What's up folks?! Happy Thirsty Thursday/ Freaky Friday if you're already!

Unfortunately, the SMO ladies only have 3 more chapters left after this one.

This means that this is Jana's LAST chapter of the book! I know I know. Let's cry together.

Okay, enough crying because if you know Jana like I do, she'll jam and rock on!

Since these are the girl's last chapters, we're going to just enjoy the chapter and limit ourselves on questions.

Anyway, I cried while writing this, so if you're a big crybaby like myself, be prepared to cry. It's wedding day. Who doesn't cry at weddings?

Please see the triggers that are in the summary of this book!

Anyway, you may continue! 💜🤫 (Bring a box of tissues and enjoy Jana's last POV! )
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Great, Jana. It's wedding day and I don't even have my damn vows. Where the hell did I put my fucking tie?! If I lost those shits, I will die on my wedding day.

I've been working on those vows for the past few months and we're now in December. I'm 23 years old and my stupid 23-year-old ass can't keep up with the shit I get? How the hell does this shit happen?

Goodness, Jana. Calm down and breathe. Freaking out like this won't get you to find your stuff. Concentrate. Where is your stuff?

My anxiety was through the roof and I couldn't think...or breathe. I can't believe I'm actually going through with all of this. Was this something I truly wanted to do? What would a married life with Jess look like? Hopefully, it's not the same as the relationship phase with her. Not saying that everything should be easy. Just don't want anymore shoes thrown at my head.

I wanted to fucking scream, but I couldn't. Everyone was out there waiting for us and it was almost time for me to get out there. If Jess found out that I lost my vows, she would give me the laser treatment and I'd be fried.

Slamming my head against the palm of my hand, I heard Rena's worried voice flow through my ears. "Jana, what the hell? Why is everything everywhere? You're about to go out there soon. What's wrong with you?"

"Rena, her messy room is a cry for help. Jana, we came in here to see if you were okay. What's wrong?" Carmon said as my eyes looked up to see them walk inside. Their bridesmaid dresses were of sheer material and dark blue color, but Carmon's was strapless that exposed her precious mounds. Rena's was off-the-shoulder, but both of them had short curled hair and the blue butterfly pins in their hair that one of Tiff's old sorority sisters put together.

I smiled at the sight of the pin because that was Jess' favorite insect. Yeah, I know. She has a favorite insect. It's cheesy, but cute.

Anyway, as I paced around in panic looking for my paper of promises alongside my green and white tie, I hyperventilated at the idea that those two things were gone forever.

"Guys, I can't find my tie, my vows, or my brain. I'm completely lost and driving myself insane. Where the hell is my shit?" I flipped out again. This day was supposed to be one of the greatest days of my life and it started off as the worst. I should have seen it coming.

"Well, Jana, I think I found two of those things," Carmon said coming from the bathroom with an envelope with the name Jessica on it. Unfortunately, that wasn't my vows.

However, she came out with my slick tie that had a folded piece of paper in it with Jess' nickname in it. She's truly a saint!

"THANK GOODNESS! You're a true lifesaver! Thank you!" I exclaimed hugging my curvy best friend. My eyes caught Rena leaving the room seeing that Carmon had everything under control.

"Jana...what's in the envelope? Didn't have enough time to put your vows in the envelope?" Carmon pointed out as she looked at me with curiosity on her face. The sight of that envelope broke me down and made me shiver, however, I knew I needed to write it.

"It's just a card for Jess. A very personal card that I'll give to her later," I chucked nervously as I grabbed the materials from Carmon's hands. I put them down on the bed to finish getting ready.

My nerves were speeding through my body like the dog from the movie Bolt. Shocks of fear and doubt flowed through me while Carmon helped me fix my tie. I closed my eyes and just took in some deep breaths to relax myself.

All of the dark thoughts crept around my mind just waiting to pounce. Ever heard of Prince's Thieves in the Temple? Well, love come quick because there are thieves in my damn temple right now!

Running my fingers through my hair and freaking out again, I opened my eyes quick to find Carmon's hands on my shoulders and smiling at me with those damned chocolate eyes. A strange tension grew between us, making me want to change my mind. God, she was extravagant.

But Jess is more beautiful. I can't do this. Shaking my head and clearing my throat, I stepped back once I realized that Jess could shove her size now nine foot down my throat if she saw that I was even thinking about throwing Carmon on this bed and doing her.

