Waking up, a cool, circular, silver band rested against the palm of my finger. My eyes blinked open to wake myself up even more and they widened as the smell of cinnamon and honey brushed past my nose. The familiar aroma woke me up and I became aware of my surroundings.

She was here. She was fucking here. Where'd she go?

Sitting up a little too fast, I eyed the band in my hand and my eyebrows raised at the sight. My eyes caught glimpse the same silver band that sat snug on my ring finger. Heart beating fast, my face falling, skin crawling with hard goosebumps, and fast-paced breathing, thinking about what could be going on right now.

Why was her ring in my hand for?  Where in the world did she go? She's probably in the bathroom or something.

My eyes searched for reasoning as my ring shown itself off and the worst possible conclusion came about in my mind. This got me to remember many of our arguments and situations that could've...

No. I refuse to believe this. She's not gone. She couldn't have done this. She had to have argued with Kathryn and Lisa or something. Scaring her off with their words because Jess wouldn't do this...

Right?

The heartbeat grew faster while looking down at the two rings near each other in one hand. My throat stiffened, stopping me from speaking, as tears seeped from my eyes. I just wanted to cry so bad. My chest tightened up at the disheartening thought.

Then the sound came back into my body just to scream out in the hospital room I recognized. That didn't make me feel any better, making me scream in outrage. Frustration, defeat, and grief. Just wishing for someone or something would take the pain I feel away.

I thought things were fine between us. We were finally on a good road in our relationship. There were barely any problems in our marriage and, if there were, Jess and I talked about them. It seemed like she was opening up to me but maybe she wasn't. We had small disagreements from time to time but it wasn't anything we couldn't solve. Nothing like our arguments back at the apartment.

Nothing worthy enough for her to give her wedding ring up for.

The only thing that really got in the way of things was my music with the band and that was because I stayed away for so long. She had her doubts and told me that it pissed her off sometimes. After talking to her about that, I asked Lisa for more time with my family. That didn't sound good to her ear and neither Kathryn's ear.

After that, Jess just accepted it because she didn't want to make me choose. Even after I offered to leave and try to make music by myself. She thought it would give me a leg up so staying in the band was the best option to her. "We'll be alright at home. Just go and don't forget to call me. I love you so much." That's what she told me.

How come she left her wedding ring here? What problems did we have in our marriage for her to leave me like this? What did I do now?

The sapphire and emerald diamonds shined through as I held it up to the light and just continued crying, wondering how our marriage ended so badly for her to leave this here. Remembering the days when we first moved into the house.

We had this long conversation about our insecurities, boundaries, and just came out about the way we felt. I made sure that everything was covered from head to toe. Maybe there were some things I missed out on. So much for being thorough.

Soon, a monitor sounded loudly from behind me and scared me out of my thoughts. It made me wonder what it was beeping for because nothing was wrong. A nurse came rushing in and asked if I was okay while fixing the machine.

My eyes studied the way her white acrylic nails touched the buttons on the monitor and played with the tubes of the monitor. Different-sized clear bags hung from the rails behind it and they looked like water. Why were those up there?

When she asked what was going on and asked if I was okay again, my eyes rolled and leaned against the pillows of the hospital bed. Oh yeah, I'm just dandy! I feel amazing! How do you think I really feel? Do I look like I feel good?

"Where's your wife?" she asked in shock as she continued with the tubes.

My wife...was gone. I don't know where she went. She could be anywhere right now. Hopefully, she was at that kickboxing place she barely talked about with me. I just knew she enjoyed being there. When she came home from there every night, she was giddy and ready to hop in the bed to have a fun night of pleasure. Maybe that's why our sex life stopped suddenly.

Shrugging my shoulders to answer, I asked about what happened for me to end up here with-

I know good and damn well this isn't a needle in my arm right now! There was a fucking needle in the crook of my arm with tape all over it. Connected to the needle were the tubes that were linked to the monitor.

Damn it, Jana! You can take a needle of ink to your body any day but let a needle come into your arm and you freak the fuck out.

Uh, there's a difference between the two. One is made to put ink on my skin of things that I love dearly...or that my wife loves dearly. The other one takes blood out of my veins and puts drugs in my body to make me their scientific experiment! Plus, they've left bruises before! I don't think so!

The nurse must've known what I was thinking since she stopped me from taking this crazy thing out of my arm. It hurt once she covered it and I groaned at the thought of it fucking up my skin.

"Jana, please. Do not take this out. It's meant to help you stay hydrated."

Stay hydrated? Isn't that what we got water for? That's better than putting drugs in my body. Get me out of this shit!

My left hand went to take it out again until the nurse slapped it away to warn "Do you not want to live anymore?"

At this point...no, I don't. They were practically killing me with all these drugs going in my veins, my wife left me here to die anyway, and everyone else probably forgot about me already. It wouldn't be worth sticking around when everything else gets taken from me. I lost my friends, my family, and the things I worked hard for are about to be next.

My hand went to take the tape off again but the nurse grabbed it and put it back on my left side again. Is she allowed to do this? Isn't it my choice whether I want help from them or not? My body, my rules.

