•Chapter thirty one•

My fault.

"His highness said he won't be eating now," the servant nervously stated, peeking at the young queen who was staring blankly at her untouched food. "Please, go ahead and eat, my queen. It's not good to remain hungry--" 

"What was his reason this time?" Mira asked, eyes fixed on nothing in particular. 

"He said he has work." 

"Work..." Mira's hand--resting above her round belly--twitched. "Tell him I'm going to wait until he comes and joins me for breakfast." 

The rushed departure of the servant left her all alone. The only sound in the room was of her own shaky inhales and exhales. Is this how it was supposed to be? She thought, the answer clear in her mind. There was no reason to oppose the fact that this wasn't what she wanted. 

  The thing she wanted was love. 

Not this. 

She couldn't really put to words what she felt when Jungkook did the things that were a part of his normal self now. Was it anger? Frustration? Annoyance at his ignorance and the very little to no care towards her? 

Or was it just guilt? 

Thinking back to the events that took place the past months and before Taehyung left, she wondered the various times she might've done wrong to people around her. 

Keeping aside the harsh things she did to Jungkook by asking him to marry her forcefully or the first night events, there will still many things she did. 

She wasn't lying when she said that she couldn't give birth to a child.

It was all true. The chances of a healthy child being born were too less, and she didn't even care about this since the time she was told about it. 

What she wanted was to just give Jungkook reasons to love her and not anyone else. She saw her dad have so many affairs, stick to so many omegas and leave them even when he was married to her mother. 

It was pretty normal and easy for alpha's to change omegas. 

She thought Jungkook will love her. 

The reason she never hated Taehyung--actually, loved him so much--was because he resembled her own mother in a way because he is the first person Jungkook fell for. Just like her mom never did, Taehyung didn't hold feelings for Jungkook too. 

But she did. 

She did have feelings for Jungkook. Being too used to the ways of her kingdom, she didn't know where she was heading when she didn't refuse the proposal of the marriage even when Jungkook requested her to. 

According to her back then, Jungkook would understand that Taehyung doesn't love him and leave the male omega alone. 

Mira's mother did suffer a lot too, just because she was a queen and couldn't end her relationship with the king and had many responsibilities. Mira had seen her mother cry and cry whenever Daesong brought another omega home. 

It was unbearable, but Mira still wanted to be a queen because she knew that she wouldn't let Jungkook love anyone else and make him stay with her love. 

All of it went wrong. 

Though she did intend to hold Jungkook's child just for bringing him close, she failed to get pregnant with his pups. She made it all worse by going with another alpha to get pregnant after making sure that Taehyung had gone with Jungkook. 

She had convinced herself that it was alright. If Jungkook could be with Taehyung, she could be with another alpha too. 

In any case, she had never thought that she was destroying the lives of not just one or two but the lives of five people, including her own child, Taehyung, Jungkook, their child, and Youngmi.

She held herself responsible for all this, most to the child in her. 

"I gave your message to him, Queen," the servant returned, looking at her with sympathetic eyes. "He didn't say anything in return." 

Mira nodded, eating a few bites of the cold food after refusing the cook servant who wished to warm the food for her again. She didn't have quite an appetite, just had to eat because she had to. 

"Has mom had breakfast?" She asked. 

"N-no," the servant replied while wearily looking at the empty dining room. There wasn't a sign of liveliness left in the palace now, and not many knew what had happened. "Miss Youngmi has been in her room all morning." 

So, Mira decided to just take Youngmi's breakfast to her. Though the woman had also turned cold to her--blaming her for the disappearance of the source of life, Taehyung, on her--she did still do everything to take care of her. 

It took her a few months to understand how this place works. 

Including the fact that alphas aren't just sweet and soft but also more loyal than anyone could be. 

And she didn't need proof of that because all she had to do was look at Jungkook and know why they say such a thing about Atlas' alphas. While it tore her heart apart to conclude this, Jungkook did just love Taehyung immensely. 

Jungkook couldn't be a perfect father for not loving the child in her even after being told that he is the parent of it, but he was a loyal lover to stick to loving Taehyung. 

It made bile rise her throat. 

She had lost all her dignity, and thinking back to the hundred times she demanded attention and ordered Jungkook to be with her made her feel so sick. She was ashamed, feeling like she had just disrespected herself more than anyone could ever do to her. 

