(Quick A/N - TY to david and ava again - 

Also i'm still editing so pardon my mistakes ... :) )

~~~~~

It was a rough night.   I eventually left the bathroom to get the screwdriver and try to get it off myself but I couldn't get my hands to steady long enough to do it and I just ended up frustrated and throwing the tiny tool and freaking out for the ten millionth time.  I broke down and let Troye in but only so I could beg him to take it off for me, but he refused. He tried for ages to get me to calm down, apologized for trying to push Dylan on me and I just ended up either falling asleep or passing out in his arms. I hate to think that it was the latter, but unfortunately that's probably the reality.

Today... I'm not really sure what to do. I went into robot manager mode and got everyone gathered and to the airport at the appropriate time, but now that we're here just waiting, my brain has time to drag me through the mud again.

I try to think about anything else, even going as far as doing math problems in my head to keep myself distracted, but it doesn't work for long.

My phone buzzes and no matter who it is, I'm not sure I'm ready to deal with it.

I unlock it, cringing for about the 20th time that morning when I see the cracked screen that resulted from one of my freak outs the night before. Thankfully it's David. I don't know that I could face anyone else. I know we'll be boarding soon so at least i can cut the convo short if needed.

-

David: morning babe
David: Or is it afternoon? Damn timezones
David: Mitchy are you here? Let me know when you are

Mitch: hi

David: Hey
David: Do you feel better?
David: Did you sleep a bit?

Mitch: a little

David: Okay..okay that's good
David: I was worried

Mitch: i know im sorry
Mitch: im so messed up

David: don't be sorry. I'm glad you answered my call
David: It will get better honey, trust me

Mitch: everyone keeps saying that but i dont know that it will
Mitch: it just feels worse and worse
Mitch: We werent even together for fücks sake
Mitch: ii'm acting like he broke up with me
Mitch: theres something wrong with me

David: love isn't rational, and..well you guys were basically together babe.
David: Nothing is wrong with you, stop that

Mitch: I'm not trying to be dramatic... but there is and I don't know how to fix it
Mitch: I think ...

Do I want to tell him this? I've been thinking about it all morning since Troye suggested it. David won't judge me.. I hope.

Mitch: I think I need to talk to a professional

David: Well..I see no harm in talking to someone, but I don't think you need it
David: But if you think it will help, then go

Mitch: I need it to stop hurting and it just isn't
Mitch: Troye is afraid to leave me alone
Mitch: Whoever said time heals everything is full of shít 

David: I agree with that
David: but time helps a little
David: don't make any drastic decision right now, okay? Just...wait a bit
David: you had a rough night and you're not thinking straight now

Mitch: It's been almost 6 months ... I shouldn't still feel like this
Mitch: you don't know how bad it got ... in my head

David: Babe

Mitch: sorry if im slow ... airport wifi sucks and i cracked my phone screen.. gotta get a new one when we land

David: how did you even..
David: you know what, it's okay
David: spoil yourself, get a phone and something cute

Mitch: i want to stop crying david
Mitch: i want to smile again and be excited about shopping and boys and life...
Mitch: i dont know how

David: I wish I was already with you

Mitch: me too

David: just a week babe, just a week. That's all you gotta wait and then I'm going to hug you so damn tight

Mitch: we're boarding now so i have to go
Mitch: can you

David: yes?? whatever you need yes

Mitch: i called scott last night like an idiot and he called back and he sounded worried on the voicemail...

Those voicemails... hearing his voice again, especially when it was laced with worry and urgency... was like rubbing salt into an open wound. I know he still cares, I'm not that stupid, but it only makes the longing worse. I hate that I made him feel that way, but what's done is done. All I can do now is try to make it right, even if I'm not strong enough to do it myself.

Mitch: i can't call him
Mitch: I tried to text him but i just don't know what to say
Mitch: I dont want him to worry
Mitch: but I'm alright

David: oh
David: uh
David: yes of course
David: I will talk to him.. or Connor who will tell him.. you know what I mean

Mitch: ty

~

