Alexithymia
"Boys don't cry ! Be a man and now don't cry like girls " School basketball coach commanded 9 year old Samir who was crying after having an injury . Samir quickly wiped his tears hearing his coach and from that day onwards he never cried after receving an injury and not even after facing any emotionally difficult situation .
"Mom I want that cricket bat !" 9 year old Myra pleaded to her mom at a toy shop . Before Myra's mother could reply to her daughter's demand , the shopkeeper spoke up " Look I will show you the new barbie dolls and cooking playsets , Girls don't play with bats. Boys play with cricket bats while girls play with doll houses , playing cookware sets and dolls , look these toys are more suitable for you .Take a look at how attractive and beautiful is the combination of sparkle and the pink colour together ".
Myra then saw a girl of her age buying a pretty doll and instantly Myra thought that the shopkeeper is right , girls buy dolls while boys play with cricket bats because it's seems more natural and suitable .
Secondly ,Myra wanted to be more like a girl since the taunts of being clumsy and unfeminine felt like a knife through her little heart .From that day onwards Myra always bought dolls, doll house , girly dress up games etc and she never looked at the cricket bats , toy cars or stuff which usually boys prefered to play with .
"Myra what is wrong between you and Samir ? I am noticing since a past few days that you both have turned cold towards each other . Did you both got into an argument ? " Samir's mother asked Myra after Samir left for his work .
Myra replied ,"No Mumma ( word used for mother , here Myra addresses her mother in law with it) everything is fine".Samir's mother smiled and she said," I know my son is a perfectionist to another level and you might be having difficulties in adjusting with him . Just give this relationship a bit more time and everything will get better".
Myra nodded her head although there were so many thoughts that Myra wanted to speak out but she didn't know to express her thoughts and
Secondly, how could she tell her sweet mother in law that her only son Samir was mistreating his wife and that this marriage was nothing but a mere revenge which was suffocating Myra .
"Myra you can go and meet your parents and spend a few days with them , you will feel better after meeting them" Myra's mother in law suggested . Myra too was missing her parents so, she went to meet them .
Rekha and Rakesh felt extremely happy to see Myra . Myra's little brother Ayush jumped in joy seeing her . Three days went by and Myra was spending some quality time with her parents and little brother .
"Dear you don't look as happy as a newly wed bride should look . Tell me what is the matter?" Rekha asked Myra out of the blue while cooking food in kitchen .
Myra stood quiet as she didn't want to bother her parents with her troubles of her married life since her father is already paralyzed and ailing . Myra didn't utter anything and she just shrugged away all the queries of her mother .
Myra went to her father's room to feed him dinner but to her astonishment, her father didn't eat the morsel of food that Myra gave him . Myra noticed that her father's eyes were wet. She exclaimed ,"Papa is everything alright ! Are you not feeling well ? Should I call a doctor ?".
Rakesh now broke into more tears making Myra more panicked and she called Rekha ." Your father is feeling remorse because his little princess is unhappy . Rakesh is crying because now he have also noticed dark circles under your eyes , he just noticed how pale and thinner you look now . I know marriage is a big responsibility , I know how difficult it would be for you to juggle between household duties, responsibilities of in laws and husband's expectations from you".
Myra's tears now left her eyes because her parents understood everything just by looking at her face . "Myra look being a daughter , a sister , a wife and a daughter in law at the same time is tough indeed but this is what makes a woman more stronger emotionally and mentally . With sheer determination you can handle everything". Myra just warmly hugged her parents in response .
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Next day Myra went back to her in law's house . Samir was as usual cold to her which made Myra feel choked and she felt worthless every time whenever Samir got pissed off by her clumsiness .
Myra stressed herself more and more each day which reduced her appetite , she even spelt lesser . Her body started to show effects of her excessive stress with drastic weight loss and extensive hair fall . Myra now even talked lesser and her demeanor became gloomy .
"Myra why the heck , I find your hair strands everywhere! Can't you even comb your hair properly !" Samir exclaimed when spotted hair strands on the bed and floor . Myra hurriedly started picking up those hair strands . Then a wave of nausea hit her and she fainted .
The doctor pointed out that Myra's weight loss and hair fall could be a sign of some mental health issue . Myra was taken to a Psychologist who diagnosed her with stress disorder which could be healed with counseling and love , care of family .
"Samir Bhai(brother) I know that something is not right in your marriage . Infact we all have noticed how rudely you behave with your wife . Bhai (Brother) just imagine how would you feel if the same thing happened with me? I know you don't show your emotions easily but that does not mean that you will live like a heartless robot who just wants everything perfect around him!".
"Shut up Kaya !Behave like a kid and you better be in your limits!" Samir erupted on his 12 year old sister Kaya . Scared with the anger of Samir , Kaya ran away with tears in her eyes.
The sun shone brightly next day , Myra as usual was feeling upset and lonely due to her stress order . After helping her mother in law with the breakfast , Myra decided to sleep for a while as all she wanted was to escape from the anxiety and stress she felt in her daily life .
When she got up it was already past lunchtime , Myra panicked thinking that she overslept . But the next second she could not believe her eyes and she thought that she was definitely day dreaming . She saw Samir entering with a tray of food in his hands . Samir said, "Myra eat your lunch because I don't want people to say that you don't get enough food in my house".
Myra ate the food with astonishment on her face . At dinner time Myra got startled again . Samir had baked a cake for Women's day . "Each year bhai(brother) bakes a cake for us to celebrate Women's day in the house" Kaya told Myra with pride in her eyes .
Myra could not believe on seeing this side of Samir ."From this year onwards the cake has one more dedication because we have Myra with us . Today Samir and Myra will eat the cake together . Samir then cut the cake along with Myra . He then feed the cake to his sister and mother .
Then Samir very gently made Myra taste the cake , all this while Samir had a pleasant smile on his face .This was the first time ever that Myra saw Samir smiling with pure bliss . Maybe this is a hidden softer side of Samir which he expresses rarely . Myra understood Samir has difficulty in expressing and describing emotional responses .
Samir and Myra both have felt Alexithymia in their lives .Alexithymia means difficultly in experiencing , expressing and describing emotional responses . Samir never shed tears thinking that it was against the rules of masculinity due to a male stereotype of society which made him unable of expressing emotions of sadness ,hurt , love and care openly .Lack of emotions made him harsh and rude towards people.
On the other hand ,Myra never played with a cricket bat or she never spoke out her heartfelt thoughts openly because she was taught that a girl needs to be shy and soft-spoken all the time . She was taught by the society that playing a male dominanted sport or being outspoken was against feminine characteristics.
Feminism is not just about women or equal rights for women . It is about equal rights for all the sexes without any discrimination or stereotype . Samir and Myra both deserved equal rights of expressing their respective emotions and wishes but due to stereotypes and lack of real feminism both suffered with Alexithymia which effected their lives badly and drastically .
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