I'm so, so sorry.

I just started my second year of college and my life sucks at the moment.:/

Anyway, here's chapter eight.

20-30 comments and 20-30 votes for the next chapter? :3

HERE WE GO!

WARNING: mentions of self-harm, panic attack

The hospital was cold.

My sweater failed to keep me warm, my gelid hands trying to keep me warm. Kirstie was looking at nothing, looking like she was about to break. I don't blame her though. In a course of two months,her dad and sister landed in the hospital. Gerald died and when we came to the hospital, the head surgeon for Michelle's case told us: 

"She might not survive the surgery. Her torso was stabbed ten times and her legs were stabbed eight times. We're going to try as hard as we can to save her. Just prepare yourself."

Just prepare yourself. 

My mind is a desolate cave, those words echoing in every inch of my worrisome mind. I hated those words. I just want Michelle to be okay.

Is that too much to ask for? 

"Scott?"

I looked up from my lap, looking over a Kirstie. She snapping the rubber band on her wrist, the self-mutilated scars stood out to me. They made her porcelain skin look weak, broken yet she was anything but. If she was, I will try everything in my power to fix her. 

Even if that takes the attention away from me trying to fix myself.  

"Yeah, sweetheart?" I questioned softly, not wanting to startle her. I frowned when Kirstie began to cry, my legs making me stand up right away.  "Kirst, don't cr-"

"Don't you dare tell me not cry!" Kirstie yelled, making me jump. People looked over at us, their eyebrows raised in concern or annoyance from Kirstie's breakdown. "My sister is dying, Scott! my dad died here not too long ago and my mom died here too so DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME TO NOT  CRY!"

Tears began to climb down my cheeks as Kirstie practically threw herself on the ground, sobbing loudly. Everyone's eyes were on us, but I ignored them. I fell on knees too, my sobs shaking the both of us as we cried. As we were crying, a doctor walked up to us. I immediately stood up, Kirstie following me slowly. He looked grim, grey as he looked at us seriously. Kirstie began to sob loudly again, bringing tears to my eyes.

She can't be.

She can't be.

She ca-

Everything became blurry as the doctor began to talk, but I couldn't pay attention. I heard more crying, but I was long gone. My chest was tight, making it hard to breathe as I made it to a seat.

Water. I need water. 

The room was moving now. I stayed still, my eyes watering once more that night when I realized the angry and inevitable hands of anxiety were dragging me down. I heard someone yell my name, but I was far gone. The voice in my head was the last thing I heard before anxiety's hands took away my vision.

Michelle is dead, because of me. I should have protected her.

~~~

"Scott? Scott, wake up. You gave us a scare."

I groaned slightly, my eyes burning and my throat begging for water. I looked around, my surroundings blurry once more. I was confused, my mind a jumbled mess as I tried to put the mess of the puzzle back together.

Where am I?

Did I die? 

At least I'll be with Michelle. 

I sobbed quietly, a rough cough finally taking me out of my mind. I sat up, coughing loudly as a tear slipped down my cheek. A small hand gave me a cup, making me look at the person who gave me the second thing I needed the most in the world right now. 

The first one being Michelle.

It was Kirstie who gave it to me, her hazel eyes red but still so ethereal. She cleared her throat, taking a deep breath before a shaky smile appeared on her face. I was about to ask her what was wrong when I coughed again, taking a quick gulp of my water. Water has never tasted this good before. I looked up at Kirstie, about to ask her what was up when she began to speak. 

"Michelle is okay." Kirstie nearly squeaked, moving out of my way to reveal Michelle in a hospital bed. She looked so tired, her long eyelashes almost gracing her cheeks and her lips made her look like she was pouting. She looked more innocent than she already was. "She almost died, but they managed to save her. She's going to heal."

"She...okay?" I asked, frowning a bit. Why can't I talk? Kirstie sighed, smiling sadly before she looked at me again. 

"Yes, she's okay. You're not though. You had a really bad panic attack and you slammed your head on a small table. I'm surprised you didn't crack your head open. Anyway, the doctor wants to keep you overnight for observation. It was a bad crash and you have a close to major concussion. Also, you can't talk because your throat is drier than the Sahara Desert. You need rest."

"Okay." I mumbled, looking over at Michelle. She looks like-no, she is a princess. I looked over at Kirstie, smiling mischievously. "Can I stand up?"

"Sure, you big oaf." Kirstie answered, helping me walk over. I almost lost my balance, my head hurting at the sudden movement. "Slow down, Sonic. Michelle will still be there."

I nodded slightly, not wanting to hurt my head again. We made it to Michelle's bed, my smile crumbling as I looked at her. Her innocence made her look younger, breaking my heart more. She looked so fragile, as if a feather would break her if it fell on her. I was scared to touch her face, not wanting to hurt her more.

"Scott, it's okay. She wants you." Kirstie whispered, taking my  hand in hers. She guided my hand onto Michelle's face, my hand now on Michelle's gaunt cheeks. They still had some baby fat on them, but you could tell that she was growing into them. She's gorgeous. "She loves you so much, Scott. Protect her."

"I will." I whispered, letting my hand slide down. I made it to her lips, wanting to run my thumb over them yet wanting them to stay untouched forever. She needs to live out the rest of her childhood innocent and pure for as long as she can. "She's so beautiful, Kirst. So beautiful."

Kirstie nodded, kissing Michelle on her temple as I continued to look at her.

Beautiful. 