She walked slowly to Youngmi's room with her arms hugging her stomach. 

It would be a surprise, but she loved the baby in her. She was ready to selfishly let it die or kill it if it was born due to her obsession, but she cannot ever do such a thing now. 

Not for a man who would rudely just spit at that he hated her. Not for a man who gave all his life to avoid her and be ignorant towards her. The only sweet things he did to her weren't even for her but did it as a responsibility towards the child. 

But it's alright.

It should be okay. He was the one she loved, after all.

"Mom?" Mira peeked into the room, finding a lump on the bed, covered by blankets. "I'm coming in."

She dismissed the servant and walked into the room, closing the door behind her after coming in. "Are you awake, mom?"

After a moment, Youngmi replied in a small voice, "Yeah."

"You should eat something. You don't join us in the dining room anymore, but you mustn't miss meals like this."

"Would Taehyung have eaten anything?"

Mira sighed, closing her eyes for a brief moment. Sure, that's what she would be thinking about. Even she would herself would ask these weird questions when doing things because none of them knew where the boy was.

It wasn't that difficult to know. She had spies in other kingdoms to send information about Taehyung's brother; it wasn't half as difficult as that to send a person to find the male omega.

But she didn't want to do it. Her conscience weighed down on her and constantly reminded her that she wasn't supposed to do any more wrong things.

She was suffering enough for a few mistakes she did. She didn't want to feel any more guilt.

"He would have," she said, head ducked down. "You eat, mom. I'm sure Jungkook will take care of him even if he wouldn't go to meet Taehyung." 

It hurt to say those words. 

She wondered which one of them--Taehyung or herself--were suffering more. Sure, Taehyung had gone away from his family and was living in a place probably much less than a palace, but he still had his lover closer to him emotionally. And her? She was slowly going back to feeling the loneliness she felt in her childhood. 

"Jungkook..." She called, heaving out a sigh when Jungkook didn't look away from the dirty brown papers before him. "It's time to sleep. Come on, let's just go to sleep. You can do all this tomorrow." 

She hadn't even received a "no" as a reply back then. Even when she stood in her place and requested for a long time, Jungkook didn't come. 

Things had been better--than now--right after Taehyung had left. Jungkook still talked to her, though coldly, and did hug her to sleep every night just to act like a good father. 

None of that happened now. Hell, Jungkook doesn't stay near her for more than a few minutes now. 

"Do you regret it?" Youngmi's lifeless voice brought her out of her thoughts. "Do you regret forcing an angel-like Jungkook to become like this? H-he couldn't stay away from me, but he doesn't even come to see me nowadays--" 

"I accept I am a major reason for all these problems, but you did mistakes too, mom. He wouldn't be upset at you for things I did now, would he? He doesn't come to you because you were mean to the person he loves." 

The bitter tone of hers didn't stop Youngmi from uttering the next words, "If you knew who he loves, why don't you leave him? You're holding his child, but I can assure you that Taehyung and Jungkook would take good care of it--" 

"Please, stop!" Mira tried to keep it in but couldn't stand it. Right now, she wasn't thinking of how she was asked to leave Jungkook but that she was selfishly asked to give away her child. 

"Would you leave your child for someone's happiness, mom?! How could you say such things--"  

She suddenly gasped, cutting her own words off, and looked at a startled Youngmi with wide eyes. Leave my child for someone's happiness? 

Isn't that what I was forcing Taehyung to do? 

Is--Isn't the pup in me only a sign of my ill deeds and rotten wishes? 

"I-I'm sorry!' Youngmi quickly apologized when she began crying. "I wasn't thinking straight!" 

But Mira wasn't crying due to her insensitive words but the pain she felt thinking back to the things she did. She stormed out and speed-walked to her room,  passing by a few ministers who were here to work. 

They noticed her, stared at her until she vanished, before wondering what they were supposed to do. Of course, they had to be a million times more careful with all their works because it wouldn't have the same effect as before. 

Though hesitant, they did tell the king that his wife had been crying. 

They didn't get a reply to that. Not a single twitch in Jungkook's face, not a little difference in his emotions. 

*-*-*-*

Jungkook stayed in the throne room even after everyone else had left. He was having a small discussion with a few ministers regarding a matter which held a lot of importance, at least for his personal reasons.

"You're keeping an eye on Cyrus?" He asks in a blunt voice, looking up at the military commanders before glancing at them. "They're still not in a vulnerable state?"

