Title: JAMES KNIGHT: TEENAGE SUPERHUMAN - PILOT

Date: 12/09/21

Reviewer: Anonymous

Writer: Jordan D Romero

LOGLINE:

   When sixteen-year-old James Knight wants nothing but to be a normal kid after getting superpowers at six years old, dealing with bullies and mysterious supers that start to show up in the town of Phanton, he must fight his feelings to protect the ones he loves while going through life as a teenage superhuman.

COMMENTS: The introduction of James and Sam was nicely detailed, as was the laboratory.

   Just a quick note with the description as James drinks the fluid, 'plummeting to the floor like a freight train' may not be the best description as most would consider a freight train motion to be fast and forward-moving. Maybe focus on his body movement instead, i.e. 'his limp body collapses and plummets to the floor.

   In the hospital scene, would Sam's reaction not be more surprised when James begins to fly? Or does he know a lot more than he's letting on? (Interesting to see either way)

   I've also made a quick note regarding the layout of some of the dialogue. In some scenes, it lies below:

Sam's eyes crease, and he sighs.

SAM: Shit! (beat) Can you get yourself down from there, James?

   You'd always want the dialogue to be slightly offset to help differentiate between the actions and dialogue:

Sam's eyes crease, and he sighs.

SAM: Shit! (beat) Can you get yourself down from
                   there, James?

   So rather than using the centre function, just adjust in indentation spacing for the dialogue sections. Once again, just a mental note to make.

   Great re-introduction once again with 16-year-old James and the interaction with Derek. It was also very nice to see additional supers being introduced early on as well. It certainly creates a lot of intrigues, especially as they're interested in Sam...

   In the alleyway scene on page 12, would the camera be cutting between James and Derek as they speak on the phone? Also, I feel as though the dialogue could have been a little smoother between them. They're obviously very close with each other so maybe have a bit more fun with their interactions.

   This is more of a question than anything, but is the world aware of supers existing? Is it commonly known that they exist, or is it only know amongst a certain few?

   Once again, just a quick note to make, on page 15 – the classroom scene. It should initially start off as a hallway scene and then the classroom scene:

INT. HALLWAY - HIGH SCHOOL - DAY

   James' sneakers squeak down the hallway of Phanton high school as he rushes to class at a fast-paced run, but he strides himself, so he doesn't accidentally run full force. He nearly slips on his feet, coming to a fast halt in front of his classroom, knocking his papers and books from his arms.

INT. CLASSROOM - HIGH SCHOOL - DAY

   MR. BRANDEN, an older teacher, roughly in his early forties, lowers his glasses and glares out the door. Students' eyes follow James as he enters the classroom and approaches Mr. Branden's desk. Light chuckles from the opposite corner of the room, where Mark and his friends sit and fill the awkward silence.

   During the classroom scene, I really enjoyed the interaction between Mia and James. It perfectly encapsulated the teenage 'angst' in speaking to his crush. The cafeteria scene was excellent, I now genuinely hate Mark!

   Once again, the description of James' house was very nice. I could picture just how lavish it is. The only query that I had was, is the lab underneath the house? If so, how do they ensure that Matthew doesn't go in there?

   Another quick note, there are a few scenes where you write 'me or my' instead of James and a few instances where you're writing in the past tense instead of the present. i.e the bedroom scene on page 32 where Derek 'tapped his fingers against the wood'. It should all be written in the present tense, so we're reading it just as it's happening. Derek 'taps his fingers against the wood'.

   Overall, if feel like it was a nice easy plot to follow. It is always difficult with the 'super-powered' genre at the moment as it is a very popular arena not just with Marvel and DC but also things the The Boy's and Invincible (which I believe is closer to your narrative than the others at the moment). Always think about how you can stand your characters apart from what people may have already seen or even expect. James is certainly a likeable character and I'm very keen on seeing how he evolves through the series and some of the hardships and anguish that he will experience.

   I do also like how you left an unanswered question lie a smoking gun with regards to the other boy in the lab urging James to drink the liquid and disappearing. That certainly had me scratching my head.

   Lastly, being a Pilot episode, I felt like it needed to end on more of a cliff-hanger. The main purpose of the pilot is to draw us in and end with us immediately wanting more. You've already set the world up so why not shake it around a little and give us something that we do not expect.