•Chapter eleven•
Change?

Getting up completely sore, eyes not ready to open, was something Taehyung wasn't used to at all, even when he did sleep around during his heat.

When he had lost his virginity, he was in a sore state, but this was much stronger than those times.

He wasn't sticky or naked but dressed in a oversized white shirt which was bright and soft. It smelt strongly of a certain alpha which lulled him more and forced to close his eyes again and fall asleep.

He lay on the sheets which were probably covered in cum completely. 

Of course, they did much more than a few rounds. It went for long, so long that Taehyung's throat ached now as he had been screaming and moaning all the time. Jungkook showed no mercy at all.

And that kind of treatment was what he loved. So harsh that it removed every wish to remain attached to the world.

But now, he was entirely at peace, cuddled up in warm clothes and covered with cozy blankets.  

It was embarrassing to think of yesterday night events because he remembers how he had fucking begged Jungkook to take him. 

He didn't regret it. 

But he couldn't help the pain rise in him when he recollected how empty Jungkook's eyes looked when he gave it to him hard and rough. It seemed like the alpha was doing something he wouldn't ever do if it wasn't for him. 

Taehyung wasn't heartless. He didn't not care of the fact that Jungkook was so desperate when he wanted to stop and promised him to do better.

But that's just not how he is. Jungkook wasn't like what he was last night. 

Taehyung understood him. Jungkook couldn't hurt an innocent fly; he would never enjoy it when he was crying in pain and begging for more pain. 

He felt it was wrong. 

He felt that it was miserable how the alpha wanted to change himself to be good for someone else who wasn't really worth it. No one would be worth enough to cause a undesirable change in someone.

Taehyung wouldn't fucking change even if the world was against him.

He disliked how the alpha prince wanted to change for a mere omega.

It wasn't about Jungkook's strength or how good he is as bed now. It was about uncertainty and vulnerability, and Taehyung could clearly see how desperate he was just by his wish to change.

It could never be right.

Even if Jungkook's love wasn't wrong, couldn't be wrong as it was just innocent emotions, it was highly degrading oneself to wish to change for someone.

He promised to be the best for me. He said he will change himself, kill himself, just to be perfect for me. How... how many years has this love been living in him?

How can I be this cruel? Just to satisfy my needs and curiosity of knowing his feelings, I broke him completely. 

Taehyung whimpered his pain as he rubbed his waist, body still buried under covers. 

He pushed his head out of the blanket and looked around the room. He found Jungkook sitting on the chair near the window with a blank look on his face, fidgeting with his fingers as he looked outside the window.

The air from the window made his bangs sway slightly and the golden glow of the sun made him look ethereal to Taehyung. 

The part of him I like isn't even him... Taehyung thinks about what Jungkook had stated.

The harsher side that I claimed to love was not everything that I adore about him. His sweetness and softness is commendable and I surely like the whole of him. 

But I don't feel the things he feels. 

Trying not to startle the elder, Taehyung slowly and quietly pushed the blanket away, covering his naked lower parts with his hands. 

Jungkook snapped his head towards him when he heard shuffling sounds. His soft eyes looked hesitant and scared as he got to his feet and rushed to Taehyung to help him stand up. 

The omega hissed in pain which shot up his spine and exhaled shakily, taking Jungkook's help because he didn't have any other option. 

He got to his feet, hands clutching Jungkook's hands, and stood on his legs which were close to giving out. 

Jungkook held him with one arm while the other quickly grabbed the blanket and wrapped it around Taehyung's shoulder to cover him up, not wanting to make him uncomfortable. 

He fixed his eyes on the floor and took a step back respectfully, attempting to not step into his personal space. It hurt; he had to keep reminding himself that Taehyung wasn't his even when they became one last night. 

He wasn't his alpha. Taehyung just called him that in his half conscious state, in heat when he would call any alpha his. 

But what about him? 

What about the million pieces his heart had shattered into? 

How was he supposed to make himself good enough to Taehyung when the boy loved the dominant part which would only showed up rarely, when he was heavily frustrated or under the influence of his instincts? 

Taehyung smiled at the elder and wondered how pure he can be for not looking at him, forgetting that they were in a complete naked glory past night. 

Something irked him. 

The fact that Jungkook wasn't showing his anger and telling him that he didn't like what he did yesterday irked him. 

It was clear that Jungkook didn't enjoy it and did it because he had to, then why wouldn't he just fucking tell it to Taehyung and yell out profanities at him? 

