What's up, folks?! I hope you guys are doing well because this Corona is making many people panic! Please remember to STAY INSIDE! It helps tremendously! #readtogether

Anyway...

Y'all...I just can't can't can't! Do you think that Jess should have done what she did or chose a different option? Do you think she really had an option?

Rena up here taking bearings from her cousin. Poor Rena.

Where do you think Carmon has gone?

Why do you think Jana ran out of the hospital?

Well, we are back with another chapter for Screw Me Over! It's Jana's turn to probably bring the peace back into the house... or not.

Anyway, please see the triggers that are in the summary of this story!

Alright, y'all! That's all I have! You may continue! 💜🤫
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My poor eyes couldn't take in what I just witnessed what my future wife was choosing to do. As much as I try to keep control of the vibes in the house or wherever we were, that one thing couldn't even make me change the feel of the room. I have a heart and it breaks at things such as that.

Okay, so it may look as if she did it because she had no other option. You just don't know my fiancée like I know her though. I knew that she pulled the plug because of other reasons. She had a vendetta against her own mother. She's had it since I first met her or probably before that. Jess wanted her mom to die and I couldn't bring myself to look at her the same way that I did.

My little fireball had erupted into a whole wildfire and it broke my heart because I couldn't control it any longer. She couldn't be tamed no matter how many kisses I planted on those slim lips every time she got frustrated. No matter how many times I held her whenever she was about to fight someone.

I understood how much her mom ruined her life. Hell, my mom ruined mine in ways, but I wouldn't ever tell the doctors to kill her because she hurt me. I would never want to utter the words "pull the plug" to a doctor and he kill my mother. If she were dying, I'd keep her alive somehow because I wouldn't be able to stand the sight of the person who gave birth to me struggle.

The fact that Jess had another reason for the doctors to pull the plug on her mother made me not want to be around her anymore. The thought alone scared me.

Realizing that I fucked up in this relationship, my mind began to think the worst. What if I ever became disabled or sick like her mother? My crazy girl can hold a grudge for a while so what if that happened to me. Would she make them kill me if she had the choice?

This was her mother that she did this to. Her own blood. Imagine if that was her cousin in that hospital bed. Rena was known to have seizures from time to time anyhow.

The betrayal rubbed me the wrong way so much that I had to get out of the hospital room. It brought bad vibes and I couldn't take it.

The love of my life was officially out of control.

My heart was conflicted at that moment. Was I seriously ready to move on with a person who was willing to kill to make herself feel better? Was I ready to marry a woman that had gone crazy?

Leo had warned me before hand, but she was so willing to be with me. So, I decided to date her.

Now, I'm completely trapped. After all of the fights, the heated arguments, the death threats, the lies, and the scars not only to my body but to my heart. Was I ready to continue that life with her? Did I really want to spend the rest of my life going through all of that with her?

Sitting in the driver's seat of my car with my head against the seat, I slid my hands up my face and groaned at the fact that I was doubting my relationship with Jess. I just couldn't stick around in that room and needed a breather.

The way she just looked back at me before she stood up made me realize what she was choosing to do. It made me shiver. Everything was going well until this moment. Here I am thinking that I could help her and be there for her, but I was so wrong.

Maybe I shouldn't have reached out to her mom when Leo told me about her being sick. Maybe I should have just left things the way they were. Did I really just open up a can of worms? I was sure that Jess wanted to see her mom one last time, but that's not how it played out. Maybe I just didn't understand the full story behind those two and should have talked to her about it first, but we had no time. She was dying.

What would this look like once we got back home? How would she feel? Maybe Leo told me this on purpose to sabotage our relationship. He was willing to give me the number for the hospital and everything. He was known for being manipulative when it came to us.

I should have seen this coming, but it was just an unexpected feeling. A feeling I had never felt before and never wanted to. As much as I've messed around on her before, she's become an important part of my life. My heart began to beat for her after showing so much attention to her and loving her properly. But what if this was all a façade? What if my mind and my feelings were playing tricks on me?

A need to call on the one person I'd never thought I'd call came about after my hand hit the wheel of my car so many times. Running my fingers through my hair as tears began to seep down my face, I decided to video chat a person someone while my heart blasted from my chest in a sick and twisted pain.

"Caroline Jor-" the lighthearted crisp voice started as her forest green eyes looked into mine in shock and she ran her long fingers through her strawberry blonde hair.

"Hi, Mom," I cleared my throat trying to gather myself back to that once positive person. It was harder than it looked at that point.

I thought about how she stopped mid-last name. It's changed and made me think that she got remarried. I swallowed hard at that and the fact that it's been about six years since I've spoken to her. It made me feel guilty but great to hear my mom's voice.

A long silence fell between us as she came down from her shock and continued watching me as I sniffled a bit.

"It's really you," she said as that much-needed bright smile came up on her face. She seemed so relieved to hear from me again, but this wasn't the time to go over what we did to each other. I literally had no one else.

"Yeah, it is. I know it's been a long time, but-"

"Hell yeah it has. We're talking six years, Bug. You don't look good though. What's going on, Bug? Are you okay?" she asked as she tried looking around for any answers. Yeah, my mom was back to her regular self again and it made me feel much better.

"Yeah...well-um...." I had thought about whether or not to share with her what was going on, but my heart was not caring in that moment.