"Jana, it's showtime," Tiff said clapping excitingly while entering the room. Her clapping stopped and face fell as soon as she saw us. She gave a questionable look as my eyes turned back to Carmon and she looked at me shyly while tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear.

We both knew that our sensual adventures together were over once I married Jess. We just had a strong history together, long before we met the other three. Well, it was fun while it lasted, right?

Sighing at the idea, I watched as Carmon slowly walked out and Tiff signaled for me to leave the room as well. I made sure that my vows were in my tie pocket and I was ready to go. This is it, Jana. It's your day to show the love of your life how much you truly love her.

As my feet led me out of the room and down the hall to where the music was being played, I took in a deep quick breath and my eyes connected with something in Tiff's hand. At first, I thought it was just a folded program that her and Rena printed for everyone.

Walking into the wedding space was so overwhelming. Almost everyone and their families were there. A few close club owners that I had developed a friendship with, some of Carmon's co-workers, some of Jess' co-workers were there, a few of Tiff's sorority sisters were there giving me ugly looks, and of course Rena's family was there. Half of them I had mixed music for at their many parties that Rena never goes to.

Looking over to my right, I saw Rena's mom and grandmother sitting in on the bench smiling at me. To my left sat my mom waving at me with a huge smile on her face. She knew I was about to break because Dad wasn't there to sit beside her or with his partner with his hand in his lap and both in their uniforms. He fought for a country that couldn't accept who he chose to love and was killed by the same people they were fighting for. Talk about 'land of the free and home of the brave'.

A tear or two fell from my face as I bit my lips to hold in my sobs. My eyes saw her boyfriend sitting beside her with his hand in her lap. I tried so hard to keep my composure but the tears couldn't stop falling. I just wanted my dad.

Crying silently, I saw my mom mouth the words "Do it for your dad". Could I really do this though? The man that I needed the most that wanted to be here more than anything in this word wasn't here for me. I wanted to question God so bad for taking that man away from me. I wanted to see that smile on my dad's face and feel his hugs once before he went back to the army with his new partner.

Why'd he have to leave me right before my wedding day? Why was his life taken before he could witness something so loving and pure? Something that I had his full support in? This wasn't fair to me. I wanted this to be a dream so bad but life is never just a fantasy or fairytale.

His death impacted me in such a big way and I even debated on marrying Jess last night. All of my doubts came rushing back to me and I even had nightmares. I wanted to be with Jess, but I didn't want this marriage to be in vain. I didn't want her to feel like I didn't love her because I did. My mind was just not in the right place. I even wrote an apology letter and listed off reasons why I couldn't marry Jess.

Anyway, as I finally made it to the alter and wiped my tears, I took in another deep breath. Could you believe that today was the day I went from a bachelorette to a married woman? I never thought I'd get to this moment and here it is. Did anyone else picture this as a plan for my life?

So, the music had changed and my eyes raised as Raina came down the aisle throwing flowers down with her cute self and a smile on her face. She was dressed in a dark blue sheer dress with her hair in pigtails and blue butterfly barrettes. Troy came with the rings on a mini toy guitar and a wide smile crossed his face as well. I chuckled at the thought as that had to be Tiff's doing. It made me feel better because it was too cute.

Everyone stood up after the kids walked down and stood either side in the front. What Tiff put together was shocking and heartwarming for me. She had told me she wasn't going to do this because she wanted to keep things traditional but this surprise made me continue crying. A few tears dropped down my cheeks as I got to watch Jess slowly walk down the aisle with her arms locked with her uncle. Her dress was laced with white flowers trailing down to the blue accents at the bottom of it. Her pregnant belly poked out but that dress made her breasts stand out more and they made me anxious for the honeymoon after she had those babies. Those tits were mine soon.

But that's not what really caught my attention. What really caught my attention was the fact that the groomsmen and bridesmaids walked right behind her with Rena and Brian carrying the back of her dress. That's what made the tears slowly fall because that was supposed to signal protection over my sweet cupcake. That our friends have had her back and will still protect her when I can't. Tiff and I argued over that for the longest time and I just gave up on the idea after a while. I didn't think she'd actually do it, but she did. It touched my heart.

