*A/N: Mentions of possible amnesia, little abuse, and mental disability. Read at your own discretion. I put these warnings to cover my butt and also because these topics are serious.
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"Hey, look who it is! You're awake! Come eat something. You haven't eaten in like three days," I opened with excitingly as soon as I saw her come downstairs. I figured that today would be a good day to make breakfast since Jana likes when I make it.

Today must've not been a good day since she completely ignored me and walked out onto the patio with a blunt between her lips. My worse thoughts seemed to come to life.

It's been about six months since she was shot by Jess at the album release party. Jana invited me to celebrate with her but it didn't seem like a good idea to me. One, Jess would kill me. Two, I just didn't feel comfortable going since we had a past together. Out of respect for Jess, I just decided to stay home.

Now that I think about it, maybe I should've been there. Had I been present, maybe Jana wouldn't have retrograde amnesia. Apparently, Jess shot through her skull and to the part of her brain that stores memories. I couldn't follow everything the doctor was saying since my eyes were focused on something else but my mind got the gist of what he was saying.

The hospital called for me to come get her since I was the closest family contact she had left. It was strange because I thought she had a sister left but, in that moment, all that mattered was that she had a way to get home from the hospital.

When I got there her manager and band member said Jess marched into the studio and just shot her because Jana never came home. Sounds like something Jana would do, however, Jess doesn't go shooting people for no reason and Jana hasn't been out like that since we all lived together. In fact, she was always with Jess unless she was at work.

Maybe it's just me not wanting to believe that this was all Jess' fault because she's my friend. That's how they made it out to be though.

"I'll eat in a minute!" Jana's scratchy voice called out before she coughed and ran her slim fingers through her now darkened red locks. She was sitting back on the couch that sat on the patio with the look of confusion all over her face.

"Yeah, right. And I'm about to be single again," I spoke to myself as the sausage and hash browns were being placed onto different plates. I thought it would be a good idea to just do breakfast in a buffet style.

As soon as I turned around, my body jumped as my ears hear a "Why would you be single again? You're not leaving me. Are you thinking about leaving me?"

Sighing at the fact that this was her amnesia talking and just to catch my breath, I tucked my hair behind my ear and said "Jana, we are not together. You're married but you're just not with your wife right now." I'm surprised she still remembers that she's a lesbian.

"Are you talking about that Jessica person? Hon, if she was my wife, I'd be living with her right now. Why do you keep denying this?"

My left hand met with my face in a facepalm. Trent was not going to be happy if he founds out that Jana thinks we're together. What does she even remember?

"I'm not denying anything, Jana. Jessica is your wife. You just can't go back to her house due to court orders. See this ring? This is the ring that Jess bought you for your wedding day. It has green and blue accents for a reason. Green is your favorite color and blue is Jess'. Had we been together, purple would be up in there." I explained as my hand came in contact with hers and pulled it up to show her what I meant.

Her emerald eyes studied the ring hard as I set up the table with breakfast. Had to plate the strawberry French toast because the only person that eats it is my big daddy. Thinking about that man made me bite my lip just to hide my excitement.

As soon as I turned back towards the counter, Jana fixed her eyes on me as they grew glossy. Oh shit. She's about to cry. Jana barely cries.

"Where is she, Carmon? What did I do for her to leave me?" she asked with a broken voice and a tear falling down her pale cheek. Her hurt look made my mood fall and I wrapped my arms around her in comfort.

Sighing heavily again, I looked into her eyes and said "Sadly, you were shot in the head which has made you forget that you're married. She didn't leave you but she was forced to not see you for a long while."

"She shot me in the head? Why would she do that?"

"I was told because you never came home on the evening of your anniversary. She never liked when you stayed out for so long at the studio. Speaking of which, maybe this is a sign for you to divorce her-"

"Are you joking right now? Why would I do that? I have to fix this somehow. Unless I cheated on her. Did I cheat on her?"

Wishing I knew the answer to that question, my eyes lowered and my shoulders shrugged. My heart sank afterwards because I wish I could help her a little more. All we could do is tell her what we knew and go through all of the memories we had with her.

Unfortunately, we all grew up, had families or partners, and went to start our own careers. Well, all except one of us. Maybe it was the wrong time for all of us to move out of that apartment.

"You know what? Fuck it," Jana marched off back out onto the patio just to continue crying. My heart broke with every step she took out of the kitchen. I had her until my mouth had to open up about Jess again.

