After an amazing train ride around this once empty town, Mario set up lunch in the park for just the two of us and so much was going on around us. Through the few trees, you could see the memorial building dedicated to all the people of color who were in the army and died from that lovely R word.

It's mighty funny how we still have people in this world that have such a cold heart towards people because they aren't the same skin color. So cold to hang a black person, shoot a Latino, choke out an Indian, or beat up an Asian so bad to the point of death. What's crazy about these stories was that some were killed by their own. Probably out of pressure or fear but it's still no excuse to kill your own.

Outside of the memorial sat a plethora of people with instruments in their hands. Humans from all different backgrounds, playing music for the culture while visitors would dance to the moving tunes.

Mario pulled out fruits and sandwiches of all kinds while I just sat and watched everyone have a good time. An Asian father dancing with his newborn baby and black wife, a white woman dancing with her Latina friends, musicians played with so much soul. The diversity throughout the park sent me and filled my heart to the brim.

Rocking back and forth to the sounds of the jazz music, I caught a quick glimpse of a relaxed Mario laying across the picnic blanket, watching me so closely. Turning back to all of the action going on in the park, the look in his eyes stuck to my brain.

The way his eyes dimmed at the command of his cheeks when they perked up into a smile at me. For what though? No one had ever looked at me the way he did before. With, what looked like, sincere happiness and glee. Like he just enjoyed my vibing with the positive energy around the park.

I can't help but remember the time Rena and Raina were at this same park and that whole debacle with the police. It's hasn't been easy trying to come to the park after that. Good thing I stayed strapped with my two guns: Left Hook and Right Uppercut.

You really think I'm gonna walk around with an actual gun on my person like that? One, they would've pulled me into that cop car as soon as they saw through my pant pocket with their x-ray vision. They wouldn't care about my permit.

Two, I'm not stupid nor a coward. Nah, scratch that. What I don't do anymore is conform to that kind of fight like the rest of the world. My fists will win before any bullet even if those bullets split my skin in half. These hands will be caught, take its W with pride, and a shot shoulder. I will overcome over that damn bullet spitter.

Anyway, looking over at Mario while reaching for a few grapes, I catch him studying me still with an entertained smirk. See? I'm not used to that at all.

"What is it, Mario? Why are you looking at me like that?"

He shook his head and chuckled while taking a bite of his sandwich. I shrugged my shoulders and continued vibing with the cover version of Sean Paul's Get Busy playing throughout the park, jigging to the music while snacking on the grapes in my hand.

Watching everyone dance got me thinking about challenging a certain professional dancer sitting by me though. "Since this is all so funny to you, come on and show me what you got. Go on and show off your moves."

He for real laughed at my suggestion, not thinking of the seriousness in my voice. This dance instructor should be ready to bust a few moves on the spot, right? Ain't the time to laugh now. Just as I suspected, ya chicken. Now, stop looking at me like that.

The music changed as my head bopped to the transition from Jamaican to a Bachata bop. Bongos, maracas, some guitar here and there. Once I grew familiar to the tropical tune, a memory flashed through my head. Damn, this is Juan Luis Guerra! Uncle Ricky played his music when he'd take me to school from time to time and we listened to his music during our bell work time in high school.

Can we talk about how sad it is that I had to learn about this stuff in my Spanish class in high school? Uncle Ricky wouldn't say a word to me and most of the culture and heritage I know of was learned in high school since Mama stayed gone. Rena's family couldn't teach me a thing since they knew nothing about it. Hell, Rena kept asking me about it.

Anyway, as soon as I turned my eyes towards the basket, they catch onto the prepared dancer already stepping to the music in a salsa style. This boy had the nerve to call me out with "No more vibing now, Jess. Get your ass out here and move your feet."

My feet are stubborn as hell right now, Mario. They don't wanna move after all that walking before the train ride.

Then again, I misread my feet as Mario got me eager to actually move my feet. Standing to them, they led me towards the middle of the greenway where everyone else was dancing. Many couples were out and about, swaying and spinning with their significant others...or significant friends.

