•Chapter nineteen•

I'll stay because you want me to.

Mira woke up with a hiss. She instantly snapped her head to the side when she felt her mate's presence nearby.

Her heart clenched in pain. Her wolf whimpered too, feeling the rejection and harshness when she sees how the alpha had chosen to sleep on the farthermost, the edge, of the bed than being with anyone near her and had kept his back facing her.

She was upset. Wasn't she allowed to be so?

She longed for love and care, to be seen as someone worthy of experiencing the genuine and pure feelings other than anger towards her.

That's all she needed.

That's the things Jungkook had shown her and forced her to live in a unrealistic world where she thought that Jungkook would be there for her.

Love.

She was desperate for it.

She surely couldn't force a person to be with her and love her, but she had already concluded that Jungkook felt for her. 

Why would he stand for her, embrace her, if it wasn't for love? Why would he unconsciously promise to marry her if that wasn't what he unconsciously wanted?

Jungkook was just stuck to his past, and she believed that a time will come when Jungkook will see Taehyung's disinterest and start loving her.

It could not be wrong for her to wish for that.

She wanted to change her entire dusty and dirty past self into someone who could be lovable and charming like Taehyung. She didn't hate Taehyung, not one bit, rather saw him as an inspiration.

He was the only hurdle in her path of getting Jungkook, but he was also a sweet and caring elder brother like person.

She didn't want to steal Jungkook from him because Jungkook didn't even belong to him. Jungkook didn't belong to her either--

That is, yet.

He will be hers soon.

Then why did she feel this burning pain in her heart even when Jungkook had made love to her last night?

It hurt. It constricted her mind until she was left with hundreds of baseless thoughts which clashed, moulded and left with no sense at all. She was thinking a lot of things but couldn't point out to what she really felt.

The only emotion she felt now was negativity.

Refusal. Rejection. Hatred. Abuse.

That was what made her what she is. Her entire childhood, that's all she got. She had often longed for something better, which included anything but this life. Death too was something she used to see as a luxury which she couldn't give herself because she had to prove herself a good daughter by making sure that her dad is proud of her.

She wanted to be loved, even by someone as disgusting as her father.

She wanted to be accepted.

And Jungkook accepted her wholeheartedly by embracing her that night.

But was keeping Jungkook away from his happiness her happiness? Not at all.

That's why she felt disgusted of herself for drugging Jungkook now. 

She was upset when Jungkook didn't do it himself and just forced it upon him.

She was indeed disgusting then. But she would die if her dream doesn't come true and she doesn't get a good life with Jungkook. 

She was clutching on her last hope and no cell of her body was ready to let go of Jungkook like the person falling from a cliff but holding onto the edge and forcing himself to continue holding with every bit in them.

She will never let go.

No.

She can't.

That's all she wishes for.

"Alpha," she called softly, her lowers burning in pain so not able to get up. It pained her because she lost her virginity in such a harsh way, but it was only because of the drug and not Jungkook himself.

Jungkook stirred and got up, looking around to look at Mira before sighing and standing up.

"I'll send medicine. Drink them, and stay here if you want to rest."

He didn't seem interested in taking care of her. 

He was doing it. 

"N-no," she declines, forcing herself to get up and sit up, ignoring a pained cry that she wished to let out when deep and sharp pain spread her. 

She didn't want Jungkook to see her and feel guilty.

He hadn't done anything to feel guilty.

"I'm o-okay." But an unconscious whimper left her lips before she can stop it.

Jungkook looked looked at her with concern--being just too sweet to ignore her pain even after what she did to him-- but held no love. 

She misunderstood his sweetness again, yet again, like a fool who kept seeing the things in the way they want to without seeing the reality.

"Stay here," Jungkook said, biting his lip. He was upset at last night's event, but it wasn't right to leave her like this. 

He wouldn't let this happen again though. 

He wasn't letting her rule around like he was nothing.

"I'll bring you some medicine. Don't get up from bed, just rest for today."

She had to listen. The pain was just too much for her to do anything. When the maids came to give her the medicine, she was slightly disappointed that Jungkook hadn't come.

She let it slide. It was a sure thing that she wasn't going to get everything she needed.

When she asked the maid where her husband was, the maid replied saying that the king had gone to the breakfast table after ordering to bring her food to her.

So I won't be able to eat breakfast with him? She didn't like the thought of it. She forced herself up and managed to walk to the dinner hall with the help of the maid.

She frowned when she saw the other two members of the royal family being tensed and scared.

"What's wrong?" She asks, frown only deepening when she notices that Jungkook was in the worse state than Youngmi.