What kind of friend would I be if I didn't tell her the truth though, right? Sometimes, I wish I knew of other ways to help her.

She wasn't allowed to see Jess for another six months, her kids were with Rena, and she's not even in the right mindset to be able to take care of her babies. She had no where else to go so Trent allowed for her to stay with us. Everything was fine until she refused to eat anything.

We haven't had sex in weeks because Trent felt uncomfortable with Jana around and now he's getting agitated. I just wanted to help my best friend and, hopefully, this wouldn't last long. It's putting a little strain on our relationship.

Pushing my face into my hands as I leaned on the counter, my body felt a pair of muscular hands wrap around it. Someone's new workout plan is working very well. A smile came over my face as I realized it was my honeybun walking in from a quick early morning meeting. Work never stops for my boss man.

"Hello, lover," I smiled trying to show him a little love by turning to face him. His deep blue eyes looked up at me with a face of aggression. A face of frustration. I couldn't help but feel a bit scared.

He separated my legs to place himself there before leaning over me just to say "Good morning, my lovely wife. Never though I'd be able to call you that."

Hold it! Before you guys go off on me about my promise of never marrying anybody, I know what I did. Yeah, I ended up marrying the man. There's a first time for everything, right?

Oh wait! You guys don't know about that promise? Well, forget I said that then.

It all happened three years ago when he first asked me. We were at the park with the kids and, suddenly, everyone else showed up. I was oblivious to it all because I thought it was just everyone coming to hang out with us like we used to.

Soon, other random people were getting together and I found it strange because Rena and I were just having a conversation about Candy which is our newest daughter. I know! I made a promise I wouldn't have more kids either but Rena wished it on us and now we have one together.

I'm kidding. We just had so much sex that we don't even know where she was conceived but I'll blame Tiff for giving us a few more ideas than we could think of. Shocking, I know.

Anyway, during the conversation Rena and I were having, Trent was getting down on one knee and Rena pointed it out with a huge smile on her face. While he was telling me all the reasons why he loved only me, I looked around at everyone with their cameras filming us and taking pictures with smiles on their faces.

My heart raced and tears fell down my face but it wasn't because of any happiness. A familiar voice found its way back into my mind, reminding me of what used to be. Suddenly, a faint 'no' fell from my lips. That wasn't exactly me saying it but it came from my mouth.

All the smiles fell into frowns and the girls looked at me like they knew exactly why. It. Was. Still. Hard. Yes, we're talking Heath here. He hasn't exactly left me yet. You couldn't blame me, especially if I have his child.

Those promises Trent made to me were the same false ones Heath made to me over eleven years ago. To love me, to care for me, to be there for me, and cherish everything we had no matter what. Once he got on his feet and really active in the acting industry, he'd give me everything he had. There wasn't a day that went by where I didn't think about Heath.

So that was complete embarrassment there but I made up for it once we got home. While he was in the shower, I made my move and we christened the whole bathroom. That makes everything okay, right?

Well, there was a second time he asked and we were all out for dinner at a nice restaurant. I was told that we were all there to catch up and such so the idea of proposals went out the window. Everyone and anyone that was watching were all excited again.

Once again, he confessed his love for me and tried so hard to be louder than the voice in my head. The voice of my first love. "Marry that man if you want to and you're gonna wish you hadn't. You'll kill yourself working overtime trying to get me out of your head. You should ask yourself why you even decided to be serious with him."

He wasn't wrong about me still thinking about him but I still loved Trent. My feelings for him were stronger than I ever thought they'd be. Unfortunately for him, I had to say no again. I didn't want to say yes without being sure of myself and things go wrong. I couldn't trust myself.

He was still disappointed and I couldn't blame him for being upset with me. There was no clearing this up with sex. It was bad because I couldn't explain why I felt the way I did. He wondered why but had I told him, he would've left me. All I needed was closure.

That's when I got the phone call. The phone call from the Rutherford County Adult Detention Center. The phone call for closure.

Heath was calling me after his whole family's operation was shut down. He fell into some trouble and wanted to speak to me in person. Since Raina was 11 years old, I thought it'd be necessary for her to come with me. She hadn't seen her dad since she was six. Maybe this could be a time for him to be a better father to her.

When we got there, my heart beat so fast out of my chest. I was nervous as hell while Raina was wondering why we were even there. We got signed in and they led us to the visiting area. There were so many eyes watching me as we sat down at the meeting table.