~~~

Michelle woke up the next day, smiling when she saw me sitting next to her. She gasped quietly, coughing slightly. I instantly poured her a glass of water, making sure she had all the water she needed to refresh herself. She took the cup of water from me, drinking the cup with both of her hands on the cup. I smiled softly, thanking God for this amazing person.

Gosh, I love this person. 

"Scotty Buckets?" 

I nodded, blushing slightly at the nickname. My mom nicknamed me that and she called that one time in front of Kirstie and Michelle and they have called me that ever since. Michelle was smiling at me, her big brown eyes full of joy as she continued to look at me. 

"You make me the happiest person alive, Scotty. Sometimes, I feel like I feel like I can't breathe when I'm around you and it's not the kind of not breathing  you have when you need an inhaler. It feel likes my heart makes it hard to breathe. That's how I've always felt about you."

My eyes widened, making it hard for me to answer. What am I supposed to say to that? Michelle might not even be thinking straight. A lot of medicine is traveling throughout her body right now so that might be why she's saying that.

"Also, my heart feels like it's playing jump rope whenever I think about you." Michelle continued, her cheeks turning red at the confession. I sighed, trying to figure out how to respond to that. "Scotty, how about your heart? Does it do the same?"

I frowned, making Michelle frown now. I sat down on her bed, still dizzy from my concussion. My mind might be messed up at the moment, but it would be even more messed up if i don't confess my true feelings to Michelle. 

She deserves the truth. 

"Michelle, here's the thing." I started off, her doe-like eyes looking up at me naively. I sighed, unable to look at her as I spoke. "I do love you. My heart is extremely happy when I'm around you; however..."

I was unable to continue, a tear falling on my hand as I spoke. I looked up, my heart breaking at the tears gathering in Michelle's eyes. I felt horrible, but I had to tell her the truth. I had to. 

"Michelle." I whispered, her tears falling down her cheeks now. I want to wipe them away. "I love you, I do, but-"

"Your heart doesn't play jump rope and your lungs don't need an inhaler even though you can't breathe when you see me?" She asked, making me tear up. This is harder than I thought. "Scotty, I can't change  you, but I still love you. So much."

She began to sob, her body shaking as I looked at her with tearful eyes. I can't love her, I can't. I just can't. I stood up, unable to look at her as I walked out of the hospital room. I am the reason why she is broken, why she is betrayed.

I hate this so much. 

"Scott, why are you cry-"

I didn't acknowledge Kirstie, knowing very well that she will make me acknowledge her when she beats me up for telling Michelle that I don't love her. I'm a horrible person.

Why did I ever do that?

l hate myself.

I can't stand myself. 

I hurt the person I care most about. 

I ran out to my car, not hearing the nurse calling me back. I need to leave now. I want to get away to a person that is my poison yet makes me so happy. I hopped into my car, the tears in my eyes making the road blurry. It was raining, but the minuscule drops of liquid falling from the sky will not be able to beat the ones rolling down my cheeks. 

I hate myself.

My phone began to ring, but I ignored it. I knew it was Kirstie right off the bat because my phone rang five more times until she gave up. Either she gave up on me and hates me forever or she is so angry and she'll find me and...

Because of copyright reasons, I am not allowed to finish that statement, but you know what I was getting at. 

Anyway, I finally pulled up to the person I wanted to see. I parked, taking a deep breath before i stopped my car and let myself out. I walked up slowly, making sure that my concussion doesn't get worse. I made it up to the door, taking a deep breath before I knocked on the door a few times. It took about thirty seconds, but the door finally opened and the person I've been wanting to see is in front of me. The person was wide-eyed, not knowing what to say until they smiled brightly.

"Hi, Scott."

I smiled, forgetting about today. 

(Or at least trying/attempting to.)

"Hi, Shawn."

A/N: OH, SNAP! Scott will change really quickly. He's just a confused cookie right now. Anyway, I saw Christmasbb asking questions at the end of Dorm updates and I would like to do that sooo...

What is your name and if you don't like your name, what would you change it to?

Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and remember that I love you all.

-Maddie🐶💕🎤