Teardrops began to fall down her cheeks as she made it to the other side of me. She watched me with a nervous look on her face and I felt the exact same way. My chest rose and fall signaling another deep breath. We were both scared of what our lives would look like after this. We've had a long history of screw ups, beat downs, cheats, and lies. We didn't want the same to happen in our marriage.

The minister said his speech and asked if anyone objected as my eyes stayed glued to Jess' glow on her face. She smiled weakly as she exhaled deeply. She looked so cute when she was nervous. I wanted to hold her cheeks and just kiss them.

Once he asked for our vows, Jess pulled out a piece of paper from her bosom and my eyes were stuck on them. As she opened the paper in her hand, she cleared her throat to grab my attention.

Oh, come on. She knew I had a thing for boobs as well. Especially her boobs. They were the perfect size and they were calling me. How could you not think I didn't want to answer that call? Also, free the nipple. Right?

She started her vows by saying "Jana, not talking to you for a whole week was the greatest thing I have ever done in my life. You ever been in a club and tried talking to someone that was this close to you but they still couldn't hear you because of all the noise around the space? That's what it felt like being with you before. I yelled, screamed, fussed, fought, and threw a couple things at you as my way to get you to hear me. Somehow, you couldn't hear me because all of the other 'noise' or things grabbed your attention more..."

"With this, I say thank you. For this silence made me think and gave me a little peace of mind. This silence was not only a way for you to hear me, but for me to hear myself. That little voice of hope that was still there in the back of my mind was calling me and telling me to come back home so I could stay with you. I couldn't exactly hear it due to the other noise I was causing..."

"Jana, you're my headache, the pain in my side, the agony of childbirth, AND the migraine in my head whenever I get back from a drunken night. You're the pain in my ass. It's like 20 dildos got shoved up my asshole and tried to kill me. However, all of that can never amount to the amazing feeling I get from you every day. You're also my happy place, the feeling after heaven-sent sex, the relief I've needed my whole life, and the sweetness in a ripe fruit. We don't exactly know what we're doing or where we're going especially after the past we've had, but maybe that's what I love about our relationship. The suspense and the surprise about our relationship. There's no limits to our love and I couldn't be anymore grateful to call you my wife from here on out. I love you," she finished as she wiped her face and folded her paper back just to put it in her bosom again.

I honestly didn't know how to feel about that because it was all true. Only my wife could write some crazy shit like that. She could have eased up on me just a little bit though.

Everyone came out with their sweet words and awws as I looked at Brian to say my vows. I won't lie, I got nervous about mine so I slipped him my vows before walking out into the ballroom. I got cold feet and just couldn't top what Jess said.

Smiling at Jess, I heard Brian whisper "Jana, are you sure you want me to read this?"

"Yeah, go ahead," I slipped through the corner of my lips as my eyes transitioned to the whole crowd of people waiting for my vows to be read.

In the corner of my eyes, I could see Brian shaking his head as he spoke with "Reasons why I feel we can't get married: May still have a thing for Carmon, may get abused again, Jess may be in love with Leo, she can also be a bigger bitch since she'll have my last name, people could think that-"

My eyes widened at Brian because that sounded nothing like my vows. That was my list and apology letter to Jess when I was in my dark place! How the hell did he get that shit?!

I turned around to him quickly and snatched the paper from his hands after so long. "What the fuck was that about?! Those aren't my vows, Brian! How the hell did you get this?!" I shouted in panic. Oh goodness, I hope steam isn't coming from Jess' ears.

"You told me to read it! I-"

"NO! What's really fucked up is how you think I'll be a bigger bitch and use your last name against you. The fact that you think I still love Leo AND THE FACT THAT YOU STILL HAVE A THING FOR CARMON?! You get all the way to the damn wedding to tell me all of this shit?!" Jess screamed as she tried to charge at me, but Rena and Carmon hold her back. There was so much hurt in her eyes and she looked as if she were about to cry. Those definitely weren't going to be happy tears.

"Hey, chill out! We're not having this shit! Not here, not today, and not with my Bug," my mom stepped up and argued as she stood between the both of us. Her eyes widened at me in shock as I held my head down.

Honestly, I felt so ashamed because those were just bad thoughts roaming through my head and the doubts. In this moment, I was confident in marrying Jess because I knew she was the one for me. We have been through way too much shit for us to not go through with this. I loved her.