Being back home again isn't as comforting as I thought it would be. I'd been back a couple of times since I walked away from Scott, but it was only for a couple of nights and we were so busy that I didn't really have time to spend at my house other than when I was sleeping. Now I have all the time in the world and it just feels odd.

Troye is in the studio all week so i'm off the hook until the weekend, but I almost wish I had a million things to do. I got a new phone, unpacked and washed and put away all of my clothes from tour, but then there's nothing left, except the things I've been trying to put off.

All of the gifts from my birthday party in New York that couldn't make it in my suitcase are piled up in the boxes that were shipped here. There's other mail, bills I've already paid online, junk mail... but when I see envelopes from Esther and Kirstie and even a couple of boxes from Candice, I don't know that I want to see what they've decided to send. Then there's the birthday present I bought for Scott, but knew I couldn't send. (I did send him something, I'm not that much of a douchey friend especially after what he did for me, but this... I knew it was a mistake when I bought it.)

It's all just too much.

I try to put it off again, but even just trying to relax and unwind feels off.

You would think it would be easier being in a place that Scott never even set foot in, but there are memories everywhere. There's so many pictures around that I want to rip off of walls or shelves, but I can't. Those are memories and people and friends I don't want to lose or forget, moments of a life I wish I could find again.

I keep looking at the bracelet, wondering if I'll ever have the strength to take it off, but I'm not sure that I will. Maybe David will or if not I'm sure Ava will when she visits next month (that is if she doesn't panic when she finds out about my breakdown and fly out here immediately). I don't know what I need, but I know I need something to change.

After I wake up for the third time that night, I know I'm not getting back to sleep.

Jetlag is awful and stress exhaustion is even worse. I don't know how my brain hasn't just imploded from all the shít I've put it through.

As I wander around, I realize that this place, as beautiful as it is, just doesn't feel like home the way it did when I first moved in. I'm not really sure how to fix that, but I guess it's another one of those things only time can remedy. *sigh*

It's about 2:30AM when I end up back at the pile of boxes and I'm hoping I'm just tired and drained enough to be able to handle this.

It goes by rather quickly, as most of it is non-sentimental  but I get to the tour box again and I can't help myself when I pull on the shirt and take a selfie or two in it to send to kirstie and the girls. I flip through the program again, but then I realize I never read the 2 page novel scott wrote in the back.

I don't know what possesses me to start reading it now, but before I know it I'm in tears again. He's always been sweet and the entire message is filled with bits and pieces of his heart. He's so ridiculously good to me, his words always positive and kind even when he knew I was leaving him.

I close the book, setting it aside as I wipe away my tears, taking a deep breath before I move on.

Candice, bless her, has sent me loads of designer clothing... and even though my heart should be dancing, I'm still barely able to get excited.

I unpack it all and put it away and come back to finish the mail sorting.

There's letters from some of the crew... and Kirstie even sent tickets and passes to Scott's LA show, but I wasn't home... (which may or may not have been purposeful on my part)

Soon it's all sorted, cardboard out with the recycling and the junk mail shredded.

All that's left is a brightly wrapped box, the tag simply marked 'For Scott' .

It would be silly to throw it away. I mean it was not cheap, but I can't give it to Scott. It was the dumbest decision ever to buy it, but at the time it seemed perfect. Inside that little box is a white gold version of the same bracelet that is keeping me chained in my own personal hell.

It was so soon after I left... and I just wanted to feel connected to him. Of course I regretted it only minutes after wrapping it and an alternate present was acquired.

Now I'm not sure what to do with it.

Maybe I'll give it to Ava.

Yes.

At least then it won't go to waste.

I put it on a shelf, somewhere I'll see it so I won't forget to give it to her.

I climb back into bed, hoping for sleep, but expecting nothing but another restless night.