"They always have their troops in the border area, so it's difficult to attack suddenly and do a lot of damage without them finding out."

Jungkook sighed, rubbing his temples. "We need to get them down as soon as possible. The king of Cyrus is close to his death now, we have to make sure that we take over his kingdom and make their territory ours before he appoints someone as a king and dies."

I need to clear out all the problems before bringing my omega back, and if I fail to do so, I will forget all about my dignity and leave this place, run away from my responsibilities.

I do not accept living a life without my mate.

"You may leave," He dismissed the commanders with a sigh, staying still on his throne.

He heard the sound of heels clicking against the wooden floor. There was no need to look up; he knew who was here to see him at this hour, long after the working hours were over.

"Why did you fight with mom?" Jungkook didn't seem quite interested, but this was the first time both of them get in a fight. He was neither curious nor excited, just wished to know the reason.

"Will you tell your mom she was wrong if I tell you the reason?" Mira sounded equally frustrated.

Jungkook stood up and adjusted the heavy red robe on his shoulder and stretched his legs a little. "I won't talk to anyone on any matter which is of no importance."

"Your mom and wife fighting is of no importance?" Mira glared at him even though he wasn't looking at her. "Aren't you being too ignorant now? I understand why you ignore me, but why do you need to make me a villain  in your mom's eyes?"

Jungkook made his way down the stairs that led to his throne and stood right before her, glancing at her stomach for just a second with soft warmth in his eyes which disappeared when he looked back at her.

"My mom made Taehyung a villain in the past too."

"So?" Mira scoffed. "Taehyung oppa is very important, I know, but that doesn't give her a right to say such things. Just as I fought for Taehyung back then, I fought for myself too."

"Well, congratulations then." Jungkook began walking past her when she stopped him again, holding his elbow. He narrowed his eyes at her.

"Am I..." Mira started, eyes suddenly turning glossy. "Is me and my child really the cause of all this? W-why do you hate it so much that you turned so cold to all of us?"

The girl watched with pitifully sad eyes, waiting for just any emotion to flicker in the man's dead eyes.

But when she did get an answer, she was hurt all over again instead of feeling comforted.

"An innocent, unborn child cannot ever be wrong, Mira. And I can't ever hate people who did nothing wrong."

So you hate me so much--so much that you look at me with only rage--because I've only done wrong to you?

I know, Jungkook. My ways, behavior, emotions, everything was wrong. But can't you see that I did it just because I needed someone as pure as you.

I never found anyone like you, why can't you understand that I was desperate? Yell at me and scold me for my deeds...

But why hate me? I still love you, Jungkook. I love you so much that I'm numb to pain now, but how am I supposed to see you as the same pure person if you keep stabbing me with your words and actions?

You treat me in a way much worse than a stranger would.

You make me envious of my child too.

How right is that?

Why can't you see that I'm breaking?

Please, stop this now.

"Will you at least sleep with me tonight? I-I feel very lonely when there's no one by my side. I don't wish to cry every night."

She did get a reaction, fortunately. Jungkook turned around and studied her face for a few moments before again glancing at her stomach once.

Whenever he did look at her stomach, he did so with warmth even when he feared the million things that could go wrong just with the birth of the child.

He wasn't lying when he said that he cared for the child. He did. After all, he was told that he was the father, and he would love the child even if it wasn't his.

"I will," he accepted a while later. "I don't want my child to suffer."

Every chance he got now, he made sure to remind her that the things he does was for the child, not her. He had to do so just to make the girl know that he didn't care about her.

Well, he disliked her, didn't wish to respect her anymore too, but did not hate her. The past should never be a reason for you do be bad to anyone, but Mira doesn't even know what's wrong. He didn't wish to hate her.

Maybe, if she does something worse than what she has done until now, he might end up hating her.

But he can never love her.

And she had to know that.

Every stranger that had been good to be will turn out like this. Mira concluded, her heart shattering. If Jungkook started hating me so much, then even the others who I met, who were so good to me, will turn out like him.

Then who will love me?

She was held to sleep that night, with a slight hope that things wouldn't necessarily turn bad and that she still has opportunities to make things right.

But how will she do such a thing?

All she knew was that there was no turning back. She did wrong things until now, but she will continue to try to earn Jungkook's heart by doing the right things.

She had no one except Jungkook and her child. She cannot give up on them.

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