What's up folks?!

SURPRISE BIIIIIIH! I couldnt stay away from my girls for long, so if you just so happen to see me writing about my girls from time to time, that's why.

Welcome to the extra chapter 😈
The chapter where we test your level of naughtiness.

Nah I'm just playing. But if you've made it all the way to this part of the story and you are under the age of 18, you in big trouble. Don't forget that this book is marked MATURE for a reason! I've said my warnings. You chose what you do with it.

Now that we've settled that, I've decided to make an extra chapter but I figured it would be too long because my girls got a lot to say sooooooo I split em up!

Alright alright, enough of my talking. You're here for the extra chapter. I know. I know.

Don't forget to pop a star for my girls! And share a quote or two if you'd like!

You may proceed, but don't say I didn't warn ya! Beware!

****

Jess:

"Where the hell is this hoe at?" I muttered to myself with two screaming two-year-olds in one hand while trying to sweep up a huge mess of flour that just exploded in the kitchen by my little heathens.

Throughout these past two years, I've learned a lot about kids. One, you're never fully ready to have kids because they switch up on you like night and day. Two, you can never be the perfect parent for kids. As you can see, I'm definitely not one and neither is Jana.

My kids are bound to destroy an entire neighborhood and the last thing we need is Neighborhood Nancy coming knocking at my damn door about my kids picking at her nasty ass tomato garden again. Demi and Eli are hated by her and her precious white picket fenced family. Her husband don't give us as much shit as her and her twin girls.

It's every other day she does this, but no one else seems to have a problem with us in this neighborhood. Probably because Granny warned them about me already and all that goes on is just neighborhood talk. She keeps up with the tea around here and they don't say two words about our unique family. Either that or Granny ain't telling me what they really saying.

Either way, it keeps me at bay and I don't have to beat anybody's ass. Keep that shit to yourselves. I have enough to deal with. No me molestes.

Anyway, every time my kids scream, holler, or even bawl, here she comes to tell me how to parent my kids. Accusing me of abusing them because they like to sing La Bamba at the top of their damn lungs. Like I'm trying to kill them. If I wanted to do that, I could've done it a long time ago.

When I'm home, I run a tight ship and it's hard to keep it tight when you have a wife that lets the kids do whatever the hell they want to do. Once again, she acts passive. Like she doesn't realize that Eli is about to drink dish water when he's sitting in a pool of dishes.

No joke. He really did that and his poor little bottom got cut. What did Jana do? She took him out and walked away while he wailed and threw a big ass tantrum on the floor. I popped him on the leg and told him to not to get in the sink again. You can see who the disciplinarian is around here. She makes my job as a mom twice as hard.

Now, before you perfect ass moms come at me about me disciplining my child. There's a difference between beating your child and spanking them. I save the beating for adults who try me. Don't get it twisted.

Now here I am trying to clean up a snow storm that has been created while making sure they don't get off so easily. They pulled at one of my hands until Eli eventually made a hasty retreat and yanked out of my firm hold. His feet pitter pattered out of the kitchen alongside Demi once I realized he fell out of my grasp. This little boy thinks I'm playing.

After chasing them around the living room, I grabbed them both from the living room floor while their small bodies flailed around mid-temper tantrum. My arms hurt trying to get them up the stairs and to their room for a nice little 'talk'.

Excuse me for trying to teach my kids that hitting your precious toy poodle is wrong but this is the way I want to teach them, Nancy.

I spank my kids if they don't do right, so if you see me pulling little Demi aside to pop her on the ass because she threw blades of grass in your fresh picnic food on purpose, mind ya damn business. I'm helping your ass out. Thanks.

True story though.

Shutting the door to their nicely decorated room (thanks, Rena and Tiff), I walked downstairs and went back to cleaning the kitchen with a massive headache. Picking up a broom, my mind wondered what it would be like if I just changed my mind. What it would be like if I actually stopped talking to Jana and never came back to the apartment almost three years ago.

Hell, I'd probably be with Leo and we'd have a ton of money with no kids involved. It'd be dirty money, but it'd be money. At the same time, he wouldn't show me the kind of affection I deserved. Jana got better with that over the years. She showed me the kind of love I wanted. It took about five years, but we got there.

Now, we have two kids, a house that Mama left behind (Rest in Hell, Ma), me with a dead-end job, and Jana gone half the time. The kid part is what keeps popping up in my mind. In my mind, I didn't think that my kids would be this destructive. Two years later and they're a bunch of destruction workers.

So, it took me an hour and a half to clean up the entire kitchen by myself. That's how much they ruined my beautiful kitchen. Love them dearly, but this is my place of sanity. I cook, paint, read, and pray that I don't beat someone's ass in this kitchen. Maybe that's why God has kept me for the past few years. This is my sanctuary and the last thing I want is for my kids to destroy it or my wife to burn it down like she almost did last week.