"Actually, no. I'm not okay. I just don't know what to do right now." My mind entered into a dark place once I admitted to my unhappy feeling. Why would I be talking to a woman who kicked me out when I was 17? I thought about the times when we were all a happy family with Dad to when I moved into Carmon's house for a while.

"Well come on. Talk to me about it, Bug. What's wrong?" she encouraged as she took me out of those horrible memories.

Eventually, the tears grew and it was as if waterfalls were streaming from my face as my heart decided to open to her. This video call was meant to be a moment to just talk with her and apologize but she just opened the floor for me to cry.

"Mom, I can't do this anymore! The marriage, the relationship, the fucking love life! I just can't anymore! I'm pulling my fucking hair out dealing with this! I'm at my breaking point! Mom, please help me," I shouted while my heart was filled with so much pain.

"Jay Bug, I wish I was there to help you in your time of need. I wish I was there with you in person just to hold you and tell you that everything is okay in Irish like I used to when you were four. The hard truth is that everything is not okay though. However, it can be. It's alright to be mad and upset about things that aren't going how you planned, but it's not okay to stay that way," her wise words echoed in my mind calming me down a bit. My eyes closed in agony and I wiped my face while she spoke to me.

"There was this long word that you'd always sing about. You'd come home saying it all the time. You said you liked that word because that was who you were and how it was your favorite word. What word was that?"

Going back to when I was seven, I remembered the word she was talking about. Happily skipping into the kitchen to tell my mom that I was a "Eleutheromaniac. A person who had an irresistible desire for freedom. I remember that."

Sniffling while chuckling at the thought, I realized exactly what she was talking about and it made me feel a bit better thinking about that word. She wasn't wrong. That was my personality. I never wanted to be locked down and here I was stressing myself out over someone who wanted to lock me down.

"Jay Bug, you've always been a free bird and you're no different now. Freedom was what made you happy and that's what you need in your life. A person who will let you have your freedom. If you don't feel comfortable with the person you are with now, you know how to pop that cage open and fly away free. That's what you did with me," she confirmed as my warm wet eyes looked up at her with that genuine smile on her face from when I was little. I was a huge nerd when I was younger. That nerd left after high school due to the bullying and teasing.

"Just trust your gut like you've been doing. You'll be just fine. If she has a problem with it, you know where to find me, Bug," she sighed as I chuckled a bit harder at what she just said. She told me this every day before I went off to school.

"A phone call away?" I finally spoke up as my cheeks shined with leftover tears falling from them.

"You know what I say! Well...maybe not phone call anymore because I'm on the other side of the world. However, a Facetime call or video call works too!" she said brightly as we both laughed together.

A quick silence fell over our conversation as I thought about something.

I wish I could remember the last time we were seriously happy together. I was probably still in elementary school. She took really great care of me until Dad left. After about two years of that, she turned into a monster for a while. When she turned into a monster, I made things worse by acting out against her. Maybe this new marriage helped her get back to her regular self and I was happy for her.

"Mom, I know that it's unexpected of me calling you. I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for giving you a hard time. I know it was hard to raise someone like me. I also want to tell you thank you for never giving up on me even though you didn't like certain life choices I made. I'm still grateful for you and happy that you picked up my video call," I said smiling at her and feeling that closure in my heart.

It felt really good getting to talk to her because she brought back that peace I was missing. Thinking of all the other possible things that could have been, my heart smiled and felt more grateful that those things didn't happen.

So, she had many men coming in and out of the house and got super pissed when she found out that I loved the same sex. At the same time, she tried to keep me grounded the only way she knew how and took care of me despite her anger for me. It may sound weird because she kicked me out and one of her boyfriends used my body, but she kicked me out to show me something and she didn't know about that boyfriend using me.

If she were sick today, I'd be lost without her. I wish I could have told her all of these things while she was still in the states, but this was nice too.

"Oh, Jay Bug! I wish I could have treated you much better and I wish that we bonded more. I wish I had as much understanding in my heart then as I do now. However, I'm glad that it's not too late and we're talking this out. I'm glad that my shitty parenting skills helped you grow into that big red-headed girl you are today. I miss you so much, girly." Her green eyes shined as she looked at me with her circled cheeks popping out.

"I miss you more. You really don't understand how much I miss you. Thanks for still being a phone call away," my lips opened once I saw a straight-faced Jessica and Rena come out of the hospital. My smile fell once I looked at them. Unfortunately, Mom picked up on it.

"Why don't we video chat later, okay? You seem a bit busy," she said as my eyes watched Rena wrap her hands around her upset cousin.

I was nervous as hell because Jess and I had to sit down and talk about where we were going in our relationship. I knew she probably wouldn't like what I was going to tell her, but she had to know how I felt. She couldn't be led on and I couldn't keep fooling myself.

"Alright, Mom. I love you," I said before she blew a kiss at me before we hung up from the video call.

Taking in a deep breath, I closed my eyes and listened to the two cousins enter the car.

"Why the hell did you leave me in there? I needed you in there," Jess said in her angry tone as she slammed the door. She leaned over on the arm rest and looked at me with frustration in her eyes as I started the car.

Pulling out of the parking lot, I carefully came out with it while shaking my head. "Jess, when we get home, we need to talk."