"Jana! Woman, pay attention! We're at practice!" The drummer poked me out of my own drifting mind. Damn, he poked me kind of hard.

Looking around, I realized we were in this huge empty stadium, filled with thousands of seats and lights of white and purple flashing throughout the stadium. Where the hell am I at? How did I get here again? 

Looking down at myself, my body was covered in dark clothing. Why am I not in my pajamas? Who got me up out of bed? My body was clothed with a black sleeveless shirt, a neon paint design on it, black jean leggings with slits throughout them and white tennis shoes.

Why the hell am I dressed like this and who dressed...

Kathryn. Either her or Lisa. Sometimes, I wonder if Lisa really has a little thing for me since she's always up my ass about stuff. Or is Kathryn the one up my ass about it? I don't know. They both feel like I can't think for myself.

The director counted down before everyone in the band began playing their instruments. Suddenly, my eyes discovered a large bass guitar hanging from my shoulder and my arms all over it, almost falling over from the weight of it. Why's this here again?

All I could do was stare at it as everyone else played whatever song they were playing. The tune was off and so was the beat but I had to play something in order to keep them thinking I knew what I was doing.

The song had escaped from me to make room for something else that made my skin hot, made me toss and turn in the bed at night, and made me weak in the knees.

"OH MY- Who the hell is this on the bass here, Lisa?! I'm getting very frustrated right now because of this damn deer in headlights ass bitch! Why is she on my stage right now?! Does she even know that she's at practice with the rest of the band?! Someone give me a water, a stiff drink, or something because this is NOT the day!"

A whole rant came out of the director's lips as he stomped across the stage in heels and a neon green jumpsuit. Hm, that's where I am. At practice with the band...I thought we were just playing around for a minute.

Wake up, Jana! We're not in fairytale land! Pay attention!

Marching over in those burgundy heels she wears every day, Lisa stood in front of me and snapped at me. Probably trying to snap me out of my own head but my mind has put me in an entirely different situation lately. That situation played back in my head again and I chuckled at the thought.

"Jana, this isn't funny. Honey, this is serious. You not playing correctly puts a strain on everyone else. What's wrong, Jana? Are you alright? Is it that therapist..."

She kept asking me questions that I had no answers to, in that moment, but the therapist question had me paying attention. Once again, they were already up my ass about everything else and making decisions for me as if I couldn't think for myself. Now, they're thinking the therapist to blame for my actions?

Once she suggested to cancel my appointment with the therapist and find a new one, I cut her off. Something in me wanted to keep seeing her even though she was persuading me into a different life I never thought would happen in a million years.

"Jana, ever since you've seen that therapist, you've been acting funny. Kathryn and I aren't liking this and it affects the entire band. You don't need to-"

"Lisa, I am a grown woman. I may still be in my 20s but I can think for myself. I'm good, just had a moment. It'll be okay."

Lisa shook her head at my pretty firm tone and walked off to speak to the director again. Thinking I had a break from all this commotion, a hard tap to my shoulder had me look up to a frustrated Kathryn with her pearly blonde hair covering her folded arms. Her chest rose and fell in disappointment like a pissed off child. Damn, what did I do that was terrible?

"I can't believe you won't even consider changing therapists. You know what? I'm changing your therapist and we're moving right after this tour."

Hold the hell up. Moving where? She must be joking. What's the point in moving again?

"Moving? What are you talking about, Kat?! Where are we moving to and where is all of this coming from?"

"To a different city. It's about time anyhow. You've been here your whole life. It's time for new experiences and the rest of our band and manager live across state. We need to be with them. This may be a great chance to-"

"This has everything to do with my friends, doesn't it?"

Turning back to me, her smile fell and she shrugged at my question. Then she rolled her eyes and walked away like this conversation was over.

This is the problem with being with Kathryn and this made the yarn connection I had with her even smaller. Every time she did shit like this, a fiber from the yarn strand fell making it weaker and weaker. To where it wouldn't appear or just break. She was so close to the yarn snapping.

She moved over to the mic and cleared her throat to sing before I came in to stop everything again. "Can you not hear me, Kat? You don't want me around my friends, do you? You've always had something against them. That's what started this, isn't it?"