It was what he was supposed to do.

He was a prince. Taehyung was the son of a warrior, a servant. He had made Jungkook commit a sin, yet he chose not to speak at all.

He used him, yet Jungkook said nothing.

Why won't Jungkook understand that no one should be more than himself? He needed to learn to be more demanding, not dominant for being his liking, but being able to secure himself and his things.

Nothing could happen to him if he doesn't understand that he needs to think of himself before others.

Taehyung waited for a while longer, letting the silence eat them up. His frown grew deeper as more moments passed. 

I hate that you're actually killing your own voice to be good for someone as heartless as me. Taehyung thinks, fisting his hands. I hate that I made you feel like you need to change yourself.

"You cannot ever know what you are if you suppress your entire being like this," Taehyung whispered. Jungkook looked up with wide eyes.

"How will someone else love you if you cannot be yourself in front of them? You will keep changing for the world, to be the best to everyone, and will be left with no identity of your own." 

He was harsh, but he knew that Jungkook wouldn't get his words until he kept his point strongly.

"W-what?" Jungkook asks, perplexed. "I-I don't understand." 

Taehyung shut his eyes and swallowed the irritation which he didn't have a right to feel.

He didn't want Jungkook to keep any hopes for any longer. 

He liked Jungkook's personality and thought of him as a great alpha, even felt lust over him, but all this never meant he loved Jungkook.

Love was too strong of a word. Taehyung saw no future with him.

And he couldn't be forced to love him, could he?

It was better if Jungkook broke down completely--after listening to him tell him that he doesn't feel for him--before forming himself again and altering his identity to be someone "better". 

Was the person before him just Jungkook himself or had this boy moulded himself to what Taehyung sees as a dream lover? 

No wonder Taehyung loved him and his personality so much.

No wonder Taehyung couldn't find a single fault in him.

"I'm sorry for yesterday," Taehyung said blandly, ignoring the sting in his heart because he knew there was no use of trying to be sweet; he had no future with Jungkook. "I shouldn't have disturbed the prince. This won't happen again. I won't come to you to seek for this kind of help again." 

Jungkook's face fell, shoulders slumped. An unexplainably hurt expression formed on his face as he gulped back tears. 

"Was I that bad?" he asks, broken eyes looking at him. "I-I'm sorry." 

"Sorry for what?" Taehyung growled, stepping forward to force the male to look at him. "Who are you, Jungkook?" 

Sensing Jungkook's fear and confusion, Taehyung repeats his question while adding a bit more to Jungkook's fear, "who are you? What does your life revolve around and what makes you, you?"

Jungkook knew the answers deep down, the words coming to his tongue but not sliding past his lips in fear of letting himself get caught by Taehyung.

He wasn't going to accept it in front of Taehyung.

"Some people treat their parents or siblings as their everything. It's alright; it's love. It makes them what they are, builds them. Some think they're the only ones who are important and love themselves more than anyone else. That's perfect; they know their worth. But what about you?"

Jungkook bit his lips. He didn't want to answer.

Looking at Taehyung's eyes, he could tell that the younger knows something he shouldn't be knowing. he was afraid that his suspicions were true.

"You..." Taehyung growled. "You want your love to break you. Your existence doesn't matter to you because this reckless love of yours transcends your worth. And how right is that?"

"My love doesn't break me," Jungkook said, leaving behind the fear of Taehyung knowing about his feelings and believing that the omega doesn't know about it.

But Taehyung knew, and it was obvious. The fact just hadn't dawned on Jungkook yet.

"Then why do you wish to change yourself?"

Jungkook was left speechless at that. He blinked, feeling his chest grow heavy as he recollected the million times he tried to be the best for Taehyung.

It wasn't bad. He liked doing it.

But it hurt immensely when all his efforts when in vain, and Taehyung never noticed him.

"Why do you think that loving someone who doesn't know you enough, won't accept you and will not consider you as someone important is the person who is worthy of your love?"

Jungkook's stomach twisted and churned. He raised his hand up and placed it on his chest, knowing that Taehyung had said all those words while keeping in mind his love for Taehyung, but he refused to accept it.

He refused to accept it, like always.

He denied the truth that Taehyung was someone too far away from his reach, his hold.

And if he did hold him, the boy will break him, ruin him, burn him like fire and leave him as nothing but a pathetic mess.

Yet, he chose to go with it. He was ready to kill himself, burn himself but not stop loving Taehyung.

It was just pure love though. How wrong can he be for loving someone with his whole heart?