~~~

"Hi."

I really didn't want to answer when I saw her name pop up on my screen, the thought of rehashing the same thing over again seeming extra daunting, but of course, I did.

"Hey! Everything okay? Sorry, I just got your voicemails and calls."

I got barely any sleep and the coffee hasn't kicked in yet, but I'm getting there. "I'm ok."

"Mitch, what's wrong?" What isn't wrong...

"i just freaked out a little . I'm ok now."

"That didn't sound like a little freakout hon. I couldn't even decipher what that voicemail even was you were crying so much."

That's because that's all i was doing... crying. Well crying and panicking... does panicking have a sound?

"I just thought I was ready. i went on a couple of dates with Troye's friend ... but..."

"...but you weren't. That's okay, Mitch. You can't rush getting over someone. You love him, it's not just gonna go away in a day unfortunately."

"it's been 6 months, Ava... he wasn't even my boyfriend... i'm not getting better. I tried to call him but... he didn't answer and i got freaked out and i kept seeing the stupid bracelet he gave me and ...whatever its over. I made an appointment with a therapist for next week"

"God Mitch. It was that bad? I'm so sorry I wasn't there. Logan took me to the boonies with no service. I didn't even know you called until I got back just now. Honey, I know you want this to be over and done with , but it's not that easy. He may not have been your boyfriend but for four plus years your life revolved around him ya know? Before you were even working for him you adored him with every fiber of your being. A lot changed when you walked away. Not only him, but your daily life. It's a lot to deal with all at once."

"Will you take it off for me when you get here? i can't do it myself. i tried. Troye won't and i doubt david will when he gets here... I think i need to let it go."

"I will fly out there tonight to take it off if you want me too. You really want to take it off?"

"No... because then it will really be over.. but it was never anything to begin with. if i don't i'll never move forward."

"You guys may not have had an 'official' title, but you were something. If you really think taking it off will help you then of course we'll do it."

"i know it will hurt him but maybe it's better he hate me than miss me y'know? I don't even know what i'm saying anymore I'm just ... lost i guess but i'll figure it out"

"He literally could never hate you. He may be sad, but honestly, if he knew that this is what you needed to feel better and move on and find happiness, then he would be okay with it."

"i guess..."

"I know you feel lost right now, but it's kind of expected, again, after 4 years of doing everything and anything with him. You gotta figure yourself out now, Just you, not you and Scott."

"I know. I gotta go , the postmates guy is here."

"I'm sorry I missed your call. You know if you need me I will figure out a way to be there for you. I love you. I promise things will turn around soon."

"i know .. love you too"