"Oh please, Jana! This is something you and Kathryn can talk about when practice is over. The director is coming back and we need to get ready," Lisa reminded me of as he walked in right behind her to help us with whatever we were doing.

Still didn't know what song we were playing or anything but I moved back to my spot in anger. Why were they treating me like a child who can't think for themselves? Why were they trying to silence me so much? I have no say in our plans to move, no say and who I wanted as my therapist, no say in my own damn life.

My mind working in overtime trying to remember what used to be my life. Carmon told me that this wasn't what my life was like before all of this started. Rena and Tiff confirmed the fact, making my brain struggle even more to remember what my life used to be like.

If this is what it was like to be a rockstar or whatever, I might as well go back doing what I was doing before all of this. It had to be something dealing with music. Rena says I played in clubs. Maybe a DJ or something.

This makes me wonder how the hell this guitar got wrapped around me from the jump. Why am I standing here with all the rest of these people in a band that I actually hated? How the hell did I wind up here? Why am I not working in the clubs anymore? It's so easy to just walk away right now-

With the snap of his fingers, the director took me out of my thoughts and got us ready to play. As soon as the first note was played, I fell backwards and fainted. It wasn't through lack of sleep or anything. To be honest, I wish I remembered what made me faint the way I did.

During my time on the ground though, pictures of that bass guitar switched into a faint memory with a simple guitar. My pearly whites shined as my fingers were plucking each string. My lips curved into a beautiful smile while sitting around a fire pit with the ocean in the background. It was dark at night and my copper red hair blew through the breeze.

A giant log sat under me as my head nodded to a familiar beat as my fingers continued playing a simple tune. A light and cute tune while four more logs appeared around the fire pit and my friends came along with them. Rena first, then Carmon, Tiffany, and...that one woman that my therapist was talking about.

The same woman had the same tanned hands that rested on my shoulders at the restaurant. Her caramel smile was so bright as she nodded along with me. There was a mixed-colored ring on her left hand. An emerald gem on one side as the sapphire gem appeared on the other side.

As all the girls stopped nodding, they sighed at the beauty of the view around us. Toes in the sand and the salty scent whisking away.

It was all coming to my mind slowly. This was a trip Carmon planned for all of us in Panama City Beach and Trent paid for all of us to go. The thought itself seemed refreshing but it's really a memory.

We were at the beach house and sitting in the backyard by the fire pit. I remember because Rena kept complaining about mosquitos and Tiffany sprayed a ton of bug spray on her. Carmon begged for me to play something for everybody.

"Jana, play a song for us. I know you brought your guitar here! Play a song!"

"Carmon, no. We're here on vacation and you want her to pluck on Janet? That's basically work for her. Don't do that," that same woman declined as she flipped her black hair and rolled her eyes.

Janet! That's my guitar's name! I realized that she wasn't on tour with me and wondered where she was for a brief second as I heard the sound of sirens surrounding me and everyone going crazy. Opening my eyes wasn't an option so the memory of beach trip kept playing in my head.

Anyway, tuning out the chaos that was going on, I remembered that woman who commented on my guitar was the same woman that shot me. She looked exactly like her. What was her name again? The therapist and my friends called her...

Jessica.

Why would someone so dangerous be in my mind like this? With a bright smile like she really wanted me to play the song but was acting like it was a problem.

"I have no problems playing Janet. I've played with you already, babe. You need a break." Those words just slipped through my lips, calling her babe. Was I really out of my mind?

"Please don't strum so hard to where you poke yourself in the eye again. You know it's been a minute since you've played her." Rena and Tiffany laughed as she put her extensions in two buns.

"She's on break from the band which means she's on a break from the guitar, right?" Tiff added as my fingers moved across the beautiful auburn-colored instrument.

In my hands, it felt just like the same caramel body I pictured in my dreams practically every night. That same tanned skin sitting beside me with her eyes all over me.

The simple tune played back through the memory as Tiff complained again. "Here we go with the national lesbian anthem. See how you got her started, Carmon?"

The simple tune turned into a version of Kehlani's Honey, the same song that played through my mind every night while tossing and turning in the same bed...with the wrong person? Why was that song playing in this memory?

