You ever heard anyone say a caregiver's job is never done? Well, if you haven't, glad you heard it here first. It wasn't like I was lying. That statement is so true.

People who work with other people and help them with their everyday lives are highly underrated. Let's not forget underpaid. Only to come back home to do their job all over again.

For free.

Yeah, you heard me correctly. However, this wasn't me dealing with children at seven in the evening. Unless you want to call my cousin a child.

"Jess, it's been months since this happened. Have you just sat down and put all the pieces together? Are you really still pissed off at her?"

Like this. Having to come home to an angry 25-year-old every single day, drowning herself in tears every night because of this rollercoaster of a relationship she's in. She had to be cared for even if I just wanted to go to sleep after a long afternoon with 60 kids.

Talk about birth control.

"You think this is a good time to be doing puzzles right now, Rena? You think this is a good time to go to sleep while I'm- Ugh, Rena, I'm sorry. I'm just so frustrated. My so-called wife is in the arms of another bitch right now and I can't take it. I just know it. You can go and relax. Maybe, I just need this time to cry and think things over."

If Jess knew how to do anything besides fighting and painting, it was to make her cousin feel bad for just wanting to go to sleep.

Okay, so here's the breakdown of the situation. Jess went to the band's studio and shot up the place once she saw Jana kissing someone under the influence. You guys heard that, right? Under. The. Influence.

If we think about Jana's past character, it's possible that she was cheating. At the same time, Jana hasn't lusted over anyone since they moved out five years ago. Jess was all too happy and the only thing they argued about was the kids but that wasn't often. That was once in a blue moon.

I find it hard to believe that, with the kind of wife she has, she'd cheat or even lust after another woman. Jana hasn't touched a single soul. She came back home after every practice, every concert, spent way too much time with Jess, and took care of the kids when Jess went out to some new dance class that Carmon and Tiff invited us to.

Where was there time to cheat?

Anyway, Jess shot Jana in the head and that's the last they saw of each other. They made Jess and the twins move into my apartment and do things the court wanted her to. Her kids were put in my care while she was in jail and added Jess into my care about a week after her first counseling session. After her jail time, Jess hasn't been the same. Every evening when you come into my apartment, you can find Jess rocking back and forth with the twins and apartment manager sitting on either side of her as tears fall from her eyes. It's heartbreaking. Tonight wasn't the case and the twins were hanging out with the apartment manager.

They almost split up the twins until I refused to see Demi and Eli away from each other. That was the caregiver in me talking, I guess. Jess couldn't see the kids unless she stayed with me so that's another reason why she's here. She couldn't be by herself with them anymore.

"Right now, I don't even think you should be worried about Jana. Do you see yourself? You've damaged your entire psyche over her. Let's focus on the fact that you're now a mother with two five-year-olds. They shouldn't see you like this, girly. You only have one life to live and I'll be damned if I see it end right now, Jess."

Saying those words had me afraid that she'd slap me until tears rolled down her face. "Rena, I just love her too much. How can someone you love hurt you so bad?"

I honestly don't think Jana meant to hurt her. How does she get an Instagram DM of a live video like that? Why would the manager openly admit to purposely sending that video to Jess? Does no one else find that a little suspect? Like it was set up somehow? Just my overthinking ass? M'kay.

"Why don't you get ready to go to sleep and we'll go painting tomorrow. How's that sound? They have a two-for-one deal at Painting with a Twist."

Jess lost that excitement to do things she used to love so I figured that would help her get back into her love for the artistic hobby.

"Bitch, please. That shit costs 40 dollars a person. We can paint with a twist here. Invite Tiff, tell Carmon to bring the drinks, and we'll have a good ass time," Jess chuckled and sniffled before walking back to her room. That's my girl.

My own chuckling slowed down after overthinking about their relationship. Realizing that I'm in nothing serious myself. You'd think that Jana and Jess' relationship would scare me out of the thought but that hope in me was stronger than any fear that tried to enter my heart.

It's the same as it was five years ago except I'm taking things more seriously now. Keenan and I fell off a year ago after the news of his fourth child. I should be blessed that he never got me pregnant but it's just frustrating to think that one person you wanted be with all this time just went off fucking around with other females behind your back.

Just proved that he didn't want me back and I had to accept it. Giving me the run around like shit just to have three more kids on top of the one he already has. All while seeing other people. Lesson for those that don't know: That's one of the ways you can spread sexually transmitted diseases. So, don't do this.

Sometimes, my faith lessens in the dating game but it never just goes away. It sneaks back up at the wrong times, making me think I still have a chance at finding love. Is it because I'm being picky? Is it because I'm looking for love when love should just find me?

Fuck that shit. I've tried waiting patiently for love to come around and Cupid went to everyone else that graduated with me in high school. That baby with wings shot at the wrong people at the right time. Now they're getting married and having babies while this 26-year-old is still wondering what the hell she's doing wrong to not deserve love in her life.

After graduating, I figured that having someone at least close to that level would be nice. Nope, they want the same as any other person on these dating apps. Ladies and gentlemen, my generation. Still wanting to play games at the age of almost 30.

I, at least, thought this piece of paper with my name on it would find me a good partner as well as a great job. Not even an 'educated' person wants something serious with me. Shows you how stupid I am, right?