My fingers unknowingly intertwined with his as we began dancing swiftly to the beautiful tropical music. All I could do was follow his lead and it was easy to do in his arms. Every step, turn, and grind felt more liberating. My hair flying through the air as he spun me around, light on my feet like he was carrying. In a way, he was though. My whole body felt so loose.

A sincere, much-needed grin made its way to my face as they transitioned into a Prince Royce joint. Once again, this bop wasn't recognized with my sheer knowledge of my culture. It was recognized with my knowledge of dance bars Carmon and I would hop to and fro from. Even someone like Carmon can teach me things. Ain't that interesting?

Suddenly, everything just came so easy because I was feeling the eased tone of the music before the sudden drop. My feet moving in a cha cha style and my hips twirling mindlessly but not so much innocently. Biting my lip, my body moved effortlessly but flawless. It just did its own thing with my hair flipping back and forth, covering my face.

Mario made me so comfortable while dancing with him. Moving my hips against him wasn't a problem and, when he spun me around and dipped me, it was all so freeing. I was feeling pretty frisky and actually enjoyed it.

Even though the feathery skirt and slit in the dress wasn't my style, I still felt good. I felt hot, steamy, and...sexy. Like those dancers on Dancing with The Stars. My leg even wrapped around his side with my hands all over his chest.

When his hand went up my thigh, I was ready to tear him down in the middle of this greenway. Fuck, it's been so long since I've took dick. Real dick, not that rubbery shit you get off Amazon.

His palm planted on my thigh while his fingers dug into my skin, holding my leg in place. That was making my insides flip and my elastics muscles below were ready to stretch and pull. Fuck, that shit hurts!

I wanted to do him on the picnic cover right then and there until a blast from the past swept me from the redeeming feeling. One problem with this ending stance was...

Our noses touched. Touched the same way mine and another someone's nose touched when we woke up in the morning, when we held each other during a movie, when we had sex, when...

We got married.

Fuck, I'm still married.

I instantly moved away and walked back towards the picnic area in shame. Sitting down, I held my knees against my chest and just watched everyone else enjoy the music, trying to get the guilt-tripping thought out of my head.

Don't fucking cry, Jess. This is not the time to be fucking crying. Snap out of that shit. Don't do it, girl. I swear if you do-

Breathing deeply and closing my eyes, I hear Mario ask me what I was thinking about in Spanish. Mario, really?

"Don't do that shit, Mario. I understand what you're saying but you don't have to speak in Spanish right now. It's not the time to switch it up."

He knew exactly what was going on and thought he'd get away with it. Not right now. This feeling haunted me and I just wanted a moment for myself but she's like a boomerang. Once you get rid of her, she comes back.

Her voice, her laugh, her everything.

"Jess, what triggered your hesitation-"

"You don't need to know about any of that. Take your mind and your mouth off that. I was just a bit...uncomfortable. I'll be okay."

"Because of your wife?"

My eyes opened in complete shock of his words and then rolled in annoyance. He didn't have to say that at all. That makes how I feel now even worse.

Memories of sitting in her lap and her pulling me close to her ran though my mind. Waking up in the middle of the night just to burst in tears, she'd sit up and hold me like holding my hand through a dark nightmare.

That nose touch made me feel some type of way. It was the signature of our relationship, the stamp on our promise to forever, the symbol of our marriage. It erased everything else that was going on and put me at ease every time.

Sighing at the memories, I watched as Mario sat beside me and examined the pitiful look on my face. "Jess, there's nothing wrong with taking a break, having fun for your sanity. You looked so happy dancing-"

"It's wrong, Mario. You may not understand that because you've never been married but this is all wrong. I made a vow to love one person only and that promise...." I paused before telling on myself.

The things I felt with Mario were completely different from how I felt in my marriage. This was how I should be feeling with Jana and, at one time, I did. That out-of-this-world feeling. He was like a dream, something that was too good to be reality. I never broke promises I was sure I could keep...until now.