"H-hope," he muttered. "My hopes never die."

Taehyung scoffed out, looking at Jungkook with pity.

"It's wrong to have false hope, prince. If you cannot value yourself, no one else will. I hate people who don't see that they're the ones more perfect than anyone else and do not need to change for anyone. You are one of them."

Taehyung turned around after spitting out his angered words. He left the room, leaving behind a broken alpha who held his chest, trying to hold himself from falling apart completely.

You hate me?

You hate me because I don't value myself?

But will you ever understand that you were the reason I learnt who I was? You were the one who were there in my mind, heart, soul since the very beginning, since Jungkook was alive and not just breathing to live.

I don't hate myself, Taehyung.

I just want to change and be perfect for the one my existence lies in. I want to be loved by you, and as it gets tougher and tougher, I lose my mind more and more.

How should I tell my heart that you're never going to me mine? Having false hopes is wrong, but that's all I could ever do.

And if you cannot accept me and really do hate me... If you force me to erase you from my heart and soul...

Jungkook will be lost. I will be dead.

This isn't obsession, petal. I would never dare to stop you from becoming someone else's, but I can never remove you from my stupid heart too until I die.

And you saying that you hate me...

It hurts so bad.

*-*-*-*

Taehyung did not tell Yoongi that he slept with the future king. He chose to hide it because he didn't want his hyung to know about it and stress about all these small matters. 

He had washed off Jungkook's smell from him--take a two hour long bath--and had eaten the medicine to not get pregnant. He knew these medicines had a strong effect and could damage his body but he took these very rarely, last time was five years ago. 

For now, all that was important was for Yoongi and both his mates to leave.

Taehyung will miss his brother so damn much, and it was slowly being understood by him that there were will be very less times he can go meet his hyung who will be living miles away from him.

He didn't know what he was supposed to do. He didn't know how he will survive.

All he knew was that there was no stopping Yoongi now. He couldn't hold his brother back from happiness just to satisfy himself.

That was why, he decided to sleep in Yoongi's room that day. Fortunately, he found Yoongi walking down the corridor. He did not want to see his brother getting kissed again.

"Hyung!" He called, running up to Yoongi and hugging him from the back. "I was searching for you!"

Yoongi turned around and smiled widely, kissing Taehyung all over his face. He was leaving tomorrow, and his heart felt so heavy because he was going away from his baby.

"Baby," Yoongi cooed, caging him in a tighter hug, loving Taehyung's giggles. He pushed himself away from Taehyung and frowned, "why aren't you sleeping yet? I was going to your room to see whether you're asleep or not."

"I'm right here," Taehyung claimed, his grin melting Yoongi's heart. "I want to sleep with you today, hyung."

Yoongi nodded, pointing towards Taehyung's room as he announced that he will be back in Taehyung's room after telling his husband's that he wasn't sleeping with them that night.

Taehyung went to his room and lay on his bed, sighing in relief. He didn't remove his clothes like he usually does when sleeping and kept them on because he was covered in hickeys and scratches from the last night.

It reminded him of how good it was. It stung slightly but he loved it as it reminded him of how possessive and good Jungkook was.

He was disappointed that it was a one time thing. If it wasn't for Jungkook's feelings, the omega would certainly go back to him every heat to get it done from him.

He was in no mood to hurt Jungkook any more. It would be better for the alpha to move on from him.

"Ah," Yoongi groaned as he shut the door. Taehyung snorted when he sees how red his lips suddenly looked with one more hickey now laying on his neck, near his mark.

"What? Did they give you the whole night's love in a minute?"

Yoongi grinned, nodding. "They said that they want me there or they cannot sleep. I mentioned your name so they let me go after showering me with all their love."

Yoongi lay beside him, bringing him closer and kissing his cheeks and forehead.

"I'll miss you so much, baby--"

"Don't!" Taehyung grumbled. "I don't wanna cry already! Let's leave the crying to tomorrow."

Yoongi nodded, but his face seemed slightly more stern suddenly. Taehyung raised his eyebrows at him, signalling him to tell him what's wrong.

"What is wrong with your body?" He asks, eyes boring holes on Taehyung's shirt because it seemed so abnormal to have Taehyung wear his shirt when trying to sleep.

Taehyung froze, breathing getting stuck in his throat. He shook his head, eyes telling the truth to Yoongi that there was something wrong.

Yoongi pulled his shirt down, face turning emotionless when he sees the marks all over Taehyung's milky skin.