Speaking of the ass eater herself...

"Aye, see you guys at practice tomorrow! Rob, don't destroy anymore hotel rooms, bro!" she shouted proudly out the door while coming into the house. She got back from a local concert she was hired to play at with a popular band.

We agreed on her doing this, but I still have my doubts about the job. We were just at the park with the kids and she was playing a lullaby for the kids to go to sleep to. If you're asking, yes, it's the Gorillaz song she loves.

Anyway, she caught the lead singer's eye with her playing and that's how she got the job. She gets paid way more than she did when she was a DJ but sometimes I wish she were still playing music from a sound board than a guitar. She gets more ass thrown at her now than she did as a DJ.

I don't want to tell her I get pissed off when even straight women get turned on by her guitar-playing skills, but it fucks with my emotions every time she's talking to a 'fan' and they lift their shirt up for an autograph. Jana loves to give to the wrong people sometimes.

Ten paciencia, Jessica.

There's my uncle Ricky talking in my mind right now. He stays telling me to relax, but I can't help it sometimes. Jana gets frustrated every time I nag but she should stop doing stupid shit. Eventually, we come together and talk about it after a break from each other in separate rooms.

I don't say anything most of the time because she loves this job and enjoys making music. What kind of wife would I be if I ruined that for her? Seeing her happy made me feel good and it came with amazing sex. The things you do for your significant others.

As she sat her guitar case behind her Papa chair (as I like to call it) and walked into the kitchen, she smiled at me with a look of lust in her eyes and said "Why so serious, babe?"

Those damn emeralds get me every time...except this time. I was too tired from keeping up with the kids and house chores all day. Not to mention, I had to go to work in 12 hours and the thought of the Walmart on Rutherford burning to the ground kept replaying in my mind.

"No hello? No 'what's up, babe'? You sure you want to leave that guitar sitting right there. Don't forget what Eli did to it a few months ago," I said as my eyes connected with her sweet green pupils and that sexy sly smirk on her face. Fuck.

"Okay then. Hello there, wifey. Speaking of the kids, where are they?" she asked closing off any space we had between us. Her getting closer to me like this made me wonder if she was drunk or she was turned on...

Or both.

Suddenly, a large thud ruined the sexual tension between us. Damn it!

"Does that tell you anything? Your turn to parent, Sly," I said walking around her and attempting to go off into the living room. She grabbed my hand and pulled me back towards the counter with her arms on either side of me.

"What they're destroying up there can be replaced. What's going on down here can't be," she said as her lips connected with mine. No alcohol on her breath, no smell of weed, and she doesn't smell funky.

Oh, she was turned on and wanted to get it in.

However, she was playing the passive game again. Did she not realize what was going on upstairs? That's a ton of money going to waste. We can't get that back.

"Jay, I'm sorry. I'm about to lose my damn mind in here. We have to get on one accord with this whole parenting thing. It's been two years and they act like this because we aren't on the same path as parents. They see one of us do one thing and the other do the opposite. I can't keep dealing with this, hun," I said as I lightly pushed her aside and walked towards the stairs, ready to get them right.

Once my foot stopped on the first step, Jana's hand landed on my shoulder as she said "Let me handle this one."

Was she crazy? Like what made her think that she was going to solve this any better than I could?

Watching her go up the stairs to solve the problem made me worried enough. Her parenting methods were the complete opposite of mine and if she continued with her carelessness for situations, the kids would continue not listening.

Walking up the stairs, I finally got to the twins' room and watched as Jana took their toys from their room and set them out in the hallway. Demi, with her boldness, tried to crawl after them until Jana picked up the twins and sat them on their beds.

I overheard her as she pointed to something in the room, saying "Hands down. Be nice to this. No more toys." What the hell was that, Jana? Pop them on the hand at least.

That didn't make things any better because they threw a huge tantrum on their beds as she walked out of the room. They hollered and wailed as she shut the door to their room. Folding my arms, I rolled my eyes in annoyance.

"Great. Now you just gave Nancy another reason to come banging on our door again. What the hell was that, Jana? 'Be nice'? 'Hands down'? That didn't make any-"

While I was having my own little nagging session, she threw her hands up and walked off. Walking down the stairs and towards the kitchen, she shook her head with a disappointing look on her face.

Shit. There you go again, Jess.

When she does that, it means she needs a minute to relax. She didn't like to discipline the kids and that's probably part of her passive nature. It seemed like she was already upset enough about the kids doing what they did.

She's the fun mom. She likes to do things with the kids and be there for them when they're upset. Jana loves playing music with them and going on adventures with them. She left the hard part to me and I figured she would.

However, she has to learn that we aren't their best friends. We're their moms and we have to treat them as such.