Now to eat my feelings.

~~~

David: this is the longest flight of my liifffffeeeee

Mitch: make the plane go fastttttteeerrrrrrrr

David: Bitch if i was the pilot we'd be there already
David: It feels like I've been on this plane FOREVER

David: what day is it. What year. Who am I

Mitch: I'm getting antsyyyyyy

David: You?? What about meee you already saw me in person
David: Its the first time I'm meeting the pretty Mitch grassiii

Mitch: yeah but i couldn't HUG you
Mitch: technically you saw ME in person too
Mitch: you just didn't talk to me because you didn't know it was ME
Mitch: I mean you knew I was Mitch but...

David: While you were checking me out

Mitch: well when you gotta ass like that....
Mitch: <<<human with working vision

David: Ooooh flirt with me, fuel my ego yassss

Mitch: get your ass here and i will shower you with comments
Mitch: or shower with you whatever
Mitch: connor might murder me but y'know

David: Stop sexting with me or i'll take you up on that offer
David: or take you

Mitch: HURRRRYYYYYY
Mitch: i'm flapping my arms like wings and people are looking at me funny

David: Lmao i can't wait to hug you this feels so unreal
David: MAYBE WE'RE ABOUT TO LAND
David: Do you hear the people sinnnngggg
David: It is the music of a guy who's damn sick of this plannnee

Mitch: wheeeereeee are you hurrrrryyyy
Mitch: *SUPERFROWN*
Mitch: you've taken so long one of scott's fans found me and asked for a selfie
Mitch: I'm angry

David: Okay okay we're about to land gotta turn this off
David: Keep your pants onnn
David: You can take them off when we're alone *wink wink*

Mitch: then fücking HURRY :-P

David: See you SOON ACTUAL SOON

Mitch: bitch!

~~

Soon is not soon at ALL! Why is everything so slow at airports. IT'S ANNOYING!

I'm still in a very very weird place mentally, but that doesn't mean I'm not excited to see David. He's the silver lining in my shít hole of a life.

Dammit where is he?!??

Wait... is that... yessss. I give him my sexiest smirk, eyebrow cocked perfectly. He looks around, a tiny frown on his face as he's obviously blind and misses me on his first sweep through the crowd.

Finally he spots me and he's moving through the crowd like a man on a mission, much to the chagrin of the elderly woman he nearly barrels over. I can't hold my smirk and I break out into a giant smile as he drops his suitcase to lift me up and spin me in a circle. I can't stop the giggles but when my feet are on the ground I hold tight to him for just a moment, reminding myself that I'm no longer alone.

He obviously understands and just squeezes me tighter.

"Oh my god i can't believe this is real. I'm here and you're here!!!"

I snort a bit and step back to release him. He's practically hopping from foot to foot he's so excited.

"It took you long enough. Bitch, i've been waiting for hours..."

The diva rolls his eyes. "Well excuse me if Italy is on another continent and I had to fly for thirteen hours. It's not like I had fun. But I'm here now." He strikes a ridiculous pose and I'm laughing again. "You can admire me all you want now. Go on. Love me."

It's so ridiculous but for some reason i'm pulled right back down into my pit of despair. (That's it's official name now. Trademark it)

He seems surprised when I hug him again, maybe a bit desperately... but he hugs me back, holding me tight just like I need. 

"I'm glad to be here too." He gives me another minute or so before he pulls away and links his arm in mine. "Come on. Show me around and let's find some fancy place so I can buy you lunch. Everyone needs to see me hanging around with such a hottie."

If I could roll my eyes any harder I would, but the smile is back on my lips. "Bitch I make more money than you ... lunch is on me... maybe even literally."

I give him an exaggerated wink and turn towards the door.

"Ooooh I like how you think. Lead the way thennnn"

A little squeal escapes me and my mouth hangs open just a bit when he smacks me square on the ɑss with a shít eating grin on his face.

I honestly could not appreciate him more.

~~~

Video shoots are strange. I never realized that Scott's were always so big budget and so involved that they just took FOR.EV.ER.  We just finished wrapping on Troye's latest video in one night and though it's like 11am after an all night shoot, I know I still won't sleep.

Too much has been happening.

I guess that's just me in a nutshell.

The truth is, I know Scott's going back to LA today. His last show was last night and it's ALL David has been able to talk about. I told him he wasn't allowed to have sex in my house until I did at least once, but 1. That isn't happening anytime soon... and 2. Connor is not that kinda guy.

So I'm really not all that worried.

What I AM worried about is tomorrow... when it's MY turn to head back to LA.

Jesus, how is this still so fücking hard.

I shower to try and clear my head and change into some lounge pants. I'm about to reach for a shirt when my phone starts ringing.

I almost groan when I see that it's Tyler. He honestly never has good news. Not that it's bad, but it never puts me in a good mood...let's just put it that way. 

"Hello?"

"Well Good Morning, Starshine. Checked your email lately or are you just ignoring me on purpose.."

Shít.

"Sorry, I've been a little busy. Is there something so important and pressing that it needed a personal phone call?"

"Mitchell, my dearest darling, you could at least pretend to be a little happier to hear from me."

"Sorry, just got in from an all night video shoot, excuse my lack of cordiality."

"I guess I'll just pull off the bandaid then..."

Jesus, what now.

"Scott wants you back as his assistant."

"WHAT!?" I almost choke on the sip of water I was drinking and instead it slips through my hands to the floor. It takes a second to realize the mess I've made and I hurry to the bathroom to grab a towel. 