He growled. "Why didn't you tell me you're on heat? Taehyung, you're really naive. You can do what you want, but you do not know who to trust and who not to!"

Taehyung bit his lips. "The one I went to can never do anything wrong."

Really? He asks himself. Are you sure that he isn't wrong? Why did you tell him his love and feelings is wrong when he never did anything wrong to you?

Why did you label his pure feelings as something that is evil and wrong?

He didn't do anything, but you broke him by telling him that you hate him.

Taehyung exhaled shakily, letting the beta pull off his shirt. He didn't snap out of his guilty thoughts even when Yoongi gasped.

"Who the hell was he?" Yoongi growls. "Look at all these marks he left on you. How dare he?"

"Hyung," Taehyung whispered, face void of emotions. "Can loving someone more than oneself be wrong?"

Yoongi was taken aback by his sudden question. "What is all this you're asking suddenly? Loving someone more than oneself cannot be wrong because that's just how pure love works. But forcing your love on someone just because you love them immensely is wrong."

He never disregarded your emotions. You did.

Taehyung sighed and tugged Yoongi back to the bed. He curled in his hyung's arms and tried to ignore the million words Yoongi muttered in frustration and anger towards the person who was behind all the marks littered on him.

"Hyung, keep quiet and sleep! Don't give me all the scoldings in one day! Keep it for later."

Yoongi slapped his ass, getting back to scolding him when he hissed in pain after being hit on his sore part.

He grumbled, still lost in thoughts about Jungkook.

Jungkook...

*-*-*-*-*

Yoongi left.

When Taehyung woke up alone in the next morning, there was no trace of Yoongi left.

He, Hoseok, Jimin had all left.

And all Taehyung could do was cry. He missed his brother. He read the goodbye letter that his brother left back about a million times but yet craved to hold him again.

He didn't know Yoongi would leave so suddenly.

Youngmi told him that it was an emergency because the ministers were starting to find out about them leaving. They had to leave at midnight, and nothing could stop them.

When he furiously asked them why they didn't wake him up, all he got as a reply was, "you wouldn't let him leave."

But that was too cruel of them. He couldn't even see his hyung before he left, and he couldn't help the rage that bubbled in him.

More than anger, he felt longing and pain.

He held the letter his brother left close to his chest along with a cloth of his while hiding under the covers of his bed and wailing like a child.

He would calm down for a while and manage to convince himself that everything is alright and there was nothing he should be worried about, but the effect of the convincing didn't stay for long.

He needed someone to be with him.

He didn't need the queen near; he was really upset and mad at her for not letting him know about Yoongi's departure so all he could do was cry more if she came near.

And he didn't have anyone else.

It was dark at night again; he had spent the whole fucking day in a room to hide his tear stained face from everyone because he didn't want to seem weak.

He wondered where he should go, only to remember that the person he usually talks to wasn't even here.

Was it going to continue being like this from now on?

He hated this already.

Where will he go when he was hurt and was sad? Who will yell at him when he makes mistakes and love him when he does something good?

His life suddenly seemed so dull that he realised that there was always something so dear to a person that seperation from it breaks them.

Yoongi was his gem. Yoongi was his entire family.

He couldn't see his hyung live a lifeless and sad life, so he did not regret sending him away. But his own happiness and liveliness left with him.

Taehyung whimpered as he thought about his future. Yoongi was like a barrier to his life, blocking out harsh and cruel times along with his pain and even taking most of his decisions for him.

What was he going to do with Yoongi away?

He slid out of bed forcefully because he disliked sitting in the same position. He decided to walk around in the palace to get some fresh air before he comes back here and goes back to being lifeless.

He practically dragged his feet along and pushed them to move forward. He sniffled and rubbed his tired face.

Who would comfort him now? Youngmi was a great woman who he did respect oh, so much as she basically saved his and his brothers' life. But as much Taehyung did like her, he wasn't ever open enough in front of her.

She had been there since he was young, but she hadn't seen him as a child of her own blood. Being called a sacrifice isn't something he is proud about.

And if Youngmi did care, she would've fought for him more and made sure the people don't degrade him.

Also, it seemed like there was some problem today. She had recieved a letter from someone which had stolen color from her face. She was distressed already.

Taehyung didn't go to ask about it from her. He knew she'd tell him not to stress about it as it was a matter of the royals, and he wasn't a royal so he couldn't help.

Now who should he go to?

"Jungkook," the word came to his mind out of nowhere, like the sudden appearance of a lighting between the dark clouds of a night sky, and he froze on his position on the ground.