"You have to keep it in your arm, okay? I know it's uncomfortable to look at but do not take it out. There are probably things going on that you're upset about and all but you don't need to take this IV out. It's not worth it. I promise everything will be okay."

She sounded so sure of that but she hadn't lived my life. I was at my breaking point with no one else here to help me. When they wheel me out to the front, there won't be anyone I can call. Everyone's all up under Jess' wing and there wasn't a need for them to pick sides.

Everything that was valuable to me was gone.

****

Calling Brian actually worked for once. He picked up on the first ring before I was discharged from the hospital, letting me know he was around the corner. His daughter's dance school was down the street.

Wait a minute...dance school? Tiarria was in dance school? He finally listened to his daughter? Wait, how'd he have enough to-

Never mind.

When he brought me to his place, it smelled like ass cheeks and peaches. You can tell who was taking a shower everyday in his house. Could I say a word about it? Hell no because he gave me a place to stay before calling Kathryn's obsessed ass to pick me up.

Looking around, there was no traces of another woman in his house. The last person he was with was...Gina? Something like that. He had Cookie, Rebecca, Taryn, Courtney, Keisha, and Monica up in here. Let's not forget that Lina chick that tried to hit on me and Jess bopped her in the nose when she tried to flirt with me. Even after I told her I was married. Maybe he was in the middle of transitioning to another girl.

Anyway, I stayed there in the guest bedroom for a little over two months. Nobody came in but him and his daughter and nobody came out but those two. It was shocking that there wasn't a woman in his place. The only woman that stayed was me and he never brought anyone else around. Maybe because I was here. Either way, I was proud of him a bit.

His days were spent at work or with his daughter. If he wasn't doing any of those things, he was playing video games or cooking up something. Brian never cooks so that was strange but his food turned out to be pretty good.

Kathryn blew up my phone, asking me where I was and how she missed me every chance she got. She reminded me of how I was missing practices and that was making the band suffer. Lisa even left an angry voicemail, reminding me about the absence policy. Miss five rehearsals and you're out. Guess who's almost kicked out?

As if I wasn't sick or needed time for myself. Like some me time was a problem for them. The last thing I wanted to do was make music. Plus, my marriage was falling apart and that's the first thing on my list to fix. That nurse reminded me that everything would be okay and how it was never too late to fix things. She sat with me and listened to all of my problems from A to Z. She probably got annoyed at 1am in the morning, hearing to me ramble.

My body and mind wanted to sleep in bed all day so that's what happened. My ass was glued to the bed and didn't think to come out unless Brian delivered food or he cooked something. Brian and T came to me if they needed something which wasn't often. It was the lowest I felt in years. All because of one woman.

"Aunt Jaaaaay! Can I come in please?"

Brian was off to clean up the garbage around the city then deliver food to people so Tiarria stayed with me often on weekends. He was our personal delivery person and I was paying him so he didn't care much.

Anyway, Tiarria practically watched herself. She'd sit and watch a movie with me or eat with me sometimes. All of this because she wants to make me feel better. Brian has a swell daughter. She's a good kid.

After answering her, I eyed the door as she opened it with a pleasant smile and chuckled. "Why do you look at me like you're about to burn me with green fire spewing from your eyes?"

Did I look that evil? She wanted to spend time with me when I looked like that? Why'd she come in here anyway?

Shrugging my shoulders while shaking my head, she hopped on my bed and smiled with "Dad told me to check up on you. Also, I wanted to hang out for a while since I don't have a competition this weekend."

I didn't mind her hanging with me but she should've planned something for her to do. She had tons of friends. They'd definitely hang out with her. She was a teenager so that meant she needed to hang out with her friends. My mood was showing.

Maybe some relief from the stress would help. Tiarria sat on my bed and made us watch a teen romance. To All the Boys I've Loved Before. "You think Dad would get mad at me for having a boyfriend?"

Would he get mad? Brian's head will fly off his neck and hit the roof. He won't even have to ask her about him because he'll already know where the boy goes to school, his phone number, his address, what kind of car his family drives, if they have pets or not, etc. Brian's very overprotective when it comes to his daughter and I understand why but he has to let up now. She's 14 years old. Teens date around this age.

"Probably but if he does, you know your aunts got your back."

A quick silence fell between us as we continued watching this corny teen romance with this teenage girl talking about her few crushes. However, it did make me wonder what was going through T's mind as she held her knees to her chest, watching it with loving eyes. Did she have crushes or a boyfriend?

When a commercial came up, she turned to me with her autumn brown eyes and opened up to me. "Aunt Jay, I don't like the band you're in right now. You guys make some terrible music. I mean, have you heard your music?"

What did she just say about our music? Here's the thing. We don't make music for her generation. Plus, she's still a child. She wouldn't and shouldn't need to understand our music. It's for adults only but I decided to hear her out.

"Girl, what are you talking about?"

She rolled those pretty eyes of hers and sighed before explaining herself. "Aunt Jay, you don't see it, do you? First of all, your lead singer SUCKS. I'm not a professional singer but I know when something sounds bad to everyone's ear and the pig noises that come from her ear are the worst. Then, the drummer is always off beat in some way. Like he's driving off the racetrack, trying to lose the race on purpose. I don't know if this is your way of trying to be different but it's not working, Aunt Jay. It's just not you and you make good music. I've heard you play and sing before."