"Look, I don't know what kind of magic you're packing between your legs, but you're basically his drug of choice. I haven't heard him this stubborn since the last time he demanded you back."

This can't be happening. I'm in the fucking TWILIGHT ZONE.  I have to be having a nightmare. 

But if this is real? I'm going to end up right back where I was. How can he do this to me? Why wouldn't he at least talk to me first?!

I'm going to panic. I'm going to freak out I can feel it coming.

"I... I can't."

"Babe, I don't know what you two have going on, but Scott's pretty stuck on you and only you. Sony is willing to negotiate salary etcetera but they aren't going to let you just stay with Troye when their biggest player is pretty much putting his foot down."

"Ty, I can't. I can't do it." 

"I can get you your old salary and probably more if you wanna play hardball, but don't play too hard, boo. I'll give you some time to think about it, ok? Call me when you're done having whatever meltdown you're going to have."

My brain is already shutting down and I can't figure out what I'm even supposed to be doing. 

"Fine."

I hang up and try to get my thoughts together as I finish cleaning up the water bottle mess and put the towel back in the bathroom. 

What am I going to do? This really can't be happening.

What about Troye? And Connor? It's going to be so fücking weird now. I just bought a house I can't just leave Sony now! Granted, being the PA to Scott Hoying for four years surely gives me some experience to jump labels, but could I do that?

What do I do now?

I feel like I'm in a nightmare, but I know I'm not. I'm an odd mix of shocked, panicked and angry as hell! How dare he! 

I've been killing myself for the past 6 months to try and get over him and he thinks he has the right to drag me back kicking and screaming!?

I have the urge to call him, but he's probably on a plane and what would I say?

Right now all I wanna do is yell at him, but also hug him, and also... murder him for doing all of this to me.

I don't know what I want.

My therapy appointment isn't until next week. How can I wait until then now that all of THIS is happening.

I look at my phone and scroll to Scott's contact.

I feel upset, confused... a little hurt that he made this decision without asking or even WARNING me.

I sit on the end of the bed, running my fingers through towel dried hair when I finally just say fück it and text him.

Mitch: Just got off the phone with Tyler. You should have talked to me

I don't know what to think, but when I get an answer almost immediately I'm even more confused than before.

Scott: I'm going to. Right now.

I start typing out a response but a knock on my door startles me, and I grab my chest and take a deep breath.

I'm expecting Troye, but that is definitely NOT who I find on the other side of that door... that is unless Troye has suddenly become a 6'3" blonde, blue eyed perfect specimen of a man.

What the hell!? How....? WHY? He... but... i need to sit down...but not fall down.  Ok just don't move at all.  I need to sit down.

Ok, maybe I AM in a nightmare. Maybe I just went so long without sleep that I passed out without even realizing it.

It might be a nightmare, but damn he looks like a fücking dream. And of COURSE he has the audacity to be dressed impeccably, hair perfect, face perfect... all the perfect... while I'm lacking a shirt and I don't even want to know what my hair looks like... FÜCK YOU KARMA! WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS!?

He could at least PRETEND to be nervous or awkward or SOMETHING... but noooOOOOOoo he has to be all mr relaxed and chill while I'm inwardly HAVING A FÜCKING MELTDOWN OF APOCALYPTIC PROPORTIONS!!!!!! ALARMS ARE SOUNDING - SIRENS ARE BLAZING - THE EMOTIONS ARE RUNNING IN FÜCKING CIRCLES AND INTO EACH OTHER AND SCREAMING AND FLINGING THEMSELVES ON THE GROUND!!!

THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I REPEAT THIS IS NOT.A.DRILL!!!!

I'm gonna have a heart attack, I swear! At least I'll die young... and pretty.

"Can I come in?"

STUPID.FÜCKING.BLUE.EYES.I.FÜCKING.HATE.HIM.SO.MUCH.IT'S.NOT.FÜCKING.FAIR!

I have no clue what to do or say so I just nod and stand aside as he walks in and takes the door to close it behind him.