"Mom, can you please move? I think I owe my bride an explanation-"

"We all deserve one, Jana! You better hope and pray that you even have a bride after this," Rena commented as Jess fell to the ground and cried in her hands. Carmon, Tiff, and she came around her and comforted her as I stood there at a loss of words.

"Um...Jess, I wrote that list because I was just scared. I wrote it because I needed to clear the thoughts in my head and negative feelings that were in me after my father passing. You already knew how I felt about Carmon until after so long of being with you. Those were just old problems we had in our relationship that came back up and...I thought they would interfere in our marriage until I got dressed this morning. I got carried away and sank in my own sorrows. I really love you, Jess, and no one else. I'm sorry you had to hear that," I explained as she continued to sit with her hands over her face and sobbed in them. She still wasn't getting it. That meant she was about to kill my ass and her wall was about to come up again. I had to change the way this shit hole was going.

"You know what, Jess? I'm going to be completely transparent with you as I've promised to do since you've came back home. I don't need a piece of paper to tell you how I truly feel about you," I said as I grabbed her hands and pulled her up from the ground. Of course, she tried to fight me off and tried to hit me but was held back.

"Tiff, I thought those were her vows," Brian called out. I looked at him surprised because I wondered what the hell he was talking about. Why was he asking Tiff about my vows?

"Well, that's what I thought too. I heard she was trying to find them and I found that on her bed. I thought you were going to give them to her, not read it," Tiff explained as she walked behind Carmon and folded her arms.

That wasn't my main problem. I had a bigger situation on my hands that I needed to address. I didn't even know where to begin.

"Guys, right now is not the time to argue about something so petty. Jana needs to talk to Jess," Carmon squashed the little disagreement as I held Jess' hands hoping that she wouldn't fight me again.

Shaking with anxiety rippling through me, I stuttered with "I-I-....Jess, I'm nervous as hell and afraid. After Dad died, I fell into a deep, dark depression and everything that ever went wrong in our lives just seemed to pop up again. That mixed with my nervousness for this didn't help at all. I wanted to give up. I was mad. You got pregnant by a man that has wanted to destroy our relationship since we first got together. A man that I hate with a deep passion. I worried for the babies and myself. What if they come out looking like that man? I'd have to see him in those babies every single day..."

"You beat the shit out of me, placed a tracker in my foot, almost tried to stab me, almost shot me, and the worst thing you could ever do to me, you did it anyway. You left me by myself when I needed you the most. Leaving me to wallow away in my depression and hurt. With no explanation or anything. You had me worried like shit. But can I show you something?"

Her eyes were a deep red at this point. Tears had still been streaming down here face as she shrugged her shoulders like she didn't care. I pulled my shirt from my dress pants and unbuttoned it to show the tattoo of two bottlenose dolphins nuzzling with a floating heart on top exposing our initials in it.

"What the hell is that supposed to be?" Jess sniffled as she folded her arms.

"Well, did you know that your favorite bottlenose animals display their interest in each other by turning each other on with their snouts? They call it oral action. I wanted to show you that because I got it last week and it took a long while. Hurt like shit," I said thinking of how many agonizing hours I stayed in that tattoo shop.

The tattoo was so large that it almost went from shoulder-to-shoulder. The fill-in of color is what really got to me.

Anyway, I continued with "Jess, I got the dolphins as a symbol of PP&J. Remember that? It was taught at school when we were kids. We had bumped into each other for the second time in an assembly for D.A.R.E. and the man that was there was preaching about this. Protection, peace, and joy. The three things we all need and deserved. Turns out these your favorite flipper friends symbolize all those alongside inner strength, rebirth, and cooperation. All of these things we have deep down into our relationship. That's why we fight every day to stay together. We wouldn't have gotten through all of the bullshit we've been through the past five years. That's why these dolphins are on me now. Also, to show you that I do pay attention. These you're your favorite animals."

A few minutes went by before she slowly walked over to me, wrapped her arms around me tightly, and looked into my eyes lovingly to say "I do, forever and ever."

Our lips connected as the minister announced our new names and such. You know when they confirm how we're married? Everyone clapped and cheered as my smile seeped into our kiss. Best way to seal the deal in my opinion.

As she broke the kiss, I came out with, "I do as well. Forever yours, sweetheart. I love you so much, Cupcake."