"That's boy is lost," someone she didn't know replied.

"Taehyung?" She asks, feeling suddenly anxious. Did he run away?

Oh lord, there was no need for that! Doesn't he know that he could put his life by going away from Jungkook?

I was doing things to get him rid of the bond anyway! There was no need for him to run away!

If... If Taehyung doesn't come back, Jungkook would hate me more and blame me for all this. Moreover, none of the things I planned can come true without him here.

"King?" She calls, but Jungkook ignored her and continued speaking to the palace guards desperately, trying to get out information from them about when and how Taehyung left.

"King Jungkook?"

"Keep quiet for a while!" Jungkook was just too desperate to keep calm. Mira tried not to seem scared because the ministers would get the wrong idea about Jungkook and consider him being harsh and rude to her.

"Why are you still here?" She asks. "Why won't you go and search for Taehyung?"

"I don't fucking know where he is!" Jungkook pulled his hair in frustration. Youngmi stepped in and tried to calm him down before he gets harsher and ruder, knowing well how her son becomes when he loses his mind.

"He's gone out like this many times, son. You don't need to worry about it--"

"More than me, it should be you who should worry about him," Jungkook growled. "Don't lie and say he's gone out at nights and not come back before dawn because that's never happened."

Youngmi huffed in irritation.

"That baby's always been mischievous."

Everyone and everything was getting to Jungkook's nerves now. He couldn't stand how no one actually cared for the lost omega. Some of the servants were just continuing to to their work while the ministers are food like nothing ever happened.

They weren't expected to treat Taehyung like he mattered so it was alright, but Taehyung's family--which was Youngmi-- didn't bother much too.

Mira was only acting to be worried, and Jungkook could see that. 

Youngmi was rather worried of Jungkook's state than Taehyung's disappearance.

Jungkook was just so fucking sad because he could see why Taehyung kept losing his mind and doing irrational things. Who would not get upset when not having anyone by their side?

Was it just Yoongi who cared for Taehyung? Why... Why did they not understand how serious this matter is?

After a while of talking to the guards, Jungkook decided to just go ahead and search for Taehyung.

"Be careful," Mira said, but before Jungkook could tell anything to her, Youngmi was suddenly sighing deeply in relief, pointing at something, or rather someone who had just entered through the entrance gates.

"Look!" She exclaimed. "Taehyung is here! I told you... I told you he will be alright!"

She shook her head, smiling widely. Mira and Jungkook watched as Taehyung stormed away upstairs, not realising that they were standing about just three meters away.

He was walking with a limp, and Jungkook seemed to be the first--or maybe, the only one--who noticed that. He wanted to go to Taehyung and speak to him right that instant.

"He looks hurt..." Jungkook muttered to himself, under his breath. "Where had be been?"

However, Mira and Youngmi had seemed to move on from the matter already. Youngmi looked rather very relieved as Jungkook had scared her by telling her that something wrong must've happened to Taehyung.

Now that Taehyung was back home safe, she had to tell Jungkook that he had behaved wrongly a while ago.

"See Jungkook, I know you're worried about him, but I don't think you should behave to your wife like that even when you're angry or upset."

Jungkook hated how Youngmi, being the ex guardian of Taehyung, couldn't see that he was hurting more than any of them, more than Mira could at the "harsh words" of his.

She just didn't seem to realize that Taehyung had been crying all the while, even now as he just walked past, being not more than ten feet away from them.

If she didn't see his pain now, how was she supposed to see his pain when he was sobbing in pain within the doors of his room?

She didn't seem to care, and Jungkook hoped it wasn't the case. He hoped that she was still taking care of him and not making him feel lonely.

If she didn't care, she wouldn't have been so scared after he said her that something wrong could have happened.

Yet, she didn't think of Taehyung as a priority, and that was certain. There were so many other things that she couldn't focus on Taehyung who, she thought, wasn't in any problem or misery.

Jungkook believed that Taehyung and Youngmi loved each other just as much as they used to do when Taehyung was a child.

But if that was the case, why would Taehyung not tell her anything before leaving?

Rather, why would he even leave if he had Youngmi by his side? Why didn't Youngmi know that he was so sad that he was shedding tears of pure pain?

He's so lonely... Jungkook thought. I understood now that there actually is no one who would prioritise him the most else except me here.

I'd have to speak to him. He would be upset because of what Mira had made me do last night, but I'll take it all if he's talking to me.

Why is destiny so cruel? Even when he hates me, I'm the only one he can talk to.

Jungkook ignored Mira's calls and walked away, not following Youngmi's order to sit and eat before he goes.