"What are you doing he-"

My breath catches and I swallow the sudden lump in my throat as he steps forward into my space. I'm not even remotely used to this anymore and it's like suddenly being doused with cold water as he lifts a hand to my cheek. I actually flinch a bit which feels so foreign I almost apologize for the involuntary response. He doesn't seem the least bit deterred.

"You almost scared me to death ... do you realize that?"

My breakdown. Going straight for the heavy hitting convo. He couldn't have started with a ... hey or how are you or... anything that isn't this to ease me into it.  Of course not.  I look at the floor, ashamed of my weaknesses, but this isn't FÜCKING HELPING!

"I'm sorry."

"You have no idea what that felt like... I heard you screaming and crying in my voicemail and... I couldn't get to you." He's staring right at me, and though I'm trying to focus on anything but him, I can feel his gaze and every time i manage to look away, I'm always drawn right back to him. It's those eyes... they're magic I tell you. "I called over and over and you wouldn't answer to just... at least tell me you were ok. I almost lost it. Mitch, I was so fücking scared. I didn't know what was happening and I don't know what I would have done if something had happened to you."

He lifts his other hand, holding my face as he steps forward. I'm going to short circuit. I can already feel my mind bracing for impact. Jesus, he smells like all of my best dreams and memories and I feel so lost in it.

"Why were you calling me? What happened?"

"I ... I don't know." Yes I do, but I can't tell YOU that.

"Mitchy..."

My knees go a little weak at the nickname, but it's not just that... it's the way he says it with such fondness and familiarity. After all this time...

"Come back to me."

I swear my heart stops beating. How can one man manipulate someone the way he does me? How can I be expected to resist those soft words? No wonder I'm so fücked up.

"I want to ... so much... but-" I want to cry, but I can't. It's like everything inside of me is frozen in time, waiting for the ax to fall.

He shifts, his hands sliding from my face to rest on my hips, stepping closer until his cheek is next to mine. and I am pretty sure I can hear my blood rushing through my veins. He nuzzles his nose into the side of my face, something i used to love so,so much, but the breath on my ear is something new... and when he whispers the next words into my ear, I know it's deliberate and it sends shivers down my spine.

"You have to know that you're my everything, Mitchy. I'm useless without you. Come back to me." I feel almost weightless and I have to hold onto his elbows to remain upright. Now I KNOW i'm dreaming. There's no way this is real.

"Scott..." Why am I so fücking breathy all of a sudden?

It doesn't even matter, because he pulls back just a little to look me in the eyes... and then he smiles that perfect smile and I know I'm completely done for. I'll give him whatever the fück he wants. If he wants me to rip my kidney out of my body with my bare hands and hand it to him then I'll do it.

But he doesn't ask me for anything, and certainly doesn't ask permission before he sends my heart down the biggest drop of the biggest rollercoaster EVER.

I'm 100% not awake. There's no fücking way. It's too amazing and ok yeah ...there's a mouth ... and him... and ... he's kissing me so -

**PAUSE WHILE LOADING MENTAL PROCESSING**

Ok... that happened. Hot damn that happened. Inhale. Exhale.

Ok more of that please. Yes. Mmmk, breathing is preferable... i should do that. But... Scott and his lips and yes....his tongue...

HANDS ... hands in new places... !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, two can play that game.

Mmmmm    MMhmmmm

Am I sleeping or am I just dead? Is this my heaven? I mean I can get on board with it either way. As long as he keeps doing ... that. I don't want to even think about what I sound like.

Alrighty... I think I can do this and think at the same time. Let's see. My arms are wrapped around him, touching pretty much whatever I can reach, and he's doing basically the same but also holding me as if he's afraid I'll run away. Like hell!

I'm... Jesus this is...

All the happy... all of it.

1 sec... brain= buffering.

Oh hey there's a wall and jesus how is he so good at this. Who needs to breathe? I think I can learn to live without it.

Ooo... OOOH ..ok ... FÜCK his lips are amazing.

Happy. Me. Yes!