His moving closer to me and softly touching my face made things no better. "You deserve this free time, Jess. No matter what your mind is telling you. It's not wrong to have fun and be free in times like these. You aren't certain where things are and your mind is working too hard. Events like these are more enjoyable when everyone plays along. Jess...seguirle el juego."

This wasn't a fucking game of chess. More like Operation because my internal organs were failing on me now, like each one was being taken from me. Tweezers squeezing on them so rough and snatching them from my veins. I was weak.

In that moment, our faces were close to each other with our lips less than centimeters apart. Wanting to kiss those thin lips, I leaned in a bit closer as a tear fell from my left eye until my phone rang off the hook.

I guess it's true what Rena says. When temptation's great, he'll provide an escape.

Sofly chuckling in embarrassment, I answered the phone to someone sobbing in my ear. That familiar sobbing sounded like Carmon. It was a hard cry for help and, if she's crying, it had to be urgent.

"Jess, Jana's in the hospital! She won't wake up and fell out while on tour! They won't let us see her! Please come help!"

My phone dropped from my hand with a scared look on my face.

****

What the hell was I thinking? Why was I really here? I didn't have to be here but we rushed over here anyway. This was so embarrassing with Mario here.

Marching into the hospital with Mario right behind me, I searched around for everybody else just for my own comfort. The receptionist looked up at me scared for her life due to my abrupt nature.

"I'm here for my wife. I was just told that she was here. Where is she?"

She did her job by asking for the information she needed but, when she did, she told me that someone else claimed to be her wife. No shit. That bitch would be dumb enough to do something like that.

The receptionist sent me towards the waiting area so she could inform the nurse I was here and my eyes catch Tiffany walking over to give me this huge hug. She looked me over and tucked my hair behind my head as she studied my blank face.

We've been through so many emotions that there were no more to feel. My face couldn't make anymore expressions in that moment because they'd made them all in the matter of ten years. Ten fucking years.

Then, the false prophet alongside her disciples were seen sitting across from my friends. It was like fire took place of my irises and pupils. This bitch here...

"They haven't said anything to us about the situation. They wouldn't say anything since they have something against us. The paramedics said she fell out on stage. That's all we know." Tiff caught me up as my evil glare was glued to that heathen and the creature sitting beside her.

The same two whores that helped with the destruction of our marriage.

"You wanna tell me why Fugly and the Beast are here or-"

"You little bitch, I'm here for my friend! Don't-"

"WOAH! WHO YOU HOLLERING AT, SIS?! Who the fuck is you hollering at?! Bitch, I'll bust you upside the head like Busta Rhymes. Don't fuck with me!"

Apparently, security was called to deescalate the situation because they showed up on us like a ghost. Everyone else just froze at the argument taking place and Tiff held me back. As much as I wanted to choke that hoe for even looking at me, I couldn't make a scene in this hospital. For my own sake.

"So, she's your friend now? I thought she was your wife."

"You know what, Carmon? I thought the same damn thing. That's what you told the receptionist, right? Lemme tell your dumb ass something. Step to me again and you're gonna wish you were sitting at your house, drinking the last drop of Hennessy in that bottle, crying over your fantasy partner. You'll be the one on the stretcher next. Try me."

And the witch of the east sat down with her bottom lip poked out. Looking like a blonde bulldog. She was nothing to be scared of.

A doctor came from the double doors, calling out Jana's last name. The way she said it put me in my feelings again. Her last name was mine.

I walked up to her, not realizing that Kathryn and Lisa were right behind me like the annoying children they've always been. What the hell did they have for Jana that made them act like this?

"Which one's the wife?" she asked before Kathryn and I answered at the same time out of the blue. This bitch was about to make me show out in this hospital. This doctor's stethoscope was about to go down her throat just to get her clear heartbeat. Can't have anything for myself.

"Wasn't she just your friend a few minutes ago? Bitch, if you don't-"

"She's been the one taking care of her while you've been neglecting her so-"

"ALRIGHT! Enough! What's the last four digits of the social security number?" the doctor asked as I looked over to the woman stealer for the answer. She was surely struggling to 'remember' those digits.

