My fairy tale is almost over and I'm endlessly sad about it. We leave for home tomorrow morning and I just wish I could rewind back to the first day we were here and relive it all again.

Alright, the truth is... I wish I could rewind because Scott has been acting weird for the past 3 days and I'm not sure how to deal with it. It was like someone hit a switch and suddenly he changed... at least when it comes to me. It's awful. I can't keep up with his moods and any hope of telling him how I feel has flown out the window.

Let me back up a little. 

So remember I told you we were going on a touristy drive to go sightseeing? Well, we did and it was amazing. We had the best time. I took some amazing pictures and saw some of the most beautiful scenery you could imagine. We talked and laughed and sang and were just us. For those few hours he wasn't an international superstar and I wasn't his awkward assistant... we were just Scott and Mitch. I was happy and he was almost abnormally clingy and I knew it was time to tell him. I resolved that that night would be the night no excuses.

Everything was still perfectly fine when we got back from our trip. We chatted about our day and while he showered I uploaded some of my pics to my laptop. He even reminded me that we were on a time schedule when it was my turn in the bathroom, but he did it with a joking smile as per usual.

I don't know what happened while I was in the shower, but in that short time everything changed. He was like a different person.

He apologized about the dinner cruise we were supposed to go on but said he wasn't feeling good and told me if I wanted to go by myself I could. Where's the fun in that? I asked if he needed any meds or anything but he declined. I went and got us both dinner and brought it back, but by the time I made it back to the lodge he was gone. He left a note that he needed some air so he went for a walk.

I should have known something wasn't right. He can barely turn around without notifying me first, especially when we're in a strange place.

I ate dinner by myself and wondered if he was alright. He didn't come back until late that night, but he went straight to bed with barely a word. I tried to ask him what was wrong but he just claimed it was a migraine. He forgets how well I know him... and I know how he acts when he's having a migraine and that was not it.

He said he still wasn't feeling great the next day so I ventured out on my own. I needed time to think anyway. I made a few friends in the cutest cafe and I spent some time alone in a museum wandering around, but without him... it just wasn't the same.

I came back fairly early and things seemed to be back to normal for awhile. He smiled and joked with me and I really thought things were going to be okay again. We went whale watching a little later in the day and things seemed to be back on track and I began to relax again. He even cuddled with me when I got cold on the boat and we talked about how scary and cool the ocean is. I wanted to tell him while we were out there, but we weren't alone and he still seemed a little distant. Regardless, I knew it wasn't the right time.

When we got back he got weird again and my heart sank back into my stomach. I tried to ask him about it, but he got unusually defensive, and when I pushed even a little he yelled at me. That's when I knew things were really wrong... so I just let him be. He was in the living room for most of the night doing God knows what. I was up most of the night with a brain that wouldn't shut down and a heart that was breaking.

I wanted to bug Ava about it but she had school stuff to worry about and I was probably overreacting anyway. Instead I just read some scomiche fic, updated some of my social media accounts and moped.

I talked to David about it, well about Lance & 'roomie', and he was insistent that I still tell him because I was probably reading the situation wrong. It was right about that time Scott came into the room to grab something from his suitcase, and asked who I was talking to. It was odd, he wasn't usually that nosy, but I told him it was David and he awkwardly nodded then went on his way back to the living room. Something told me that Scott was not in any mood to hear any declarations of love.

He was still awake when I finally managed to fall asleep.

He's been hot and cold ever since and I'm pretty sure I've finally figured out why.

When we're in public he's fine. He's still goofy and sweet and holds open doors and everything. It's when we're alone that things fall apart. He must have finally figured out that I have feelings for him. He must know and is trying to distance himself in the most awkward of ways. I don't like it, but it is what it is. He's trying to discourage my feelings but hold on to me as a friend.

Message received.

Anyway.. I talked to Jonathan, Scott's manager, about possibly leaving Scott but wanting to stay within the company. It was just conversation between friends as he'd called to let me know about some upcoming promo when we got back to LA, but he must have taken it back to Sony because I got an email this morning about the possibility of being reassigned to a new up and coming singer they had just signed but were very excited about. It would be a pretty substantial pay cut and there was no guarantee this guy would last, but the opportunity was available should I want to take advantage. The only real plus would be the second part of this new position... I'd double as this guys tour manager. I helped Esther out enough to know the ins and outs like the back of my hand and it would actually be a pretty good opportunity if I wanted to move up, even if it seemed like I'd be moving backwards.