I'm gonna just...

alright I lied I can't think and do this at the same time. BRB! (Sorry not sorry)

~~~

"Scooootttt" I whine and squirm a bit as he attacks my neck again. I don't have to see it to know he's practically written his name with his mouth across my neck and collar. I mean, I'm not gonna complain, but I think if I show up with him at an airport looking like a spotted jungle cat then people will talk... and I didn't bring a turtleneck.

I can feel his grin against my skin and the two quick presses of lips traveling up my throat makes me giggle.

When he hovers over me, smiling down at me like the angel he is, I honestly feel like I have to be dreaming. There's no way that this man could ever look at me like that... just blatant love and happiness. It's so much more than I deserve. My cheeks ache from smiling and I feel a bit like I'm floating. It's strange and yet familiar to be this close, but this time there's nothing between us at all... and as vulnerable as I feel, I'm ok with it.

"Sorry, can't help myself."

He presses another long kiss to my lips and I briefly wonder if I've found the best way to get the full Kylie Jenner lip, because I'm sure mine are swollen and flushed.

He pauses to kiss my dimple before he pulls away and then he shifts to can prop on his elbow so he can cup my face in his hand, thumb sliding over my cheek.

I get lost in his eyes, the silence like a comfy blanket, and when he breaks it, I have to blink a couple of times to snap out of my happy little bubble.

"Mitchy... you're the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love you... so fücking much."

Wait.

Wait No. 

This isn't real. It's not. There's no way. I can't-

"Mitch"

I push him off of me and scramble from the bed, grabbing my pants and nearly falling as I try to put them on.

"This isn't real. I'm dreaming and you're not really here and this isn't-"

I pace, unsure of what to do, but I know I can't let myself believe this is real because the moment that reality crashes down on me... it would kill me.

"Mitchy... Stop! MITCH!" He's on his feet, grabbing me by the shoulders and I feel a bit dazed as I stare up at him. "I am so fücking sorry for what I put you through. I swear I never meant to hurt you like this. But I'm here now. This is real... and I'm real. I love you. I love you so much and I hate that I made you feel like this. I'm an idiot but you've always known that."

Real. He's real and he... he loves me.

"I.. I love you too."

He smiles, an arm snaking around my waist to pull me against him and the other hand sliding to the back of my neck as he kisses me like there's no tomorrow.

I just cling to those perfect arms to keep from falling. After another pretty intense makeout session (we're getting really good at those) I lay my head on his chest and he wraps his arms around me.

The lack of sleep is finally beginning to catch up with me and I can feel the energy seeping out of me.

"Why now?"

He kisses the top of my head and backs away from me. "C'mon. Come cuddle and I'll tell you anything you want to know."

I'm hyper aware of the fact that he's standing there looking like a Greek god in my hotel room, not bothered by his nudity in the least. (Neither am I if I'm honest. Shocker, right?)

He sits on the end of the bed, reaching out to pull me closer to stand between his legs. He kisses my stomach and chest, arms wrapped around me and while it feels like heaven, I'm not sure I have enough energy for another round of exploration.

I lazily slide my fingers over his head, my eyelids already heavy.

He looks up at me and it's the cutest but also sexiest damn thing. I swear to God he's the biggest conundrum that ever was.

"C'mon sleepy head. Let's get comfy." He lets me go and climbs up in the bed and lets me tuck into his side, my head on his chest. It's amazing.

I look up at him, but I know I'm having trouble keeping my eyes open. He chuckles and I love the way it rumbles through his chest. "Go to sleep, babe. We can talk more when you wake up."

"Don't wanna wake up... this is the best dream I've ever had."

"I'm not going anywhere... and I'm never ever letting you go again. You're stuck with me."

"Promise?"

He looks me right in the eyes and I feel his fingertips lightly caressing my skin.... "Promise."

I snuggle in and get comfy and it isn't long before I can feel myself on the edge of sleep.

"I love you Mitchy. Sweet dreams."

Please don't let me wake up.