He frowned at the relief and warmth that invaded him without his permission.

Even the comfort he got made him feel discomfort. There was something wrong.

It wasn't his feelings that were changing. But something had changed, and he couldn't point out to what it was. Certainly, there was some problem.

He could feel it.

If it was something related to his feelings, he would have a want to be near Jungkook, but he had a need to be with him and see him.

It was better if he found out what this was because this didn't feel like lust, attraction or love but a stronger thing, a harsher thing.

He hadn't felt this at ease the whole of the day though. Nothing had made him feel like this. It made everything more suspicious. Just thinking about Jungkook didn't make him so carefree so easily.

His legs refused to walk any more. It wished to go to the place this sudden need desired it to be.

"You're so selfish," Taehyung mumbled to himself, knowing that these needs were so self centred Nas he wouldn't think of Jungkook if he wasn't all alone now. "You're doing this to someone so pure. How can you?"

But even though he hated this, he turned around on his feet and proceeded to make his way to Jungkook's room. His chest was restricted and breath was shallow.

He wasn't nervous. He was sad. He was hurt.

He stood in front of the massively beautiful and welcoming door of the room. He knew it wasn't locked by noticing that it was open ajar.

Be adjusted his robe closer, letting the silky long material collect near his foot and cover himself. The cold outside wasn't more than the cold feelings he held for himself.

He wasn't evil and hadn't showed such wrong feelings for anyone. Why was he doing this to Jungkook? Why was his stupid self so attached to him that he couldn't forget about the night they spent together.

It wasn't just memorable; it was engraved in his heart. Jungkook was perfect. Absolutely perfect.

There was something that happened that night he was yet to know.

Taehyung pushed open the door, peeking into the dark room to see where Jungkook was while sneakily hiding behind the door.

His heart skipped a beat when he noticed a little lump on the bed; the alpha was hugging his knees, cold from the weather, and had himself buried within the covers.

He looks so cute, Taehyung thinks. He sniffles quietly, in dire need of going to the elder and cuddling into his chest like he did a few days back, after his heat was over.

It was so serene and sweet--the pecks the elder laid on him, the way he rubbed his sore back and patted softly on his naked butt--that he just couldn't digest the fact that it was just a one time thing.

As more moments passed, it got much more difficult for him to refrain from going ahead and sobbing to Jungkook that he needed the male's comfort.

He whimpered and clutched the shirt near his chest.

He kept his voice low, knowing that his smell was too soft and mingled in the air to notice easily.

He didn't want to be put in another embarrassing situation.

A few time back, he was telling Jungkook to keep himself first and hinted him to stop loving him, and here we was, at the door of his room, a few minutes back from running to Jungkook.

How harsh.

How pathetic.

He kept himself completely hidden and unnoticible. But... There was just like some great connection between them that Jungkook stirred awake from his deep sleep and slowly removed the blanket from his head.

Jungkook felt it. He felt sad because of some reason. He felt weird from within and it was so strong that he was forced awake.

It seemed like the suddenly weird thing connecting Taehyung from Jungkook wasn't one-sided. Jungkook felt it too, seemingly.

He removed the blankets and turned around, squinting his eyes at the door which was half open, no one standing there.

He sat up straight and slowly walked to the door, the moonlight being the only thing that was helping him to see around.

He opened the door completely and looked outside, frowning when he found no one there.

The way his heart was thudding, all proved to him that his sadness was somehow related to his emphatetic feelings for Taehyung.

Just like the way Taehyung had spent his day crying, Jungkook had spent his day worrying about it.

As much as he thought it wasn't the case, he thinks that this dejected feelings and pain was related to Taehyung's current state.

He concluded that it was just his worry that was making him feel like this again.

But he knew that there was more emptiness and darkness in Taehyung than this lonely corridor lit by the dull moonlight.

Taehyung?

He frowns. He knew the younger was sad, but on focusing on his senses, he could smell the windy forest smell slightly. Was Taehyung so sad that he came here, to him?

Just the thought was so ridiculous that Jungkook shook his head and denied those stupid thoughts.

He turned around and went back inside to room, deciding to force himself to sleep again.

And Taehyung...

The omega took deep breaths to calm his raging heart. If he wouldn't have ran away at the right time and hid himself in another empty room...

It would've been better. He thinks, tears rolling down his cheeks. I would at least have someone to hold me and comfort me. I would get a hug from him.

I want comfort from him and him only.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x