Though hesitant, he just went straight to Taehyung's chambers. He was shocked to find the door open and peeked in, knowing that Taehyung wouldn't be changing his clothes for he might've closed the door if that was the case.

"Tae?" He called, slowly creeping in when he got no response. He frowned when he sees Taehyung sitting on the cold floor, dabbing a wet cloth over his legs.

He gasped in shock when he saw the bruises and wounds on his legs and knees. 

"What happened to you?!" Jungkook asked, shooting inside and crouching down beside him thoughtlessly. "How did you get hurt?!"

Taehyung didn't react to anything he did and let him snatch the cloth from his hand and rub the blood off his legs. Taehyung was emotionless, but there was distant look of vexation, sadness and disappointment in his ember eyes.

Jungkook focused on cleaning him up first. He first rubbed off all the dirt and blood from him, urging him to get up.

Taehyung looked hesitant to get on his feet. He didn't want to do it, knowing he was so weak at the moment that he wouldn't make it to the bed too.

His bloodshot eyes were filled with tears again when Jungkook held his shoulders delicately and helped him up.

He wanted to hold onto Jungkook and ask him not to leave him alone again.

He was going mad, so mad and desperate that he went up to the forbidden hills to find Yoongi's house.

It was a dumb plan since the beginning. The hills were prohibited for horse riding, but he didn't have enough guts to come back here straight away after searching around for a few hours.

He had searched the entire town and other parts, but didn't find any trace of Yoongi. He was sure that Youngmi had sent him to some place far away.

Loneliness eats a person up.

Taehyung was too far into this feeling to think twice before going away to search those dangerous hills for finding his brother.

As expected, he fell off his horse and hurt himself, but he was more upset because the poor horse had also got a wound on his legs.

He took the horse back to the stable because he was sad that the animal had got hurt because of him, and he stayed there for the rest of the night to treat the animal before he set out to come back to the palace, all exhausted, hurt, devastated and sleepy.

He did not know that Jungkook would come and check on him, and just the fact that he came made him feel overwhelmed.

He clung onto Jungkook's shoulder, taking it as a opportunity as he placed his head on his shoulder and let Jungkook carry him to the bed.

"I just..." He didn't know why he thought that Jungkook cared to know where he had been. He looked up, tears in his eyes, trying to see if Jungkook did care.

And the answer was clear in Jungkook's expression. Jungkook looked at him so softly, a crease of worry between his eyebrows, as he placed him on the bed and grabbed the bowl of medicine from Taehyung's hand to apply it on the wounds.

"Tell me, where had you been?"

Taehyung looked away, heart thumping against his chest. He wants to know where I was... It means he does care, right?

His lower lip wobbled at the thought of someone actually caring for him. He wondered how his life came to this point that he was so happy just to have someone ask him where he had been.

He'd been craving for those questions and that kind of attention.

It made him feel so much respect for Jungkook because he was the one filling this deep hole in heart even though he was one of the reasons this hole was formed.

He knew he would whimper if he tried to speak.

All he wanted to do was cry to Jungkook about how disappointed he was to not be able to find Yoongi and hurting his horse in his stupid wishes.

His mind screamed at him to speak, but he was calm as Jungkook didn't pressurise him to speak.

"Why, love?" Jungkook asks, looking up with a stern look. "I'm not going to tolerate you hurting yourself like this! You can hit me all you want, but not this!"

Taehyung gulped, looking down.

If you keep doing this, I'll lose my heart to you, Jungkook.

"Hyung..." He whimpered. "Wanted to see hyung once."

Jungkook was shocked, to say the least. He looked up with a scared look as he grabbed Taehyung by his shoulder and pulled him closer.

"Where did you go?" He asked, face so close to Taehyung's. The omega just looked away, not knowing why the thought of Jungkook being upset of him going to prohibited places brought happiness to him.

He cared. Jungkook cared.

More than his own guardian.

"I'm asking you something!" Taehyung pressed his lips together. "You went to the rock hills, didn't you?!"

Taehyung looked at him with guilty eyes before looking away, giving Jungkook his answer.

Jungkook gritted his teeth, grabbing his chin--not so hard--and making him face him. "Have you lost it, Taehyung? You could've died! That place is surrounded by soldiers; they would shoot you if they found you. There's a reason why it's a prohibited place!"

Seeing Taehyung's surprise, Jungkook concluded that he didn't even know about these things.

It made him so angered that he banged his fist beside Taehyung, making the omega flinch. "Why did you go to a place you don't fucking know about?! You know how dangerous it is? What w-would I do if something happened?!"