"I know them but you won't get them with this...boogie monster standing here."

That's when she knew I was the real wife. Pointing to me, the doctor signaled for me to come see her away from everyone else. I confirmed all the information she needed and walked with her to Jana's room.

It was so strange. For a while, all of the things I remembered about Jana were hidden away and now they're back when she's in danger. Here to save her again.

Nervous as hell, I hoped she wasn't dead or anything. Possibilities of a drug situation gone wrong went through my head, remembering times when Jana ranted to me about being around some of the band members who did them. She never participated though because she always came home clean.

Feeling worse the closer we got, the doctor explained to me what was going on and caught a glimpse of my worried look. "Alright, I'll give you the good news first. She'll be alright. She's still breathing and alive. However, that fall was pretty hard against the surface and cracked her skull so there's a chance that her amnesia worsened."

"Unfortunately, more work on your part but I'm sure she'll get her memory back soon. She passed out on stage probably due to being dehydrated and stressed. The heat from those lights probably took her out. Anyway, we want to keep an eye on her for another day just to make sure she'll be okay to go home."

Where the hell would she go? She can't go home with me and she couldn't go with Kathryn. Maybe we'll let her stay with Rena until she gets better because she's not going anywhere with that blonde demon in disguise.

"She may need someone to stick around with her. I don't think she wants to sit alone."

A shiver flew down my spine thinking about everything she just told me, realizing she was hinting for me to stay with her. Hell, I've always had to stay with her, take care of her, be there for her, save her every time she got into trouble. All because I loved her with every fiber of my being.

Loved? Or still love?

Sighing deeply, I walked into the open hospital room and found Jana laying out across the bed. Plugged up with two tubes connected to her right arm, eyes closed, chest moving to the rhythm of her sleeping nature, hair all over her head with her cheeks decorated by fresh tears. She must've just gone to sleep.

Memories of pulling the plug on Mama flashed back, making me want to do the same to Jana just to make myself feel better. It wouldn't make me feel any better because the guilt would eat me alive. Plus, she was just on fluids and a painkiller.

Jess, if you shed one tear, I'll fucking slap you. Don't you fucking cry, bitch.

My body felt so weak, trying to hold myself together. My eyes leaked against my advice, finding their way out of my closed eyes. Remembering the advice of my therapist, I fell against the recliner in a fit of rage.

Looking over at a sleeping Jana, I wiped my face and just started talking. "I can't believe I'm actually here. This would happen while we're taking our respective breaks, right? Remember when we first broke up? What happened? We got back together. When we broke up the second time, we got back together after you saw Leo touch me on the hip. When I left the house, you ran after me and we got back together."

Rocking back and forth to calm my angry ass down, I continued with "Did you ever think that we weren't meant to be together? I never thought about that at all because every time we broke things off or went our separate ways, we came back together somehow. That's what I thought love really was. No matter what happened, we always came back together..."

Thoughts of the dates with Mario and how happy I was shifted through as I looked away from my sleeping wife. Feelings of regret filled my heart as my eyes connected with the ring still on my finger.

How did I not notice this? It's been stuck on my hand for a minute now. Never took it off after I noticed it was off before, in hopes that everything came back together as they always did. That's what I was used to...

But the narrative grew old and my other hand wrapped around the ring finger. Tears rushed down my face as I slowly pulled it off and studied it. Sniffling so hard, I tried to keep it together while saying "But it was about the number of times we left each other. We probably weren't meant to stay together but we did anyway and...everything became so toxic."

Gripping the ring tighter, I finally came to accept that our marriage, our relationship, our ten years of us were drowning us. As much as I didn't want to give up on these ten years together, I placed the ring in her open hand and...

"I'm so sorry, Jay. I'll always love you but I can't stick around anymore."

****

What's up, y'all...

I ain't happy either. I cried writing this but I felt that this is what Jess needed.

What do you think Jana's gonna do when she gets up?

How do you think everyone else would feel?

How do you feel?

Hope you guys have a great weekend! See you guys on Thursday!