As soon as he came out, he looked at me with those dark eyes like he had me wrapped around his wrist for decoration. Really, it was the handcuffs around his wrists.

Raina shook her head in disbelief and stood up from the table in anger. He wanted to give us a hug but the guards wouldn't let him due to a specific PDA rule around the jail. It was good because I was scared he'd squeeze the life out of me.

He still looked the same. The same slicked back hair with the sunglasses over his eyes, more tattoos, and just the whole mysterious bad guy look. Biting my lip back while he sat down, I heard him say "Little Raina! You've grown up to be a beautiful young lady. What's been happening?"

His dark voice scared Raina so much that she stood behind me and held onto my shoulders for dear life. She shook her head as tears fell down from her dark grey eyes, signaling that she remembered who he was and didn't want to speak to him. That was the moment when I realized that we needed to close this up.

"Heath, we're not here to make conversation. We're here to tell you that this has to end. No more calls, letters, consistent signals for attention. You made it clear to us that you didn't want us in your life that night I came to your house. I finally got the hint," I spoke up with a sinking heart, feeling guilty because of what Raina's had to go through.

"What are you talking about, Carms? You're my first love. How could I-"

"Don't call me that name. You never called me by my nickname. You know exactly what I'm talking about. Because of you, I have nightmares. I can't be with the one person that actually sees the real me and loves me. The one person that sees even the slightest bit of real love in my heart left. I can't keep saying no because you want me to be your main squeeze while you have others to play with. I want you to leave us alone. And by us, I mean my friends, my family, my other kids, Raina, my boy-...Fiancee, and me alone. You didn't give a damn then and you shouldn't now."

I couldn't believe all of that flowed from my lips but it was heartfelt and it came with a few tears. Raina wiped my tears away as she held me close while that bastard took his sunglasses off, showing off his smirk and light grey eyes.

"Carmon, you must've forgotten who you really belong to. I'm your first and only. You belong to me. You're my property forever. That corny business dick really got you trippin', didn't it?"

"No! I belong to myself. I'm mine and that fabulous business dick taught me that. I am my own person. I can think for myself-"

"You wish you could. You have to have me at your hip for everything. I bet I've been running through your mind this whole time, haven't I?"

What was I supposed to tell him? That he was right? I was at a loss for words because it was as if he had me and wouldn't let me go.

Suddenly, Raina stood up and walked out just to wait in the lobby for me as she shook her head in shame and cried even harder. That was my final answer and that's when the chains broke.

"You know what? You have and the only way you were able to run through my mind was if you had my insecurities as your main fuel. So you know what? If your own daughter can open her heart and mind to someone else, so can I. I wrap your energy builders in a gift box and leave them with you today. Continue doing what you do because it won't get you anywhere. Good luck," I ended while standing up from my chair and walked off with a clear heart and a fresh mind.

Raina met up with me in the lobby and hugged me tightly with a "Momma, I'm so proud of you! He can't hurt us anymore! I love you so much!"

"I'll say. I'm proud of your beautiful mom as well," a familiar voice spoke up as Raina and I walked out of the prison. My eyes looked up to find a my best friend and sister walking up to me with smiles on their faces.

Laughing at the fact that they were here somehow at the perfect time, I watched as Raina ran up to hug them.

Rena explained that Trent told her where I was and figured that I needed them. He truly knows me more than I thought. I didn't even know he knew where I was but she explained how Trent knew. The rest of the day just turned into an all girls' day with a cup of coffee and a day at the park.

About a few weeks went by and we were eating lunch with Trent's family. It was bad enough that his parents didn't approve of our relationship. Trent decided to ask again in front of his family as if they would approve of this. They tried to talk him out of it while he talked over them, confessing his love to me with so much fire in his heart.

A smile fell over my face because the voice was gone. His voice was gone alongside that insecurity that held me back from being with the man of my dreams. It was all officially gone.

Tears fell down my face as Trent explained that this would be the last time he would ask in front of his disapproving parents. I realized that I could finally tell him happily "This will be your last time asking because you're marrying my ass."

Third time's the charm, right? During the engagement stage, we met each other's (really his) family and spent so much time together. Most of that time was figuring out how to christen the house and other places we shouldn't, however, we eventually got married with everyone but my aunt there.

It was like for the first time in my life, I knew what love really was. Trent let me be my own person and loved me flaws and all. He saw right through me and loved me through everything. He never let me go out of control but enjoyed me being myself. That's what I truly loved about this man.

Now you know why I married him. You can't blame me now.