Was she serious? I couldn't help but listen to more of what she had to say. She looked like she had more to tell me. "You can always tell when something's wrong with a band or singers alone through the music they make. Think of Taylor Swift. She definitely put her business out there but it was still good. Maybe she's not a good example. Oh, what about Kanye West? Those B2K boys?"

This all had to have come from one person: her nosey dad. How would she know about B2K? They were way before her time.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." I just shrugged it off and continued watching this awkward movie that wasn't meant for me. T was never the one to beat around the bush and didn't leave things alone until she was finished. An attitude she adapted from her Aunt Jess.

"Aunt Jay, they all had something going on in their lives and you could tell through their music. Whether it was through the sound, the lyrics, or whatever. Just look at Miley Cyrus. From what I've seen, she's been through A LOT!"

Let's not talk about that woman here. She was sexy as hell and was a crush of mine when we were growing up but she was wild as hell later on in life.

Looking at T confused, she continued with "There's something wrong with your band because you guys had that one song and ran with it. Suddenly, everything else is terrible. That song was something I could dance to. Now, I can't even play your music around anybody. It sounds so bad that I can't even claim you as my aunt anymore. It's so bad that deaf people would beg for the DJs to turn it off."

Oh, so she's got jokes now? Nothing was funny about that because I wanted to believe that everything was okay between all of us in the band. That everything was chill and nothing was wrong.

"You seem to think that's funny, huh? Little do you know that there's nothing wrong with our band. You just want us to make that hip hoppy and preppy music that you dance to at school. The same mess that's popular now. You're just too young to be listening to our stuff."

Like Kathryn wanting to move across state wasn't a problem. Like them trying to take over my life wasn't wrong. Like that last-minute bullshit album release wasn't an ordeal. Yeah, there's definitely something wrong here.

"Aunt Jay, you used to listen to songs you shouldn't as a teen. It doesn't matter how old I am. I know I'm right. Either something's going on between the band mates, someone's having problems at home and they're bringing it to the band, or someone has a manager they want to get rid of...or all three. Which one is it, Aunt Jay?"

My eyes widened at her statement as I came across the realization that she was a teen. Of course, she'd have a ton of questions and my answers couldn't be hidden. She was too smart and saw through me.

Well, it was all of it. Problems at home, problems with my band members, and Lisa was a hellion in heels. Everything in my life collapsed as soon as we went on our first tour. That's when Jess was getting upset about me not being home. The kids were acting up again, Kathryn was flirting with me out of the blue, and the rest of the girls just slid away.

"Maybe you're right. It's all of them. Just a ton of problems going on right now and maybe that's what's making our music sound different. How am I supposed to tell a teen about all of my adult problems?"

"Well, Rena always says that family comes first. When everything is fine at home, things in other places will be fine too. It's like a cookie. You have to have your ingredients in order to add more stuff like chocolate chips and everything else, right? You have to make those look good mixed up before you move on to the fancy stuff. If you don't have those, the whole cookie will crumble. And just because I'm a teen, doesn't mean I can't help you out. That's what I'm here for."

And Rena never lies, right? Gotta hand it to Rena though. She gives these kids some good advice. Hell, she gives us good advice when she can. She's making these kids wise.

Reflecting on what she said, I sat up on the bed and looked at T with a smile on her face again. How could I get back to my family if they left me? My kids are with her and heaven forbid she put something in everyone's ear.

Our relationship was pretty toxic, I admit that but, I swear on my father, that I've never loved anyone else the way I love Jess. She loved me despite my flaws, how much money I had, and saw something in this knucklehead lesbian that nobody else did. Loved me through all of my foolishness.

She valued me and fixed me when I was broken even when she was broken herself. Why would she leave me though? Leave her ring in my hand/ She never took it off unless she was sleeping. After we left the apartment, things were fine. At least, in my eyes, they were.

How do I fix my family?

I couldn't ask this teen that question though she's been taught by the wise guru herself. Going to the house was a no-go because that would freak her out. She needed time and so did I.

A knock came to the door and Brian came in with his work unform on. "I knew I'd find your nosey self up in here, girl. What are you bothering your aunt about today?"

For once, he had a pure smile on his face and wrapped his arms around his little girl. He looked at his daughter like she was the sunshine in his life once he came in. Like he was so happy to see her when he came in. That made me smile a bit.

"Just helping Aunt Jay out for a little bit, Dad. You know what? Aunt Jay, have you ever thought about making your own music? Maybe writing for other artists or just writing music for yourself?" T asked while wrapping an arm around her dad's back.

That wasn't a bad idea...

That's actually where it all started.

****

What's up, y'all! I hope you guys are having a fabulous weekend and had a fabulous week.

We were snowed in here! So everything was shut down for a while.

So tell me what you think?

What could be starting for Jana?

Will Jess take her back?

What do you think is going on with Brian?

Is Tiarria in her right to help Jana like that? Or was she too young?

See you guys...in a few hours.

Love ya!