The words flowed from my lips as my fingers strummed through the strings:

"All the pretty girls in the world
But I'm in this space with you
Colored out the lines
I came to find, my fire was fate with you"

The sound of an angelic voice helping me relax in pure harmony. The singing voice came from none other than Jessica. Talk about honey. Sweet and natural. Delicate and shimmering. A bit like glitter.

My eyes moved to her with a smile shaping my face, trying to hold it back while listening to her just vibe with me:

"'Cause I'm a beautiful wreck
A colorful mess, but I'm funny
Oh, I'm a heartbreak vet
With a stone-cold neck, yeah, I'm charmin'"

And charming she was as her dark brown eyes caught me smiling with every note that played. Her grin brightened as she took over the rest of the song. Looking into her eyes like the first time we ate lunch together in high school.

Oh shit. I actually remember that?

"Isn't love all we need? Is it love?
Do-do-do do-do
To be the same prophesy? Is it love?"

Yes, it was. It had to be in that moment, right? The ring shined in the fairy lighting that surrounded us as her soft touch wrapped around my face as she leaned in to place her nose on mine.

Playing with the strings like I did her hair every time she sat in my lap. Twisting and twirling while she laughed at something stupid I did. Playing those same strings like I did with her insides when the kids were away with Rena.

Ah, hell. How could I forget we had kids together? How did I forget any of this? This all made my head hurt as my eyes opened up to the sight of a nurse by my bedside. She was changing bags of fluid that hung from metal bars. The sight of an IV in my arm shocked the hell out of me and I screamed.

"It's okay! It's alright! You're okay, Jana. Everything is okay..." the nurse turned around so quick and calmed me down by rubbing my shoulder.

For some reason, I just wanted to cry. I felt paralyzed and hopeless for the moment. Like being trapped in an insane asylum or some shit. Not able to leave at all with this thing in my arm.

My life was ruined with one bullet to the head. No. If what Carmon, Rena, and Tiffany told me was true, my life was ruined the moment I stepped into that studio. The moment I sat down on that couch, right beside...

Right beside Kathryn.

"Your wife told us that you fainted while you all were at practice. Your body must be really sore after that hard fall. The doctor believes it was from dehydration so we have you on a few liquids..."

Wait a minute...wife?! Kat and I aren't even together! Or are we? How the hell would I know at this point? My life was in the hands of two people that cared less about if my life being saved or not.

But there's people that I knew cared about my life and if these nurses knew who they were, they'd contact them before anyone else. Good thing I could speak. My eyes looked up at the nurse while she continued talking.

"...so I'm going to tell your wife-"

"She's not my wife. She's just the band mate. My wife's name is Jessica." I informed her just so she didn't go to talk to those dictators. Eventually, she found information about my wife and my preferred contacts through my phone then told me she'd contact them for help.

Oh shit! I'm talking! Yes!

Once the nurse left, I laid back and just wondered how my life became a sham of a lifetime. What I did to deserve this kind life and hoped that my real wife and friends would come to the rescue.

There's no telling who Jess could be with or where our kids were and that alone scared the hell out of me.

Wait....

OH SHIT!

****
What's up, folks?!

No, Jana does NOT have all of her memory back. This is just a portion of what she remembers. She could easily forget since she hasn't been around the other girls in a minute. Retrograde amnesia basically means that people don't remember what happened before the event that made them lose their memory but they can gain most of their memory back through constant therapy. This was researched so if you want to join in on a conversation about this, don't hesitate to add what you know or any experiences you've been through with this condition. My mom currently has this.

Sooooo what are your thoughts? Do you think the girls will coming running (especially Jess) to see Jana? Or will someone stop the hospital staff before the girls get to Jana?

That's a nice trip on the beach though. I wonder Carmon called for a beach trip with just her girls...do you?

Still waiting on that wedding with Bryce and Tiffany but know that it is coming! Are you ready?

And Rena's speaking of poking people's eyes out. Do you think that she may have gotten an eye poked out by somebody?

Yes, keep your eyes on the ladies. They can be slick.

Well, today's Screwed Saturday is a double Screwer because...