Taehyung liked being scolded by him.

He smiled slightly, turning a bit sour when he realised that he was ready to just die yesterday.

Seeing Jungkook's worry and stress on thinking that something could've happened to him, Taehyung understood that it wasn't worth to die.

He had to live.

He had to live because the alpha who was shedding tears now even when nothing has happened to him, would cry a whole river if something happened to him.

It was a mistake to conclude that Jungkook didn't want him.

Jungkook did.

There was no more confirmation needed.

"Why are you smiling?" Jungkook asks, sniffling. "Are you so happy by seeing the person you hate cry?"

Taehyung smiled more, leaning forward to pat Jungkook's wet cheeks. "I understood that I couldn't be happy by seeing you cry."

"Why?" Jungkook asks, wiping his tears away softly. He examined the wounds on his arm.

The more you show me your worry, the more you stir things in me.

It's dangerous for you Jungkook. If you do this, if I give myself to you, you'll be stuck with me forever without anything being able to seperate us.

"Are you that naive?" Jungkook asked. "Can't you understand that we wouldn't send Yoongi to such a dangerous place? I don't know where he is, but he can never be there!"

"I just," Taehyung remembered how he had been wandering around aimlessly last night.

He looked at Jungkook who was so warmly looking back at him that he knew he could cry and be vulnerable to him, and Jungkook was no outsider to judge him.

He felt an assurance. He could see that Jungkook wouldn't feel any less love for him because he was still with him after becoming one with Mira last night.

And if he was so considerate and sweet to only care about his health, Taehyung wouldn't question anything he does with Mira again.

He might feel jealous or sad, but it was better to stay stuck to Jungkook and give him happiness than make his own miseries more by giving him pain.

Jungkook earned his trust.

And Taehyung was sure he could do nothing to break this new bond of trust that they now held.

Jungkook caressed his cheeks to pull him out of his deep thoughts. "You just? What?"

"I just wanted to see him once, Jungkook. I... I felt so lonely."

"You did?" Jungkook's heart shattered. "How can I tell you anything now, lovely? I'm ready to give my life to just make you feel better, but I'm not the one you want."

Until now, that could've been the truth.

"It's my stupid deeds with Mira that you made you feel like this, isn't it? Be mad at me, love. I broke my promise--"

"She forced it on you, didn't she?" Taehyung was sure that what he stated was true. Jungkook didn't admit it, but his clear eyes spoke the words he swallowed down.

"If you take blame for everything, I will blame you for everything too," Taehyung said, sighing as he thought about what to do next, mentally registering how harsh and bad Mira is for forcing it on him.

She will have to pay for that.

He didn't try to press further into the topic because he'll only feel much more rage towards the girl.

"I don't know what to do. I... I just want to leave and go away to hyung because I feel so lonely and messed up here."

Jungkook smiled bitterly, saying his next words half heartedly. "You should do as your heart desires, but you are putting your life in danger by doing that."

"I can't take it, Jungkook," the omega said genuinely. Even if I trust you enough, I don't trust the rest of the people here nor the situation. "It just hurts too bad to see all this."

"Then leave when things get too difficult, but please stay until then."

His desperate voice made Taehyung's heart flip.

"You want me to stay?" If you do... Jungkook nodded at him instantly, holding his hands, almost ready to beg him to not leave.

"If you're struggling for me and care for me so much, I will stay. I will stay unless I don't have you left with me."

Jungkook sighed happily because he knows Taehyung would stay forever because he wasn't leaving Taehyung.

Taehyung smiled. He was so happy that he found someone that was making his heart frozen and sad due to loneliness to beat so freely and do these weird flips.

If not anything, Taehyung trusted and respected Jungkook.

"If you want to speak to Yoongi, you should write him a letter," Jungkook suggested. "You're not even opening the letters he sends nowadays."

"I'm scared he'll know my state if I write to him."

Is your state that bad? Jungkook wonders. I'm so sorry you have to go through all this. But since you're staying back for me, I'll make sure you don't regret this decision.

He didn't know that Taehyung hadn't just stayed back in the palace for him but also let go of the thought of just ending things by killing himself just because he genuinely cared, all Taehyung needed was love and care right now.

Taehyung thought over the idea, deciding that he would just do as Jungkook suggested.

*-*-*-*

Jimin softly caressed Yoongi's arms while looking at the peaceful boy who had been very close to crying a while ago. Yoongi was fast asleep now, his husbands holding him dearly as they lulled the sleeping boy with soft whispers. 

What had happened for Yoongi to be sad? Well, he had woken up with a nightmare of something happening to Taehyung. 