I don't know what to do, but I guess I should talk to Scott about it... if he'll even talk to me right now.

*sigh*

He's out getting food and will be back any minute. It's time to face reality.

It's time to put my inner fangirl and also my heart up on a shelf. It's time to man up.

Wish me luck!?

----

"Did I get you the wrong thing?" He's watching me, already half way through his burger while I've barely touched my food. Instead I just stare at it like it can tell me all the answers I've been searching for.

"No. No it's good. Really good." I force myself to take another bite, but the awkward tension is practically suffocating me.

He's nearly done eating when I finally push myself to speak. It's more of a whisper than anything, but I'm pretty proud of myself regardless.

"Are you ever going to tell me why you're mad at me?"

I already know the answer. He isn't mad but it still sorta feels that way.

"What? I'm not mad at you." I still can't figure out his expression. I can tell he's having trouble even looking at me and I know what must be done.

"I need to talk to you about something." I want to look away, afraid of what he'll say, but his awkwardness is giving me the push I need to say what I need to say.

"Ok?" He puts his burger down and wipes his hands and does his best to look at me, but I think my staring makes him uncomfortable and instead he looks at my hands that are clenched together on the table.

It's now or never.

"Scott, I.." I take a deep breath and let it out slowly and remind myself this is for the best. "Sony ... wants to reassign me to another artist." Ok, so that's a little bit of a fib, but what else can I say? I'm madly in love with you and you don't feel the same so I have to run far far away before I end up alone and broken forever??

He looks stunned and blinks a few times before he shakes his head. "No. No, I won't let them. They can't." 

He pulls out his phone, already preparing to make some calls but I reach out to take his wrist and stop him.

"Scott-"

"You told them no, right? I mean, they can't make you." 

He looks a little panicked and I don't know how I've managed to keep my emotions under wraps, but they're locked up pretty tight this time.

"I told them I'd think about it."

He rips his wrist outta my hand and looks like I've just offended him on a deeply personal level, but the expression only lasts a moment before it slides into sadness. "You.. you want to leave me?"

I want to cry, I want to cling to him for dear life and swear I'll never ever leave him, but I can hear Ava's voice in my mind. You deserve to be the happiest, Mitchy. You deserve a boyfriend and the promise of a future. Maybe you have to go out and look for that happiness somewhere else.

He obviously doesn't love me the same way I love him and, while our friendship is endlessly important to me, I deserve to find happiness and I know I can't do that if I'm too busy being in love with Scott. It's time to accept what I can't change.

"No. You know I don't... but-"

"But what? Is this because I yelled at you the other night? I'm really sorry for that. I just... I was just stressing about some things and-"

"No, Scott. It's not anything you did. I swear. I just want to do what's best for both of us."

"Well this isn't it!!!!"

"Babe, I-"

"No. I won't let you." He's leaned back in his chair now, arms crossed over his chest like a petulant child. I know he means well, but he's making this nearly impossible for me. I'm on the verge of tears, but so far I've been able to keep them from falling. I don't want to hurt him but... I don't know what else to do.

"It's a good opportunity for me. I'd double as tour manager for him. It would be good experience-"

"You're seriously thinking about saying yes?? You're really going to leave me right before I start promo for my new album?"

He looks so hurt and I want to backtrack and promise him that i'll be by his side forever, but I just have to remember the last couple of days and my resolve remains in tact.

"I haven't made a decision yet."

He's quiet, chewing on his lip with a frown. "I need some air." He's up and grabbing his coat and hat before I can stop him and I know he's really upset.

I manage to hold in my tears until I hear the door slam and then the dam crumbles and it all comes rushing out.

How can this be the right decision when it hurts this much.

--

Mitch: I did it

Ava: did what?

Mitch: I told him

Ava: you told him you love him or that you're leaving him?

Mitch: that I'm thinking about leaving him.

Mitch: he walked out

Ava: he didn't say anything?!

Mitch: he said plenty... I don't know whats going to happen
Mitch: he tried to tell me he wouldn't let me go... but I told him it was my choice

Ava: he can't stop you from leaving. I'm really proud of you for standing up for yourself, I know it's hard on you.
Ava: he probably just needs time to cool off and process it. It'll be okay

Mitch: Yeah. i'm going to go cry myself to sleep. ill ttyl  

Ava: love you. Call if you need me