he didn't mean anything bad by it. But suddenly, out of nowhere, the image contorted. It quickly took the shape of Robert. His scar was staring and laughing at me. It was as demeaning as you can get.

I saw him dragging me away by my hair.

I could feel each of the bruises. Fresh ones being formed.

I saw him throwing me onto his bed. Pulling me towards him. Ripping off my clothes-

I couldn't take it anymore. I wouldn't let him hurt me again. I screamed out at the top of my lungs, grabbing a hold of the hand reaching towards me. Twisting it as far as it could go, I heard a loud shout. Yes.

Suddenly, his other hand reached for me. My eyes widened, my heart almost stopping in its tracks. Just when the hand was about to reach my shoulder, I grabbed it again, even harder than before. I didn't even hesitate before biting down on the man's palm.

My teeth sank deeper into his flesh, until the fresh, metallic tang of blood hit my senses. He would finally understand what I felt the night before. I would do anything to make him feel even the smallest inkling of the agony he made me go through.

I kept biting down, ready to bite straight through the bone, the feeling of the soft flesh disappearing from beneath my teeth giving me a new kind of pleasure. Seeing him in this pain made me happy. Ecstatic.

Until his right hand pressed against my face, pushing it off his hand. I didn't let go, and my teeth kept scraping against his flesh, cutting deeper as he pushed. My teeth bent in my gums, sending loads of painful currents through my nerves. I flinched, my back arching from the pain, my teeth finally letting go off his hand. I fell down onto my back, hitting my head against the floor.

My tongue grazed against the top of my teeth, feeling the remains of Robert's flesh stuck between. Blood dripping down my chin, making a smile appear on my face. I stared up at him as he cried in pain, cradling his hand close to his torso.

I closed my eyes for a moment to breathe, and what I saw when I opened them again made my entire world crumble down around me. Zach. The man I loved most in the world was on his hunkers, his shirt drenched in crimson. The man who would always do everything to make sure I was happy was shouting at the pain I caused him.

I blinked a couple times, the gray cloud finally disappearing from my mind. It was like the moment when you finally put the last piece of a puzzle into its rightful spot. I realised what I did. And I hated myself for it.

I started at Zach as he pressed his hand against his shirt trying to stop the bleeding. All I could do was stare. I wanted to say something but my lips were sewn shut. Just like so many other women in the urban legends of small American towns.

Zach's expression suddenly changed. He looked worried now. Scared even. It was a look I rarely saw on his face, and it always managed to disturb me. Out of nowhere, my head started to compress, fall in on itself. I felt as if I had sunk down into the ocean. So deep I couldn't see anything anymore. Feel anything. Until the deep current hit me so hard my body just broke.

Unfixable.

I screamed and fell down onto the ground, wrapping my arms around my head. I screamed as loud as I could. I wasn't even sure if my voice was reaching any medium. All I could feel and think about was the immense pressure pressing down on my head.

Until it stopped.

I took a couple of slow, deep breaths. My heart slowed down back to its natural speed. My eyes fluttered open, once again taking in the mess that was the room. Taking in Zach who was now kneeling down in front of me.

I stared at his dark eyebrows which were now scrunched up together in a mess of hair. His forehead creased, and a single vein popped from the side. His bottom lip trembled gently.

"Sabrina? Did something happen?" he asked, and I shook my head vigorously, even though tears started pooling in my eyes again. I promised myself I wouldn't cry during this mission, yet that was all I seemed to have been doing so far. Like the weakling I was.

Quite pathetic if you think about it. It wasn't like I expected much more from someone like me though. No one would.

I tried to quickly get up but the world started to sway below me, making me fall back down. The bruises made their presence known as I fell right onto them. I winced quietly, looking back up at Zach.

He stood up to walk towards me, and I cowered at his height. What was normally a mere five inch difference, suddenly became so much more as I crawled away from him. I slid my body over the floor, unti my back hit the opposite wall.

Zach only walked closer to me.

My heart stopped beating when I felt the cold wall behind me. I was trapped. With nowhere to run.

The night before played in my mind on repeat.

A constant loop of horrid memories I want nothing to do with.

"Sabrina," he whispered, a tear going down his own cheek. I could tell he wouldn't be able to say anything out loud even if he tried. He was just as scared as I was. If only I could have he done better.

"Sabrina. Please talk to me." He reached out to touch my face and I screamed out at the top of my lungs. His hand froze in mid-air.

"No," I finally whispered, then grabbed onto my hair screaming once again. It was like my body just stopped working completely. Robert was there again. I squeezed my head with my hands, almost pulling my hair out.

He was grabbing my face. Squeezing it. Pulling me up into the air.

Tears started to stream down my face. He was pouring whiskey all over my body. My face felt wet. I couldn't tell if it was my tears or the drink. The dream seemed to be merging with reality, giving me no opening to escape. Out of nowhere, Arciom joined the mix, the Gabriel. All three of them were sending me into madness. I never felt so small, so helpless being surrounded by these towering figures, as they eyed at me like I was their toy. They laughed at me.

"Please," I whispered, "Please don't touch me. Don't- I- Please- I didn't do anything wrong!" I sobbed as I scrambled away from him, hoping to hide myself in the corner.

I stayed there for a long time, what almost felt like days, and when I finally looked up, Zach was sitting down on the ground behind me. His arms were wrapped around my torso in a tight hug, his face nuzzled in my neck.

The same loop threatened to continue for an agonising eternity, until I let my body melt into Zach's.

I started to finally calm down, my breathing stabilising. I focused on the steady rhythm of Zach's heart. He was cradling me like I'm a Christmas ornament. So fragile I could break if he squeezed too hard.

I leaned into his body and rested my head against the crook of his neck, falling asleep in seconds. We spent the whole night like that. Wrapped up in each other's arms. It may not have been the most comfortable position to be in, but we were perfectly content with it. We both knew we were compromising the mission by spending the night together.

We wouldn't have it any other way.