Is it because of the way I look? Nowadays, curvy's the new thing. Or are we talking Carmon's kind of curvy? The one with no flab, stomach, rolls, waist, and hidden stretch marks? Because all of that doesn't make a woman, correct? It makes a monster. Just ass and tits, right?

As many times as I've tried to hit the gym, the consistency just isn't there. Sweat is of the devil and thank God that he blessed us with some kind of food for our bodies. I figured I'd just accept my thickness and be done with it since it's not going anywhere any time soon.

Plus, it's not like I don't run around the school building four hours for five days out of the week. Talk about exercise. These kids give you a run for your money. Literally.

Anyway, I've been on date after date after date with any color man you could think of. Love has yet to find my ass as the girls keep saying to just wait on it. It never came to me like it did all the other girls.

My love life was shit. It isn't exactly how I pictured it ten years ago. That high school sweetheart story almost every hopeless romantic wanted in their lives. Instead, I've got a short list of trifling ass ex's and longer list of nighttime tragedies at almost 27-years-old. That married life at 30 is looking real 40-ish right about now.

Then again, maybe I shouldn't say that. Aren't the people that come in your life supposed to teach you a lesson or something? Those were the worst male teachers I've ever had in my life. The only lesson I learned was that people are assholes and that love may not even be a real thing.

My heart wouldn't believe that lesson for a second though. Only one of those 'male teachers' taught me what love could possibly look like until he passed. Maybe I should try dating women like Jess seems to think I'm into.

Okay, so maybe I'm attracted to women that look like Jana in a way. However, peep the word 'attracted' and not 'love'. There's a difference.

While overthinking my horrible track record of a love life, my phone rang and took me out of my lingering thoughts. Picking up the phone, my eyes rolled at the sight of the contact name.

"Can I help you, Brian?"

Yeah, what I thought was him being serious was actually him filling a hole of loneliness until he found someone else better to close it up permanently. He's engaged now. Surprise! How 'wonderful' is that, right?

"Damn, what I do to you to make you pick up the phone like that? G and I do some wedding planning this weekend..."

Wedding planning...how fun. Just rub the wound while it's still fresh. Don't take my feelings into consideration. Do you really think I want to know about your little adventures with your plaything you're about to marry? All you had to do was ask if I could watch T. That's it.

Once again, I play the local caregiver whose job never stops. It's a round-the-clock job that only pays me for 8 hours. How could that be told to everyone else though? It'll seem like their feelings don't matter.

Also, Brian and I weren't technically together, however, it still hurt me deep down. Just like Keenan.

"Let me guess. You need me to watch T this weekend."

"Well, yeah. You know how much she loves you. I just need that answer fast because Gina's booking that last-minute couples therapy session..."

Couples therapy session. Wouldn't need that if you both were seriously happy with each other. That's me just hating though so let me stop being hateful.

"Okay. I'll take her." That's all I could say. My anger was raging from the bottom of my heart and, if it could talk, Brian would've been pissed. Hell, Jess would've knocked me the hell out.

The kid didn't do anything. Plus, she'll probably put me out of my misery. I can't help but feel so pissed off though. It wasn't fair.

After so many years of telling Brian no, I actually opened myself up to him. That was scary as hell after the last fiasco we went through. About a year into us 'talking' and seeing each other often, here comes a new woman. A new white woman at that.

Nothing wrong with him dating any other race, however, what is it that Malcolm X said? The most disrespected person in America is the black woman. You can figure out why but it still holds true to this day.

Brian only dated and fucked around with white women. He just messed around with women of color and never thought that maybe they'd want to go on a date as well. Typical coming from a man like him.

Never really thought about it until it happened to me. You never understand something until it happens to you though.

"Thanks, Ren. You know that I love you, right?"

Bull. Shit. Save the cover up. And people wonder why we stay 'angry'. We constantly have to prove ourselves to everyone else. That we aren't just fuck toys or dolls to play with. We're human beings too.

"Yeah. See you guys soon."

I hung up the phone so fast just to sob into my hands. The reason behind me just saying those five words. In that moment, it was my chance to just give the fuck up. This was my breaking point. I had enough.

You can't say that I'm still young and I'll find someone when you've waited for years for this opportunity to have someone love you the same way the men of your best friends do. I'll be 27 soon. I'm not getting any younger and, in the kind of world we live in today, I highly doubt that there's any other person who could love me like that. Might as well die single.

Then there's those 'Oh, you're single. At least you don't have to worry about kids or a person that may be seeing someone else'. Like that hasn't already happened. Like I'm still not worrying about kids and another person seeing someone else.

You have to continuously prove yourself to someone else that you're more than enough and they still don't see that shit. If you don't, they'll find someone else and they win the race. It's still a fucking race every day and I'm tired of running.

When you're so used to being the advice giver and comforter but no one sees that you may need comfort sometimes.

"Auntie Rena, I need a- Are you okay?" a five-year-old Demi said walking into the house from her time with the apartment manager. Thank goodness for Mrs. Emilia. She's always there to help us.

Wiping my eyes so quick, I took a deep breath and said "It's just allergies, Demi. Really bad allergies. I'll be fine."

Yeah, allergies to heartbreakers.

Sitting by me on the couch, Demi held me in her arms only making me cry more. "Well, Mama and I will help fight those allergies. They don't deserve you at all."

Widening my eyes at her response, I wondered what the hell my cousin's been telling my young niece.