It wasn't the first time. 

It's been happening since the day he came to this new place, and all he wished for is a honest letter from Taehyung which described his state or emotions. 

It's been a long time, but every time he poured his emotions out on making a letter and begging Taehyung to reply, he would get nothing in return. 

Youngmi sends letters, Jungkook does too, but Taehyung never does. It hurts Yoongi who believed that his baby is still upset as he left without saying bye. 

It made him want to go back to him and cuddle him until he was alright and not upset with his hyung.

These nightmares got worse and worse. Every one of them ended with his baby brother dying... 

He hated it. He wanted to cry and beg his mates to take him back to Taehyung but couldn't do so in fear of disappointing or annoying them. 

"Taetae," Yoongi mumbled in sleep and Hoseok sighed, rubbing his back. Yoongi was laying on him with his arm around Jimin. The alpha and omega could only look at Yoongi with pity. 

Hell, Hoseok was ready to shame himself more by going back to the palace after "running away from his kingdom and problems" but he wouldn't be allowed inside. 

They would throw him out and make sure none of them could meet any of the royals as he was nothing more than a traitor now. Taehyung would also be shamed if he spoke to them.

He didn't understand why Taehyung couldn't write just one single letter to his hyung who was desperately waiting for it. 

Why is he so stubborn or what makes him so angry? 

He had asked Jungkook through his letter if everything was alright and found out that his brother was marrying another girl through his reply just a month ago. His heart had broken because Jungkook couldn't get the male he loved as his partner. 

Yoongi knew nothing about Jungkook's feelings for Taehyung and had been happy that the young prince was marrying and would be crowned as king. Jimin was happy too. 

Jungkook would be devastated. 

Even so, Jungkook in his hurt self had written a letter. 

Just what was happening to Taehyung for him to not be able to write a few words? 

"When will everything be normal?" Jimin asks his alpha, placing a soft peck on Yoongi's naked shoulder. Hoseok glanced at him before looking back in front. 

"When Taehyung is happy and Yoongi understands that Taehyung is alright." 

"Sir?" Jimin frowns when he heard the distant sound of their messenger. Hoseok seemed to hear it too and furrows his eyebrows. 

"He came just this morning with a letter from mom." 

Jimin nodded, deep in thought, sliding off the bed and gasping when Yoongi whined and held onto his arm, opening his eyes to look at him wearily. "Don't go." 

Jimin's heart melted at that. He laid a firm kiss on Yoongi's lips and glancing at Hoseok and leaving before Yoongi could pull him back again.   

"Where is he going?" Yoongi grumbled, looking at Hoseok with a pout and only pouting more when Hoseok pecked on his puckered lips. 

Hoseok chuckled, connecting their lips to properly kiss him, taking Yoongi aback with his longing and love.

Hoseok irritated Yoongi by pecking him every time he tried to speak, chuckling when the beta glared at him.

Jimin came back in a while and cheerfully jumped onto the bed and hummed to earn their attention. Yoongi pulled away from Hoseok and looked at Jimin, leaning forward to kiss him too when Jimin shook his head, grinning. 

"Taehyung sent a letter!" And that's all was needed to bring a overwhelmed expression on Yoongi's face. 

He searched around Jimin hands to find the letter, grabbing it and tearing it open within seconds and raking his eyes over the messy handwriting which could belong to no one but his brother. 

'Hyung-ie, 

You've been writing to me so much that I think you barely enjoy there and are always only concerned about me every second. I don't want you stay away from here if you only want to think about me and get sad over it. I would not lie and say that I'm perfectly happy or in my best state because I'm clearly not. Not only do I miss you but I just have too much going on to focus on myself or think of happiness. Yet, I want you to be happy with your mates and enjoy everything while you can because you may never know when I come there and take away your peace. I love you so much and miss you, hyung. Take care.

From your little brother.'

Yoongi broke down in sobs, being embraced in a bone breaking arms of both his happy mates while he finally took a deep breath of relief. 

His baby was okay. 

Finally, finally he could let his distressed heart feel happy. He decided that he would give his husbands more time now for he knew that his brother was okay. 

Although he was suspicious about everything in this letter being true, knowing there was some sort of problem, he decided to fulfil Taehyung's wish by spending more time with his mates now.

He wasn't completely satisfied. He planned that a few months later, he would sneak into the palace to meet Taehyung and take him along with him that time.

He was so happy at the thought of Taehyung living with them. He had made a mistake by not bringing him along when leaving first time.

For now, he can take a relaxed breath because Taehyung was alright.

x-x-x-x-x